60. Sometimes Life Is Just Dark For No Reason
CHAPTER 60
SOMETIMES LIFE IS JUST DARK FOR NO REASON
MARGAUX
A few hours later, Alice checks in on me.
Alice:
How did the rest of Pride play out?
Me:
The cops were just here bc I found him trying to take my cat outside at 2AM, so I peeled his fingers from the leash and he threw me to the floor, and I can barely move bc he injured my neck/back.
Alice:
That’s absolutely not okay, and highly concerning.
Me:
Yeah. Well, my friend Jimmy called and introduced me to his friend, and she’s pretty cool. I think you’d like her. She’s talking sense. And she says she is a stripper, but that she isn’t very good at it, which is hilarious in my current state of sadness.
As if on cue, the moment the police left, my good friend Jimmy from DC called me. We have a weird connection, and he always seems to know when something’s up.
He and his friend Vanya were having a late night art session, and when I filled them in, they’d been concerned and caring, and managed to make me laugh, even though it hurt my neck.
Alice:
It’s pretty funny.
But I’m worried. He’s going to paralyze you.
Me:
Yeah, I’m worried about it too. I told his dad.
His dad didn’t go through an entire military career to get calls about how his son is hanging out with homeless men at the beach.
When I’d called Phil, he’d been calm as usual. “Well, I’ll give him a call and try to talk some sense into him,” he’d said. It did strike me that he didn’t really seem surprised or concerned, and he didn’t really ask me about my neck.
Alice:
Tell his dad to come get him.
My phone rings. It’s Phil, calling me back.
“Hey Margaux, it’s um, Phil,” he says, the way boomers sometimes identify themselves on the phone, as if their name doesn’t flash up when they call. This time, his voice is flat and hollow… dull. Defeated.
“Hi,” I say, bracing myself for the update.
“Well, uh, listen… I just spoke with Timmy, and he says he wants to go back to the apartment and sleep in the back room and move his things out tomorrow.”
“Okay. Thank you for the update.”
“You’re okay if he comes back to do that?”
I sigh. “Yeah, I guess. As long as he’s calm and doesn’t mess with any of my stuff. I can barely move because of what he did to my neck.”
Phil sighs too. “Yeah, listen… I, uh… I’m really sorry this is happening. I hope you feel better soon. Love you.”
“Love you,” I reply. “Have a good night.”
I fill Alice in.
Alice:
That’s what always happens.
Insist he collect his son.
Me:
His dad sounded destroyed.
Alice:
I imagine he is. This is a lot for a parent.
But it’s not your responsibility.
And he’s an active danger to you.
Me:
Sitting here icing my injury.
A partner shouldn’t inflict an injury.
Unless it’s a good sex one, if that’s what you’re into.
See, I’m funny when I’m sad.
Alice:
Yeah, consent needs to be involved.
And even if it is, it shouldn’t be permanently damaging.
Timmy enters the apartment just as my phone starts ringing
It’s Jimmy and Vanya calling again.
He glances over at me and heads straight to the back room as if scared off by my phone’s ringtone.
Me:
His dad sounded like he was dead.
It was very sad.
Alice:
He’s realizing he’s raised a man who is a hazard to society.
And who may never be able to function normally in society.
Me:
Yeah, at least his meth addict sister only hurts herself.
Alice:
Yeah, that’s a lot to take in.
Me:
His sister told me he’s a piece of shit.
Alice:
Yeah, because he is.
Me:
The dad survived combat missions.
The mother had several miscarriages before having him.
So he’s clearly meant to be on this earth, but why? When he acts like this? It sounds horrible, but why?
He literally almost paralyzed me because he’s a drunken lunatic.
Alice:
Precisely this.
Me:
He finally admitted to pouring ramen water on me.
Alice:
Good.
He’s choked you, hit you, poured boiling water on you, and thrown you to the ground several times.
Me:
Yes. When you put it like that…
Alice:
When you boil it down, the soup stock isn’t very good.
Me:
AND brought a chainsaw out at least twice and threatened to chop my head off with it.
Alice:
NOPE.
FUCKING NO.
That’s not a joke. That’s an active threat.
Me:
Last time he did that, I asked the cops if that was normal behavior. And they said ‘no miss, in fact, that’s quite abnormal.’
Alice:
Because it isn’t.
Me:
Well, I’ve heard that he’s done this before.
Alice:
He absolutely has.
This isn’t a starting point.
Me:
I got aggressive today, and he shrunk into himself until he got extra drunk.
Alice:
You need to stay sober around him.
Alcohol can help you cope, but it won’t help you run.
I fill her in on Timmy’s antics on the way home from the beach.
Alice:
Was there an active risk of his head coming off? Serious question.
Or did you panic?
Me:
He was literally trying to grab the radio antenna.
And he was grabbing at me while I was driving on a busy freeway.
Alice:
And that’s going to get you killed, to be very blunt.
Me:
He’s bringing out a dark side of me that I don’t like. I am a very nice person.
Alice:
You sink to his level, he goes lower, you go lower, until you’re at the bottom of your own grave wondering how it all went this way.
I sigh. She’s right.
Me:
I know. Halsey has a song about it.
She says the warning signs can feel like butterflies.
Alice:
Nervousness and excitement feel the same.
Me:
Yep. Good and bad anxious is all anxious.
Anyway, I hear you and I appreciate you. I just tried to lie down, and it hurt too much, so I’m propped up on a sex wedge.