Chapter 50 Kip
KIP
After almost three hours of walking, my phone was finally in range.
The only person I wanted to see was Holland.
I couldn’t handle facing Death and Dope yet.
Even with the long walk, my mind was spinning out.
Guilt, anger, then depression cycled through me like a hurricane, dragging me out to sea after every horrible cycle.
I needed my little ghost. I needed to hold her, feel her warmth against me as I searched for any good in my dark, fucked-up world.
When I tracked her car, the map showed she was almost there, and I looked around my surroundings.
I was in the middle of fucking nowhere with open fields and no landmarks.
I added a pin to the map to find the cross later.
I tugged on my necklace, releasing the catch, then found a safe place about ten steps off the road.
I kicked at the dirt until I’d dug a shallow hole with my shoe.
I placed the cross in the ground, then covered it back up.
Hopefully, it would be safe until I could return and have Dope help me remove any tracking and video equipment.
It was another ten minutes before she pulled up on the country road next to me. Exhausted, I climbed into the car.
“Kip.” She grabbed me and kissed my mouth. “Are you okay? What happened?” She rubbed my arm, her gaze scanning me from head to toe, worry clouding her expression.
“It’s a long story, but your father said hello.” I rubbed my face, my hands and body covered in dirt from walking through the woods.
“Shit. You were with him?” The muscles in her shoulders visibly tensed as she shifted into drive and made a U-turn.
“Yeah. I would love a shower and some food before we talk. I’m okay. You’re safe. I’m safe, so please don’t worry.” I reached out and stroked the back of her head, red strands feeling like silk beneath my fingertips. “I love you, Holland. And if it matters to you, we have your father’s blessing.”
Her jaw clenched for a second. “He found you because of me?”
“No, babe. He found you because of me.” I leaned back in the seat, sinking into the soft leather of her rental car.
Did she realize she could return it now that Cooper and Draco were dead?
At least those fuckers wouldn’t mess with her again.
Her father and I had made sure of that. My stomach rolled with the looming conversation.
“I know it’s a big favor to ask you to wait, but I need to wrap my head around what happened. It was only a conversation, but it was a big one.”
“Okay. But you promise you’re okay? He didn’t hurt you?”
“No. He didn’t touch me. His goons did, but … fuck. They ran me off the road and I’m pretty sure my car is totaled. Not to mention they knocked me out, so I have a killer headache.”
“Kip! You could have died.” She dared a quick glance at me, tears welling in her eyes.
“I love that my little ghost worries about me, but baby, I’ve lived through a helluva lot worse. I’m fine.”
She nodded and followed with a little sniffle.
“Here’s what I’m super clear on. I love you. I hope like hell you can say the same after I tell you everything.”
“Why would that change? You know I love you. We’ve walked through hell and back, and we’re still here for each other. Don’t doubt me now. I love my monster.” She flashed me a sweet smile, and my heart melted in my chest.
Holland had no idea how much good was in her. The darkness too, but she genuinely cared about most people. She wanted to help. She was a much better person than I was. Reaching for her hand, I leaned my head against the seat, willing the cold reality to stop fucking with me for just a little bit.
Finally, clean and fed, I sank into Holland’s couch, and she settled in next to me. I turned to look at her and trailed my fingertips down her cheek.
“Thanks for feeding me. I feel a bit better after eating.”
“Of course. How’s your head feeling? Do you need some Advil?” She kissed my knuckles.
“I’ll get some later. I want your help, Holland.”
Her expression softened. “Whatever you need.”
“The Pied Piper has been in our lives for a long time without us even realizing it. I learned just how much today.” I swallowed the lump of betrayal down, willing my food to stop churning in my gut.
“I got answers. You were right. I was brainwashed, programmed. When Mother shot me up with heroin, the Pied Piper brought in a man to reprogram my mind. I saw myself kill a young redhead and a man take a bullet to the forehead. Lies. All of it. They kept me drugged and played movies, convincing me I’d done horrible things.
Then Mother would keep me in the basement, chained, alone, and hungry.
But that was better than her carving up my skin, forcing me to repent for sins I never committed. ”
“Her depravity continues to shock me. She was sick and straight up evil. I’m so glad she’s gone. I don’t regret any of what I did.”
I leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss. “Me too. I thought we made a good team.” I attempted a cocky grin, but it faltered.
I grew silent, preparing myself to tell her the worst part. “I buried my cross where you picked me up. I’ll have to get it later.”
She shook her head, confused. “Why?”
“Because the Pied Piper has used it to track and spy on me for years. I’ve had that cross since I took it from Mother when I was a teenager.”
Her cheeks paled, and I assumed she was thinking what I had.
“He swore he didn’t watch when I used the cross on you.”
She swallowed hard. “Do you believe him?”
I rubbed the back of my head where the throbbing distracted me.
“Yeah. I don’t think he lied to me. He said he’d planted me to keep an eye on Death.”
Her hand flew to her mouth and she gasped. “Oh, Kip. I’m so sorry.”
“Not nearly as sorry as I am. I betrayed the only family that ever fucking mattered. The ones who saw me—really saw me—and stayed anyway. I brought the Pied Piper into our lives …” My words were heavy with guilt and grief.
“No. No, that’s not true. He was with us all along. You said it yourself. Death will understand.”
I barked out a laugh. “Not so sure about that. He’ll probably beat my ass. He might not kill me, but I don’t know.”
“Don’t say that, babe. You’re brothers. I’m sure Ella and Dope can help manage the situation.”
“I’ll need to talk to them first and let them know.
I’ll need Dope to help me with my cross anyway.
I asked the Pied Piper why he was telling me about how he used me and the crucifix, and he just said he didn’t need me anymore at least not the way he used to.
He also said it was time to come home and work for him, both Death and me. You too.”
Her hands fisted and a flush crept up her neck.
“Fuck him. Fuck him for all the pain he’s caused.
Fuck him for selling me and hurting you.
It’s a twisted game to him. If he breaks us down, he can rebuild us how he wants.
It’s Psych 101. He’s a master manipulator, but I’m his daughter, and I will figure a way to bring him down. ”
I grabbed her face and kissed her, hard. “I love you, Holland. I love your mind. Your body. Your soul. He’s right about one thing. We belong together.”
She kissed me back, her lips warm and inviting against mine. “I love you too, baby. We will figure this out,” she said against my mouth.
I released Holland and settled back against the couch, placing my palm on her thigh.
“What else did he say?” she asked.
“Just filled in the gaps of my blackouts. I was meeting him and telling him what Death was up to, reporting on him.” A lead ball formed in my stomach, and I felt ill all over again.
“Jesus. I thought you were still being controlled. What about now? Did he say?”
A flicker of unease coiled in my chest. If the Pied Piper still had hooks in me … what else had I done?
“No. I’m not sure how to break that connection, honestly.
Do you?” Hope flickered to life in my chest. “Do you think I can break free from him, Holland?” I was so busy spinning out over betraying my friends, it hadn’t occurred to me that he could still control me.
The cross meant nothing if I was still under his power.
“I can help. I don’t know if it will work, but I had a similar experience with a patient. He broke free. I trust you can too.”
“Okay. What do I have to do?”
She took my hand in hers. “First, I wanted to tell you that I was with Ella and Dope at his house. We verified that the Pied Piper is my biological father. Well, as Dope said, it’s not a DNA test, but he found old chat threads where the Pied Piper had claimed me as his …
then sold me.” She closed her eyes, and I squeezed her hand, wishing I could erase all the pain.
Holland looked at me. “So, there’s that.
But.” Her voice trailed off. “Something else happened.” Worry flickered through her expression.
“There was an image of a boy, and he had a tattoo on his arm. A tattoo of a rabbit with its neck snapped.”
I stared at her, hard. My thoughts whipped around inside my head. “I know that tattoo.”
“I do too, now. Dope said he got the tattoo when he was drunk one night, but he didn’t remember anything. It was somehow there the next day.”
“Fuck.” I jumped off the couch. “This was in the thread with the information about the Pied Piper?”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck!” I grabbed the back of the couch, shaking with anger. “Dope is mixed up in all of this somehow?”
“That’s my best guess. When Dope thought Ella and I weren’t looking, he saved the file. He pretended it was no big deal, but something happened. That rabbit tied him to the Pied Piper. So even if you did spy on them for that motherfucker, Death and Dope were already connected, Kip.”
I resisted the overwhelming urge to send my fist into the wall. Instead, I paced the living room with my arms glued to my sides so I wouldn’t hit something.
“What time is it?” I asked, more to myself, as I looked at my watch. It was almost nine at night. Even though I was exhausted, I was too wired to sleep.
“I can’t sit by while the Pied Piper is ruining everyone I care about. I need to talk to Dope and Death and face the consequences.”
“I know that won’t be easy, babe. What do you think about seeing if we can break the connection first and then you’ll have something positive to bring to the table? The betrayal won’t sting so bad that way.”
“Is it wrong to say that your brain is as sexy as your body?”
Holland laughed. “I love that you said that. Thank you. And I promise after this is over...” She stood and walked over to me, slipping her arms around my waist. “That I’ll reward you.
” Pushing up on her tiptoes, she kissed me.
“I think nighttime will work best to see if we can break the hold over you. Basically, we have to take you back to the night it happened.”
I gritted my teeth, all the years of thinking I’d killed Samantha, all the horrible things I’d done were about to end. A part of me knew the truth, and I hoped it was enough to set me free from the Pied Piper’s control. There was only one way to find out.
“Do it,” I said. “Let’s rip the monster out by the root.”