39. Rose
39
ROSE
I open the drawer of my nightstand, and hidden under my USB sticks, blue sticky-note pad, and purple sleeping mask is my metal pill box. The small gold tin with pink and blue hand-painted roses and “Happy Pills” written on top was given to me by my therapist. When she placed it in my hands, I thought the writing was some kind of joke I didn’t get, like many others she’s made. But now this box has become a reminder that it’s been over three years since I’ve last taken one of these green SSRIs, or antidepressant pills.
Every year on my birthday, I pull it out and remind myself how far I’ve come. But today, this moment feels less powerful. Maybe because I have something more potent to remind me of my journey.
A beautiful ring on my finger and the person who put it there.
My hand flattens on the small pill box, and there’s a clink when the band of my ring touches the metal box. I graze my right hand over my left, feeling the diamonds digging into my skin.
My bedroom door flings open, and I quickly hide the box under my pillow. Kristy prances in, holding a tray with three coffee mugs and cupcakes, each with a different-colored candle on top. She’s followed by Clementine, who places a Happy Birthday headband over my head.
“What’s going on?” I squeal before fixing my glasses.
“Birthday weekend, what else?” Kristy says as they both settle onto my bed.
“My birthday is tomorrow.” I’m about to pick up a cupcake and remove the candle when Clementine shakes her head. She lights the candles, and only after I’ve blown them all does she allow me to pick one up. But my irritation soon dies. After all, the cupcakes are from Hawthorne Bakery, which is owned by Clem’s grandmother and is a treasure in Cherrywood.
“We know that handsome hunk of yours will kidnap you tomorrow, so we are celebrating today.” Clem always has crazy, though aptly fitting, nicknames for Zander.
The soft blueberry cupcake melts in my mouth and reminds me of Zander’s amazing baking skills. These days, everything reminds me of him. “What’s the plan?” I ask.
“We’re going to hit the mall, followed by a lavish lunch at Giovanni’s. Then we’ll head to the spa, and our last stop will be the dance club.” Clem even shimmies up and down, showing off her dance moves despite there not being any music.
I forget to chew, hearing her describe all the things which are so not me. I tug on the cuff of my shirt as my chest rises and falls in panic at imagining myself in a crowded mall or dance club.
“Hey, Rosie, relax.” Kristy nudges Clem’s feet. “You know Clem. She’s kidding. We’ll hang here and then order takeout from Giovanni’s. Maybe watch some chick flick.”
I nod. Anything is better than the mall-spa-club trio.
Clementine cocks her head at me while licking the white frosting from her cupcake. “Did you see how fast this superhero junkie agreed to the chick flick?”
Clementine leans back on the couch. “God, I’m gonna miss Giovanni’s when I finally get out of this stupid town.”
“Why do you want to leave so bad?” I fold the empty pizza box as we sit on our living room vintage rug after lunch.
Cherrywood is one of those charming, postcard-perfect towns that instantly make you fall in love with it. In addition, all of her family is nearby.
“You have to ask? I’ve never been out of this town. Like never . If not for my brother and my gram, Mom would have homeschooled me.” Her hands clench into fists, as they do every time she talks about her mother. Awful is a strong word, but there is no better adjective to describe the relationship between Clementine and her mother.
“It’s not that fun, and aren’t you living independently since you moved here?” I remind her.
“Yes. In a way, I am. But Mom’s security is still outside twenty-four seven, monitoring me and anyone else who enters and leaves the house.”
“Wh-what?” The iced tea glass in my hand suddenly feels ten times heavier, and my limbs freeze at the revelation.
Someone’s watching me.
Twenty-four seven.
“It’s no big deal, Rose.” Kristy’s voice is faint as she grabs my hands from mercilessly pulling on the cuff of my shirt. “They’re all good people, and they just sit at the diner across the street.”
When my tremors don’t subside, she holds my face between her soft hands and forces me to look at her.
“Breathe.” Her gaze is calm and patient as she waits for me to start my three-step breathing .
After a few seconds, I close my eyes and take deep breaths, filling my stomach, my lungs, and my throat, holding the air and then letting it all out.
Kristy’s hands gradually move from my face to my shoulders. She presses lightly over my knotted muscles. “All’s fine, Rose.” Her words slowly bring me back.
“How do…you know about this?” I meet her gaze, but before Kristy can reply, Clementine jumps the gun.
“You have nothing to worry about, Rosie. Tony has been my head of security since I was seven.”
“Y-you have a head of…what?” I don’t wait for her to reply. “Head of security…who is watching you…me…our house?” My throat dries again, and the words barely come out.
My gaze shifts to Kristy, who gives Clem the stink eye.
“You know, the Hawthorne family is kind of a big name in Cherrywood. Security is part of the deal,” Clementine murmurs.
“Why would…anyone hurt you?”
“I don’t think anyone will, but having security gives my mother an opportunity to show that we’re important people.” Clementine’s words provide no calm to my panic.
“Rosie, they will not enter the house unless it’s an emergency,” Kristy tries to reassure me. “They’re also advised to keep a safe distance from you, and they’re trained to be covert. See, you weren’t even aware of them till now. I talked to Tony personally after Oscar told me they’d be sitting guard outside.” Her concerned gaze meets mine.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask why she didn’t tell me all of this sooner, but I guess it’s because she expected my freak-out. Given how I’m reacting now, she wasn’t wrong.
I press my fingertips into my forehead, not liking this feeling of helplessness or being left out of something important .
“Are you feeling better?” Kristy asks softly. “I’m sorry for not telling you.”
I nod. I know she means well.
I take another deep breath, my mind wandering to the men sitting outside, before I glance at my pillow and the pill box hidden underneath.
“Do you still want to go to the lake?” Clementine’s hesitant voice breaks through my train of thought.
My gaze returns to the pillow before I reply. “I’ll get ready.”
After spending the rest of the day with Kristy and Clementine, I drive alone to my house. Kristy went back to her home, and Clementine’s driver picked her up for dinner at her mother’s estate.
I get out of my car, and my gaze drifts in the direction of the diner across the street. My car keys fall to the ground with a jiggle, and it takes me longer than usual to grab them with my shaky hands.
Just the thought that someone is watching me day and night sends a chill down my spine, and I shiver despite the balmy evening. I shake my head, trying to get rid of the dreadful memories threatening to surface. My excitement for tomorrow and seeing Zander has subsided, and I’m looking forward to spending the remainder of the evening locked inside my room, working on the new piece of code. I hope it’ll distract my mind from the men sitting on watch outside my house.
I turn the key to the main door and take a step back instead of walking in. The living room lights are turned off, and the whole place is lit with candles. My natural reaction is to turn around and run back to my car. But before I can do that, I hear a familiar voice .
“Hello, dear fiancée. Planning to leave me already?”
With a burning candle in his hands, Zander emerges from the dark and walks in my direction. Placing the candleholder on the corner table, he stands before me.
“You scared me,” I whisper. I can’t believe he’s here already. Wasn’t he supposed to arrive tomorrow?
“I am sorry about that,” he purrs, pulling me into his arms. His left dimple is on display, and so is his captivating smile. A smile that girls would die to have directed at them. A smile that, six months ago, was plastered on magazines alongside the words “sexiest bachelor.”
I sometimes can’t believe he chose me when he could be with anyone.
“You’re here.” I rub my hands on his fine-fitting suit, which does nothing to hide his muscular body.
“Yes, I am.” He hugs me tight, and I fit well under his chin as his over-six-feet frame towers over my five feet three inches.
“How? Why didn’t you tell me?” I whisper against his chest.
He smells of the same woodsy vanilla scent, and it reminds me of our first meeting in the conference room.
“I wanted to surprise my fiancée.”
“You love that word.” I smile as I always do when he uses it.
“I love you .” He pulls back and tilts my face up with his finger under my chin. “Let me look at you. I’ve missed you, Rose.”
“I missed you too.” My voice gets wobbly. The wild revelations from earlier already have me on edge, and now seeing Zander in my living room…it’s all too much for my tiny heart. With all the emotions bursting inside me, my eyes well with tears. “So bad.”
He places a kiss on my forehead before wiping the stray tear that rolls down my cheek, even though I tried to hold it back. “It’s been six months since I put this ring on your finger,” he says. When he twists my ring, I wonder if the reality of being engaged is sometimes as mind-boggling for him as it is for me.
I’ve never felt this connection to anyone. I’ve never belonged to anyone, and if it were possible, I’d never be apart from him for a second. I know it almost sounds creepy, but that’s how I feel.
My hands go around his neck when he pulls me closer, and then my lips are captured by his. He kisses me, soft and slow. Though I’ve got no one to compare it to, as Zander is my first boyfriend, I know he gives the best kisses. He never rushes but takes his time, like he’s slowly exploring my lips. And then he pushes his tongue into my mouth and rolls it with mine, making me crazy.
It took me so long to realize that this feeling, which is a bit ticklish and a bit shaky and builds into a sensation that goes straight to my stomach and further down, is not fever but passion.
Without breaking our kiss, he moves us to the couch, then pulls me onto his lap. His hand wanders to my waist. I’m wearing my blue flannel shirt, which is, as usual, a size too big.
“Zander,” I whisper when his lips leave mine.
He tries to nuzzle my neck, but I guess my buttoned-up shirt isn’t to his liking. He opens two of the buttons, starting from the collar. He looks into my eyes, passion and emotion shining from his. My previous panic has left the building.
“I’m so happy to see you. Especially today,” I tell him. He’s become my talisman, my happy pill, which has all the power to make me feel safe.
“I got a call from your distressed friend.” Zander’s fingers run back and forth over my neck, his featherlight touch causing my insides to tremble as his gaze never leaves my face .
“And you came?”
“I told you, no one can keep me away from my girl.”
“I love being your girl.” My hand rests over his five o’clock shadow. My ring twinkles, reflecting the lights of the candles burning in the room.
“Me too, couch girl. You don’t know how much.”