Chapter 11
11
Natalia
senior year
“What is this?”
I turned my head to see Hayden picking up a book that had fallen out of my backpack and onto the small space between my binder and his half-empty Glacier Freeze Gatorade.
When I don’t answer, he turns it over in his hand.
“The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” he reads out loud. “Is this for a class?”
“No,” I answer, slightly distracted by the vocabulary terms in front of me that are on today’s quiz. “My sister told me about it. Said I would probably like it.”
He nods before placing the book on my binder. He then reaches for his drink, twisting off the cap before taking a loud gulp.
“You want to read it?” I offer, peeling my attention away from memorizing the word “abiogenesis” and its definition.
He grimaces as he recaps his drink. “I’m not much of a reader.”
“Everyone’s a reader,” I argue. “You just haven’t found the right book.”
He shakes his head. “Well, I am not a reader.”
“Give it a try,” I encourage, nudging the book an inch closer to him. When I don’t look away, silently urging him to accept my offering, he smirks.
“This isn’t one of those mannequin romance novels, is it?”
I stifle a laugh. “Harlequin,” I correct him, shoving my hand into his arm as a loose set of giggles causes me to wobble off the edge of my stool. “Ah!” I gasp just as Hayden reaches to grip my arm to fix my balance and help me upright.
“Making fun of me, Marquez?” He pokes my side, making me laugh even harder. “I guess I won’t be reading your filthy romance novel.”
“Nooo,” I protest, not even caring that I sound a little whiny. “It’s not a romance novel.” I pick up the book and place it in his hands, poking a finger onto the cover. “See, no half-naked men with their hair blowing with the wind.”
He raises a suspicious brow at me, and I grin, refusing to take no as an answer. “Fine. I guess I’ll give it a shot.”
“You never know,” I say, turning back to face the table. “This might be ‘the one.’”
“‘The one?’”
I nod. “Yeah,” I answer. “The right book that finally came your way to show you how much you love reading.”
“Love is a strong word.”
“Fine then,” I say, a small eye roll hiding my smile. “No longer dislike.”
He smirks. “We’ll just have to wait and see.”
present
“Hey, Nat,” David’s warm voice greets me as soon as I walk through the door.
“Hey, David,” I answer, tired but glad to return to a home filled with noise instead of frigid quiet. “Is Carmen home?”
He points his thumb toward Carmen’s room. “She’s getting dressed.”
I nod, placing my belongings on a chair facing the kitchen counter before walking to Carmen’s room and knocking lightly on her door.
“Come in.” I hear in a soft and muffled voice from the other side. When I walk in, I find Carmen sifting through her closet.
“Hey,” I call out.
“Hey, Nat,” she answers when she finally looks up. Her smile warmly greets me. “I’m going out to dinner with David. You want to join us?”
I shake my head. “You two enjoy your date. I’m tired anyway.”
She doesn’t go back to looking through her closet or simply nod at my answer. She looks at me as if waiting for me to tell her something.
“What?” I say.
I see her hesitate, opening her mouth before closing it. She turns back to her closet, briefly examining a dress she flicked off a hanger before looking back at me again.
“I know you’re a big girl, and I know you’re going to talk to me about it when you’re ready…”
“You finally saw the invitation? ”
The inner corners of her brows turn up, and she nods. “Are you okay?”
“I guess I should’ve found a better hiding spot.” I sigh, slumping into the soft, cushy chair in the corner of her room while trying to avoid sitting on her clean bed in my work clothes. When Carmen’s attentive gaze urges for an answer, I smile weakly. “I will be,” I finally say.
“Are you sure?” she questions, stepping into her dress underneath her robe. “We can talk if you want.”
I shake my head and rest my chin on the back of the chair as I consider her offer. My lips twist as I attempt to smile through the constriction in my throat.
“I’m okay,” I answer softly.
“Nat, you don’t have to act like you’re fine,” she asserts. “We can talk about it. I can get some of that weird tasting sweet potato ice cream you like, and we can veg out on the couch.”
My smile widens, and a small giggle makes my face lift. “I’m fine, really.”
She rounds her bed and sits at the edge closest to me. “Nat…”
“I talked to Hayden,” I finally say when her persistence doesn’t seem to relent.
Her face twists into a disapproving hint of confusion, apparently thrown off that I didn’t turn to her when I normally would have. “Hayden?”
“Yeah, the guy that was at our party when Lucy was here?” I elaborate.
“The one you two went to high school with?”
I nod. “You were at work when I got the invitation, and I really didn’t have anyone to talk to so I had some drinks with him,” I say, explaining to her so she understands my desperation for seeking consolation elsewhere.
She tilts her head. “Like a date?”
“No,” I refute. “Just a friend listening to me about my crappy love life.”
She gives an understanding nod. “Well, I’m glad he was there to talk to. And I’m sorry I wasn’t. ”
“It’s okay,” I assure her, even though I had deeply wished she was home that night. Still, having that time with Hayden, huddled over chilled vodka and beer while skimming over the briefly mentioned hurt that Hayden somehow knew not to dive too deeply into made me realize how thankful I am for our reunion. If not for the introduction to French cuisine, then definitely for the much-needed company a mere text message away.
She rests a hand on my arm before standing to finish dressing. She pulls her dress up all the way and removes her robe. Her hands run down the polyester material, plum colored and cut below her knees, as it accentuates her curves, stuffing away the images of her in frumpy surgical scrubs. I pick at a loose thread coming off the chair as I think about Hayden and his own set of personal woes.
“Did you ever feel like Mom and Dad pressured us into our life choices?”
Carmen stands in front of her dresser. She leans forward while hooking in her earrings as she looks at me through the reflection. “What do you mean?”
“Like, did you ever feel like you wanted to be something else besides a doctor but couldn’t because Mom and Dad might not approve?”
“Of course not,” she answers before turning to face me. “Do you feel like that?”
“No, not at all,” I say to the ground, examining the chipped white toenail polish on my big toe and mentally reminding myself to get a pedicure. “I was just wondering.”
She walks toward me and kneels in front of me before she places a hand on my lap. “Nat, you know that no matter what you do, Mom, Dad, and I, and even Lucy, will support you.”
I furrow my brow. Of course I know that. I’ve known that my whole life. And knowing what Hayden has been through since his stint in college makes me feel like I’ve taken my family’s support for granted. “I know.”
“Is this about Matteo? That maybe you should have stayed with him?”
“He dumped me, remember?” I look at her with a sad smile of defeat. “I didn’t really have a say in the situation.”
“You could have told his mom,” she suggests, smirking at the thought of me tattling as if Matteo and I were children. “I’m sure she would have forced him to marry you.”
“A shotgun wedding without the pregnancy,” I joke. “Every girl’s dream.” While the sarcasm in my voice is obvious, it doesn’t hide the glum tone laced with the bitterness.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go with us to dinner?” she asks again, her voice a little more encouraging this time. “David won’t mind.”
“I know he won’t.” I smile. “But I’m honestly tired. I had a long day at work.”
She gives me an earnest look before hooking her shoes on her feet as she walks out of her bedroom. I follow, ready to spend the night in front of my laptop screen with a loop of whatever I decide on Netflix and any and all of the junk food I can scrounge up.
“Do you want us to pick up some takeout? We’re getting Italian,” David offers, looping Carmen’s jacket through her arms.
“Sure,” I oblige, looking at the sympathetic look that never left Carmen’s face while appeasing her need to big sister me. David must know about the invitation too because he’s wearing the same look of concern as Carmen.
Carmen reaches for me and wraps me in her arms. “Love you, baby sister.”
I sink into her arms, and my throat tightens as she holds me in her embrace. “Love you, too.”
Once Carmen and David leave for their date, I change into the oversized cashmere sweater I splurged on during my most recent trip to Bloomingdale’s and settle into the couch with my laptop propped on a pillow and a bowl of cheddar popcorn nestled between the cushions. I’m flipping through my Netflix selections with my phone resting loosely in my hands when my fingers land on Hayden’s number, thinking about my lunch hour spent with him and the lingering thoughts of his own personal woes that contrast vastly from mine yet are somehow relatable.
Me: Hey, Marshall.
His response is almost instant, as if he’s been waiting eagerly for me to text him.
Hayden: Marquez.
Me: Thanks for lunch today.
Hayden: Anytime.
There’s a pause in our back and forth. And just as I assume our conversation is over, my phone vibrates with a new message.
Hayden: Thanks for keeping me company. It was nice to see a friendly face.
I pause, gnawing on the inside of my cheek. I haven’t even thought of how lonely he must feel until now, even after he made it abundantly clear. How his day-to-day must feel tiresome, surrounded by people that don’t know about his past the way I do. It makes me wonder if he’s ever told his friends, like Dexter, about his parents or his life before moving to the city.
Me: Well, if you’re ever in need of a lunch date or someone to make that rat dish for, I’m just a text message away .
I end the sentence with a small smiley face emoji. And Hayden responds with a thumbs-up emoji, naturally ending our conversation before I wedge my phone between the cushions of my couch. I roll to my side and place my laptop on the coffee table for better viewing. I finally pick the perfect distraction of twinkly vampires and horse-sized werewolves as I start my Twilight marathon with the image of Matteo’s wedding invitation burning a hole in my head, hoping to replace it with future lunch dates with a reunited friend instead.