Believe In Us (Servite Academy #3)

Chapter 28

Chapter

Twenty-Eight

JADE

I t’s 3 a.m. The room is alarmingly cold, the walls closing in making me feel nauseatingly claustrophobic, as a crickets' shrill chirps from outside my window ring loudly in my ear, and the bright street lamp shines through the small crack of the blackout curtains nearly blinding me. I’ve been lying awake in bed beside a snoring Stella for over an hour afraid if I sit or move I’m going to puke. I don’t want to puke, not again, and definitely not in front of Stella. Surprisingly, she hasn’t noticed I haven’t been drinking, which to be honest is a major red flag, or if she has she hasn’t brought it up. I’ve been scarfing food down like a crazy person but I admit I’ve always had a pretty strong appetite, especially for anything fried, greasy, and with artery clogging properties. Which reminds me, I could really use a snack.

I slowly, without making too much noise, sit up creeping out of the queen size bed in Drake’s bedroom. Since Jaxon went to stay at the dorms with Ruby, I figured we would stay in his room since it is the smaller of the three but still roughly the size of our rooms back at the academy. However, Drake insisted we stay in his room, the biggest, yet the only one with an attached bathroom. He figured it would give us some added privacy and he and Kai could use the other one down the hall. I must admit it was quite thoughtful of him and totally uncommon.

I find it somewhat hard to navigate through the room in the dark, however there isn’t much furniture to bump into. My mouth waters as I remember the donut’s I stored in the pantry away from Kai’s sneaky hands, but just as I head toward the door, an eerily familiar metallic pang hits my throat as my head goes woozy. Fuck. It’s been almost six days since the last time I puked, the day I confronted Roman. I thought that stage of pregnancy was done and over once you went into the second trimester. Lucky for me, the bathroom is straight ahead.

After puking away last night’s dinner, loudly I might add, I head out to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I try my hardest to keep quiet but fail miserably as I crash into the small dining table.

“Fuck,” I curse out quietly limping further into the room.

“Can’t sleep?” asks a deep voice coming from within the darkness. Kai. I look around the room but can’t see anyone until he finally reveals himself, sitting on the single recliner facing me, his legs spread, elbows leaning on his knees, and his head resting in his palms. He rubs his chin a few times, seemingly anxious or frustrated before he continues, “Same here.”

“You usually up this late?” I ask him, as I move to sit on the couch across from him.

He sighs loudly, leaning back against the recliner, “The demons are restless this late at night, too loud and too fucking needy, it’s nearly impossible to catch a wink of sleep.” I can hear the pain in his voice, thick, coarse, and coated in sorrow. I almost feel like an idiot for complaining about my trivial problems when someone like Kai has things ten times worse. I don’t know the extent of what happened to him as a child before he arrived at the Grayson’s Foster House at age eleven, but I do know it’s something that’s scarred my best friend in more ways than one.

Scarlett and the guys are the only ones who know the truth, and that’s just because she overheard him when he confessed it all to Drake. She didn’t tell me, I didn’t ask. Those kinds of things aren’t broadcasted to the world and it’s a sort of code between us foster kids that we don’t ask about our past, our pitiful sob stories. One night a few years ago, we had a bonfire down at the beach near Pleasant Hills and we all made a pact. It was the day we became a family, brother’s, and sister’s, forever friends. We swore to each other we’d always remain connected, we’d begin a new life forgetting all about our past one, yet it looks like we all have problems letting go.

Falling back onto the couch I stare up at the ceiling, “Yeah I guess I just learned to tune mine out, or they stopped talking altogether and left. People tend to leave me; I wouldn’t be surprised if my demons figured they’d be better off without me too.”

“I’m still here,” he whispers, and I’m not sure if he meant for me to hear it. However, I know he means every word, Kai is anything but a liar. He may hide his truths behind his promiscuous and playful facade, but when it matters you can count on hearing the truth from him. Except when it comes to Stella Silver. I’m afraid my dear friend has gotten under his skin and he has no fucking clue what to do about it.

“Even if I keep her?” I ask, referring to my tight friendship with Stella.

His face goes rigid at my remark. I knew it. “Jade,” he mutters, taking a deep breath, “I’m still here and I always will be, and Stella,” he whispers exhaling, “I’m doing her a favor. She’s too good, too pure, my demons too powerful they would tear her to pieces in a matter of seconds, and worse of all they’d fucking enjoy it.”

“She’s not as innocent as she seems to be, Kai. Stella’s been through a hell of a lot too, she has demons of her own that I’m sure could give yours a run for their money. ”

“Yeah I know, that’s not something I’m not aware of. She’s hurting, she’s been hurt before, but that is exactly why I can’t go there.” He runs a hand through his shaggy, brown hair, tugging his curls slightly. “I’m fucked up Jade, screwed in every way possible, and unlike you, my cracks can’t be fixed.”

I wince at the sadness of his words and how true I know they are to him. That’s the thing about us orphans, people may tell us over and over that we can overcome everything we’ve been dealt, that we are not the products of our upbringing, but the truth is, unless you’ve lived our lives, there is no way you can understand how hard it is to believe it for yourself.

Talk about insecurities.

I lay my head down on the couch's armrest, stretching my legs out until I’m flat on my back. “I know Malachi, I know.”

For once, sleep comes without a damn worry.

“You think she can hear us?” Stella whispers, hovering over me. My eyes are closed but I can feel her hot breath against my cheek. She smells of her homemade spearmint and eucalyptus toothpaste.

“Nah she’s out like a light, I mean she was snoring just moments ago.” That’s Drake, moving about the room, his voice not as close as hers.

“Wakey, wakey sleeping beauty,” Kai mocks, as he sits at my feet. He grabs my legs, lifting them and throwing them over his lap. I open my eyes slowly, finding all three of them staring down at me with happy-go-lucky grins. “We’re going out Wolfe. Jax and Ruby are meeting us down at Scottie’s for breakfast, well it’ll be lunch by the time we get down there.”

“Yeah luckily they serve breakfast all day because I’m in need of some french toast and waffles after all the fucking weed we smoked last night,” Drake murmurs, rubbing his hand over his tired eyes.

Stella turns to face him, “Yeah where’d you run off to Damon? You were out like all night,” she asks, her inquiry, which sounds more like jealousy, stunning the three of us.

I notice Drake's expression turns serious for a moment before a playful grin appears. He walks over to where Stella stands, throwing an arm over her shoulder, “Keeping tabs on me Silver?” he asks, with a playful wink.

My vision focuses as I sit up and notice they’re already dressed. Drake wears black jeans and a black V-neck shirt, a shiny gold chain hanging around his neck. Real gold, interesting. Stella is in her usual pleated skirt, this one dark blue and seemingly shorter, paired off with tan booties, and a light brown sweater. Kai’s wearing blue ripped jeans and a white short-sleeve, button up shirt, buttoned only halfway, exposing his hairless, tanned chest, and here I am, in old sweatpants and matching hoodie.

“No, I mean I assume you stayed out pretty late,” Stella answers, nervously twirling her hair. However, I don’t think she’s aware that by doing so, it kind of looks like she’s flirting back. Kai’s anxious chuckle proves I’m not the only one who sees it. Drake and Stella have been flirty with each other since she arrived five days ago, and now I’m not sure I understand what it means.

Drake pulls her in closer, “I’m just messing with you Stella. I was out pretty late and now I’m starving so Jade, get the fuck up already and go get dressed.”

“Alright I’m up, no need to get all hangry on me Dragon.”

Drake laughs, tightening his hold on Stella, “By the way, why’d you sleep on the couch? The bed we so graciously let you stay in isn’t big enough for the two of you?”

I turn to Kai, who’s glaring at Drake's arm still draped around her, his eyes shifting to meet my gaze as he senses me watching him. “I couldn’t sleep, came out for some water, guess I ended up knocking out on the couch. ”

Drake walks Stella toward the front door, grabbing his car keys hung up on the wall, but looks back over his shoulder before he turns the doorknob. “We’ll wait for you two in the car,” he says, winking at Kai and me, as he and Stella disappear into the hall. I turn to Kai whose eyes are dark and filled with fury.

“What the fuck was that about?” I ask out loud, but he simply shakes his head laughing lightly.

“Not a fucking clue,” he answers, walking over to the fridge to grab a beer. It’s ten a.m., but I’m not questioning him, nor judging. Not after the little scene that played out in front of us just moments ago. There is nothing worse than the person you are crushing on, whether you are in denial or not, crushing on someone else, and don’t I know it.

Twenty minutes later we’re pulling into the dinner in Drake’s new coupe. The ride here was scary quiet, as in no one said a fucking word. Nothing but the blaring of the speakers, which were bumping MGK’s hit My Ex’s Best Friend , were heard. However, the loud music was better than whatever was bound to follow the little moment which transpired between Stella and Drake back at the apartment. Kai sits beside me in the back seat, glaring out the window to his left, his fists gripping the seat tightly.

Not to our surprise, by the time I finished getting dressed and walked down to the parking lot with Kai, Stella was sitting in the passenger seat with Drake holding her hand in his and bringing it up to his mouth. They’re getting more obvious and daring with their flirting and it’s definitely raising more questions in me. I need to get to the bottom of it tonight.

We walk into Scottie’s and find Jax and Ruby already sitting in a booth toward the back of the diner. Without waiting to be greeted Drake and Stella walk arm and arm over to the booth with Kai and I trailing behind them. I speed up trying to squeeze my way between the two of them but it’s useless. Drake slides into the booth behind Stella leaving me to sit at the edge.

“Finally y’all decide to show up,” Ruby scoffs, as an angry Kai slides in beside her.

Kai reaches an arm over the back of the seat behind Ruby, “You know your brother, Drake and his slow ass fucking driving, you’d think there was an old man behind the wheel.”

“Can’t be too careful when I have precious cargo Saint,” Drake replies, calling Kai by his last name.

Though before they can continue bickering, we’re interrupted by a young girl dressed in the diner uniform. “Hi, I’m Kelly, what can I get for you?” asks the young waitress with short brown hair, who nervously looks down at her notepad trying her hardest to avoid making eye contact with the guys who are obviously checking her out. She’s pretty, doesn’t look much older than us, and has the same shy girl vibe I got from Stella when we first met. Though now Stella is a sassy little firecracker, who is currently flirting and playing with fire. Everyone can see it now, the Dragon has even noticed which wasn’t much of a shock that he slid into the booth right behind Stella, leaving me to sit on the edge with Ruby, Jax, and Kai across from us in that order.

“Well hello there,” Jax says, leaning over the table to gawk at Kelly, the cute waitress. Ruby rolls her eyes smacking him over the head and causing him to cry out in protest. “Ow babe, what was that for? I was just being polite and saying hi.”

“Yeah I bet you were,” Ruby sneers, crossing her arms over her chest. I’ve honestly never understood why Ruby has stayed with Jaxon. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jax and can definitely see the appeal. Dark hair, big hazel eyes, an angular jawline covered in a slight stubble, he’s hot, like young Johnny Depp hot. Not to mention his laid-back attitude is a great contrast to the cynicism flowing through the rest of us, but just like any teenage guy, he’s a fucking slut, always hitting on other girls with Ruby standing right beside him. As for Ruby, well the Red Dragon is fucking sexy as hell and way out of his league. Although she can be a huge bitch, most of the time, she deserves better than that.

“Screw you guys I’m fucking starving. I’ll have the french toast and waffles plate, with a side of bacon, extra crispy, and a coke,” Drake orders, handing his menu to the waitress.

The waitress scribbles down his order then turns her attention to Stella. “I’ll have the chicken club wrap with fries,” Stella follows, as Drake takes the menu from her and passes it down to Kelly.

“Are you going to share your fries with me Stella?” Drake whispers to her, yet loud enough for the rest of us to hear. Stella giggles softly as she tucks her hair behind her ear, a nervous tick I’ve noticed she does every time he flirts with her.

I notice Kai’s jaw stiffening at the same time Ruby’s eyebrows raise in question. Ignoring them, I quickly turn back to Kelly and order before these two say something that causes an even more awkward riff. “I’ll have the avocado bacon cheeseburger with Cajun fries, a side of onion rings, and a chocolate banana milkshake. Oh and I’ll also get the small order of the breakfast nachos,” I say, as Kelly quickly jots my whole order down.

All heads turn to me, jaws dropped, eyes wide, and unbelieving stares plastered over their faces.

“Are you ordering for all of us Jade?” Ruby asks, and the table bursts out in loud laughter.

“No Ruby, I’m just starving.”

The rest of the group follows and places their orders with Kelly who then runs off to the kitchen to put in our meals. There is an awkward silence for a moment, before Drake, who still has his arm around the backside of Stella’s seat, once again leans his head down to her and whispers something, inaudible to the rest of us, but whatever it was causes a deep blush to caress her cheeks.

“Okay what the fuck?” Ruby blurts out, saying out loud what all of us are thinking.

Drake throws his head back cursing to himself before looking down to face his sister, “Did you say something sis?” he asks sarcastically, even though he evidently heard her.

“Yeah I did brother, what the fuck? Since when are you and Silver here all chummy?” Ruby asks, all eyes now on Stella whose arms are crossed over her chest, looking like she wishes she could slide under the table and hide.

“We’ve always been friends,” Drake says, ignoring Ruby’s clear insinuation.

“You know that’s not what I mean Drake. You’re being playful, flirting like a middle schooler, and have been touching her every chance you get since we sat down. What gives?” It’s Ruby now who has her arms crossed over her chest, pushing up the sexy cleavage she’s baring in the low-cut bodysuit she’s paired with jeans.

“I honestly don’t get why you’re getting all worked up, Ruby. Stella and I are both single, we’re friends, so what if we want to have a little fun, right Silver?” Stella’s earlier blush is now a deep crimson blanket covering her entire face and neck.

But before she can respond, Kai lets out a loud, scornful laugh.

“You have something to say Saint?” Drake asks, sitting up and facing his best friend who glares angrily in his direction. Seeing these two go head-to-head like this is unsettling. They’ve always been the best of friends, their bond unbreakable, but the way they're acting right this moment, taunting each other like this, it’s worrying.

“Not a damn thing Drake, not a damn thing,” Kai answers, no longer bothering to look their way.

“Anyways,” Jaxon interjects, “Jade mind telling us where you plan on shoving all that food you just ordered?”

“Yeah what gives bitch? I know you eat a lot but you ordered enough to feed this entire table,” Ruby adds.

I laugh pointing at the guys at the table, “Have you seen these guys, no way that would be enough to fill their stomachs. Besides you now I always go overboard when I order hungry,” I say hoping my nonchalant attitude keeps them off my tail .

“Yeah I guess, this wouldn’t have anything to do with the whole reason you're staying at the guy's apartment, would it? You know, it starts with Sebastian and ends in Silver.” I glare at Ruby who looks obviously pleased with her comment. Fucking bitch.

“Yeah about that Jade,” Kai chimes in, “I mean we’re cool with you staying and all and have been rather good at not asking about what we saw go down the other day, but you mind filling us in on what the hell is up with you and the stuck up, broody as fuck Horseman.”

“No,” I state matter-of -fact, just as Kelly comes back with our meals.

“Jade we didn’t mean to piss you off okay, we’re just worried about you,” Kai shouts out at me, as they follow me into the apartment. I’ve given them the silent treatment since their interrogation at the diner, which frankly left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. The rest of the afternoon was bleak, everyone ate making small talk but never once bringing up Sebastian, that is until we were leaving. Then Kai thought it would be funny to comment on the fact that Casey told him Kinsley said her and Sebastian would be taking things to the next level after graduation, whatever the fuck that means. Not to be overdramatic or anything, but I may or may not have stormed out of the diner after that.

Once inside the apartment, I head over to the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge, then lean back against the counter chugging the water down in one big gulp. The car ride here made me terribly nauseous and the last thing I want is to throw up in the middle of the afternoon, in front of the three of them. Drake, Kai, and Stella all watch me with careful eyes, like they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing or something to set me off. I've been pretty chill lately but I’ve been known to have a few erratic outbursts in the past .

Drake steps in closer to me reaching out to grab my arm but chooses to pull back at the last minute. Instead he runs his hand through his hair taking a step back, “He’s right Wolfe, we don’t mean to be getting in your business, we have no right to.”

“Yeah you bet your ass you don’t,” I blurt out, interrupting Drake’s speech.

“Well either way we’re worried about you okay, you’re just not yourself Wolfe, you haven’t been for a while. We saw it happen to Scarlett when we first arrived at this place. She started acting out of character, keeping shit from us, hanging around them , and look where it all got her. She was nearly fucking killed Jade,” Drake utters, a helpless sadness still heard in the tone of his voice.

I look up at Drake with wide eyes, stunned that he knows the extent of what occurred that night at Servite Manor. I know Ace told them about why Wesley Servite and Franco Marchesi were after her, but that was before that night everything went down. Though now I wonder if this means they know everything, even about Roman.

Reading my mind, Drake moves to lean against the counter, “Yeah we know, we remember. After that day we went with you to the safe house Ace was staying at, we did some digging of our own. Kai’s quite resourceful given his connections with The Cobras down in Pleasant Hills. We found out who Macallan, well Marchesi, was working with. We followed his accomplice and wound up…”

“Here,” I whisper, finishing Drake's sentence. They followed Roman, and he brought them here to his apartment. They knew. My heart falls to my feet, thoughts of everyone knowing about Roman poisoning my mind making me once again feel the bitter kiss of betrayal.

“Don’t Jade,” Kai mumbles, as if also reading my mind. It’s like he can see the wheels of doubt turning in my head, connecting all the dots, and putting all the pieces together. They knew about Roman, but did they know who he was ?

“We didn’t know it at first, didn’t make the connection, even though if I’m being honest it should have been clear as day. I mean you look identical,” Kai jokes, but no one is laughing. Stella stands beside me, and just like I am she's obviously piecing everything together. “We convinced him to help us locate Scar, little did we know Ace had already gone to her.”

“But then the accident happened,” Drake continues, my gaze now falling on him. “When Scar went to follow him, when she disappeared with Alek, we contacted Roman, told him she was in danger. It was then that he reached out to Scar’s dad and well, you know the rest.”

That’s when all hell broke loose. According to Stella, Ace was kidnapped by his uncle, who turns out was actually his father. Then Scarlett showed up and they were nearly killed by Wesley, only Marchesi, who was pretending to be Macallan our English Professor, showed up first and told Wesley that Lilith was the one who killed Marchesi’s sister Gianna, the love of Wesley’s life, causing him to shoot Lilith for betraying him. Then Marchesi shot Wesley and threatened to kill Ace and Scar only Scar’s biological father, Maxwell Smoak, showed up and killed Marchesi, but not before he was also shot by him. At this point the manor was on fire, Ace and Scar had to run out, unable to save Maxwell, and he died along with the other three in the fire that took down Servite Manor. It all sounds like some sick horror film, only it’s the sad truth. My sisters sad truth.

“That’s why he was there that night,” I ask, well more of say out loud to myself. “When I went back to the safe house, I found Roman there, standing beside the Horsemen, Scar in bed all bruised and,” I suddenly feel the urge to puke, bile rising in my throat, coating my esophagus with a burning acid threatening to corrode it and turn it to ash. I drop down to my knees thinking about everything Scar went through and how I wasn’t there for her. How I still am not there for her.

“Jade,” Kai shouts, dropping down to kneel in front of me, but his voice sounds muffled by something as my mind turns hazy and everything sounds like I’m underwater. “Jade please say something,” he pleads, but I can’t. I’m in shock, afraid that if I move or speak I will puke all over the place.

Suddenly there is a loud knock on the door making Kai immediately jump to his feet as Drake rushes over to the door to see what the commotion is all about. Drake opens the door and is thrown out of the way as Bass appears in the doorway, hair disheveled and a dark purple bruise under his right eye. That does it.

I instantly feel the bile rise further up my throat and I'm unable to hold it in any longer. Quickly jumping to my feet, I sprint back into Drake’s bedroom and straight to the bathroom, Stella moving quickly behind me trying to catch up. I barely make it to the toilet in time and begin to puke relentlessly, my body convulsing as sobs erupt from within me. The putrid stench only makes me hurl faster as I feel the inside of my nose burning, hot molten lava trailing up my esophagus and coating my tongue with its bitterness.

Behind me the bathroom door locks, only I’m unsure of who it is that has come in, but then I feel her hand on my back, rubbing small circles with one hand while the other reaches to pull my hair back. She doesn’t say a word, just continues to rub my back as my entire lunch, the burger, the fries, the onion rings, the nachos, and the chocolate banana milkshake, end up in the toilet bowl before me.

When I’m finally completely empty inside, I fall back on my ass, cradling my face in my hands as I lean forward, folding my knees up to my chest. God I’m a fucking mess, how did I let things get this far.

“You had no control over any of it Jade,” Stella answers back, and I realize I’ve said my thoughts out loud. Fuck .

“Jade open the fucking door,” I hear Bass shout as he bangs against the door, only he doesn’t seem so close by.

“Get the fuck out of here Silver, she’s not in the mood to see you. If she wanted to, she'd call you,” I hear Drake shout back, but he also sounds like a distant echo.

“Yeah didn’t you see, the mere sight of you makes her fucking vomit,” Kai growls, and the irony of his words makes me laugh hysterically.

“Get the fuck out of my way, both of you. Jade please open the fucking door, we need to talk. Stella I swear if you don’t open the goddamn door right now...”

“Don’t worry,” she says, handing me a wet towel, “I locked the bedroom door too.”

I simply nod my head, at least I think I do, right now I don’t even know what I am doing.

“He doesn’t know does he?” she asks, and I’m slightly confused by her question until it hits me. She knows, she’s figured out my dirty little secret.

“I don’t...”

“Shh, don’t, it’s okay you don’t have to say it. Please don’t say it, not to me. I don’t want to be the first person you admit it to.” Her tone is soft and understanding, like always not an ounce of judgment comes from my dear friend. Her smile calms me, the sense of trust she gives me is all I need, yet a reminder that she’s the only one who gives it to me.

However, I can’t deal with this right now, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, quickly standing up but reaching out to grip the sink as my head begins to spin.

“You haven’t had a drop of alcohol in weeks, you eat like a fucking football player, like the whole team, and I’ve heard you puke on multiple occasions. I may be naive but I’m not fucking stupid Jade.”

Fear prickles at my temples as a piercingly painful headache overwhelms me.

“I called him,” she says, and it’s like another knife has been jabbed into my back. This one hurt, maybe more than the others. “It wasn’t my place, maybe I stepped out of line… ”

“Yeah you fucking stepped out of line Stella, what the fuck!”

“He needs to know Jade, you’re my best friend, my soul sister, but he’s also my family, and although it may not seem like it, he’s one of the best people I know. He’s an asshole, a prideful bastard, and a huge fucking dick, but he had the biggest heart before his monster of a father ripped it out of him, and I know deep down inside there is still a piece that remains intact. If I’ve learned anything over the years, if my grief and pain have taught me anything, it’s that we aren’t them. You taught me that Jade. We are not our parents, you don’t have to be afraid. He’s not his father and you,” she pauses, unsure of what to say next or how to say it, “Just because you didn’t have one, doesn’t mean you won’t know how to become one.”

It’s in this precise moment that it all becomes crystal clear to me. Stella’s right. I haven’t kept this to myself for fear that Sebastian won’t stand by my side through it, but because I know he will, he’s made it blatantly clear that he wants to be with me. It’s not because of the issues with my brother and sister, the fact that my deadbeat father is in fact dead and I have no family left. It’s not because everyone turned their backs on me, including my friends, and I’m scared of doing this all alone.

It’s because of her. It's because I never knew my mother, never had a motherly figure until Grayson and Sarah, but they aren’t mine as much as I’d hoped they’d be. I’m panicking at the thought of not knowing how to be a mother because I never had one. I’m absolutely terrified that I’ll let down my Little Monster before he or she even has a chance.

And that’s what keeps me in denial.

But it isn’t healthy, and I can’t keep this self-sabotaging, toxic behavior up. I need to face my monsters, head on and with no restraint, and the first one is standing right outside that door.