20. Zander
20
ZANDER
It’s been a week since the disastrous date. Disastrous not only because of what happened on the date but also what followed. Marr is holding back on our calls and texts like never before. If I thought she was shy in the office before, she’s fucking scared of me now. Whenever she sees me in the office corridor or coming her way, she bolts in the other direction. It’s a fucking mess, and I’m the only one to blame.
I’ve tried everything short of kidnapping her in an attempt to make her talk, but nothing seems to be working. Not knowing what else to do, I decided to take some external help.
I’m sitting in a restaurant with Kristy, desperate for an olive branch on how to get my couch girl back.
“How did the meeting go?” I ask. Kristy is working with Zach on our new office location.
“Everything went well. Zach has arranged a conference call on Monday to discuss more with you,” she replies.
I nod, having almost no desire to convolute this meeting with office conversations. I have more pressing things to discuss.
“Zander, what’s the matter? You asked me to come alone and not say a word to Rose.” Kristy repeats my sentence from this morning. “Everything all right between you two?”
I’m quiet for few moments. I don’t know how to voice to my girlfriend’s best friend that her friend is giving me the cold shoulder because I tried to kiss her on a date. In my mind, it’s a genuine problem, but when trying to put it into words, I feel like a pervert.
“I don’t know how to start, Kristy.”
“Did something happen between you two?” Her gaze fixated on me is more curious than surprised, and I wonder if she’s already aware of the proceedings of my perfectly planned, horribly executed first date.
“I fucked up big time.” I run my hands through my hair, hesitating for a second before realizing I don’t have too many options. “We were having fun on our date until I pounced on her, and now she wants nothing to do with me.”
“What do you mean by pounced on her?” Kristy leans back in her chair, her blue eyes never leaving me.
I’m once again stuck by the resemblance between her eyes and Marr’s. How did I never notice it before? Possibly because I was too busy observing my couch girl and heridiosyncrasies.
“Hello.” Kristy waves her hand in front of me.“I asked you a question.”
Grabbing my neck in frustration, I rehash the disastrous date.
“I think I’m losing her.” My voice sounds pathetic, even to my own ears.
Kristy chews on her bottom lip. I watch as she struggles with something, tugging on her golden bracelet before meeting my eyes.
“I’m putting a hell of a lot of trust in you.” She pauses, waiting for my nod. “Rose never really had any close relationships, Zander. You kind of know that. ”
I nod again, not understanding her words, but hope and anxiety slowly builds inside me.
“You are the first man in her life,” she continues. “Her first boyfriend.”
Holy fuck.
I gulp back something heavy that’s clogged in my throat. I’d imagined Marr to not be very experienced, but…I’m her first boyfriend?
The thought never even occurred to me.
Of course she’s scared. Who wouldn’t be when your boyfriend jumps on you on your first fucking date?
But the real question is, will she ever want me back?
Kristy slurps loudly around the straw of her cocktail. “Whenever you’re back to earth and ready to talk, I might have a plan.”
The next evening, I park outside Marr’s place. After grabbing the bouquet of white lilies and purple orchids from the passenger seat, I trot to the foyer and ring the doorbell.
She opens the door and does a double take when she sees me.
“Zander. W-what are you…doing here?”
But all the air is sucked out of my lungs. I’m dumbstruck by this sexy version of my girlfriend. Her regular collared shirt is replaced by a pink top, the sensuous V-neck teasing me with a hint of her cleavage. Her jeans are replaced by pink shorts reaching mid-thigh. For the first time, I get a good look at her bare, toned legs.
Hell, I’ve been imagining her legs for a month, but standing on the doorstep, she’s beyond my imagination.
“I thought you were the pizza guy,” she whispers, shifting her weight from one leg to the other.
I thrust the bouquet into her arms and grab her hand.
“So, this is how you dress for the pizza guy?” I tug her gently toward me.
She shakes her head and drops her gaze to the floor.
“I’m just toying with you, couch girl. Aren’t you going to invite me in?”
“Y-yes...please come in.” She hesitates, clearly uncomfortable with me showing up out of the blue at her doorstep, but today, I’m not going easy on her. I’m following Kristy’s plan to the letter.
Speaking of Kristy, I find her in the living room as expected, tying the straps of her high heels. Dressed in a short black dress, I’m not sure if she’s going out on a fake dinner or a real one.
“Hello, boss. I didn’t know you were coming over.” She stays in her role of the ignorant friend.
“I had a canceled meeting, so I thought I’d have dinner with my two favorite ladies.”
“I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I have a meeting of my own. I’m sure your most favorite lady will appreciate the offer, though.” She collects her purse from the table and her jacket from the coat rack before sauntering out the door.
“I didn’t know Kristy was seeing someone.” I take a seat on the couch as Marr sits across from me on the loveseat.
“What do you mean? She’s having dinner with some colleagues.” Marr furrows her eyebrow in confusion.
I let it go. If tonight goes as expected, we’ll have ample opportunities to discuss Kristy’s love life.
Fifteen minutes later, Marr’s pizza arrives.
She sits back on the loveseat, supporting her plate on her lap.
I can’t look away from her face. Her beautiful, relaxed face. She has no idea how incredible she looks, sitting in their bohemian living room. Her normally tied ponytail is replaced by a bun, a few strands falling on her delicate shoulders .
Immediately, images of that black hair hiding her face just after I released her from my hold fill my brain. I shake my head, willing them away. I’ll fix this. Even if I have to beg her the whole night.
We eat in a pleasant silence. I realized much earlier that Marr doesn’t like to talk while eating. A remnant of her disciplined upbringing, I suppose.
After we’re done, I take the dishes to the kitchen and start the water to rinse them.
“No, you don’t have to do that.” She follows me and tries to pull me away from the sink.
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to.” I voice the most repeated tagline in dating.
Marr glances at me in uncertainty. I’m sure she didn’t expect me to stick around after dinner.
But when she sees that I’ve already lathered up the sponge, she gives in. “Let me help you, then.”
We work in unison. I wash the dishes while she dries them with a kitchen towel and places them in their designated place. The entire act is so domestic that I should be running for the hills. But somehow, I’m enjoying it so much that I wish we had some more stuff to clean.
When we’re done, she passes me a towel. Before she can drop the end still in her grip, I gently tug on the soft linen. Her hands land on my chest, and her hold on me tightens as she tries to balance herself.
My breath stills, as I worry that I’ve just made another wrong move.
“What…happened?” she stammers, her gaze not wavering from my chest.
“Do you resent my touch, Marr?”
My unexpected question gets her attention, and she looks up.
God, how breathtaking she looks. Her blue eyes behind those glasses, all confused, trying to figure out the meaning behind my words. Her cheeks are scarlet, shaming the pink of her T-shirt.
“What are you saying?”
“Since last week, you’ve been avoiding me like I have cooties. And don’t say you haven’t. But today, I want to know why?”
She remains quiet, her eyes no longer on me but focused on something interesting she’s found on my tie.
“If you want our relationship to be platonic, which involves talking on the phone, random dinners, and nothing more, I’ll accept it. I like you Marr, a lot. I’m dying to have any part of your life that you want to share with me.” My grip tightens on her waist. “It’s been weeks since we declared to a room full of people that we’re together, yet you’re not comfortable with a kiss from me. If that’s something you don’t want in our relationship, please tell me. But if that’s something you fear, then talk to me.”
She flinches in my arms as frustration seeps through my words.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to sound angry.” I ease my grip on her waist, and thankfully she doesn’t step back but remains glued in place. She doesn’t say a word, so I keep going. “I’m confused as hell, couch girl. Seeing you like this, so damn sexy—you can’t even imagine all things I want to do to you. But I’m scared shitless to even hold your hand, dreading you’ll bolt like last week. I have no idea what to do.”
She slowly rests her head on my chest. It’s the first time she’s initiated a touch, and my heart soars with happiness. I’m also apprehensive that doing anything would scare her away. And that’s when I feel the wetness on my skin—her tears soaking my shirt. Her body shudders as she sobs.
“Fuck, Marr.” I crush her in my arms. “I’m sorry. Leave it. It’s not important.” She sniffles against me, and even though I’m terrified to know her response, I ask, “Do you want me to leave?” Leaving her like this is the last thing I want to do, but I don’t even know if she wants me to stay.
“No, don’t go, please,” she whispers, shaking her head as her hands tighten on the lapels of my jacket.
Thank heavens.
“I’m scared.” Her soft voice is barely audible above my thumping heart.
“Of me?” I hold my breath. After the night Marr showed me her scars, we never talked about it. I never had the courage to bring it up, but now I fear that incident has turned her off men.
“Not you,” she whispers.
I don’t say a word, giving her a moment to gather her thoughts.
“I’ve never been close to anyone other than Kristy. I-I don’t know…how to open up to someone. And believe me, it’s not that I don’t want to share things with you.” Her breathing picks up, and she gulps loudly. “I-I’m not like other girls, Zander.”
“You’re perfect for me.” I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear as I’ve wanted to do since I stepped inside her house.
“I never had a boyfriend.” Her head drops low. She has no idea what those words do to me, but I don’t interrupt her. I silently stroke her back, begging her to continue.
“You are so…handsome and—”
“You think I’m handsome?” I can’t help the words, and the small smile that pulls up my lips.
“Everyone thinks so. I overheard Brenda from HR saying…”
“What did you hear, couch girl?”
“That you’re on some list of sexy bachelors. Nobody believes we’re together, Zander, because nobody thinks we fit together.”
My insides vibrate at those soft words. I peer down at her pretty face, scarlet as she attempts to hide away from my gaze. Tightening my grip on her, I whisper, “All I care about is if you find me sexy, Marr.”
“You’ve seen me, Zander, and you know about me. I’m me and you’re you. You’re the man of every girl’s dreams.”
“I have no clue what you’re saying. I just want to be the man of your dreams.” I tip her chin up. “Since that Monday morning when you fell from the couch and into my arms, not a single day has passed that I haven’t thought of you. There hasn’t been a day that I’ve seen something blue and your blue eyes haven’t flashed before me, hidden behind red glasses.”
“Really?” she squeaks.
“Damn fucking true.” I loosen my grip on her and look down at her smiling face. This is my Marr.
“Hey, beautiful.” I smile back at her.
“Hi,” she coos, and damn her face, her voice, makes me hard at once. The air around us is no longer tense; it’s charged with a deep intensity.
Her cheeks are red, eyes heavy, hair all messed up, and she stares at me in anticipation. Her tongue glides over her dry lower lip, and the sight of it forces me to cross all borders of hesitation as my lips find hers.
I suck her lower lip. Only when her hands tighten their grip on my arms do I realize what I’m doing. I open my eyes without breaking contact and find hers squeezed tight. I know she wants this, but I’ll never force her. Not after last time. Not after knowing about her.
I pull back a little, breaking our kiss, but I’m still close enough to feel her breath on my skin.
She whimpers in response, confirming that she wants this as much as I do. But I still say, “Marr, if you want me to stop, tell me now .” My self-control is pushed to its limits as I say the words .
She opens her eyes, and her hands go around my neck, pulling me closer. It’s all the encouragement I need, but her words take me over the edge. “Please don’t stop.”