19. Nineteen
nineteen
GINGER
Two hours later, the deal is done, and I’m back at the Hacienda. Seeing Jenna totally sucked. Hearing the raw, brutal truth about the former star’s lingering feelings for Elliot was like dying the death of a thousand cuts, but I’m more certain than ever that this plan will catapult my career to the next level.
As I start up the front steps, Kat rushes down from the control room to greet me, strawberry locks flying high in her standard ponytail. “Marlon’s looking for you.”
I nod with confidence as I follow Kat up the walkway to the crew’s onsite headquarters, a converted two-story garage. Inside the darkened upstairs room, the monitor screens are filled with different angles of The Panel discussion in the den where they’re deciding on a challenge winner. Marlon glances at me and Kat as we enter and gives us a nod before returning his gaze to the screens. Whatever he wants must not be urgent.
While The Panel dissects the day, I pick a spot between Matt and Kat to listen in on the discussion.
“I like Hannah—I do, and she’s beautiful, but maybe she’s too intense?” Natalie is saying.
Michelle agrees. “I liked his energy with Maggie more.”
“Except they were acting like lab partners.”
“I sensed some real chemistry there.” Pen poised on her notepad, Lavonne gives herself a grin for her own cleverness.
“Your boy looked good today,” Matt mumbles from beside me.
I nod. “Good.”
“Did you...?”
I cut him a look and try to sound triumphant. “It’s happening.”
“It’ll be interesting.” Matt gestures at the monitors. “Anything’s better than this.”
Jenna’s return will take the show to a new level. Instead of merely a notion about his past, Elliot will be forced to confront it. Jenna faltered during her season with her fear of not being enough for Elliot.
At the time, I privately scoffed at Jenna’s insecurities—a gorgeous, statuesque pediatrician who has everything in the world going for her, including four men willing to leave their lives to marry her, but Elliot brought up all her deep-seated doubts about herself put there by past failed relationships.
She downplayed their obvious physical connection because she thought that being enough for Elliot meant she had to be the entire package, and no one ever truly believes they’re all that .
It’s weird the way the show works, but it does, by reminding people that it’s the little things that made a relationship work—not attraction, not passion. In the end, most of the stars and their Panels base their decision on practicality and compatibility.
And it’s depressing, frankly. A big disillusioning moment that one really must be old enough and done enough to face. There’s a reason America was pissed when Jenna’s Panel ignored her feelings for Elliot—the audience wanted to believe in the fantasy, too. But Prince Charming doesn’t slay dragons before coming home to ravish his princess. Prince Charming is a web designer who needs step-by-step instructions on how to season a roast.
And I couldn’t teach him that to save my life. I don’t have a domestic bone in my body. Maybe I should let Anise give me cooking lessons or force myself to do my own laundry instead of having it sent out once a week. I should fire my bi-weekly housekeeper and sweep my own damn floors. I can maintain a home if I want to—I clean up the Hacienda all the time.
And while I can’t picture myself ever bearing or caring for an actual child—I might have it in me somewhere. It’s biological, right? My sister managed, and we have the exact same DNA. Maybe my clock hasn’t started ticking yet. I’m only twenty-eight, and I’ve been focused on other things... It doesn’t necessarily mean I’m broken .
As The Panel disperses, I rise from my chair, readying myself to go home and drown my own insecurities in a bottle of Zinfandel. Marlon pivots my way, and we meet in the middle of the room.
“I spoke with Jenna,” he says.
“And?” My eyebrows lift in expectation and feigned confidence.
His smile is deferential. “You’re a genius. It’s exactly what we need.”
“I didn’t know if you’d go for it. Her contract...”
“We’re handling it. I know I asked you to think outside the box on this one, but you’ve gone above and beyond. Really. I didn’t think this was even a possibility... How’d you know she and Eric weren’t working?”
“I keep tabs,” I say. And anyone with eyes could see the regret on Jenna’s face when we filmed the final “reunion” episode, right before I hopped into the limo to “grab a drink” at the Hilton with Elliot. After all, he isn’t some average, well-off thirty-something good enough to pass the time with on your path to happiness. He’s Elliot Hale. And Jenna was an idiot to think she could forget him.
“She’ll be here tomorrow,” Marlon said. “We need to make a plan.”
I could puke. Tomorrow? That’s like— tomorrow .
“We also need to figure out a way to spin this so Jenna doesn’t look like a flake.”
I already thought about that. “She should meet with The Panel first. If they don’t want her back, I think we cut bait.”
“Then I’ll have her come up here tonight. I want this, Ginger. And we can give Eric a chance later if he wants—we’ll make it right for him, too, but I want Jenna and Elliot.”
“I figured you would.”
Marlon’s broad smile is so dazzling I have to fight an urge to shield my eyes.
“I’ll let Matt know to prep The Panel.” I need to speak with Kat, too. With so much to do all of a sudden, my heart won’t stop sinking.
It’s only disappointment, though. Not devastation. It’s what I get for trying to draw outside the lines. At least I got to have sex outside.
That was fun.
And it’ll have to be enough.
ELLIOT
Determined to find someone to break me free of the Hacienda after my afternoon tiling challenge with Maggie and Hannah, I returned to my guesthouse to change into my regular clothes. I’m craving a decent burger and a cold beer and am hedging my bets on Davis or Jamie to bust me off this hillside. Anything to give me a break from this alternate universe I’ve found myself in.
I take a clean gray shirt out of the closet and pull it on over my T-shirt, fastening the first button when the door to the cottage opens.
Ginger slips inside, and my pulse skyrockets.
She closes the door, leaning against it and giving me some kind of look. Not the sexy kind, though she’s always sexy. More like we need to have a serious talk.
I hesitate over the bottom button of my shirt. “What’s up?”
“We have a schedule change tomorrow.” Her eyes scan me head to toe, resting finally on my face.
My blood simmers beneath my skin. A moment ago sex was the last thing on my mind, but with her in the room, staring at me like this…it’s like the power being restored after a blackout. My entire body roars to life. I’d be hard-pressed to name any other person who’s ever had a similar effect on me. She makes me want to beg for it.
What I experienced throughout the day was the opposite of this feeling. Real problem-solving, teamwork, and communication. But the chemistry between me and Ginger burns through all those warm, fuzzy feelings—and isn’t that the problem I came there to solve? After all, no one can build a foundation beneath a structure that’s already on fire.
But I want her so much my hands are shaking.
“We’ll be shooting out back,” she says when I find myself at a loss for appropriate words.
I nod, only barely processing the information. Her unexpected presence gives me the filthiest thoughts.
Should she be here, though? After what happened with Matt?
“You and I need to debrief the day. I need you back in what you were wearing earlier.” Ginger takes a step away from the door and toward me, an eye on the bottom button I left undone.
My cock juts painfully against the fly of my pants and a tight band of tension forms around his chest. “Is that the reason you came in here?”
“Yes,” she says.
“The only reason?”
Her gaze moves to the front of my pants where she gets an eyeful of the way my cock is straining. Her tongue wets her lips, and she swallows. “I should go...”
“I could use a minute.”
“How are you gonna—” She stops herself, giving her head a firm shake. She heads back to the door. “None of my business.”
At this point I’d kill to make myself her only business. Forever and not for a season.
“I won’t miraculously stop wanting you, Ginger,” I say as her hand grips the doorknob. “No matter how many women they think I’m compatible with.”
“We got caught, Elliot. It’s over. It’s been over.”
The words aren’t a wet blanket this time. They’re a knife to the heart. It’s surreal how much they hurt. More than I want to touch her, I want to mean something to her—to matter. There’s no point going through the motions anymore.
It’s clear to me now. I’ll ruin the show as sure as I’m standing here. Better to leave before anyone gets too invested. “I can’t do this,” I say.
She turns, a frown on her face. “The interview?”
I hold out both arms, a gesture at our surroundings. “This. It was a mistake. I need to quit.”
“Jesus, Elliot, not this again. Your contract says?—”
“I know what it says. I know you can sue me. But I quit, and you might want to let your people know ’cause it’s the only thing I’ll be talking about in your interview.”
GINGER
Elliot’s expression is tense, unyielding. He means every word, but I can’t let him go through with it, not when we’re so close to giving him what he came back for.
One more day.
Literally all I need is one more day, and I’ll deliver him the girl of his dreams. “Look—if this is about me, I’ll talk to Matt. He already said he’d produce you. It’s not a problem.”
Elliot grabs hold of his crotch in a lewd, yet effective, display. “ This is a problem.” He lets go, just as fast, turning his back on me and shoving his hands through his hair in frustration.
I can barely breathe. His frustration pulls at me. Everything in me wants to touch him, smooth out all his doubts.
“I want out,” he says. “I don’t want this. Find someone else. This isn’t me. I never should have come back here.”
Unable to tolerate the despair in his voice, I cross the room, hands up to touch him, but stopping short. “Elliot, please.”
He stiffens, turning around only to startle at how close I’m standing. He holds up both hands to keep me away. “I need you to go. I’ll be ready in a minute.”
“I can’t let you blow this all up in an interview.”
“You can’t stop me.”
“I can’t lose you!” My words shock us both.
For a second he looks hopeful, but the expression on his face shatters in a heartbeat. “For the show you mean.”
I try to keep my face blank. “What else would I mean?”
His features set, eyes direct and determined an instant before he takes me by the waist and pulls me flush against him. “For us ,” he says. His eyes search mine, his brow furrowed with anxiety or pain. Or maybe it’s confusion, like I’m feeling. Who are we, and what the hell do we think we’re doing?
Before I have any answers, I’m kissing him, pressing my lips to his and driving my tongue into his open mouth.
He responds with impossibly more need. The kiss becomes the most passionate one we’ve ever shared, like there’s something deep inside the other we can’t get at any other way. I cling to him, incredibly desperate, both to kiss him and to claim him.
This isn’t like me. It makes no sense. I shouldn’t have any feelings for him. I shouldn’t even be here. But physically there’s nothing I want more. Worse, I think I need it. We kiss forever. Hands in hair, arms wrapping and releasing, panting breaths that only fuel the desire for more. “Touch me,” I whisper.
His hand shoves into my pants from behind, long fingers finding their way beneath my panties and around my ass, entering me and bringing me even closer to him.
I gasp in surprise as my body squeezes to lock his fingers in place. I still can’t shake the feeling he belongs to me. It makes him so, so hard to let go.
His fingers move in a driving rhythm, met halfway by my pulsing hips against his fully erect cock. I won’t last. Few things on earth feel this fucking good. Depraved and lustful— wanton with desire—I shatter and come on his hand, my teeth driving into his collarbone to keep quiet while my world blows completely apart.
“Feel how hard I am for you,” he whispers.
“I can’t...” God, I want to, though. I want to take him in my mouth, taste every inch of him.
His mouth takes hold of mine again, and he walks me into a wall, hips pressed close to keep me in place.
“God, Elliot, someone’s gonna come in.”
“Everyone else knocks first.”
“The crew is waiting for us.”
“I’ll make it fast.” He gives me another kiss that vibrates the insides of my bones.
Grabbing a condom from his nearby nightstand, he doesn’t waste another second. His pants are undone in less than a heartbeat, and he’s already pushed mine down to my knees. While he rolls on the condom, I kick my pants off the rest of the way. In a scorching-hot show of desire and dominance, he lifts my body and presses me against the wall. His hands on my bare ass, he grinds his rigid cock into my crotch and inhales my neck with his mouth.
I try to catch my breath. His body burns like it’s on fire. Lucky for him, I’m soaking wet. With one slide of his cock through my drenched center, the problem is solved. I gasp at the suddenness but can’t deny for a moment it isn’t exactly what I need.
Shuddering still, he breathes, his forehead against mine. In a moment, everything relaxes between us. Like we’ve crossed some finish line.
Something twists in my heart, a pinch of painful longing. I hug him close and breathe him in as my body melts into his. His cock twitches inside me, bringing us both back to the present. I clench around him. “Hurry,” I whisper.
He gives a rough shove upward, and my walls close down tight.
“Fuck,” he groans. “You feel perfect.”
Taking his face in my hands, I bring his mouth back into alignment with my own. I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone so much. “You’re ruining my life.”
“I don’t know how to stop.” He thrusts up again, stilling at the top.
I quiver, full and satisfied. Complete. My breasts rub hard against his chest as he pumps himself deeper and deeper inside me.
“How are you so hot?” His hands tighten in her hair. “Fuck... Can you feel how much I want you?”
His words take everything to the next level. “Yeah.”
“I can’t think about anything else. I want you so much.” His movements gain momentum until I’m bouncing on his dick. His hips circle, and he pulls all the way out before shoving his cock back in.
“ Oh my God... ”
“Do you want me like this? Do you want me the way I want you?”
I nod, unable to speak. I’m gasping for air. He thrusts into me again. “Tell me.”
“Yes, shit ... oh God ... yes .”
“Tell me we can have this.”
Biting his lower lip, I open my mouth wide against his, my fingers frantic in his hair.
He sinks his tongue in as deep as his cock. The kiss undoes me, lighting the fuse of an orgasm that obliterates all reason.
“ Elliot! ”
I shudder around him, my mind reeling from the overwhelming sensation as his hands grab the flesh of my ass. Bucking against me, he grunts as his own release takes hold, tightening his muscles and sending a seismic quake through his entire body. His pleasure penetrates every inch of me.
I run my fingers through his hair, a fine mist of sweat making him glow, dampening his dark, thick locks. “Please don’t go,” I say, and I can’t say for sure what I mean by it.
His forehead comes to rest against mine again. “I can’t stay if I can’t have you.”
I crash back down to my senses. “Then we both lose everything. How’s that a happy ending?”
To make my point for me, several texts erupt from my phone, which lies, discarded with my pants, at Elliot’s feet.
I find my footing and take in the state the two of us are in. Disheveled would be putting it mildly. “Please put yourself back together so we can finish the afternoon.”
Picking my pants up off the floor, I shoulder past him to the small bathroom, wetting a hand towel and using it to wipe myself off.
Elliot appears next to me, taking the towel and using it on himself before refastening his pants. I deal with my hair because he made a mess of that, too. Do your job, Ginger.
“Nothing’s set in stone, Elliot. If you come down and do a normal interview with me about the day, we can pretend this never happened.”
“I can’t do that.”
Furious with myself and with him, I pin him with a glare. Without my pants on, I have to compensate with a commanding tone. “I can’t let you go out there and blow the show to pieces. The network would sue you, and life as you know it would be over. And I could lose my job. This is fun, but it’s not worth that.”
His jaw ticks. “It’s not fun .”
“Then what is it?” The second the question leaves my mouth, I’m positive I don’t want an answer.
His lips part with a ready reply, one I’m certain, judging by the look on his face, would scare the shit out of me, but he blinks, closing his mouth and changing course. “I guess it’s nothing. According to you.”
Can I let him think that? Go on about my day as if the way he seems not only to want me but need me doesn’t mean anything to me? I should, of course. For the show. But standing in this small room, the two of us, alone, it’s hard to lie. Not when, for the first time in forever, I’m feeling something for the man beside me. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. If he’ll agree to stick around one more day, then Jenna will be here to soothe all his wounded pride and make his life good again.
The idea hurts like a kick to the chest. But it’s still the job. It’s still my future.
I put my pants on. “Can you please try to get through the rest of this week? If you still don’t think there’s anything here for you, then maybe we can figure something out.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, Elliot.” My head snaps up the second I zip my zipper. “I’ve never been in this situation before.”
“What’s one more week gonna do?” he asks.
“It’ll give me some time.”
“If I give you one more week, then I want something in return.”
I don’t like the sound of this. “What?”
“A night.”
My heart stutters so hard, I cough. “ What? ”
“One night. With you.”
“We can’t—why would I—why?”
“It’s my condition.”
Goddamn this guy again . He’s so good at exploiting my weaknesses it’s like he has a manual on how to operate me. I’m so tempted.
In a night, I could explore all the parts of him I haven’t yet been able to in our rushes to the finish line. I might even be able to have my fill, add the notch to my bedpost and move on with my life. And he can move on with Jenna.
No.
It’s absurd. I refuse. “We’d get caught.”
“Not if I come to your place.” With his hand on my hip, he moves closer. “Or do you have cameras in the ceiling there, too?”
While he inhales my hair, I can’t resist the chance to explore his chest with my fingertips, the hard lines of him beneath his shirt. “You’d never be able to get away,” I say.
“I’d figure something out.”
“It’s a terrible idea.”
His mouth meets my neck and heat explodes from the spot, melting my limbs all over again. Why can’t I say no to him? It’s such an easy word, and I’ve said it more than a million times. He’s breaking me piece by piece. “It’s one night,” he whispers.
So was the night at the Hilton. The night in the woods. It’s never just once with him.
“One night, and it’s over,” I tell him. I need him to say it, too.
“We’ll see...” He licks his way up my neck to my jaw, closing his mouth around a lingering kiss beneath my ear.
“You have to promise. If I say it’s over, you have to let it be over.”
“Only if you mean it.”
“When I say it, I’ll mean it.”
Like he can’t help himself, his lips meet mine, first like a sip, and then like a long draw from some well he’s found inside me. A kiss made of pure longing, searching and deep.
Unwilling to let myself get completely lost in it, I break away, my own thoughts barely making sense. “You have to finish the day first.”
“I’ll meet you in a minute.” He brushes his hands over the shoulders of my jacket, straightening it where it’s bunched.
I step around him and leave the bathroom, checking my pocket for my phone. Once I’m sure I’m not leaving anything behind except the man I want more than I want to breathe, I exit the guesthouse.
“Jesus Christ, there you are. What the fuck?”
Kat’s tone is abrasive as she catches me coming out the door.
Cornered, I have to think fast and act innocent. Voiding my face of all guilt and regret, I walk past Kat with purpose. “Sorry—he was ranting about Amanda. I had to tell him she wouldn’t be staying.”
Kat grabs me by the back of the arm, yanking me to a stop. “Ginger, cut the shit. I talked to Matt.”