Benidorm again: The BRAND NEW laugh-out-loud sequel to Benidorm, actually.

Chapter 1

Falling head over heels in love has been like someone throwing surgical gloves at me, out of the blue, expecting me to try my hand at a kidney transplant. It’s exhilarating and nerve-wracking at the same time, but I’m giving it a good go because he is the most excessively attractive man I’ve ever laid eyes on. And it is essential that I make a good impression before he, Matteo, realises that I am not naturally good at this.

‘You know what they say about watching people while they sleep?’ Matteo says, opening one eye. I am sharing his pillow and borderline stalking him with my face.

A giggle escapes from my lips. I will never tire of waking up next to this dreamboat. ‘Stop making me sound weird. I’ve only been watching you for the last two and a half hours.’

Matteo laughs as he places a light kiss on my lips.

‘What a week,’ I say. It seems like only yesterday I was spilling scalding hot coffee on his crotch. It has been nothing short of a wild rollercoaster. This whole week in Benidorm has flown by. I hope he feels the same.

Matteo frowns as though this has been the longest week in his living memory. ‘Uh-huh. I thought it would never end.’

Not exactly what a woman wants to hear. Although, he has a point. I have developed an unattractive habit of bringing chaos to his otherwise calm and ordered life. And I’m gutted that we have only just discovered each other and are being forced apart so soon. But it is very early days. I must not appear insecure or too needy, just because I’m going to miss literally everything about him, everything. I give him big cow eyes, causing him to smile back at me. He’s smitten with me. It’s written all over his lovely face.

‘I can’t believe you’re leaving for LA,’ I say, stroking his cheek while I admire the strong line of his jaw, the dark stubble on his chin, the kissable lips. ‘Three months is such a long time to be away.’

‘I can’t believe you’re flying back to the UK today,’ he says, a trace of sadness in his voice. ‘But it’s great that you get to tour with the Royal Northern Sinfonia. That’s a huge deal. I’m going to miss you singing cheap covers in Voices, though,’ he jokes softly. He is trying to hide how unfair the timing feels for us. ‘It won’t be the same.’

I should hope not. Poor man. So far, I have broken his phone, given him a black eye, and almost ruined his business - all by accident. This week-long marathon of personal growth and sexual awakening has taken us both by surprise. And to be fair, he has seen sides of me that not even I was aware of.

I love that he has faith in me to sing classical music with a world-class orchestra. And I love that he is going to miss me. I walk my fingers up his bare chest. ‘I’m really going to miss your expert approach to successful leadership, fiscal planning and dealing with the emergency services.’

None of us are going to forget that yacht fire in a hurry.

‘I hope that’s not all you’re going to miss, Cenicienta,’ he says, giving me a look that sends a delicious shiver straight through me. I have fallen very hard and very fast for this glorious man. And this Cinderella nickname seems to be sticking, but I really don’t mind because it’s how I feel. Elated and joyful and bursting with desire.

‘Well, let me give you something to remember me by.’ I’ve also recently discovered that I can be nothing short of a brazened hussy when I’m with him. His eyes widen with excitement, filling me with immediate delight. I have never considered myself as sexy, but he effortlessly brings it out in me with a simple look, a simple smile. I chew my lip, slide the cover slowly from his body and take my time deciding how to drive him wild with passion. I trail my fingers lazily down his chest and hear his breath catch as they circle his lower abdomen. He closes his eyes and throws his head back against the pillow, a low groan escaping from his lips. I find his attraction to me intoxicating. How are we meant to survive without each other for three whole months?

An alarmingly short while later, Matteo can barely speak coherently. I have insisted on a performance review, what with me being so new to it all, and so far, it is going very well. Once I’d blown his mind, he stared up at the ceiling as though in an artificially induced coma. A few moments after that, he kept whispering over and over, ‘What did you just do?’, which sent a wave of tingles up my spine each time. Then, when he felt confident enough to move, he got out of bed and promptly tripped over the rug because I have made his legs feel like jelly. I think for a relative beginner, I’m doing very well. I’m successfully making up for lost time.

I follow him into the too-small shower cubicle in my newly acquired apartment above Voices. I have given my room over at the villa to my best friends, Ged and Liam, who rushed here to Benidorm to support my rather huge and, as it turned out, completely unnecessary meltdown over Matteo being engaged to be married, even though he wasn’t.

I’m pressed up against him, and it’s making my skin feel electric. He’s taller than me and so toned that I can only marvel as I trace the lines of his shoulders and arms. It sends a shiver through him, causing his lips to part. He studies me silently, his eyes telling me everything. He wants me. And I want him. As soon as I feel him harden against my stomach he inhales sharply, causing me to instinctively press my hips against him even more. We are insatiable for each other. As the water cascades gently down, he reaches out to brush the hair from my face. He traces my lips with his thumb before trailing his fingers down my neck to graze the outside of my breast. It sends a pulse of electricity right to my toes. My nipples instantly harden as he slips his hands beneath my bottom and gently lifts me up to straddle his waist as though I weigh nothing at all. His eyes blaze into mine as I gently rock against him, our bodies slick with soapy suds. He keeps one hand on the shower wall to steady himself as he expertly cups me with the other. One hard thrust, then another and another as I arch against him. It is erotic beyond belief. Our kiss deepens as his tongue slides into my mouth, causing me to moan loudly. I tangle my fingers in his hair, kissing him back with a passion I have never felt for any man in my entire life. My head is spinning as we freefall over the edge into shuddering ecstasy. Our eyes are locked together in wonder. My heart is pounding. The chemistry between us is off the charts crazy. We have all of two seconds to revel in this delicious miracle before we are interrupted.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

‘Oh no! That’s the minibus,’ I wail, pulling my mouth away from his. Trust The Dollz and Ged and Liam to be on time for once. ‘It must be time to go to the airport.’

I feel an overwhelming melancholy sweep through me. Matteo is quick to snap out of his loved-up daze. I feel the warmth of his body as we untwine our soapy limbs.

‘It’s not for long,’ he says in a soothing voice. ‘We can facetime every single day if you want.’

I nod. He’s such a busy man. I know for a fact that he has gone to extreme lengths just to fit me in as it is. He won’t be able to keep his promise, but I appreciate the gesture.

As I reach behind me to turn off the water, Matteo grabs a towel and wraps it around me. I should broach the delicate subject of labelling our relationship. He is going off to LA for a few months to work and to be bossy and successful. I am desperate for some understanding around being exclusive even though we have essentially just met. If it were down to me, I’m sure I’d marry him this afternoon round the back of the bins but seeing as I’m technically the rebound after his dreadful ex cheated on him, I’d like to know his view on it all. Only a few days ago, he made it abundantly clear that he is not looking to rush headlong into a relationship seeing as he is so fresh out of such a long-term commitment and painful split.

I look up into his dark, kind eyes and instantly melt. I can feel every emotion running through him as though he’s trying to transfer them to me, and I want to savour this memory forever. ‘I’ll miss you,’ is all I can manage.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

Christ Almighty.I need to get a move on. We throw on our clothes and grab the cases, all but throwing them down the stairs in our hurry to get outside. Jorge, the bus driver, gives us a nod of acknowledgement. My support band and best friends are all scattered around waiting. They are nearly all smoking cigarettes and getting some last-minute sun to their faces.

There is no time to have the ‘relationship label’ discussion. It will have to wait.

‘Connie, babes,’ bellows Tash. ‘You’ve got that top on inside out. And look at the state of that bird’s nest at the back of your hair, pet. I think we all know what you two randy sods have been up to.’ Tash cups her hands and bounces my imaginary head up and down on her groin as though she’s getting the world’s most vigorous blowjob. She gives Matteo a huge wink, expertly emphasised by her massive eyelashes.

It’s so unnecessary. My cheeks flame. I can barely look Matteo in the eye. He will hate that.

Bounce. Bounce. Bounce.

Oh, my word.It’s as though she was in the room watching. The Dollz burst into husky cackles as they stub out their ciggies and pile back onto the bus.

‘You can tell us all the sordid details on the way to the airport. We’re really friggin late now,’ complains Liberty.

Matteo rolls his eyes and swoops me into a quick embrace. ‘We’ll see each other soon.’

‘Put her down,’ yells Cherry from the window. ‘Don’t forget, Mr Fancy Pants, you invited us all to LA for a VIP experience.’

He looks momentarily startled. ‘Did I?’

All I can do is shrug. Cherry has a near photogenic memory for verbatim.

‘Okay, sure,’ he says with a resigned sigh. ‘Whatever.’

A huge cheer comes from the bus.

Poor man. He’ll probably live to regret that. I hope for his sake it never happens. The Dollz have really tested his patience this week. I give him a final kiss goodbye and jump on board with a huge smile on my face.

As we hurtle towards the airport in Jorge’s rickety little minibus, I sigh happily. This has been the BEST trip of my entire life. It has all happened so fast. One minute, I’m being sacked from my regular singing gig after being too miserable to sing anything other than tear-jerking ballads since my mother passed away. Then, the next minute, my agent, Nancy, rings with a chance for me to redeem myself, and I’m being flown to Benidorm to sing cheap covers to a sea of bald heads at Voices. I meet The Dollz, my insane but extremely talented support band. I fall head over heels in love with Matteo. And to top it all, when I least expected it, the Royal Northern Sinfonia finally accepted me into their organisation, after years of failed auditions.

‘I can’t believe we’ll be flying back out here in two weeks,’ says Tash. ‘It’s a good job my boss fancies me, otherwise if he didn’t give me the holidays off work I’d be telling him to shove it.’

As support bands go, The Dollz, might be a bloody nightmare to work with, but I have grown to love and adore every single one of them. Even Cherry and Tash, who are the scariest Geordie women on Earth. Liberty, Big Mand and Big Sue nod in agreement. They are nothing if not very committed to their part-time singing careers.

‘We’re so jealous,’ says Liam. ‘We’ve absolutely loved Benidorm. It feels like our spiritual home.’

‘We’re thinking we might even get married out here.’ Ged butts in.

This is news to me.

‘How romantic,’ gushes Tash. ‘Are you having a stag do?’

Ged shakes his head. ‘That sounds too animal cruelty or whatever. We’re having a PMS.’

‘PMS?’

‘Pre-moon spree,’ Liam says, his eyes lighting up. ‘It’s our pre-moon. Like a honeymoon but even more exciting and lavish.’

Of course. Why ever not?

‘Are you sure that’s how you want to describe it?’ I say cautiously, visualising the invitations going out.

‘We’ll have a full week of PMS.’

It’s like he can’t hear himself.

‘You’ll be wanting the Mariah Carey of pre-moons, with all the necessary glitz and glamour required to see off your single years in style,’ says Big Mand nodding. ‘Who wouldn’t?’

Of course, they will need a diva spree of opulent proportions.

‘And, Connie, we’d like you to be our BEST WOMAN!’ says Liam theatrically, throwing his arms wide.

Oh my.

I lean over to hug them, squealing. ‘Of course, I will!’ I’m so full of joy I think I’ll burst. I love them both so much.

‘We’ve seen each other through the best of times and the worst of times,’ announces Liam, looking lovingly at Ged. This is true. None of us will forget Ged’s flirtation with lip fillers in a hurry. Liam sweeps his gaze around The Dollz. ‘And obviously, you will all be invited.’

This causes an instant avalanche of excitement.

‘We love a good stag do,’ Cherry yells. ‘It’ll be wild!’

Shitting hell.