Benji (The Wylde Street Boys #1)

8. Benji

EIGHT

BENJI

I had no clue who Dom was. He was mid-forties at a guess and handsome in a way that wealth allowed—a fitted, tailored suit and expensive shoes. He seemed kinda familiar, like maybe I’d seen him on Oxford or Wylde Street...

Oh.

The man who had led Nolan away from me and shoved him into the exclusive club 180.

Fitch clearly knew him.

The way he’d stood up as soon as Dom walked in. Obviously one of his regulars, or a favourite at least.

Dom didn’t seem pleased at all to see Fitch. Well, not Fitch himself. He wasn’t pleased to see Fitch at Nolan’s.

Nolan closed his door and sighed as he walked into his kitchen. “Can I get you a drink? Looks like we could all use one.”

Nolan didn’t wait for an answer. He pulled a bottle of whisky down from the cabinet above the fridge, then two glasses. He glanced over at us. “You guys want one?”

I shook my head, and when Fitch didn’t reply, I answered for him. “None for us, thanks.”

Dom stood unmoving at the door, still trying to process. “So you’re not sick,” he said to Nolan.

And I didn’t much care for that.

I don’t know why I felt the need to defend Nolan or shield him in any way I could, but I found myself going to him. I stood next to Nolan, between him and Dom, and touched his waist.

It calmed me, oddly enough.

“You okay?” I murmured to him.

His eyes met mine and he nodded, smiling a little. “It’s fine.”

“So your name is actually Dom,” Fitch said. “I thought it was a title or a status.” He walked over to Dom. “You look hot as fuck in that suit. My god. Order me to my knees right now?—”

Dom put his hand up in a stop fashion. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m going to need someone to start explaining what’s going on here.” Then he finally looked at Fitch. “Is he... paying you?”

Fitch hummed out a laugh. “Oh no. Not me. I’m just here for moral support. That guy over there belongs to Nolan.”

I gave him a wave, though I was sure he could probably tell who I belonged to by how closely I was standing to Nolan, with my hand still on his side.

“No one belongs to me,” Nolan mumbled .

That stung to hear. While I technically didn’t belong to him, I also kinda did. For this week, anyway. For as long as he was fucking me without a condom, I most certainly did.

Nolan rubbed my back before collecting the two whiskies, walking over to Dom, and handing him one. “Take a seat. I’ll explain everything.”

They sat on the sofa, body language stiff and closed off, while I took Fitch out onto the balcony. It was getting dark, the air was warm, the night still young.

“Friday night,” I heard Nolan begin, “I was drunk and you told me not to drive...”

So he was telling him the whole thing.

I slid the door closed, giving them privacy, and when I turned, Fitch was grinning at me. “Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know who that is?”

“No. But you clearly do.”

He nodded, excited. “That’s my Dom.”

“Your Dom?”

“Yes. Well, I wasn’t aware it was his real name. When he introduced himself as that, I just assumed we were role playing, ya know?”

“I gathered that,” I replied. “You offered to go to your knees in Nolan’s living room.”

Fitch laughed, so very pleased. “And I would have. I’m telling you, Benj. He is so fucking hot. He goes all daddy-mode and I fucking love it. I thought he just liked being in control, ya know? Like he was the Dom and I was his little sub-boy. ”

I snorted. “Yeah, and I can tell how much you hate that.”

He laughed again. “Lord, the things I’ve let him do to me.”

Jesus.

“So, do you reckon they work together?” he asked.

I nodded and half shrugged. “I guess so.”

Fitch studied me for a second. “And what about you, going over to stand with your man.”

I snorted and shook my head at myself. “Jesus Christ, Fitch. He’s spoiling me. I’ll be fucking ruined. How am I supposed to go back to my old life after this?”

Fitch frowned. “You like him.”

I rolled my eyes, kinda mad at myself for admitting it, even to myself. “He’s... He’s a good man. Decent, kind. Sexy as fuck.”

“And you let him finish inside you,” he whispered.

“Was that a mistake?”

Fitch shook his head. “No. Just enjoy it. Enjoy every minute while you have it. He did say you can stay longer if you need to.”

“I can’t stay here forever,” I said, my heart already heavy. “I’m ruined, I’m telling you. Beautiful place, great food, perfect man.” I let out a long sigh. “And he’s paying me. I mean, what the hell?” I put my hand to my forehead. “I already don’t want to leave him, Fitch.”

He frowned, sadness replacing his usual upbeat demeanour. “Babe, I’m sorry. But you’ll be okay. When all this is over, when those fucking henchmen disappear, you can come back and we’ll be hanging out in all our local hangouts. Laughing and carrying on just like old times. I miss you; I hope you know. Just hanging out and stirring shit. I miss the sound of you laughing. Even the apartment seems dull without you.”

I sighed and gave him a hug. “I’ll be back. I can come back tomorrow if you want?”

“Fuck no. I don’t miss you that much.”

I laughed and gave him a shove. “How’s Ky?”

“He’s fine. He’s got a date with his two daddies tomorrow night, so he’s stoked.”

“Mid-week now too?”

Fitch rolled his eyes. “He’s not complaining, believe me.”

I chuckled and it ended with another sigh. “Do you think they’re done talking in there?”

“Probably. Should we go check? I wasn’t going to work tonight, but honestly, it’s like fate intervened and delivered Dom right to me.”

I laughed as the door opened. Nolan poked his head out. “You guys can come in if you want.”

I went to him, surprising myself by how easy it was to touch him as I walked past. Surprising myself even more by how much I needed the reassurance of his touch, his closeness.

Fitch, on the other hand, walked in on a mission. Dom was still sitting on the sofa, and Fitch went to his knees in between Dom’s legs and he peered up at him, batting his eyelashes. “Please take me home with you,” he said .

Dom cleared his throat, embarrassed, and pulled Fitch up by his arm. “Christ, get up.”

Fitch went willingly, crawling into Dom’s lap, resting his head on Dom’s shoulder. “Sorry, daddy.”

It was one thing to hear about all his stories, it was another to watch him in action.

Dom huffed and picked Fitch up and plonked him onto the couch beside him. “Behave.”

Nolan was staring at them, trying to hide how stunned he was, trying not to laugh. I poked him in the side, burying my smile into his shoulder.

Dom got to his feet, flustered. “I should go.”

Fitch stood up too, his puppy-dog eyes in full effect with a brattish pout. “If you won’t take me to your place, you can drive me to mine.”

Dom huffed again, and I couldn’t tell if he was legitimately mad or just pretending to be. “Fine.”

Fitch looked at me and grinned as if he’d won first prize. “Bye.”

Nolan saw them to the door. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

Dom gave a nod. “Yes, you will.” That sounded more like an order for Nolan to not miss another day. Fitch took Dom’s hand and tried to pull him out the door. He scowled. “He’s a...”

“He’s a brat,” I offered.

Dom gave a nod in my direction. “Nice to meet you, Benji.”

Then he and Fitch were gone, and Nolan closed the door after them. He turned to face me and leaned against the door. “So,” he said slowly. “Not how I expected our evening to go.”

“Me either. You told him everything?”

He nodded. “Yep. Everything.”

“The part about you paying me and us fucking like little creampie bunnies?”

He laughed. “Well, he assumed sex was part of the equation. I didn’t feel the need to go into such details.”

“But you’re going to work tomorrow?”

He nodded. “I have to. We have meetings and I need to be there.”

I sighed sadly. “Then you’ll just have to make up for lost time before work and again, several times, when you get home.”

He laughed. “Haven’t you had enough today?”

“Absolutely not.”

He held out his hand, so I went to him, threading our fingers. It was such a simple but overrated gesture. For all the sexual things I’d done, holding hands wasn’t on the list.

“Let’s watch something,” he said, pulling me onto the couch with him.

He was on his back, lying lengthways, with me between his legs, my head on his chest. His arm went around my shoulders, and he scrolled Netflix for a while before settling on a comedy series.

It was nothing but background noise to me, something for my eyes to look at while he held me. He traced patterns on my back, his heartbeat thumped in my ear, and I’d never, ever felt so content .

Happy.

I wanted to ask him questions, about Dom, about what he’d said, any questions he’d asked. But this was too good, too perfect to ruin with chatter that might spoil the mood.

I’d never had the comfort of another man’s arms for the sake of comfort. I’d never had someone hold me like this. Or lay on a couch together watching TV. It was a couple thing to do. Boyfriends, even.

And I’d never had that either.

Never.

It filled me with something warm and fuzzy, sweet and addictive.

I’d miss this when it was over.

I’d miss him. Nolan, this utterly perfect man.

His strong arms, his kindness. Sure, his dick and the way he cared for me when he fucked me. But I’d miss his smile too. And his scent.

Damn.

I was ruined for my old life.

Going back was going to suck so bad.

“You okay?” Nolan asked quietly.

“Yep. Just thinking.”

“About?”

I didn’t want to bring the mood down, so I went with funny. “About Fitch and seeing him being a damn brat.”

Nolan chuckled, the rumble loud in my ear, my face vibrating on his chest. “He is a brat. God, what are the odds that Dominic knew him?”

“I know,” I replied. “Fitch had told me of the older guy he loved getting railed by. Crazy that you’d know each other.” Then I sighed. “He’ll be getting railed so hard right now. Well, I hope he is. For his sake. He’ll be all sulky if he isn’t.”

Nolan laughed again and gave the top of my head a kiss. “Like you. No wonder you and Fitch are such good friends.”

“I might have sulked, but I’m not a brat.”

“No, you’re not,” he murmured, his tone soft.

I lifted my head to look at him. “What did Dom say? About what you told him.”

“He said I was an idiot for drink driving. And he’s not wrong. He said paying you to take a week off work was the least I should have done.”

“I like him.”

Nolan grinned. “He said I needed to not let my sexual desires impede on my work. A day off for legitimate reasons is fine, but so I could stay home and fuck all day...” He sighed. “Not so much.”

I frowned at him. “Hmm. Maybe I don’t like him so much.”

Nolan smiled warmly, his thumb finding my chin, my bottom lip. “He’s not wrong. I do need to go to work tomorrow.”

I sighed dramatically. “And that’s fine. But the terms and conditions were that you met all other obligations before and after work.”

His smile became a grin, until he drew his bottom lip between his teeth. “Is this you being a brat?”

I laughed and shook my head. “God no. Brattish really isn’t my style, unless it’s pouting to get what I want.”

“Of course.”

So I pouted. “So… about those terms and conditions.”

“Before work tomorrow, not tonight.”

I pouted harder and he pulled my bottom lip down with his thumb. “It won’t work again.”

I leaned up some more and looked down at where his crotch was pressing against my stomach. “Oh well, I’ll just have to help myself.”

He cracked up laughing but slung his legs around my back, holding me so I couldn’t get to his dick.

I drove my hips up, pressing my dick against his balls. “Mmm,” I said, looking down at him, rubbing myself against him. “I’ll do it if you want me to.”

He made a low sound. “I haven’t done that in years. Like twenty years.”

“Didn’t like it? Or was it with the wrong person?”

“Maybe both. It wasn’t a great experience and I was young. He was older.”

I sighed. “No excuse. You’re older than me, yet you take very good care of me.”

He smiled.

“Like, you’re almost twice my age.”

He gasped and I laughed, then he shot up and grabbed me, flipping me onto my back and pressing his weight down between my legs.

“No jabs about the age,” he said, aiming for stern, but his smile won out .

I pulled his face in for a kiss. “I was just kidding, but if you feel the need to punish me...”

He growled at me. “You know, I think punishment for you is no sex.”

I gasped this time, in absolute horror. “You wouldn’t.”

He grinned, victorious. “Ah, so that is your Achilles heel.”

“Baby, you could get me to do anything in the world your heart desires if the reward is you fucking me. Anything. Literally anything.”

He hummed out a chuckle, his eyes sparked with a wicked gleam. “Anything? Baby?”

That made me laugh. “If you promise to leave for work tomorrow with my arse open and full of come, just name it. There’s plenty of surfaces in this apartment we haven’t tried yet.”

“What?” Fitch asked in disbelief. “He asked for what?”

Me, Fitch, and Ky were sitting on Nolan’s veranda. It was eleven thirty, the sun was perfectly warm, and the three of us were lounging about, soaking it up like cats.

“I told him I would do anything. Literally anything,” I repeated. “I said the words ‘if he left me with my arse open and full of his come,’ I would literally do any single thing he asked.” I sighed. “And there I was, lying ruined on his bed at seven o’clock this morning, and he came out all showered, dressed hot as fuck in his suit, knelt on the bed so he could kiss me, and told me all he wanted was for me to have a good day.”

Fitch’s face was one of horrified disbelief, and Ky burst out laughing.

“You like him,” Ky said. “And it sounds like he feels the same.”

“There are no feelings,” I said. Then I amended, “On his behalf, anyway. This is purely transactional.”

Ky closed his eyes and lifted his face to the sun. “Maybe it started out that way. But it doesn’t sound that way now.”

I sighed because no, it couldn’t be. I couldn’t bring him into my world anyway, even if it was true. “He’s just a nice guy.”

Ky, still with his eyes closed, waved his hand back to the apartment. “Correction. A super rich nice guy. A nice guy who lets you stay in his luxury apartment. Who’s paying you to stay in his luxury apartment. I mean, what in the actual Disney movie fuck?”

Fitch snorted. “Pretty sure Disney don’t make X-rated movies.” Then he turned to me. “But he did leave you with your arse full of his seed, right?”

I laughed. “You’re such a whore.”

He grinned at me with no shame. “I know, thank you.”

“And how did your night end up?” I asked him. “With Mr I-didn’t-know-your-name-was-actually Dom?”

Fitch laughed and arched his back with a moan. “So good.”

“Did you get the punishment you were begging for? ”

“Oh, did I ever.” He sighed. “He dropped me home this morning on his way to work.”

“You stayed the whole night?”

“Fuck yes, I did,” he said. “His place is even nicer than Nolan’s, just so you know. And he’s not a Dom, but when I call him daddy—” Fitch snapped his fingers. “—something switches on in that man, lemme tell you.”

I chuckled. “Did he pay you? Because it sounds like you should be paying him.”

Fitch grinned, closing his eyes to the sun. “He did pay, yes. But honestly, I would do it for free. Don’t tell him that though.”

Ky laughed. “Such a whore.”

“Like you can talk,” Fitch said. “I can only handle one. How the hell do you handle two daddies?”

Ky smirked. “With servitude and pleasure.”

I snorted. “Whore.”

He preened. “Thank you.”

We were quiet for a moment, then Fitch turned his attention to me. “And Nolan’s okay with us coming over today?”

“Yep. I asked him when I got Ky’s text this morning. He said it was fine.”

“And your Nolan and my Dominic work together?” Fitch pressed.

My Nolan . . .

“I think so. I don’t ask for details. Why?”

“Just curious.”

Hmm. “You like him?”

He shot me a deadpan stare. “If he asked me to stay for a week at his amazing place so I could live in the lap of luxury in between him fucking me into oblivion every chance he gets, and if he was paying me for this privilege?” He raised an eyebrow. “I certainly wouldn’t be saying no. I’d even let him hit me with his car.”

I snorted again. “I didn’t let him hit me with his car.”

“How is your back anyway?” Ky asked. “Fitch said you were all scratched up.”

“I’m fine. I just had a sore muscle, but that got ironed out pretty quick.”

“I bet it did,” he said. Then he sighed. “So, about the guys who were chasing you that night...”

I sighed. “Can we not talk about them? They’ll go away eventually. They always do.”

Fitch shook his head. “Not until he stops looking for you.”

“He can fuck off. I hope he rots in jail.”

“Do you think he’ll get out?”

“Probably. He keeps getting let off because he doesn’t do the dirty work. He has his idiot guard dogs on his payroll to do it for him.”

Ky turned onto his side to face me. “I don’t understand why he won’t just give up. It’s certainly not out of love.”

“It’s about control,” Fitch said.

I nodded. “Yeah. He hates that he can’t control me anymore,” I said. “But I also know shit, and the fact he no longer has me on a leash means I’m a loose end.”

“I hate him,” Fitch mumbled .

I snorted. “Take a number. There is a very long list of people ahead of you.”

I hated that they worried for me, and I hated that they had to always be on the lookout for me. It wasn’t fair. And I hated that they were also in the firing line because of me.

Anyone being on my father’s radar was never good.

But I hated that we couldn’t even enjoy a moment in the sun in a super nice apartment without my troubles being a dark cloud over us.

“Enough about that arsehole. You guys hungry?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood. “I can make you some lunch?”

Fitch patted his stomach. “Mmm, food. Whatcha got?”

“Let’s go inside and have a look. Fair warning though. It’s probably going to be healthy.”

I made us each a sandwich full of fresh ham and every salad item in the fridge. Coupled with a glass of juice, if the speed in which Ky and Fitch both annihilated theirs, I assumed it was all pretty good.

“What’s your plans for tonight?” I asked them both.

“Work,” Fitch said, and Ky nodded.

“What about you?” Ky asked.

“I don’t know what time Nolan will be home. So I’ll make him dinner and probably spend a good amount of time douching in the shower so he can fuck me all night long.”

Fitch laughed. “Look at you being such a perfect househusband. ”

“I only have a few days left, so I plan to make the most of it.”

“Live it up while you can, huh?” Ky nodded. “I get that. Miss your stupid face at home though.”

“I miss you guys too.”

Fitch looked around the apartment. “No offence, but if I were in your shoes right now, I wouldn’t miss your stupid faces one bit.”

Both Ky and I laughed, because out of all of us, he’d miss us the most.

Nolan got home just after seven. I’d cleaned the apartment, read more of my book, watched stupid real estate shows on TV, and cooked us dinner. Just a simple pasta with a side salad, but I was feeling good about myself.

I wanted to be helpful to him. I wanted him to not have to worry about anything after his long day at work.

Fitch’s good-little-househusband comment came to mind, and I couldn’t even bring myself to care.

Nolan came in and slid his messenger bag onto the sideboard just as I was setting the table. “Hey,” he said, smiling at me.

“Hey, you,” I said, putting the table caddy of salad dressings down and pulling out his chair. “Come and take a seat. Dinner’s done.”

He chuckled and sat down, and I was quick to throw my leg over him, sit on his lap with my arms around his shoulders. His arms slid around me and up under my shirt. “You wear this short shirt to tease me, don’t you?”

“Absolutely. I’m tempted to take some scissors to it to make it into a true crop top.” I pressed my lips to his. “I’ve done everything I can think of. Cleaning, the apartment and myself, very thoroughly, if you know what I mean. And dinner. I want you to come home and have nothing to do but me.”

He hummed happily. “Very thoroughly, huh?”

I nodded. “Fitch said I was a very good househusband. Cooking, cleaning, sex whenever you want. Even when you don’t want it.”

He laughed, his hands sliding down to my hips. “That’s the problem though. Because I always want it.”

I ground down on him, feeling his hardening dick, and kissed him. “Glad to hear that. Now, did you want to eat dinner with a hard-on or without?” I leaned my elbows back onto the dining table and arched my back. “You haven’t fucked me on your table yet.”

He gripped my hips and rose up to grind harder against me. “You are so wicked,” he murmured. “All I could think about all day was coming home to you.”

“Coming in me,” I said, arching my back.

His nostrils flared and I knew dinner was a lost cause. He picked me up and sat my arse on the dining table, kissing me deep. His mouth and hands, his erection and my own aching need to have him fill me up.

I was kicking myself that I hadn’t thought to bring the lube out. “Fuck, lube,” I said breathlessly. “Just fuck me without it. ”

He snatched the small bottle of olive oil from the table caddy. “No need,” he said, ripping my sweatpants down to my thighs and folding my legs up.

Then he unzipped himself, opening his suit pants and pulling out his eager cock. He slicked himself with the oil, sparing me a mere swipe before he pushed his cock into me.

No prep, no stretching, no warning.

He drove all the way in, holding my legs. I couldn’t even arch my back to alleviate the intrusion. His fingers dug into my thighs as he reached the hilt. I was so full of him, unable to do anything but take all of him.

It burned and it was all too much. It was glorious.

He groaned, his face tortured. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” he rasped. But then he pulled my arse closer and leaned over me more, pushing deeper. “That’s how much I needed you,” he bit out. He slid back a little only to thrust back into me. “That’s how much you turn me on.”

Oh fuuuuuck yes.

“All day,” he said. “All I’ve thought about, all fucking day, is you.”

“God, Nolan,” I grated out. “Your cock is right where it belongs.”

His eyes rolled back and he thrust into me, hard and sharp. Perfect. “Fuck, I’m gonna come already,” he said with a groan.

That feeling of elation, of pure fucking bliss, washed over me. Being the reason for his pleasure was a different kind of joy for me.

“Give it to me,” I begged. “Please. ”

He held my legs, my arse at the edge of the table, and every inch of his cock buried inside me, and he threw his head back and came with a roar.

I felt every pulse. Every throb and every spurt.

Warmth rushed through me. Not sexual but something deeper, something else.

I made him happy and he made me his.

It was something new to me. Something completely foreign and I couldn’t put a name to it.

It was something wonderful.

He collapsed on top of me. His forehead pressed to my chest as he caught his breath. I raked my fingers through his hair, and I hated that empty feeling when he pulled out of me.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “I’m sorry. That was rough and uncalled for.”

He stood up, his eyes haunted. I grabbed his tie so he couldn’t go far. “I’m so fucking good right now,” I told him, my eyes locked on his. “That was hot as hell.”

“I was rough and impatient.” He frowned as he tucked himself away. “Did I hurt you?”

“If you hurt me, I’ll tell you, and probably kick you in the nads. Just so you know.”

He relented a small smile. “That’d be fair.”

I sat up, slid off the table, and pulled up my sweatpants. I pulled on his tie again and brought him in for a kiss. “That was hot. I feel...” I still couldn’t quite name how I was feeling, so I sighed instead. “I feel amazing right now. So no pity party, okay? You showing me how turned on you were for me was possibly the hottest thing you’ve ever done to me. You can show me like that anytime you want.”

He still looked a little troubled.

I took his chin between my thumb and forefinger and brought his nose to mine. “If you kill my buzz, Nolan, I’ll be pissed. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll let you suck my dick later, okay?”

He smiled then. “Okay.”

I leaned in and kissed him softly. It was so easy, so natural. Such a rush. “Let’s have dinner and you can tell me about your day.”

He helped me serve it up and bring it to the table. “Meetings all day,” he said. “Not much to tell. Very boring.”

“Did you see Dominic?” I asked.

“Only briefly. We didn’t get a chance to chat. He’s busier than me. He was in court most of the day.”

“Oh? What for?” Then I remembered that these guys were the lawyers, not the ones being charged. “Oh yeah. You guys are the plaintiffs. I forgot. I hear the word court and my mind goes to the ones arrested.”

Nolan chuckled. “Ever been arrested before?”

“Nope. You?”

He shook his head. “I’m a good boy.”

I snorted. “Objection, your honour.”

He laughed. “Sustained.” He ate some more. “How was your day? Fitch and Ky came over?”

“Yep. We sat out on the balcony, lounging in the sun like cats. I made them a sandwich. Hope that was okay.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Lounging sun cats need sandwiches. ”

God, he was so cute. “Then Fitch told me he spent the entire night at Dominic’s place getting thoroughly railed. He dropped him home on his way to work.”

Nolan seemed a little surprised by this. “Good for them.”

“Did you know he has the whole daddy thing going on?”

“No, I did not.” He made a thoughtful face. “I knew he liked twinks, so I can’t say I’m shocked.”

“You seemed surprised.”

“Surprised that Fitch stayed all night.” Nolan smirked at me. “Dominic doesn’t typically do that. He likes his privacy.”

“Well, Fitch is special,” I allowed.

Nolan chuckled. “And what about Ky? You don’t talk of him often.”

“Ky’s great. He’s quieter. He’s a bit older than me and Fitch. He’s twenty-five. Been working the street since he was twenty-one. But he’s like us. No drugs, stays out of trouble. Just wants to live his life, ya know? He likes what he does.”

“Like you and Fitch,” he said. It wasn’t a question. I’d told him before we enjoyed our work. Most people didn’t understand that, and this was the first time Nolan had questioned it.

“Yep. It can be bad out there. It can be dangerous. I don’t dispute that. Some sex workers hate their jobs, hate their lives. They look for escapes in drugs, usually, and end up a statistic.”

“I can see how that could happen,” he said quietly .

“But Fitch, Ky, and me have each other. We have our apartment. We look out for each other.”

“I’m glad.” Nolan gave me a sad smile. “So is it something you think you’ll do forever? What are your plans for the future?”

I almost snorted. “Future?” I shook my head, smiling at the naivety of such a simple question. “That’s subjective, isn’t it?”

His gaze cut to mine, narrowing and serious. “No.”

“I think your definition of future and my reality of what the future holds are two very different things.”

He stared at me for a long moment before he set down his fork. His eyebrows knitted and he spoke in a whisper. “Benji, please don’t say that. Everyone deserves a future. Everyone. Whatever hopes and dreams they have, no matter their circumstances. No life is worth more than another.”

I found myself smiling at him. He was such a sweetheart, truly believing in the greater good. I reached out and slid my hand over his. “I know. I didn’t mean to sound so... bleak. It’s just...” I shrugged. “Sometimes it’s hard to picture a future. Like in six months or two years, sure. I can see myself still being where I’m at. But in ten years from now?” Now I sighed. “No. Well, I hope not, anyway.”

“Where do you want to be in ten years then?”

“Alive. At least.”

Nolan looked as if I’d slapped him. “Benji,” he whispered, shaking his head. Christ, were those tears in his eyes? “Please don’t talk like that. ”

I pushed my plate away, my appetite for food now gone. “I don’t know where I could possibly be in ten years from now. It’s all hypothetical anyway, so what does it matter?”

“Because you matter,” he said sharply. “You matter to Fitch and Ky.” He swallowed hard. “And you matter to me.”

His words hit me like a truck.

I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to that. My heart was thumping, my mouth suddenly dry.

I mattered to him.

He cared about me.

And for what? What could possibly come from this?

Nothing.

“Nolan,” I whispered.

He laughed, an unhappy sound. “It’s fine. Just please don’t say it doesn’t matter. Because it does. And if you want to think about any hopes or dreams you thought you had to forget, or where you want to be in ten years, then please tell me. And we’ll see what we can do. Some plan of action to put into motion. I don’t know. You have to have something in the back of your mind. Something you always wanted to do. Something that made you sad when you realised you had to abandon it.”

I shook my head. “I never had any dreams about what I wanted to be or dream jobs, if that’s what you’re asking,” I said quietly. “Growing up, the only thing I wanted to do was leave home. To be free.”

His gaze lasered into mine .

“And now I am,” I said, trying to smile for him. “I’m free to be myself. That’s all I ever wanted.”

Nolan sagged with a sigh. “God, Benj, I’m sorry. Your family...”

This was dangerous territory.

“Weren’t nice people,” I said. I really needed to change the subject. “So no, there was no grand desire for any career. I just wanted a job of my own, my own money, to live my own life. And that’s what I’m doing. I told you I liked what I do, and I mean it.”

He slid his hand over mine and squeezed. “And I’d never change that. If it’s who you are and what you want, then I’m happy for you.” He inhaled deeply. “I just hope the you ten years from now is as happy as you are today. With whatever he chooses to do.”

I couldn’t help myself. I got up and sat on his lap, giving him a hug before kissing his cheek. “Has anyone ever told you that you are the sweetest man to ever live?”

He chuckled, but he leaned into me and we sat like that for a while. Then we cleaned up the kitchen, moving around each other with the occasional soft touch. We watched TV in bed, and he was quick to pull me into his arms, my head on his chest as we laughed at some awesomely bad sci-fi show from the ’80s.

He’d said I mattered to him, and lying there with him like that, I could have let myself believe it.