Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
YEAR 205, ERA OF THE GODS
I t’s been a long day. I spent most of it at the god of shadows’s temple, trying to convince him that he didn’t have to be the other gods’ pawn any longer.
He’s so closed off. It’s clear he’s put up walls, and I’m having a hard time knowing how to break them down. I’m not sure anyone can.
But I did make some headway. It happened entirely by surprise when a group of shadow elementals came to his temple to seek a favor from him.
They wanted him to kill one of the seafolk, who had capsized their fishing boat. While the elementals talked, I watched the god. The shadows around him had formed the head of a beast, making him look intimidating, to say the least. But through the shadows, I could once again see that tick in his jaw.
He hated this. He didn’t want to be this anymore. So after he heard their case and told the elementals he would think about it, they left, and I knew I had another opportunity to chip away at his resolve.
“Think how much better this world would be if you helped me,” I said to him.
The shadow beast dissipated, all of his shadows once again settling around him, but he didn’t speak, so I went on, trying to make him understand that the other gods were not in charge of him.
I couldn’t understand why he allowed this. Why let the gods force him to do something he didn’t want to do? It made no sense.
“Did you know that gods were once mortals just like you?” he finally said.
I just shook my head because I didn’t know that. Probably not something the gods would want anyone to know. He went on to tell me a story, a story about his family.
How long ago he’d left them to search for a new world. The plan had been to send for them when he found land. But once he and the others found the weapons and became gods, they decided to leave their past behind.
This is dangerous information, and just the fact that the god shared it with me tells me that I’ve made more of an impression on him than I realized.
He told me that eventually his family did find him.
He was overjoyed, realized the empty hole that had been growing in his heart. He swore them to secrecy, and they agreed they wouldn’t tell a soul about their relation to him. They were happy. He was happy.
But as with everything, secrets have a way of getting out. The other gods found out within a few months, and they confronted the god of shadows, told him that his family must leave. He’d refused to listen. He truly thought the gods would understand.
He was wrong.
He appeared in his temple one day, his entire family bound and on their knees. The other gods had been lined up behind them.
He had been smart and had taken his family’s shadows when they first arrived to protect them. Told them their shadows were instructed to guard them, keep them safe at all costs. So while he fought the gods, the shadows helped his family escape.
When the other gods realized what had happened, they were furious. They used their combined powers to create a fine thread and used that thread to sew his family’s shadows to the god of shadows. The shadows couldn’t leave his side. They’d never be reunited with his family members.
After the gods left with promises of vengeance, he’d sought out his family. He found them on the black-sand beaches of his island, stealing one of his boats and readying themselves to set sail.
I hung onto every word, such sorrow growing in my heart at how painful this must have been for him to experience.
He asked his family why they were fleeing, but they didn’t answer. They saw him and screamed. They were terrified of him, terrified of what they’d seen him do when he fought the other gods. He’d become a beastly creature with red glowing eyes and claws. He wasn’t who they thought he was. Not anymore. He begged them to stay. Told them not to leave until he figured out how to give them back their shadows. They fled anyway. He never saw them again.
Meanwhile, the other gods decided they could use him as their monster. Their beast.
They threatened to reign terror down on his people, his island. They threatened to kill everyone and start a war if he didn’t do as they asked. It was simple, they told him. When he was summoned, he’d become the shadow beast, kill who they wanted killed, and otherwise, he’d be left in peace.
I couldn’t believe Khalasa had been involved in that. That I’d ever loved her.
He gave up after that. Something inside of him broke when his family fled from him. They looked at him like he was a monster. The only people who ever loved him thought he was a monster. So he acted the part of one, but he hated himself more and more for it every day.
I stayed silent after he finished telling me his story, but finally I found the words I needed to say. I told him to fight. That he didn’t have to be this monster if he didn’t want to be.
My stomach was tied in knots after I said it. I wasn’t sure if I’d gone too far, if he was about to become that monstrous shadowy creature and silence me.
Then he said one word. One word that is going to change the trajectory of my future.
“Okay.” He paused, and I wondered if he was going to take it back, but instead he just said, “Also, if we’re going to be working together, you can call me by my name. You can call me Kairoth.”