38. Blame It On The Adderall
CHAPTER 38
BLAME IT ON THE ADDERALL
MARGAUX
I sit on the couch, staring blankly out the window, trying to make sense of the madness that’s become my life.
Timmy’s behavior is erratic and escalating, and I can’t help but reflect on what might have triggered this particular outburst.
To be fair, he has his court sentencing coming up for his DUI. Given it’s not his first offense, he’s looking at some mandatory jail time—anywhere from three to 365 days, depending on the judge’s mood.
I know I was well within my rights to make a statement and press charges when he threatened me with the chainsaw and screwdriver, but his constant lament about jail plays in the back of my mind. He’s terrified of going back inside, let alone to prison. He talks about it all the time.
But then again, if I were worried about serving time, I’d make a special effort to not run around threatening to kill people.
Me:
On the bright side, he only threw pillows yesterday. The chainsaw was placed in the hallway, and the screwdriver was placed in my hand. All threats.
Alice:
Jesus.
Timmy emerges from the back room, his demeanor unusually soft.
“Margaux, babe,” he says, his voice calm and almost remorseful. “I’m sorry for being such a piece of shit. The minute my phone is charged, I’m going to call Mom and ask her for a ticket to Montana. I don’t want to keep ruining your life.”
I stare at him, unsure if this is an elaborate joke, or if he’s finally serious.
Without waiting for a response, he retreats to the back room.
I text Alice to share the latest chapter of “Timmy Promises Change.”
Alice:
I’m giving that 11 minutes before he doesn’t do that.
SORRY I AM HAVING A BAD DAY.
As if on cue, my nose starts gushing blood. Of course it does.
The stress of living with Timmy has taken a toll on my entire body. I know stress kills, and Timmy has been a walking, talking cortisol trigger since very early on.
Alice:
If I could afford it, I’d fly you out here to hide for a week.
Me:
Thank you.
The irony of living in this beautiful place and he’s making it so ugly.
A moment later, I hear Timmy on the phone, making appointments with his doctor and counselor. I guess he’s not actually going to Montana.
I want to feel hopeful, but until he physically walks through the door of each appointment, I’m not holding my breath. Timmy’s flaws are numerous, but consistency and follow-through might be the most glaring.
Me:
It’s giving me Zeth vibes. The whole apology.
But mainly bc he was clinging to me the same way Zeth did.
Let me tell you the story of Zeth.
Alice:
Please tell me about someone whose name doesn't sound real.
And so begins the tale of another man who brought chaos into my life.
Me:
Unfortunately, I met this douchebag and at some point it emerged that he was on probation. Zeth lived in Virginia with his mom and stepdad ( ).
Zeth moved his things into my apartment like 2 days after we met. Didn’t ask. Just started moving things in
One day Zeth was in the bathroom for a long time and I went in there after and found a SYRINGE.
He was in there shooting up Adderall.
Zeth was a mess.
But anyways, I had to lie there while he came down from his high, and he cried and apologized, and eventually I was able to get him out.
The situation was complicated bc my workplace owned the building, so was my landlord.
That is the shorthand version of the story of Zeth.
Alice:
Somehow that sounds less scary to me than Tim.
Annoying? Yes.
Definitely a loser? For sure.
Me:
Yeah, he was a lot smaller.
Although, let me tell you people who inject Adderall into their veins are quite terrifying.
He was cleaning and straightening everything over and over again.
But yes, no chainsaw threats.
Alice:
WOAH SORRY INJECTING ADDERALL?? I missed that one.
Yeah don't...don't do that.
At least all he did was clean?
Me:
Hahaha yes, I hid in the corner with my cat.
Alice:
“It'll be okay, sweetie… the crazy man just needs to leave the Windex alone and we'll be fine.”
Me:
His drug dealer added me on Facebook.
I didn’t accept the friend request.
Alice:
LMFAO WHAT NO.
Aw man what a B- idea.
Me:
He’s still in the queue.
Alice:
Where he should stay in perpetuity!
Timmy reappears from the back room, his tone calm but his face unreadable.
“I’ve got everything under control now,” he says with a half-smile, and I almost believe him.
But a sinking feeling reminds me that even if he can keep it together for a moment, the storm is never far behind.