Beach Cottage Kisses (The Cottages on Ocean Breeze #2)

Chapter Twenty-One

H e’d been the catalyst to bring Iris out of hiding. Scott’s system reverberated with the knowledge over the next several days. In his most rational moments, he figured that it hadn’t been him, personally, so much as right place, right time. That Sage’s wedding had really been the break-free point.

For all his concern that Sage’s return was going to completely upend him and Iris, the first week his sister and her family were home there’d been very little difference. As long as he was on crutches, he couldn’t be out on the beach, which had always been the backdrop for their together time.

Sage had come down on Sunday, as soon as she’d dropped Leigh and Gray off at home, saying that she hadn’t wanted to set the active four-year-old loose in his house until she’d had a chance to assess Scott’s condition for herself.

But the whole family had come down for dinner Sunday night. Bringing in a fresh seafood feast. And while he felt better having them all home, and spent a great hour filling up on Leigh’s chatter, he wasn’t altogether at peace. While he’d been immersed in family, Iris had been home alone. Or out on the beach alone, as he discovered when they met on the road halfway between their cottages, late Sunday night. Morgan and Angel, who’d been together for almost a month of nights at that point, walked calmly back to Scott’s in front of the two of them.

The sex had been mind-blowing, as usual, but the aftermath, not as much. Iris fell asleep with her hand on his chest, and he lay there, absorbing her closeness and hating how accepting she was of being alone.

Of expecting to be alone.

She’d seen Sage and Gray and Leigh on Sunday, too. Had spent an hour on the beach with them that afternoon. There was no real reason for him to be out of sorts.

Yet, through that week, Sunday’s dinner kept coming back to him. Him surrounded by family for dinner. Her alone.

He should have invited her down.

Which would have felt odd, too. Looked odd to his sister.

The fact that he couldn’t be on the beach, as usual, where they’d probably have cooked out and Iris and maybe some others would have joined in, was the only reason there’d been a private family dinner.

But Iris had become family to him and Sage and Leigh over the years. Yet his sister hadn’t mentioned inviting her down.

Truth was, in the past, it wouldn’t have occurred to Scott to even have the thoughts. He and Sage and Leigh had shared meals alone at one or the other of their homes many times.

Maybe that point bothered him most of all.

He was changing.

He didn’t want to change.

He was comfortable, satisfied, with his status quo. He honestly liked his life.

Or had.

On Thursday night, four days after Sage and Gray’s return, he lay in Iris’s bed after a second especially passionate coupling with her, tired, but not at all ready for sleep. It wasn’t all that late. Just past nine. She had a dolphin photo session at dawn—would be catching a boat out prior to that—and they’d met up as soon as he’d returned home from work.

“Joel says I could be off the crutches by the weekend,” he told her, not sure if she’d want to head home right away, so she could get several hours of uninterrupted sleep, or just go home at their more regular predawn time, which, for her, would be time to jump in the shower and get to work.

Angel and Morgan were already curled up together on the floor.

“Do you feel ready?” she asked him, sounding…normal.

Holding her in the moonlit darkness, he looked at the ceiling and said, “More than ready.” To get rid of the damned sticks.

And yet, as eager as he was to return to full health, him being completely mobile again would bring more change to the little world he and Iris had created over the past several weeks.

Even that thought bothered him. That he was bothered at all bugged him. That he’d been getting increasingly more so since Sage’s return had him on edge, too.

Lying still so that Iris could get some sleep—she wasn’t making any move to leave so he figured she’d be staying—Scott told himself that he was just tired of being laid up. Missing the freedom to walk the beach. To put on his wet suit and get in the water.

But he suspected it was more than that.

“What’s wrong?” The soft feminine voice in the darkness was almost a relief. Even as he tensed with the question.

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. Played with a strand of her hair. She’d laid her head on his shoulder minutes before and rather than putting his arm around her, he’d had his forearm up, lying beside her head.

“You ready to be done?”

Scott froze. Hadn’t even considered that possibility. But if she was… “Are you?”

“No.”

His fingers returned to fooling with her hair. “I’m not, either,” he said.

“You sure?”

“Positive.” Maybe to the point of being the exact opposite. He just had no idea what that meant, practically speaking. He wasn’t comfortable at the thought of having her at the table for family dinner but felt like something was missing when she wasn’t there.

How in the hell did he fix that?

“I heard that Leigh spent a couple of hours with you and Angel the other day, making macaroni necklaces.” He’d heard from his sister and then Leigh, not Iris.

“Sage and Gray had a doctor’s appointment.” And Scott, of course, had been at work and not available to babysit. He’d heard that, too. Not that Sage would have put him in charge of the rambunctious little girl while he was still on crutches, even if he’d been home. He’d have been fine watching her, of course, but Sage wouldn’t have thought so.

And Iris watching Leigh was not a new thing. Or even at all unusual. In fact, it was completely normal.

He listened as Iris went on to tell him about some of the things Leigh had said. Including something about having seen Daddy’s butt by accident and it having hair on it not smooth like Mommy’s and she thought it was gross. She’d scrunched up her nose as she’d said it. Iris chuckled as she shared the news.

Scott smiled, too. His spirits lifted some. Not much.

“I told her that family stuff was private, just between us at home, and not to take that particular tidbit to school with her,” Iris said, humor in her tone. “I wanted to say that she’d likely be changing her mind about finding the male body gross in a few years but didn’t want to encourage her to grow up too fast. We sure as hell don’t want to have to start thinking about Leigh interested in dating for a whole lot of years yet.”

We. Iris had been part of Leigh’s life—an honorary family member—since the little girl’s infanthood. He’d once heard Iris say that Leigh was the love of her life.

He remembered because, since he knew he wasn’t going to ever be in a serious relationship and have a family of his own, he’d agreed with her. Leigh was it for him.

Nothing more full time than a niece who went home to her mother’s house.

The example of a father that he had to live up to—as all in with him and Sage as his father had been—there was no way Scott would even try to take on that kind of task. No kid of his was going to have an absentee father.

Which meant—no kid for him.

But Iris…she’d make a great mother.

“I get why marriage, or a committed permanent relationship, isn’t in your future, but what about kids? You’d make a great mother.”

The words came of their own accord. Had he thought about them, he’d never have let them out. But having said them, he relaxed some.

Because they were honest. Right.

He and Iris—they were alike in a lot of ways. And currently their lives meshed well. But current didn’t hang around forever. It led to the future.

And that was what was bothering him.

He’d had his future mapped out since the year after his divorce. He knew his course—driven by his career. Hoped to be California’s attorney general someday. Or something on a federal level. He’d dedicated his life to making the world a better place by putting away those who hurt innocent people. To stop them from hurting anyone else…

Iris hadn’t answered him.

She hadn’t taken her head off his chest, either.

But he felt a change. Like the air had been infiltrated with something that caused it to stiffen.

Only a week in and they’d reached a fork in their roads.

He’d accepted that it would happen at some point. That had been a given from the start.

But…so soon?

There was still so much…

No. Maybe soon was for the best.

Before they got in too deep. Involved Sage and Gray and Leigh. A breakup would be more awkward then.

As it was, they could just stop visiting each other at night and now that his sister and her family were back, could just go back to seeing each other casually on the beach.

With the possibility of chaperones appearing at all times.

A return to their old normal was probably for the best.

Even in just a week’s time he’d begun to include thoughts of Iris in his self-planning. Like the overnight trip he’d scheduled to meet with an attorney in Santa Barbara the following week. He’d made the plans, but had hated that they meant missing a night of Iris. Had even had a split-second thought to invite her along.

Good thing he hadn’t yet done so.

Right. Good thing.

There wasn’t one damned good thing about ending things with Iris.

But for her…to give her a shot at true, lifelong happiness…he’d give her up in a heartbeat. He cared for her that much.

And for that, he wasn’t sorry.

* * *

What about kids? Iris hadn’t answered his question. She wanted to. Just couldn’t find an appropriate response. How did you explain to someone else what you didn’t understand yourself?

As the silence lengthened between her and Scott, Iris fought off an onslaught of fear. It was okay if they didn’t meet in the exact same place on every level.

If there were truths they didn’t have to give to each other.

So why did she feel as though they were already losing the new journey they’d embarked on? Already reaching a crossroads?

The answer that occurred to her fed the anxiety building within her.

Because what they were trying to do didn’t work in the real world. You couldn’t be casual friends and share the kind of soul-deep physical joining that she and Scott had been engaging in over the past week.

“We aren’t casual friends,” she finally had to say. The words had been pushing at her for days. Since the day after Sage and Gray had come home, clearly closer to each other even than they’d been before they’d left, and she hadn’t been envious.

Or felt herself on another planet.

Living a different kind of life.

She’d felt as though she had what they had. An emotional connection that was bone-deep. With someone who knew her. Really knew her.

Understood the parts of her that most people didn’t see.

Scott’s silence stretched too long. They were in trouble. She didn’t have to hear him say it.

But couldn’t make herself get up, get dressed, thank him for the best sex she’d ever had, take her girl and head home.

Because she’d be leaving a part of herself behind.

Somehow, she had to figure out how to get that back before she left. If she kept leaving herself behind, there’d be nothing left.

“‘We aren’t casual friends’? I’m not sure what to do with that statement.” Scott’s fingers had stilled in her hair. She’d been concentrating on the movement to still her panic.

“We said we’d be honest, but we were both lying,” she said, afraid to speak. And not to. At least if they ended things before they got too messy, before they ended up hurting each other, they could still be friends.

The thought of losing Scott’s friendship was suffocating her.

Utter stillness encompassed them. Neither moving, except to breathe. As though, the slightest adjustment of an arm, a hand, could break them. “How so?” His tone sounded more conversational than fully engaged.

“We kept calling each other casual friends, but we haven’t been that in a long time,” she told him. “Just the way we both reacted after the night of Sage’s wedding…both stricken at the thought that we’d ruined our friendship. If we’d just been casually relating, neither of us would have been so bothered by the idea of losing the other.”

Funny how truths presented themselves. Not all at once. When one could make appropriate lifelong decisions. But one at a time. In their own time.

“You make a good point.”

Iris didn’t even take a breath before she said, “Okay, counselor, please approach the bench. We need private talk here, not courtroom correctness.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I don’t want you to say anything. Or rather, I do want you to say something, but not what you think I want to hear. I need truth, Scott.”

“I’ve never lied to you.” He didn’t push her away. But she could feel his growing distance as though he had. And wondered how they’d ever thought they could pull off the life they’d set for themselves.

And yet…she didn’t want to go back, either. Didn’t want to just see Scott Martin on the beach sometimes. She wanted to know that he’d be there, somewhere, anywhere, if she wanted to talk to him. Wanted him to want to seek her out, too. Just because he wanted to hear her voice.

Which was all so confusing.

As she lay there, with anguish building inside her, she had to stop. To calm herself. And felt the warmth of his chest beneath her cheek. He wasn’t denying her that.

He hadn’t actually denied her anything she wanted.

So why had things gotten off track all of a sudden? Why was she dealing with problems before they arose? Who cared if they used the word casual to describe themselves? If it worked for both of them, then why ruin a good thing? A great thing?

The best thing she’d had since Ivy died.

Since she’d quit dreaming about the future. Making plans for the life she wanted to live.

“I used to say I was going to have four kids.” She dropped the words quietly. He’d asked about kids. She’d freaked out. And had been ready to throw away something vital to her. In that moment. In that phase of her life. For as long as it lasted. Scott was vital.

The truth hit. She accepted it without panic. He was vital for the moment.

His fingers picked up a strand of her hair. Threaded through it. Delightful, yet comforting, chills ran through her. The kind she got when she first sank into a hot bubble bath.

“Why four?”

“One for each hand.” The answer was just there. As though she’d never forgotten she’d once had the plans.

“You were planning to have four hands?”

She nudged his side with the elbow she was lying on. “It takes two people to make babies,” she reminded him.

She’d been talking about the past. He knew that she’d changed since then. Wasn’t planning on being part of a couple.

Except, for the moment, she was part of one.

Just for the moment.