Because You Loved Me (Willow Shade Island #1)

Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

KIKI EMMERSON

I step into the chapel and immediately know I chose the wrong thing to wear. The internet said wearing jeans was fine for church. Apparently, the internet doesn’t go to church at Fellowship Grace on Willow Shade Island off the coast of Georgia. Everyone turns to look at me, all the women in their southern dresses, as I slip onto a pew in the back row. I pray all the nosey people will turn back around and stop staring at my Wranglers with holes in the knees. How was I supposed to know the internet was wrong? I haven’t been to church in years.

I glance around the chapel. This was a bad idea. I know it as soon as I catch a glimpse of Tobias Barrett sitting in the front. The sight of him makes my throat go dry. He’s much more handsome in person than in the photos I scraped off the internet. His dark hair is styled to fall perfectly on his forehead, and I can tell from the way his suit jacket sits on him he’s got a home gym in that mansion he lives in.

Tobias leans toward a man I can only assume is one of his younger brothers. They share the same profile, sharp chin, and Hollywood style cheekbones. The service hasn’t started yet, and they’re in an animated conversation about something. If only I’d arrived earlier, and worn a dress, maybe I would have had the guts to sit on the pew behind them. As it is, I’m pretty sure I’ll duck out the back before the service ends. That’s what I tell myself, until I catch sight of her.

I know it’s her the instant I see her. She’s the right age, about five. And she looks just like I did at that age. My breath catches. She’s wearing a pink and white dress, the frilly kind that screams “little southern belle.” She’s walking with another Barrett brother, probably the youngest from the looks of it. Her eyes light up when she sees Tobias, and she runs to him, her little feet in dainty white church shoes. She throws her arms around his neck and squeezes with all her might. Emotion surges in my chest. I blink back tears. That’s her. That’s my daughter.

A woman turns around in the pew ahead of me and smiles. She reminds me of Aunt Bee from that old TV show. A grandmother type. The soft and fluffy kind. “Are you new here?” she asks.

“Yes,” I manage to squeak out.

“I’m Ellie Marie Brown, but everyone here just calls me Ellie.” She smiles at me expectantly.

“I’m Kiki,” I say. “Kiki Anderson.” The fake last name sticks on my tongue. I’m not used to saying it, but I’m not giving anyone here my real name. And now I feel guilty for lying in a church. Is it extra sinning to lie in a church? Does it count as double or something?

She pats my knee. “You look like such a nice young lady.”

Little does she know how way off base she is. I smile anyway, because anything else would be rude, but I’m sure God is cringing at the woman. I mean, the whole reason I’m at church is to spy on the man who adopted my child. The one I had while in jail. Yeah, I’m such a nice young lady .

The pastor stands up at the front, and I force myself to stare at him instead of the man who’s raising my daughter. I question my sanity, and it’s not the first time. I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have hired that shady guy on the internet to find my daughter. I shouldn’t have googled Tobias and learned about his divorce and his brothers. I should go back to Georgia. I’ve seen her. That’s all I really came for.

My palms grow sweaty, and I can’t help but look over at her again. I barely see her brown hair through all the people. I catch a glimpse of a little pink bow, and my throat grows tight. I wore a bow like that when I was a little girl.

I listen to the sermon and squirm as the pastor talks about the evils of the world. I’m pretty sure he’s talking about me. I’ve messed up about everything a person can in their lifetime, and I’m only twenty-four.

My arm itches and I carefully scratch so I don’t take off the makeup covering my tattoo. I’m pretty sure all these proper southern ladies would frown at me if they could see the colorful phoenix that starts on my right wrist and goes up my arm. Even though I don’t fit in here, at least I know it.

The sermon ends and I stand. Before I have a chance to slip out the back, Ellie turns to me and pats my arm. “Come with me, dear. You must stay for refreshments and get to know everyone.”

I open my mouth to say I can’t when I hear a tiny voice carry over the hushed tones of the adults. “Can I have a doughnut now?”

My heart about rips in half, and I can’t leave. Not yet. “I’d like that,” I say to Ellie. I need to look at the little girl again. My soul needs one more mental picture before I leave the island.

Ellie guides me to a basement room where long tables are set up. The smell of coffee and fresh doughnuts fills the air, and I breathe in deeply. I haven’t had anything to eat yet today and my stomach growls. The cheap hotel where I’m staying doesn’t offer breakfast.

People bustle in, and I grab a napkin and take a doughnut. I stand off to the side and watch as people file by. “Where are you from, Miss Kiki?” Ellie asks.

“I grew up in Iowa.”

“What part?”

“Des Moines area.”

Ellie nods. “I have heard of it.” She smiles at me like we’re now best friends. “What do you do?”

“I’m between jobs right now.”

A glint forms in her eye. “Ah, looking for work?”

I nod as Tobias enters with his little girl. I don’t even know her name, but she captures my attention so completely I can’t look away. She tugs on Tobias’s hand, pulling him to the table of delights. He gives her a doughnut with sprinkles. My inner child cries with glee. What a good father.

Ellie gets a knowing look on her face and grabs my arm. “Let me introduce you to the town’s most eligible bachelor,” she says in my ear.

I shake my head, but Ellie ignores me and tugs me across the room. “Tobias, this is my friend, Kiki. She’s new in town.”

I look up at him, and my spit dries up. He isn’t just tall, dark, and handsome. He could have walked off a runway. His sharp features take my breath away. I’m pretty sure his suit is Italian, and costs more than my kidneys can bring on the black market. I feel like an underdressed worm standing next to him.

Tobias barely acknowledges me with a head nod and a quiet, “Nice to meet you, ma’am,” before he turns to Ellie. “What a lovely dress you have on today. Is it new?”

Ellie grins. “Oh, this old thing?” She laughs and nudges him. “You flatter me.”

Tobias takes a sip of his coffee and pretends not to notice me, but I can tell he’s taking in my ripped Wranglers and my faded Goodwill blouse. I think I make him uncomfortable because he starts looking at the basement walls like they’re filled with fine art.

Ellie’s fingers run over her necklace. “Do you still need a nanny? Kiki just moved here and is looking for work.” Ellie beams like she’s solving the problems of the world.

Tobias chokes on his coffee and takes a second to get himself under control. “Uh…” he says, and I’m sure he’s trying to figure out what to say to get himself out of hiring me.

My face heats to a hundred degrees. “Actually…I don’t know how long I’ll be here. So…”

“You’re leaving Willow Shade?” Ellie frowns at me. “I thought you were looking for a job. Aren’t you out of work?”

Tobias and Ellie both stare at me. I need to get out of here. Before I can say I’m taking the next shuttle to the mainland, Tobias’s daughter comes running up to us. “Hi!” she says brightly, and my heart melts into a puddle on the floor. Her blue eyes mirror my own, and I look for other features that might resemble me. Her upturned nose. Her pointed chin. The smattering of freckles across her face.

All thought leaves my head, and I crouch down to her level. “Hi there. What’s your name?”

“I’m Skyler.” She turns to her father and grabs onto his hand. “Can I have another doughnut?”

He shakes his head. “No, you haven’t eaten lunch yet.”

With the look that’s on her face, I’m surprised he doesn’t give her a thousand doughnuts. I have a hard time not passing her the one I’m clutching. I stand and give him a look that I’m sure says, “Let her have a doughnut, you monster.”

“Please?” she asks as she tugs on his hand.

“No.”

My heart breaks for her. I don’t mean to, but my mouth starts up before I have a chance to sensor it. “Why don’t you pick one out for later? Then after lunch you can eat it.” I glance at Tobias’s death stare and quickly add. “That is, if it’s okay with your dad.”

All eyes turn to Tobias. His jaw clenches, but then he slowly nods. “All right. Go pick one out.”

“Yes!” Skyler shouts and runs off to pick another treat.

“When are you leaving Willow Shade?” Ellie frowns again, like it’s a personal affront that I’d leave her amazing island.

I stare after Skyler, and my resolve crumbles. I can’t leave. Not yet. There’s so much about her I don’t know. I’ve missed her whole life. How can I leave right now?

I swallow and look up at Tobias. He’s looking for a nanny for my little girl. It would be the perfect way for me to get to know her without revealing who I am. The thought of getting to hold her and read to her makes my eyes prick with tears. That would be heaven.

“I didn’t mean I was leaving today,” I say, gathering up my courage. “I’ll be here for a while. And I’m good with children. Are you really looking for a nanny?”

Tobias openly stares at me now. Time seems to crawl as the hairs on the back of my neck stand up to his scrutiny. “Sorry, the position is filled.”

“Oh, that’s a shame,” Ellie says.

Heat creeps up my neck. He’s lying. It makes me angry. I know I should leave, but all I can think about is how much I want to get to know my own daughter. I want what was stolen from me. Even though I realize I freely gave her up, I feel the injustice of it all. I did what I had to, for her protection.

“How are the quilts coming along?” Tobias asks Ellie before taking another sip of his coffee.

She shakes her head. “I don’t know how we’ll get them all done in time.”

“In time?” I ask.

“We’ve got to finish ten quilts for the annual Willow Shade Festival in two weeks, but Betty got the flu and Alice’s arthritis has flared up.” She raises her eyebrows. “Maybe you can help, Kiki.”

I blink at her, not knowing what to say. I’ve never quilted anything in my life. When you look up quilter in the dictionary, you find a picture of someone who is the complete opposite of me.

Tobias seems to think Ellie’s suggestion is funny because he’s having trouble keeping a straight face. He hides it with his coffee cup. For some reason this irks me. What does he know? Maybe I’m a famous quilter. He doesn’t even know me. “Sure. I can help,” I blurt out.

Ellie clasps her hands together. “Wonderful! Come over this afternoon and I’ll show you what we’re working on.”