19. Vadim
19
VADIM
I hold Lacey close, our sweat-slicked bodies tangled together as our breathing slows. Her head rests against my chest, right over my thundering heart. The way she took control, pinned my hands above my head—it awakens something primal in me.
Not the darkness I feared would consume me, but something different. Something better.
"That was incredible," I whisper into her hair, breathing in her familiar scent of citrus and lavender. "I love when you take control like that."
She shifts to look up at me, those amber-flecked eyes sparkling with mischief and something deeper. "I know you'd never truly hurt me, Vadim." Her fingers trace lazy patterns on my chest. "Even when I begged you to on the stairs that day."
The memory of her pleading with me to hurt her, to punish her, flashes through my mind. But this time, it doesn't fill me with the same self-loathing. She sees the change in my expression and presses a gentle kiss to my jaw.
"You held back then because you care too much," she continues. "Just like you held back tonight until I gave you permission. That's what makes you."
For the first time, I start to believe her words. Maybe she's right—maybe I'm not destined to become the monster that haunts my nightmares. Her complete trust in me, even after everything we've been through, begins to wash away decades of doubt.
I pull her closer, pressing my lips to her forehead.
"My little star," I murmur. " Zvyozdochka ."
She snuggles into my embrace with a contented sigh, and I feel another piece of the wall between us crumble away.
I stroke Lacey's hair as her breathing steadies against my chest. The peace of the moment shatters when she props herself up on an elbow, concern clouding those amber-flecked eyes.
"Something's still bothering me," she says. "How did Freddy know you were Russian? What gave it away?"
My jaw tightens. But there's no point in keeping the truth from her. "Because his debts are owed to Kirsan's casinos."
"What?" She sits up fully now, pulling the sheet around her. "Kirsan owns casinos here?"
"Several. All illegal operations running out of basements and warehouses." I trace my finger along her spine, trying to soothe her rising tension. "Freddy's in deep—half a million dollars. That's why he's been stealing from your father."
"And pawning Mom's jewelry," she whispers, her hand going to Mom’s necklace.
"The collectors who visit him work for Kirsan. That's why he recognized what I am the moment he saw me." My lip curls in disgust. "He must've assumed I was there to collect from him, instead of keeping you safe."
Lacey's shoulders slump. "No wonder he pissed himself when you confronted him."
I run my fingers along Lacey's spine as she processes what I've told her about Freddy's gambling debts. Her amber-flecked eyes search mine with that mix of concern and fierce protectiveness I've come to cherish.
"Will you still protect him?" she asks softly. "Even after everything he's done?"
I cup her face in my hands, marveling at how she can still care about someone who's caused her so much pain.
"If that's what you want, zvyozdochka . He doesn't deserve your kindness, but I will offer it if you insist. That's what makes you special." I kiss her gently. "You keep fighting for people even when they don't deserve it."
"He's still family," she whispers, though I detect the hurt in her voice.
"That's exactly what I mean." I press a kiss to her forehead. "Most people would have written him off long ago. But you? You see the good in everyone. Even in monsters like me."
She starts to protest but I silence her with a gentle finger to her lips.
"It's what I love about you. Your ability to forgive, to keep believing in people—it's rare. Precious." My thumb traces her lower lip. "Though I still want to break his fingers every time he speaks to you that way."
A small smile tugs at her mouth. "Just his fingers?"
"Well, maybe his jaw too." I return her smile, but grow serious again. "As long as you want him protected, I'll make sure he stays safe. But only because it matters to you."
She nestles back against my chest with a contented sigh. "Thank you."
I press my hand against Lacey's still-flat belly, marveling at the miracle growing inside. My child. Our child. The thought fills me with equal parts wonder and terror.
"What are you thinking about?" Lacey asks, covering my hand with hers.
"How different our child's life will be from mine." I kiss her shoulder. "They'll know love from the start. They'll have two parents who want them."
Lacey's fingers intertwine with mine. "And a whole household that'll spoil them rotten. Can you imagine Lenka with a baby?"
The image makes me smile. "She'll probably teach them Russian before English."
"I hope they have your eyes," Lacey says softly. "Those storm-gray eyes that see right through me."
"And your smile. That smile that lights up entire rooms." I nuzzle her neck. "Your kindness too."
Lacey shifts to face me, her expression growing thoughtful. "Having Dad and Freddy here... it's making me think about what family really means. How it's not just blood." She touches my chest, right over my heart. "It's about choice too. The people we choose to love, to protect."
"Like how you chose to be with a monster like me?"
"Stop that," she scolds gently. "You're not a monster. You're going to be an amazing father."
The certainty in her voice makes my throat tight. "How can you be so sure?"
"Because I see how you are with the people you care about. How protective you are." Her hand returns to her belly. “Our child is going to be loved, Vadim. They'll never doubt it for a second."
Looking at Lacey in my arms, her amber-flecked eyes half-closed in contentment, I feel my heart start to race. The words I've been holding back surge forward, impossible to contain any longer.
"I love you."
The silence that follows feels eternal. My chest tightens as I wait for her response, terrified that I've said too much too soon. After everything we've been through—the forced marriage, Paris, Irina's death, her kidnapping—maybe she's not ready to hear those words.
But then she shifts in my arms, tilting her face up to mine. Those beautiful eyes search my face, and I see tears gathering in them.
"I love you too," she whispers.
The relief that floods through me is staggering. I pull her closer, burying my face in her citrus-and-lavender scented hair, letting the warmth of her words wash over me. For the first time in my life, I feel truly whole.
She loves me. Not the pakhan, or the man who can give her everything money can buy. Just me. The broken son of a monster who's spent his whole life trying to prove he's different from his father.
And somehow, impossibly, she sees past all of that to love the man beneath.
Slowly, I hook my finger under her chin, and tilt it up until her lips meet mine in a kiss.
It's unlike any kiss we've shared before. Gone is the desperate hunger that usually consumes us, replaced by something gentler, sweeter. Her lips are soft against mine, moving with unhurried tenderness that makes my heart ache.
The constant weight I've carried—of Pyotr's legacy, of proving myself different from him, of protecting everyone I care about—seems to float away. In this moment, nothing exists beyond Lacey's warmth pressed against me.
" Zvyozdochka ," I whisper against her mouth. She smiles into our kiss, and I feel that smile down to my soul.
I've spent so long believing I don't deserve love, convincing myself that monsters like me aren't meant for happiness. But here, with Lacey in my arms, her heart beating in time with mine, I finally understand what it means to be truly happy.
The outside world—Kirsan, Sayanaa, the threats we face—feels distant and unreal. All that matters is this moment, this woman, this love we've found despite everything that should have kept us apart.
I trace my thumb along her cheek, memorizing the feeling of her skin against mine. The way she leans into my touch, so trusting, so open.
It fills me with a warmth I never knew I could feel.