Chapter Twenty Parker
Chapter Twenty
Parker
It’s been three days since Noel left, and somehow, it feels like three years.
So much has happened.
After he left, I stayed up crying for hours. I called Axel, and one “hi” from me told him everything he needed to know. He instructed me to stay home, and given how tired and heartbroken I was, I wasn’t about to argue. I finally fell back asleep from exhaustion when the sun came up.
It dredged up too many old feelings I thought I had moved past, like when my father did the same thing, leaving in the wee hours of the morning. Or when Noel walked out of my life the first time.
It wasn’t until my mother showed up around 6:00 p.m. that I finally crawled out of bed and did something with myself. She made me shower and eat, then put me back to bed.
The next day, the town was buzzing with the news that the Gazette ’s doors had been padlocked overnight and the entire staff had been relieved of their duties. It was so sudden and shocking that it was all anyone could talk about ... until the next big news broke, the one I’m still trying to understand.
The Noel Carter Theater project was fully funded, saving me a mountain of debt. I got the call this morning from the restoration committee that a donation was made the morning Noel had left.
I’ve been reeling since ... and I think I know exactly who is responsible for it.
If it was Noel who donated the money—and it makes the most sense that it was—how could he do that? How could he drop a load of cash, then disappear again? How could he walk away with a vague promise of returning and nothing else? How could he do something so rash without talking to me first?
And how could I let him go without telling him how much I love him?
I’m a fool. The biggest joke there is.
I let him walk away, and I said nothing.
I didn’t ask him to stay. I didn’t go with him. I just let him go.
I’m as angry with myself as I am with Noel for leaving again.
So I’m at the theater doing what I’ve been doing for the last ten years—burying myself in work.
Axel and the crew called it a day two hours ago, but I stayed behind to work on the main foyer because I couldn’t stand the thought of going home.
I’ve always loved my house, but right now, it’s the last place I want to be. Everywhere I look, I see Noel, and I can’t stand those reminders right now.
I grab a stack of lumber—far smaller than anything Axel would carry—and move it out of my way to get a better look at the area I’m working with.
I’ve been debating what to do with the foyer for days, and last night, it finally came to me in a dream.
While cleaning the theater, I found several old photographs tucked away in Ms. Goodman’s office. They were from the years I spent here and even before that. I kept them in case I found something to do with them, and now I have.
A memory wall.
I want to blow the photos up and put them on canvases to display inside the foyer so that the memories and history of this place are the first thing our guests see.
It’s the perfect combination of new and old, and I think the town will love it.
“I should have known.”
A loud squeal leaves me, and I do a full jump-spin to find Axel leaning against a doorframe, taking up the entire thing.
“Axel!” I glare at him, and he shrugs, unaffected by my outburst. “What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you.” He pushes off the door, grabs a much larger stack of lumber, and moves it aside for me. It’s absurd to me that even with his banged-up and bandaged hand, he can still lift far more than I can. He drops the wood down with a loud thud. “What are you doing here?”
“Working.”
“I can see that. But why? We called it a day hours ago.”
“Because I can,” I tell Axel, picking up another small stack of materials.
“So you’re avoiding going home and thinking about how miserable you are?”
I don’t say anything. What’s the point when we both know what the answer is?
Yes.
He sighs. “Want to grab a drink?”
I let the wood in my hands clatter to the floor, wiping my dirty palms off on my trusty overalls. “Yes, please. I could go for a whiskey sour or two right now.”
Axel laughs. “Let’s start with one.”
I grab my purse, sling it over my head, and follow Axel out of the theater.
The town is bustling, all the shop doors propped open, laughter flowing out as we walk by. Everyone’s so happy, but I don’t understand how they could be. Noel is gone. What’s there to be happy about?
We walk into Bigfoot’s Hideaway, which is just as busy as the streets, and grab our favorite stools at the bar.
“I was wondering when I’d see you two in here again,” Garth says, tossing two coasters before us. “I figured that theater has you busy, but I didn’t expect you to be out this late. Is everything all right?”
“Long day is all,” Axel tells him, covering for me.
“I hear that. It’s looking great, by the way. Can’t believe the progress you’ve made despite all the rain.”
Take that, Leonard Figgins.
Garth is right. We have made a lot of progress. Well, Axel and his crew have. I’ve been ... distracted.
But still, the theater is coming along nicely, even with the rain delays. We still have months of construction, but I couldn’t be happier with how things are going.
“Thanks, Garth.”
“Thank you . My niece squealed so loud when she heard you were doing Beauty and the Beast as your first show. She’s been nonstop singing that song Belle does as she walks through town, so rest assured you already have at least one ticket sale.” He taps the bar top. “Anyway, you want your usuals?”
Axel and I nod, and Garth runs off to grab our drinks.
“Did you hear that?” I turn to Axel. “We already have a sale!”
“I was sitting right here, so I definitely heard it.” He might sound like he doesn’t care, but I can see the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He’s as thrilled as I am about this.
This is exactly why I wanted to resurrect the Goodman Theater: to bring the community together, to get kids interested in the arts, and to have fun.
It lifts my otherwise sullen mood just a little.
Then Garth slides a whiskey sour before me, and the gloomy day gets a bit brighter.
“So,” Axel says, and just like that, I’m back to feeling somber because it’s a loaded so .
It’s the kind that leads to questions I don’t want to answer and conversations I don’t want to have.
At least, not now.
“Are we really doing this again?” I ask.
“Doing what?”
“You getting me to spill all my deepest, darkest secrets to you?”
“I don’t know what you could possibly mean.” He smiles innocently, then takes a sip of his whiskey sour.
But his intentions right now are anything but innocent. I know that’s exactly what he’s after.
“To be fair, I didn’t ask you to tell me about your Noel woes back then. You did that all on your own.”
“Yeah, because I was trying to make you feel better about your shitty situation with your parents’ divorce.”
He grunts. “Well, it worked. All I wanted to do was kick Noel’s ass for hurting you.”
“And now? Do you still want to kick his ass?”
He runs his hand over his beard. “No. I kind of like the guy now.”
I raise my brows in disbelief. “Really? What changed?”
“I saw how happy he makes you.”
He says it so matter-of-factly, like it’s the most reasonable answer in the world.
And I guess it is. Noel does make me happy.
“I didn’t want him to leave,” I whisper. It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud.
I didn’t want Noel to go back to LA. I wanted him to stay. I wanted to build a life with him. I still want a life with him.
But I can’t ask that of him, especially when I know how he feels about this place and that he has a career he needs to get back to. I can’t ask him to forget all about those things just because I’m scared of being forgotten again.
“Have you told him that?” Axel asks.
I shake my head. “It’s ... complicated.”
“It doesn’t seem that complicated to me.”
It’s easy for him to say. His wife loves this town. She doesn’t have a big, fancy job waiting for her. And even if she did, he wouldn’t be afraid to leave it all behind and be with her. He’d know how to make our business work or let me buy him out or whatever he had to do to make it work because he’s fearless like that.
But me? I would be afraid to go with Noel. Heck, I am afraid to go with Noel.
But none of that matters because Noel’s gone, and he never asked me to go with him.
What’s done is done, and I’m stuck here, waiting to see when he’ll return this time.
Axel takes another drink and then settles his glass against the bar. “Can I tell you something I’ve kept a secret for a long time?”
I gasp. “You’ve been keeping secrets from me? Is that why you’ve never called me your best friend? Because you know best friends don’t keep secrets, and you couldn’t call me your best friend with such a huge, life-changing secret up your sleeve?”
“Yes, that’s exactly why, Park.” He shakes his head with an eye roll, like he’s already exhausted with me. “This is something that nobody else knows except for two people.”
Okay, I so did not expect that.
“Wow. We really aren’t best friends, are we?”
He ignores me. “I saw you first.”
I squeeze my brows together, not following. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, when we were kids, I saw you first. Noel and I ... Well, you know we used to be friends.”
“I remember. When I first moved here, you two were together a lot, then suddenly you weren’t.”
“We were. I’d even wager we were best friends, which is totally acceptable since we were kids,” he tacks on when I start glaring at him.
I nod. “Fine. I’ll allow it.”
“Anyway, we were out on the playground—that one in the town square—and jumping off the swing set, daring each other to do flips and whatnot. Then we saw you. You were riding your bike down Borgen just a few days after the moving trucks left your driveway. You were heading into your mom’s new shop, and I instantly thought, That’s my soulmate. ”
I pause, my drink halfway to my lips. I slide my eyes over to him. “I’m sorry. You thought I was your soulmate?”
“You had a Huffy and a Spider-Man lunch box. Of course I thought you were my soulmate.”
I laugh. “That lunch box was sweet. I’m pretty sure I still have it in storage somewhere. Do you want me to get it out so you can fall in love with me again?” I bump my shoulder against him, though I’m sure he barely feels it.
“ Anyway ... I was so excited for school to start so I could officially meet you, but it wasn’t me you wanted to sit next to. It was Noel.”
I laugh. “I remember that. I thought you were terrifyingly large—kind of like now—and Noel was, well, not.”
A smile pokes through his thick beard. “I was so awkward then. So much taller and bigger than everyone else. It was a nightmare, and I even scared myself sometimes, so I get it.”
Coming to a new school was hard, and I was so young back then that I never even considered how it was for the other kids. As tough as Axel was on Noel and me, I’m sure he was even tougher on himself.
“What happened?” I ask. “With Noel, I mean.”
“You mean, why did we stop being friends?” I nod, and he sighs. “It was because of you.”
“Me?” I point to myself. “What’d I do?” I ask with a frown.
“You chose him.”
“I did not!” I argue.
He laughs. “You did. I don’t think you even knew you were doing it, but you gravitated toward him from Day One, and he did the same with you. And me? I was pissed . As angry as an eight-year-old could be. I was so damn jealous because I wanted you to be my friend. I wanted you to show me your Spider-Man lunch box. I wanted to ride my Huffy with you. But he was all you saw. So I decided I didn’t want to be either of your friends.”
“And then started tormenting us?”
“I didn’t torment you.”
“You did too. Calling me Potty Parker and a theater geek, telling everyone I was a terrible kisser, yelling nerd alert any time I walked by,” I say, ticking off each mortifying experience on my fingers. “Should I keep going?”
His cheeks turn a deep shade of red. “I’d rather you didn’t.” He screws his lips up. “Man, I sucked, huh?”
“You did.” I pat his shoulder. “But you were also a kid, Axel. You didn’t know better. None of us did back then.”
“That’s no excuse. Not really, and I’m sorry about that, Park.”
I wave a hand dismissively. “I know you are. We’ve rehashed all this already. But you’re not that person anymore. You’re much better than that little twerp ever was.”
“I am, huh?”
“Well, yeah. There’s no way my soulmate could be such a jerk.”
The redness to his cheeks that was fading comes back in full force. “So now we’re back to being soulmates?”
“Oh, Axel. We’ve always been soulmates. Platonic ones. Even when you were being a buttmunch to me. You pushed me back then—to be better, to be smarter, to be me . In a way, you were helping me much more than you ever hurt me. And now, as an adult, you do the same.”
“I do?”
I nod. “I wouldn’t even be in the renovation business if you hadn’t convinced me I could do it. Without you, I wouldn’t have adopted Pumpkin or started my obsession with whiskey sours, though I secretly hate you for that last one sometimes.” I wink at him, then take a sip of my drink.
“I guess I am a good influence, huh?”
“The best,” I agree.
“Good. Then that brings me back to why I’m here—Noel.”
“You’re here for Noel?”
“No. I’m here about Noel. You’re being a dumbass.”
I rear my head back. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” he says, stroking his thick red beard. “You’re both being pigheaded about this. You want to stay, he wants to go, but neither of you is willing to compromise.”
I shake my head. “You don’t get it. It’s complicated. It’s—”
“It’s really not,” he interrupts. “I know why you didn’t go when you were younger. That made perfect sense. You were just starting your life, and you were scared to leave. But now you’re an adult. You have your life figured out. You know who you are. You can do whatever you want, Park. You just need to be brave enough to go do it.”
I tip my chin up. “I’m plenty brave.”
“Just because you watch scary movies through your fingers now instead of hiding under the blankets doesn’t mean you’re brave. You’re strong, that’s for damn sure, but you’re still running scared. Why?”
“It’s—”
He cuts me a glare. “Don’t you dare say it’s complicated, Parker Bernice. That’s a shit excuse, and you know it.”
“Wow.” I whistle. “You’re going to middle-name me right now?”
“Yes. Because this is that serious.”
I sigh, pushing my whiskey glass back and forth between my hands.
“I don’t know,” I tell him. “I mean, I do know a little bit. There are parts of it that make a lot of sense. But ... he lives in a whole different world than I do. We’re two completely different people. What if I can’t handle it?”
“Are you kidding me? I see you yell at grown men all the time. Hell, you made our lumber guy, Ike, cry. You’ve almost made me cry. You can handle Hollywood, Parker. Especially for Noel.”
I don’t say anything because I don’t know what to say. Axel’s right. I have done those things, but they’re different than uprooting my life for a guy who has left me twice.
And that’s the real root of my issue. Everyone is always leaving. My father, Noel ... Noel, again. What’s to stop him from taking off a third time?
“What if ... what if he leaves?” I ask quietly. “Like my dad did?”
“Then I’ll personally hand his ass to him. Twice. No. Thrice. But honestly, I don’t think it’s something you have to worry about. That man loves you. Everyone can see it. Hell, everyone could see it back then too. Even me.”
Noel loves me?
Sure, he’s said so before, but that was years ago, when we were teens who knew nothing about the real world.
Is it true he could love me now? Is that what I want?
Yes. More than anything, because I love him too. So much more than I ever thought I could.
“Look, if you want to go, go. I can take care of our business. You can work remotely and fly back here when needed. We could even expand into LA—there’s plenty to renovate there too. So don’t let that stop you from making a decision. But don’t let your fear stop you either. There’s no point in spending your life just coasting by when you can spend it happy—like truly happy—and with someone who loves you as much as you love them. Just be happy, Park, okay? Let your fear go and be happy.”
Fear—the ugliest F-word of all. It’s held me back for far too long, and I’m tired of it.
I’ve shut down the idea of living in LA so many times, but has my judgment really been fair? I don’t truly know I can’t handle it. I’ve just assumed so much about a potential life there because I’ve been terrified of getting hurt again. Sure, I know there are plenty of aspects of it I won’t like—such as the paparazzi and everyone being in my business—but is that really such a bad trade-off when it means a life with Noel?
Axel is right. Maybe I need to shove my fear aside and find my happy.
And right now, my happy is in LA.
I shove from my stool, digging into my purse and tossing cash on the bar top for Garth.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Axel says. “What are you doing?”
“Leaving.”
“Leaving? What? Why?”
“Because I have a flight to book.”
Slowly, a smile spreads across his lips, and he nods. “There she is.”
“Who?”
“My best friend.”
I launch myself into his arms, letting his warmth envelop me.
“You called me your best friend,” I whisper, hugging him tightly.
“Shut up,” he says, squeezing me back just as hard.
I laugh, pulling away. “I don’t know how long I’m going to be gone. Are you sure ... are you sure you can handle everything? Ordering the right supplies and putting everything where it needs to go?”
He rolls his eyes. “Mess up a paint color one time ...”
“Three times, Axel. Three times.”
“Just go before I revoke the status of our friendship.”
I let out a squeak, and he laughs. “I’ll call you.”
“Please don’t.”
I throw my arms around him again, kissing his rosy cheek. “I love you, soulmate .”
“Love you too ... best friend .”
“Shit. Fuck.”
I sit straight up in bed, my heart pounding like I just ran a mile.
I glance at the clock. It’s 3:00 a.m.
I have an alarm set to go off in two hours so I can drive to the airport for my flight to California.
I’m surprised I even fell asleep, my nerves are so high over my first time flying and seeing Noel again.
Will he freak out when I call him from the airport? Will he think I’ve completely lost my mind for flying out there when I have no idea where I’m going?
Will he want me there?
A loud crash breaks through my thoughts, and I pause.
“Son of a ... Ow! Ow! Fuck!”
I hold my breath the best I can, straining to hear because I swear I just heard Noel’s voice, and it sounded like it was coming from my living room.
But that’s not possible, right?
“Mother of . . . Fucking hell!”
No. That is 100 percent Noel’s voice.
I throw my covers off—the ones that still smell like him—and race from my bedroom to the living room.
There, standing by the door, is Noel.
And there, attached to his leg, is Pumpkin.
“Dammit! Stop it, Pumpkin! It’s me!”
The cat hisses, his teeth clamped on Noel’s leg, his claws digging in alongside his teeth.
I’m touched that my demon cat loves me so much, but Noel’s safety is my top priority.
“Pumpkin!” I yell, snapping my fingers at the orange tabby. “Down!”
Noel’s head whips my way. His bright blue-green eyes are wide.
“Parker,” he says softly, never mind that the cat is still tearing into him.
“Hi,” I say, racing toward him and grabbing Pumpkin.
It takes a moment to coax the cat from Noel’s leg without causing more harm, but when I finally get him off, he races toward my bedroom, his tail thwacking against the door as he passes.
“Holy crap, is that little guy strong,” Noel says, sucking in heavy breaths. “I thought he would never let go. I tripped over ...”
He stops talking, his eyes drifting down.
He looks back at me. “Parker, why is there luggage by your door?”
“ That’s the greeting I get? Not a Hi , Hello , or a Thank you for rescuing me from your cat ?”
He grins. “You’re right. Where are my manners?”
Then he hoists me into his arms, and my legs go around his waist of their own accord. I throw my arms around his neck, and he plants his lips against mine.
The kiss is heated and heavy, and if we’re not careful, it could lead to something more.
I want something more. Badly.
But there’s a lot we need to discuss first.
Like what the heck he’s doing here.
I pull my mouth away, my breaths coming in sharp, and smile down at him.
“Better?” he asks with a cocky smile.
I laugh. “Much.”
He sets me back on my feet but doesn’t let me go, holding me to him still. “ Now can I ask why your luggage is by the door?”
“For you.”
He lifts his brows. “Me? What do you mean?”
“I was going to LA to find you.”
He tucks his lips together. “You realize that LA is huge and not like Emerald Grove, and you can’t just find people there, right?”
“I know that. I ... I was going to call. It was going to be a surprise. Kind of like this is.” I squint at him. “What are you doing here?”
“You.”
“Noel . . .”
He laughs. “I’m serious. I came back for you. I would have been here three days ago but I had some things I needed to take care of first so I didn’t completely lose everything for walking out.”
“Walking out?” Realization hits me. “Your meeting ... The deal ... You didn’t take it?”
“No, because it doesn’t matter. None of it does. I ... I want you, Peter. You’re what matters.”
“Noel, you can’t ... We can’t ... That’s not how this was supposed to work.”
“Then how was it supposed to work?”
“You were supposed to ask me again.”
He cocks his head to the side. “Ask you what?”
“To go with you. Ask me to go with you again.”
He sighs. “I can’t. I can’t do that, Parker.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s not fair. You love it here. This is your home.”
“It’s yours too.”
“I know.” He nods. “I know that now. I’ve tried to leave it behind and move on, but I can’t. I can’t because ...” He licks his lips, running a hand through his hair. “Fuck, because you’re here, all right? You’re here, and you’re my home, Parker. You always have been.”
“So then ask me.”
“I can’t,” he says again. “I can’t do that. What if you wake up one day and realize it’s not what you want? What if you realize you made a mistake? What if you start to resent me? Then what? Will it be me without a home? Will it be me left alone in LA again?” He shakes his head. “I can’t do that. I can’t take you away from this place.”
“And what if I wake up one day and realize I’m the happiest I’ve ever been? That it’s exactly what I’ve always wanted? What if I realize it’s the greatest decision I’ve ever made? What if I look at you and fall even more in love? What if not going with you is the biggest mistake of my life?”
He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out because he knows I’m right.
“That’s a big risk,” he eventually says.
“Yeah, and it’s worth it. You’re worth it.”
His ocean eyes bore into me like he’s searching for a hint of a lie. He’s not going to see one. I’ve weighed my options on this. Heck, I’ve been weighing them for the last ten years.
I’m sure.
A life with Noel Carter is what I want.
“Are you sure?”
“Surer than I’ve ever been about anything.”
“It’s going to be a lot, Parker. There will be late nights, star-studded events, paparazzi, and people in our business.”
I nod. “I know. I know it is. It’s going to be an adjustment. A big one. But so have the last ten years without you. They were hard. It was painful slugging through them. If I can survive that, then I can manage a few fancy parties and photographers being annoying. I don’t want to spend these next ten years sitting here and wondering what my life would be like if you were in it. I want you in it now. I want you now. I ... I love you, Noel. So much it hurts sometimes. And I want a life with you. I want you to be my best friend. Forever.”
“Fuck.” He drops his forehead to mine. “Fuck, Peter. I love you too. I want all those same things. I really do. I ... I have one caveat.”
Worry races through me. “Okay ...”
“We live here too.”
I pull back. “What? But you hate it here. You ...”
“ You love it here. This is your home, and I don’t want to ask you to leave. Besides, it’s growing on me. So let’s live here too. We can split our time between here and California. It’ll take some work, but I think we can manage it. Besides, you have a theater to run here. I can’t let you build your dream and leave it behind while I get mine.”
I bury my face against his chest, trying to hide the tears falling from my eyes.
“Hey, hey. Come on.” He pulls my face up to him, using his thumbs to wipe away my tears. “Why are you crying? I thought you’d want that. I thought that would make you happy.”
“That is what I want. It does make me happy.”
“Then why the tears?”
“The theater. You paid for the theater.”
“Oh. That.”
I laugh. “Yeah. That.”
He winces. “Are you mad?”
I shake my head. “No. I wanted to be, but ... no. I’m just happy—so dang happy.”
“Good. I know you can do it on your own. I have full faith in you that you can. But you shouldn’t have to. I want to be there to help. I want to be your partner in everything, including this.”
He presses his lips to mine in a soft and slow kiss.
“I love you, Parker,” he says, his mouth brushing against mine with every word. “I’ve loved you since I was eight years old and you came riding through town on your bike. I loved you when I was nine and you told me why your father left. I loved you when I was ten and you didn’t talk to me for a day because I said Batman was better than Spider-Man. I loved you from twelve to eighteen, even when you turned me down. And I’ve kept loving you these last ten years, even when I never thought I’d have another chance with you. I love you more than anyone I’ve ever loved, and I will always love you. You’re my best friend. My everything, Peter, and I want to spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”
I sigh. “It’s not fair. You’re an actor. You have all these pretty speeches memorized.”
He chuckles. “Nothing about that was rehearsed. I said every word straight from my heart.”
I know he did. I can feel it in mine.
“I love you, too, Noel Carter, in those same ways. I think I have since I was eight, before I knew what love was. From the day we met, I knew you were mine and I was yours. That’s never changed—not once when we were kids and not even when you were gone. And it never will change. You’re my best friend, and I want nothing more than to give forever a shot with you too.”
He captures my lips again, kissing me like he’ll never get enough of me.
I get it. I do. I’ll never get enough of him either.
As good as it sounds, forever might not be enough, not with Noel.
“I do have one question, though,” he says.
“Anything.”
“What the hell are we going to do about Pumpkin?”