CHAPTER 23
The moment Wagner leaves the room, I push Dominick’s chair under the doorknob, but I know that won’t do much. I need to hide. But, where? Under the bed and in the closet are the only options, one worse than the other. As I try to come up with a more original solution to my problem, I can feel my engorged heart palpitating in my throat, making it increasingly harder to breathe.
I look around the room. It’s completely dark. The street lamps outside shed barely any light through the open window. I wonder why it’s open. Did I leave it open? That doesn’t sound like me. Maybe Dominick left it open, but I doubt he concerns himself with either opening it or closing it.
Suddenly, I hear some commotion outside. I can’t recognize the sound. All I know is that it’s an unwelcome one. Adrenaline surges through my veins. My heart beats like it’s trying to escape the cage of my chest. I crouch down, feeling every muscle in my body tighten. I know what my body wants to do. It wants to run. It wants to run the Hell out of this house. But, that’s not an option. The only thing I can do is stay where I am. Like Wagner told me.
I listen to the sound of silence intently. Expectant. Hopeful for God knows what. My adrenaline rushes through my system so hard this time that I almost vomit. Saliva thickens in the back of my throat, returning, with the acidic remnants of my lunch. Sweat trickles down my forehead, down my temples. I’m trying to calm down my breathing, but that’s impossible.
I feel frozen in time and space. I know that at some point I’ll need to move. I’ll need to awaken my sleeping muscles. I can try to tell myself that fear is just a concoction of brain chemicals. I’m creating it for myself. It’s probably nothing. Wagner will be back any minute. He’s probably coming up the stairs now.
As if responding to the unspoken wishes of my amygdala, all of a sudden I hear noise on the staircase. I almost gasp, but I manage to suffocate the sound. It remains inside my tightly pressed lips, hiding behind the palm of my right hand. I scuttle over to the corner of the room, crouching like a wounded animal. Is there a point in hiding underneath the bed? Or in the closet? This way, I’ll know straightforward who it is. I’ll see them. They’ll see me, too. But, that’s a risk I’m willing to take.
A moment passes. A moment as long as the day. Then, another one. It seems even longer. The sound of the creaking staircase has ceased. The house is silent again. Eerily silent. Threateningly silent. The only thing I’m grateful for is that Dominick isn’t here.
The doorknob jiggles, as if someone is trying to open it. It’s not locked. All they need to do is push it harder, and the chair will move. It will give way. The moment the door opens, it’ll all be over. Wouldn’t Wagner just open the door straightforward? Would he call out to me? Should I call out to him? He said not to, but…
I open my mouth, but no sound comes out. Only hot air oozes out of it, my life force, my courage. I’m growing weaker by the second. What’s happened to Wagner? He should be back by now.
The doorknob relaxes. It stops moving. I stop breathing for a few moments. Dark silence fills my chest. I feel like my heart followed suit and it stopped beating. Is this it?
The door suddenly flies open. There is a shadow in the doorway. It’s tall, muscular, lean. Why isn’t Wagner talking? Why isn’t he calling out to me, like we agreed?
“Come out, come out, wherever you are…”
Those words just poured gasoline onto the spark deep inside my mind. It can’t be. It just can’t be. I feel icy, liquid metal in my mouth. My brain remembering the taste of my own blood. More times than I can remember. I clench my fists. My fingers are trembling. I know he sees me.
I fight the impulse to lunge at him, despite knowing that I’ve got nothing on him. He’ll smash me against the wall, like so many times before. That paralyzing hurt will awaken again, and I won’t know what to do. How to act. My throat is refusing to cooperate and scream. My jaw is tight. I feel the fiery iciness of the tears I’m trying to suppress. Reality finally taps its way back into my brain. I’m not who I used to be anymore. I’m not helpless.
I stand up, my body filling a void.
“Why don’t you turn on the lights so I can see you better?” he growls. I remember Little Red Riding Hood. All the better to eat you with.
“What… are you doing here?” I ask, my voice still not my own, but I make it work.
“No hug?” he chuckles grimly. In the darkness, I see a flash of his white teeth. Bleached to perfection. That smile I fell in love with the moment I saw it. “No welcome home?”
“Answer my question,” I order, creating a facade of bravery, which stands on overly flimsy feet.
“You’re in no position to make any demands, Danny.”
“Don’t you dare call me that!” I hiss.
There is still a distance between us, but it is by no means safe. I know his hands could be squeezing my neck in less than a second. Then, it hits me. If he’s here, then that means that… I gasp silently. It can’t be. It just can’t.
“I know you have another guy who calls you sweet pet names now, but you gotta admit, we were so good together, Danny. And, we’re a family. You can’t deny that.”
“We are not your family!” I hiss again.
“Of course you are.”
The dark enshrouded figure takes a step towards me. My palms open up to the wall. There is nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. And, he knows it.
“My blood runs through that boy’s veins. I will always be his father. You can’t take a son away from his father.”
Somehow, he is still calm. Before, he would have exploded into one his infamous angry fits, and I’d be black and blue all over, already. And yet, he hasn’t laid a single finger on me. Not yet, anyway.
A crazy thought pops to mind. Maybe I can take him by surprise. Run into him. Push him aside. Rush out the door and down the stairs. The moment I’m out on the street means I’m safe. But, I know it’s impossible. He’s twice my weight. It’d be like a feather crashing into a boulder. Impossible. Better not agitate him even more.
“You know why we left you,” I mumble.
“We’re not having this conversation here,” he suddenly rushes over to me, and grabs me by the wrist. The familiar pang of pain shoots through my body. A broken bone always remembers it was once broken. It also remembers who broke it.
“I’m not going anywhere with you!” I growl.
“You can walk there, or I can knock you out and take you there. Your choice.”
My mind frantically tries to come up with a solution to this. But, I know he means it. He’ll probably enjoy it if I choose the second version. Maybe it’s good he only came to get me, and not Dominick. So many maybe’s…
He tightens the grip on my wrist, to remind me that the clock is ticking. I remember Wagner again. I want to ask him what he did to him, but I’m too frightened of what the response might be.
“I’ll go, Russ,” I finally tell him.
The mention of his name does something to him. I haven’t called him that in ages. Only Russel. Only when I need to. Russ takes us both to a time before. A time that was probably just a figment of my imagination, as I was trying to make excuses for his behavior.
“Where’s your car?” he asks.
“It’s not here.”
“Fuck!” he kicks the other chair so hard that he breaks two of its legs. “Fine, we’ll fuckin’ walk then.”
He pulls me close to him, so close I can smell his bitter sweat mixed with alcohol. His t-shirt has soaked up all of his secretions, and is now hanging on him like the sign of the dead. It brings back painful memories, but I try not to dwell on them right now.
“If you try anything, and I do mean anything, I’ll break your fuckin’ neck, you hear?” he grumbles into my face, his breath acetose and sharp. I just nod, unable to say anything. Fear has taken over me, completely. “Move!”
He shoves me out of the room and down the stairs. As I exit my home, I wonder if I’ll ever enter it again.