Chapter 57
Chapter Fifty-Seven
BELLAMY
I paced back and forth in Kairoth’s room. Spirit Star had escaped, and it was all my fault. I’d been so stupid. So stubborn. So naive.
Khalasa could very well destroy this world. She’d be so angry after being trapped for such a long time. She’d want revenge. I still didn’t know the story behind who trapped the gods. But it was time to find out who that was and why they’d done it.
The black double doors burst open as Kairoth strode in, his shadows a storm of fury and wrath around him.
“She’s gone,” he said, then turned to me, eyes glowing red. “And she took the weapons. She must’ve gone into Goji’s mind. She’s the only one other than me who knows the location of the weapons.”
My stomach dropped. That left two weapons. Spirit Frost’s axe and her own scythe.
“Would she know where the scythe is?” I signed. “Are you drawn to your weapons?”
“Not unless we’re very close to it,” he said, and that gave me a small glimmer of hope. “It’s almost like part of us. It feels like a heartbeat.” He reached his hand out to my chest and thumped it slowly. “Da-dum. Da-dum. Da-dum. That’s when you know your weapon is near.”
“How long do you think it will take her to find it?”
“I don’t know, but I have to stop her.” He walked over to his wardrobe and flung it open.
My eyes welled with tears. I felt so stupid, so mad at myself for the horrible choices I’d made.
Kairoth noticed, dropping the shirt he held and striding over to me. He took my hands in his. “It’s not your fault.”
I wrenched my hands free and took a few steps back. “Yes it is. It’s all my fault.” I began pacing, Kairoth standing there and watching me. “I’ve spent my life putting up walls ever since my brothers disappeared. Before that, really. Ever since my father let that horrible woman into our home. I’ve been so determined to keep others away, not share too much information, not let them get too close. I didn’t even need her for the nettle weed.” I jabbed a finger toward his chest. “Because I had you. I could have asked Goji or Jerome or Wesley. But instead I isolated myself like I always do, so sure I had to do it myself. So sure I was alone.”
His shadows parted, giving me a perfect view of his face, his glowing amber eyes, the compassion in them.
“You’re not alone,” he said.
“I know that now.” I let out a frustrated breath. “ But I didn’t realize it then. I’m done pushing everyone away. I’m done not asking for help. Not asking for what I need. What I want.”
I took a step forward, letting myself be completely vulnerable as I gazed up at the god.
“What is it you want?” Kairoth had gone completely still.
“One night,” I signed slowly. “One night with you before everything changes, before we have to fight Khalasa. I don’t want to push you away anymore. I don’t want to feel alone anymore. I want to let you in before it’s too late.”
Kairoth stared at me for a long minute, his gaze burning. “Are you sure...?”
I knew the question he was asking. Are you sure you want me? The answer was a resounding yes.
We crashed into each other. He brought his hands up, cradling my face as he kissed me deeply. Heat stirred in my belly. The world could be ending soon, but I wanted to savor this. Savor what might be our only—our last—night together. It had taken me far too long to realize that I didn’t have to be alone. I desperately wished I’d learned the lesson sooner.
Kairoth walked me backward toward the bed, his shadows now swirling around both of us like our own cocoon.
I kissed him back with a fervor, an aching need pulling me toward him. There was so much to think about, to worry about, but I pushed it all away. I wanted to focus on us for this one night only.
I unbuttoned Kairoth’s shirt, my fingers clumsy and fumbling, then shoved it off of him, admiring his strong muscles, his carved chest and abdomen. I traced a finger over all the hard edges of him, reveling in them. Reveling in him and the feel of him under my hands.
He dipped his hands under my tunic, spreading them over my stomach and waist, then letting them glide up to the underside of my breasts. He shoved up my shirt and lowered his head, taking a breast into his mouth and sucking gently.
I threw my head back and moaned while his tongue swirled around my hardened nipple. He moved his mouth to the other breast, and I pushed my hands through his thick hair.
All the while his shadows kept moving around us, giving us this brief respite from the world, our own private sanctuary of darkness.
His lips met mine again with a hunger that I felt deep in my bones. He kissed me hard, thrusting his tongue into my mouth.
A heady ache grew between my legs. I tilted my pelvis upward, and his hard length pressed into my stomach.
He swept me up into his arms, and I gasped as he laughed into my mouth. I looped my arms around his neck while he continued moving his mouth against mine.
I moaned into him, that ache growing to a throb.
“Fuck, I want to hear you,” he said. I stiffened in his arms, and he quickly shook his head. “I know you can’t make a sound. I’m not asking you to. I just want to know what sounds you make when you come. I want to hear you say my name when I’m inside of you.”
I pushed myself out of his arms, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I can make that happen. I can put you to sleep, visit you in your dreams like I have before.”
“That’s tempting,” he murmured. “But Bellamy, I’m not going to fuck you for the first time in a dream. It’s going to be here, in this world, where I can feel every single bit of your tight, hot cunt.”
Heat flooded my core. No one had ever spoken to me like this. I’d had various lovers in the Wilds, but the encounters had been quick, satisfying an itch and nothing more. I had a feeling this was going to more than satisfy me. After this, there would be no going back, no moving on from Kairoth. He would ruin me for all others, and I wanted him to.
I lay back on the bed and pulled down my trousers. Kairoth licked his lips, gaze devouring me and following every movement.
I was completely naked save for my panties. I ran a finger under them, dipping it down and rubbing myself in front of him.
“Fuck,” he dragged out as he got onto the bed, kneeling in front of me. “One night isn’t enough. Not anywhere close. Not when it comes to you.”
He hooked his finger under my panties and pulled them down, grazing my leg as he did, until he’d pulled them off, and I was bare before him.
He slid a finger down my slit. “You’re so fucking wet.” He leaned down and dragged his tongue down my center, my desire burning hot. “You taste so good,” he murmured against me. “I could feast on you all night.”
Those words. This man. If this was my last night with him, it would be imprinted on me for the rest of my life.
He trailed kisses up my stomach, mouth brushing against my collarbone, pressing kisses to my neck before he lay flat on top of me. His mouth met mine, and I writhed against him, pushing my pelvis up and rubbing against his stiff length to get some relief from this aching desire.
He groaned into me. “I’m not even inside you yet, and you’re already driving me fucking wild. Gods, Bellamy.”
I rubbed harder, my need for him intensifying, and he chuckled. The sound vibrated through me. He reached down and undid his trousers with one hand while bracing himself over me with the other. He yanked them down, and kicked them off, his hard length now pressed right against my entrance.
I bucked into him, and he slid his cock up and down my wet slit, both of us moaning in pleasure. There had been dozens of situations where I’d almost spoken over the years, where I’d desperately wanted to say something, but this... this was the hardest moment because I wanted him to know how much I loved this. How he was touching my body in all the right places. I was unraveling under him, and he hadn’t even entered me yet.
But I desperately wanted him to. He teased my entrance with his cock, his tip circling around it. A shiver rolled through me at the contact. So close.
I gripped his back tighter, fingers digging into his hard muscle.
He plunged into me in one swift movement. I threw my head back, biting my tongue to keep from crying out. He filled me so completely, so deliciously.
My spine arched as he drove into me in quick, hard movements. I rocked my hips with him, and his lips found mine. Our teeth, tongues, and lips clashed again and again as we moved together. His hands held my hips tight, every once in a while straying around to cup my ass.
Every time he plunged back into me, he drove me deeper toward the edge. My body seized, my walls clenching around him. I wanted so badly to scream his name just like he’d said. I wanted to cry out, but instead I dug my fingers deeper, kissed him harder, and dove straight off the cliff. He ground into my clit, wringing my climax from me in long bursts of pleasure.
“I’m going to come,” he rasped out as I released it all.
His cock pulsed inside of me. “Bellamy,” he whispered. “Bellamy, this is everything. You are everything.”
I sank back into the bed, feeling tired yet energized, wrecked yet put together, satisfied yet wanting more. I was a bundle of opposites right now, not knowing what I wanted or needed but knowing that Kairoth was right: this was everything.
He finished and lay still for a moment before pulling out and collapsing next to me.
I rolled onto my side to face him, his shadows now hovering at his back.
“You were right,” he said. “Everything will change tomorrow, so I’m glad we had this.” He stroked my hair. “Why were you never afraid of my shadows? Afraid of me? My entire godhood, all I experienced was mortals running from me. Out of all the gods, I was the only one mortals worshipped out of fear, not because they wanted something from me but because they hoped to be spared by me.”
My heart broke at his words. I couldn’t imagine what a lonely life that must’ve been, not having anyone to ever really see you for who you were. Then again, maybe I could imagine it.
I shifted my head on the silk pillow. “Because I see myself in you. I may not have shadows around me, but I always had walls that were just as effective. I kept everyone at a distance because that was easier than risking them leaving or dying.”
“So what changed?” he asked.
I gave him a rueful smile. “You kept showing up. The more I got to know you, the more I listened to your stories, the more I realized you were worth the risk. That if something did happen to you or you left or got bored of me, then at least I’d have these memories, these moments, to hold onto.”
“Get bored of you?” He quirked an eyebrow. “Bellamy, there is not a world where that’s possible.”
He kept stroking my hair, the motion so soothing.
“What made you different from the other gods?”
“What do you mean?” His eyebrows drew together.
“Why did you keep so much of your humanity while they didn’t?”
He didn’t even have to think about my question before answering. “My family. If they’d never found me, I might have very well gone down the same path as the other gods. But I think when my family came, it made me remember the very human parts of myself. It was like a change in the wind. Suddenly it was blowing me in the other direction, where I yearned to just be human again so I could be with my family, love them, be loved in return.”
He'd told me the story of his family on one of our many terrace nights. It was so incredibly sad. Just like I’d lost my family, Kairoth had lost his, only I had a chance to get mine back. He’d never have that.
“Is that why you were so willing to help with my brothers when you found out the truth?”
He stopped stroking my head and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “I’d love to say yes. And maybe that was a part of it. But, no, Bellamy, that wasn’t why.”
I sat up, hair tumbling over my shoulders. “Then why?”
He reached out for me and brushed a thumb across my cheek. “Because I was falling in love with you, and I couldn’t stand the thought of you feeling what I felt when I lost my family for good. I’d do anything to keep you from feeling that way. To protect you from that.”
He said a lot of words, but the only ones I could focus on were the first part. I pointed to my heart, then lay a palm flat against his. It beat in a steady rhythm.
His gaze softened. “Whatever happens moving forward, I just want you to know that you reminded me I’m not just a monster, that I can be more, that I can be seen as more.”
I reached up and kissed him, and his hand slid down my belly and between my legs as his cock hardened against my hip. His fingers found my clit, and his shadows coalesced around us, grazing my thighs. Tomorrow everything would change. I gasped as one of the shadows flicked my clit. But I wouldn’t think about that tonight.