Chapter 7
7
W inter passed a bit more mildly, with cool days and chilly nights. But other than a flurry of snow to complement the occasional rain, it looked like a safe bet that spring would be timely. I saw Aaron as much as possible. We were both swamped with work, and I still had school and a bar exam to prepare for. If we didn’t see one another, we talked on the phone or sent texts daily. He sent me silly messages that left me with a goofy smile on my face a few times a day. Curt caught my shit-eating grin a couple times and gave me an inquisitive look, but I didn’t share. I wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed of my new relationship or whatever it was Aaron and I had. I was protective of it. I didn’t want to share him with anyone else. The time we had together was special. We still saw our own friends, but more and more often, I spent at least one night of the weekend at his place. He lived alone, so there were no explanations required. Plus we could be as loud as we wanted.
My roommates, of course, noticed I wasn’t sleeping in my own bed on weekends. I decided to just answer with the truth. Or at least a half-truth.
“I met someone.”
“Yeah, Einstein. We figured that out. Who is she?” Dave asked one late Friday afternoon in March. I had stopped by my place to shower and change before going over to Aaron’s. He was having a few of his friends over. He claimed it would be very low-key, but I was feeling a little nervous nonetheless. I hoped Peter and Jay would be there.
“Aaron.”
“Erin….” Dave drew the name out like he was talking about a porn star. “When do we get to meet her?”
I raised my eyebrows, grabbed my bag, and made a speedy exit. Half-truth. I got angry with myself for not telling Dave and Jason about Aaron, but the whole situation was new to me on so many levels. Aaron was so full of life, easily excitable, and charming. I wasn’t sure what he saw in me. We didn’t have much in common on paper. Our tastes in music, movies (he loved romantic comedies, of course), and hobbies were polar opposite. However, we never ran out of things to talk about. He loved to debate the merit of what made something or someone interesting, be it a musician/pop star or a politician. He was well-informed and well-read. I suppose I was attracted to his intelligence and the fact that he was an avid learner. If he didn’t know or understand something, he researched it so that the next opportunity he had to debate, he was better informed. He asked me questions about cases I read about or that I might be involved in someday. It was intoxicating to be with someone who always seemed interested in you. Aaron was intoxicating. And fucking beautiful.
He opened the door for me, wearing the tightest leather pants I think I’d ever seen on him, with a designer-label blousy white shirt with only a couple buttons fastened. His hair was disheveled, like he’d just blown it dry but hadn’t bothered with product, his feet were bare, and yeah, he looked sexy as hell. I swallowed loudly, making him laugh with pleasure as he took the wine bottle I’d brought from my hand and danced away, leaving me staring after him in the doorway.
The music was blaring. Some techno-pop mix that set my teeth on edge. I needed a drink and to get to the volume control without him noticing. I did both while he finished primping in the bathroom.
“Bad boy! I can’t hear a thing!” Aaron reemerged looking even more gorgeous. His eyes were sparkling with amusement. Thankfully, he didn’t readjust the sound. I had poured him a drink, which I handed over quickly to keep him distracted.
“Thank you. What? No hello kiss?”
He leaned toward me, offering me an exaggerated kissy mouth. I laughed. When our lips met, though, he licked a seductive trail along my lower lip before opening his mouth to mine. We moaned in unison, our drinks forgotten. We were interrupted by his cell phone playing a Lady Gaga tune. He laughed and skipped away to answer it while I adjusted myself and picked up my cocktail.
As he answered the phone, I watched his expression go from pleased to exasperated and maybe a little hurt within a few minutes. He had switched from English to Spanish. Maybe family? The conversation wasn’t long, but it had left him deflated. I moved toward him, wanting to offer comfort or an ear if he wanted to talk. However, the doorbell buzzed before I had a chance. In an instant, I watched Aaron transform his features from angry and hurt to gracious and welcoming host. All traces of his earlier distress were gone as he opened the door for the first of his guests.
Aaron had invited six people for a small dinner party. I’d already met Peter and Jay, so that meant four other of his close friends would be joining us. He’d left work early that day to prepare the food himself. His theme was Puerto Rico. Every party needed a theme, according to him, and he’d been completely mortified to hear I didn’t know if I’d ever eaten Puerto Rican food. I figured it was probably like Cuban or Mexican, right? Wrong. And after Aaron got over being insulted by my ignorance, he decided to cook a traditional Puerto Rican feast to enlighten me. He claimed he was scaling it back a bit, but from what I could tell, there was a ton of food prepared and ready for eight of us to enjoy.
The first guests to arrive were a young man named Ben and his older boyfriend, Mark. There had to be easily ten years difference between them. Ben looked to be younger than me. He was stylishly dressed in tight black jeans and a slim-fitted black V-neck sweater. Aaron commented on his Goth look, which earned him a halfhearted slap on the arm and a grin from Mark. Mark was nice looking in a professorial, unassuming way. I later learned he was a professor at American University, which is where the two met. Aaron had told me they’d been together forever. I wondered what their story was. Ben worked at the magazine with Aaron, and they’d known one another through work for a few years.
Katie, Jay and Aaron’s best “girl” friend, was next to arrive, with a guy named Glen. Aaron obviously adored Katie. He fawned over her choice of outfit and gushed over her handbag. She was pixie small, with long auburn hair and a fair complexion. Her features were sharp, a pointed chin and heart-shaped face with high cheekbones, but they suited her. Poor Glen barely got the time of day. Apparently Aaron and Jay didn’t bother getting to know her boyfriends because they didn’t stick around for long. Katie was fun and boisterous. She seemed a little wary of me, but since I was new I took it as a normal reaction of a protective friend.
Jay and Peter rounded out the party. They were the last to arrive. Aaron didn’t seem surprised. Peter made a comment about them being on “Jay time,” so I assumed late was his norm.
Aaron outdid himself in the kitchen. He accepted help only from Jay and Katie when he was ready to present his masterpiece Puerto Rican fare. He’d made a few dishes using plantains and a rice and chicken dish called arroz con gandules with a secret sauce called sofrito . Everything tasted amazing, and I admitted I was more than a little impressed with his culinary expertise. Jay made a batch of sangria to complement dinner, and before long everyone was relaxed and enjoying themselves, perched around the living room coffee table. It was homey and comfortable. I tried to help clear away plates but was ushered out of the kitchen with a kiss from the chef.
It was a nice evening. I liked Aaron’s friends. Conversation was easy at dinner and everyone was friendly and outgoing. I had been talking friendly politics with Mark in the living room when it occurred to me I hadn’t seen our host in a while. I excused myself and made my way to the kitchen, stopping to pick up a depleted pitcher of sangria. I rounded the corner and found Jay with his arm around a visibly upset Aaron. Aaron had tears in his eyes and it looked like Jay was comforting him. The rest of the party was chatting in the living room, oblivious to any upset. I was a little confused by the turn in his mood. He’d seemed fine all evening.
“Hey there. You okay?”
He wiped his cheek and gave me a reassuring smile.
“Yes. I’m fine. Jay was telling me a sad tale.”
Jay looked at Aaron for a long minute before excusing himself to check on the masses for the host. The look was one of silent communication. My immediate reaction was irritation, but obviously something had bothered Aaron earlier and he’d confided in Jay. That was probably natural, but I couldn’t help wanting it to be me comforting him.
“Tell me, babe. What is it?”
“I will. Later, okay? I promise it’s nothing big. Just the frustrating norm.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah. Come on. Let’s make sure they aren’t reorganizing my DVDs.”
I watched Aaron closely after that exchange in the kitchen. The only thing I noticed, though, was how much he was drinking. The guy was downing sangria like he might never get another glass. I knew there was a potential for real danger, however, when Ben brought out a bottle of Patrón. I’m not a big drinker, really. I tend to stick with beer or the occasional glass of wine or a vodka tonic. Tequila just makes people do stupid things. I wasn’t going to partake. Besides, I wanted to keep a watchful eye out for Aaron. He had brushed off his party hat and was definitely ready to wear a lampshade. One of us should be halfway sober.
An hour later, with the lights either dim or off, the small apartment resembled a small dance club. Someone had a Rihanna song playing so loudly the speakers were vibrating. Shot glasses littered the coffee table, and Katie was dancing up a storm with Jay, Ben, and Aaron. I stood next to Peter, wondering where this night was going. Suddenly, Aaron stopped dancing and ran over to turn the music down so he could be heard.
“Okay, friends! Shot time! And then clear them away! It’s time to dance on the tables!”
Aaron got busy serving up another round of tequila while I looked on helplessly. I turned to Peter to get his reaction to the drunk-fest.
“Matt, my friend. Sometimes, you just got to go with it. They are way too hard to handle when they get like this. Trust me, Aaron and Jay are bad enough together. With Katie in the mix, it’s a done deal. A hurricane. Just wait for it to run its course.”
Katie’s date was trying to hang with the four dancers, but Mark, Peter, and I retired to the kitchen area, taking turns trying to keep the music at a reasonable volume. One of his neighbors had already knocked on the door. When the same neighbor came by, Peter and I assured him there was no need to call the police. Peter took over, turning on the lights and suggesting they maybe unwind with something less noisy. I had to admire how he handled them, making it sound like it was part of their itinerary. Aaron squealed in delight.
“Great idea! Wii!” Katie, Jay, and Ben were in, except there were only two controllers.
“Rock, paper, scissors to see who plays first.” Jay was practically swaying on his feet, but Aaron, Katie, and Ben were game to keep going.
I found myself back in the kitchen with Peter and Mark, sipping from a bottle of water while we listened to the rowdy group egging one another on playing video games.
“Are they always like this?” I nodded toward the other room.
“Not always, no. I suspect someone needed some cheering up and the other two came to the rescue. It’s how they work. Ben is just being a good sport.” Peter craned his head around to check on his partner. “We’ll let them run out of steam and get out of your hair.”
“Not my place. I’m cool.”
“Maybe not, but if you aren’t staying with Aaron, then Jay and I should probably stay the night. Aaron is going to be sick, judging by the amount of alcohol that kid consumed tonight.”
“No, I’m planning on staying. I just meant you didn’t have to run. If you want to stay, that’s cool too.”
“No, I’d rather sleep in my own bed. Just checking to see how the wind blows here. You like him, don’t you?” Peter didn’t necessarily look surprised that I really liked Aaron, but maybe he wasn’t expecting me to take on the mess that was surely coming when Aaron sobered up.
“Yes. I like him. A lot,” I confirmed, taking another long swig from my water bottle.
Mark sighed heavily, as if bracing himself.
“Well, we are getting out of your hair, so to speak. I’m tired. I’ll get Ben and see if we can give Katie and her guy a ride home too.”
I straightened away from the counter and offered Mark a hand.
“Great to meet you, Matt. Aaron is a great guy. A handful, maybe, but a great guy.” He shook my hand, said good-bye to Peter, and left to round up some drunks.
I hoped he was successful. Truthfully, it had been a long day and I was tired. Plus there is something about returning to a sober state when everyone around you has moved on to inebriated. It was exhausting.
Mark had Ben by the arm and was directing him toward the door. He somehow talked Katie and Glen into joining them. He must have convinced them they were off to another party because they certainly didn’t look ready to stop. Jay and Aaron had their arms around one another and were laughing hysterically as they waved to their buddies. Fuck only knew what the joke was. I caught Peter’s attention and rolled my eyes at our dates.
Peter and I made small talk and cleaned up a little bit while Jay and Aaron sat on the sofa doing a rendition of “man, you’re so my best friend.” They seemed to alternate between manic mirth to heartbreaking melancholy and back again.
I was stacking some glasses into the sink when Jay came into the kitchen, looking for Peter.
“Where’s Aaron?”
“Passed out on the sofa. Keep your eye on that one, though,” Jay warned me with a hiccup. “He is foxed!”
“And you aren’t?” Peter brushed his fingers through Jay’s thick dark-golden hair, making Jay purr like a kitten.
“Take me home, lover. I am ’xhausted!”
“Yeah, I bet. Let’s go. Good luck, Matt.”
Finally, they were all gone. The only sounds in the apartment now were Aaron’s soft snoring with Pink singing about being sober in the background. I tried to nudge Aaron awake, but he was having none of it. He twisted away from my voice, curled into a fetal ball, and put a pillow over his head. Okay… this was going to be difficult.
I went back into Aaron’s bedroom, turned down the sheets, and then went back to scoop him into my arms. I gently laid him in bed, taking off shoes, socks, and belt and undoing his leather pants. He rolled away from me, impeding further progress. I gave up for a minute, deciding to lock the place up and grab him some water and aspirin. I thought about getting a wastebasket to put next to him just in case he didn’t make it to the toilet, but I knew Aaron was particular enough to not dare get sick on his own high thread count sheets and comforter. I finished undressing him and took care of myself before joining him in bed. I kissed his sweaty forehead before tucking him in.
At 4:00 a.m., I heard retching noises from the bathroom. I was going to let him be because, come on, who wants to be around a puker? But the soft sobbing wasn’t something I could ignore. I bounded out of bed to find Aaron on his knees, huddled over the porcelain bowl. I grabbed a washcloth, and after wetting it with cool water, I knelt beside him, dabbing his forehead. He flinched and began crying in earnest.
“Hey there. It’s okay. You’re alright,” I soothed. He looked fucking miserable, which I suppose he deserved. I couldn’t help feeling sorry for him though.
“I’m sick. Don’t look at me. Go away, Matty.” He was sobbing, leaning over the bowl and waving his arms behind him. Pathetic. Obviously he needed me, though. I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Hey, it happens to us all. Take a sip of water. Come on. Now let’s get you back to bed.”
He insisted on brushing his teeth, so I stood silently beside him, ready to give a hand in case he slipped or stumbled. He was definitely unsteady on his feet. I had to physically take the toothbrush from him, tip his head back to take a small drink of water, and then lead him by his waist back into bed. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow. Me? Not so much. I spent the next hour at least watching over him. Making sure he wasn’t going to vomit in his sleep and choke to death. Fuck! What a night.
The funny thing was that, in spite of Aaron’s late drunken spiral, it had been a very entertaining evening. Something had definitely gotten to him before the party, and of course I knew it was the phone call. It was cool he had friends like Jay and Katie he could confide in, but I found myself once again wishing it were me.
The next morning, I woke up to the sun casting a bright streak across the bed. I was alone in Aaron’s bed. Ugh! I checked my watch to see it was nine o’clock. I called out to Aaron, wondering if he had made any coffee. He certainly needed it, and I could use a caffeine infusion myself. I stretched out and was about to hop out of bed when Aaron came shuffling slowly into the room. He had put on a pair of boxers and a T-shirt. His hair was mussed up from sleep, and the dark circles under his eyes were definitely not all the result of leftover eyeliner.
“I’m… I don’t have… can’t find coffee, Matty.”
I laughed, although truthfully, I wanted to cry. He just looked so damn cute. Pathetic but cute.
“So we’ll go get some.”
His stare was desolate. Alright, time to be a real hero. Attending to your puking date was all well and good, but saving us both from a morning without coffee after the night we’d had? Priceless.
“Okay, okay. I’ll get some coffee. Be right back.”
I got dressed quickly before I could change my own mind. I was back within half an hour, after stopping for some croissants to go with the coffee. The look of complete and utter joy when I handed him his extra-large coffee was all the thanks I needed. We sat at his kitchen table, drinking our coffee and eating the pastries. Well, I ate mine. Aaron just picked. He was in for a rough day.
“You going to tell me what’s bugging you?”
“Please tell me it wasn’t obvious. I know Jay knows me well enough to know when I’m uptight, and Katie too, but I was hoping no one else caught on.”
“It was the phone call, right?” He nodded sleepily. “You’re tired, babe. Want to talk now or go back to bed and try to get some more sleep?”
“I want you. I am tired, but I still want you. You’re a good man, Matt. Thanks for taking care of me last night.”
“Come on. Let’s go back to bed and just lie there for a while. You look like you’re still in recovery mode.”
“Bed, yes. It’s going to be a recovery day, I know. But I still want you.”
I remember thinking my passion for him should have been at least a little tempered by recent events. I mean, for fuck’s sake, the guy was worshipping the porcelain god a few measly hours ago, and then was literally in tears about the coffee situation, which I had had to rectify. But no, I wasn’t bothered by any of it. If anything, I was happy to take care of him. He brought out a strange new protective side of me. And when he told me he wanted me? Well, my dick didn’t require any more encouragement.
We stripped our clothes off as we made our way to the bedroom. Of course Aaron insisted on brushing his teeth again. My mouth watered at the sight of his sexy ass as I watched him from the bed. He asked how I managed to get his tight leather pants off him the night before. I assured him it was not easy. We both were laughing pretty hard at the picture of me struggling to unpeel him from his sexy pants. They had been really tight.
“I shouldn’t have had seconds.” He snorted while trying to stick out his small belly.
When we were both naked under the covers with laughter still lingering, we stared into each other’s eyes. All amusement was abandoned as we came together, skin to skin, savoring one another’s touch. I entered him slowly, making love to him gently. I could have wept with the sweetness of it. I had never felt so connected and one with a partner. A wave of feeling, so strong I was weak with it, made me wonder why everything was so much better with Aaron.
I woke up with his head on my chest. He was softly snoring, his hair in his eyes. I stared at him, taking in his long eyelashes and his sleep-mussed hair. The eyeliner from the night before was still streaked across his lower lids. His smudged eyes reminded me of a cute little raccoon.
“What are you looking at?” he mumbled as he stretched in my arms.
“You. You look like a little kid with that makeup all over your eyes. An adorable little raccoon.” I kissed the end of his nose.
“You’re mean.” He wiggled away from me and made his way to the bathroom to clean up before making a dive back into my arms as I lay waiting for him.
“No fair. I need to at least brush my teeth,” I grumbled as he pressed kisses over my chest, stopping to play with my nipples.
“Alright, but be quick. You look mighty tasty this morning, Mr. Sullivan.”
I laughed as I left his side to take my turn in the bathroom. I took a moment to study myself in the mirror before heading back to bed. Did I look different? I’d never felt better. I wondered if it was obvious to anyone else.
Aaron was checking messages on his phone in bed. He didn’t look up when I got in beside him. I noticed his brow was furrowed and wondered if whatever had bothered him yesterday had resurfaced.
“Somebody buggin’ you? You don’t look as relaxed as you were a few minutes ago.” I snuggled into his side, attempting to divert his attention.
“Yeah, you gonna beat him up?”
I propped myself on my elbow, lying on my side to get a good look at his expression. What was going on? Did that guy Chris come back in the picture? He hadn’t said a word about any other guys while we’d been seeing each other. I never pictured having this conversation with a guy, but the idea of anyone else touching Aaron set my blood to an immediate boil. I didn’t want to share him. I was going to have to broach the subject no matter how uncomfortable it made me.
“Who?”
He must have heard the hum of temper in that one word, if the raised eyebrow and questioning look he tossed at me were any indication.
“Down, boy. Just family stuff. My dad. Same old story. I wish it didn’t bug me. Sometimes I’m sure it doesn’t at all anymore. But then something stupid just gets me. Fuck! I’m just an idiot.”
“Hey. What happened?” I calmed down instantly when I realized I couldn’t actually kick his dad’s ass. It was time to put my jealousy aside and listen.
“It’s just family shit, Matty. I should be used to it, and for the most part I am, but he still gets to me.”
I waited for him to continue. He lay flat on his back, staring at the ceiling for a minute or two before speaking.
“In my family, my culture, being gay is difficult. My mom, my sisters, and even my brother are fine with it. But my dad is very old-fashioned. He tries, but he doesn’t always succeed, if that makes any sense.” He turned on his side to face me. “If I had to be gay, I think he wishes I could be more like you. You know? You’re masculine, like sports, and generally don’t appear to like other men in a physical sense. I’m not that way.”
“I’m glad. I like you just the way you are.” I ran my hand over his side and the curve of his hip.
“Hmm. Well, that’s good, because I don’t know how to be anything else. I mean, Matty, I’ve been me, this me, since birth. My dad used to blame my older sisters, saying they treated me like their little living doll. They’d dress me up in their clothes, our mom’s high heels and makeup. I loved it! They weren’t doing anything I didn’t absolutely adore. Trust me, my brother is two years younger than me and he was always all boy. He would have thrown a fit if they tried playing dress up with him. Not me, though. They would tell me how pretty I was, and I loved it. My mom thought it was funny, but my dad… not so much. Anyway, fast-forward twenty-odd years and he still struggles. Sometimes I sense that he really tries, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m a disappointment to him.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Matt, you don’t know. Like I said, it’s partly a cultural thing and partly a total machismo thing. My dad is a macho Puerto Rican man with very old-fashioned ideas about the place of a man and a woman in a household. A gay son? Embarrassing.”
“Did he hurt you? I mean….”
“No. He’s not like that. He’s fair. I mean, I got in trouble the same as any kid. It’s just that the relationship we have isn’t anything like the one he and my brother share. My dad coached his soccer teams growing up. They both love sports. Especially baseball. Me? I have nothing to add there. I never liked sports. I did track and field in high school and college, but team sports were not my thing.”
“So, what happened last night? Did he call you?”
“No. I’d called my mom earlier to check on a recipe I tried last night. When she called me back she asked me who was coming over and I heard him make some comment in the background about it being a fag party. I doubt he thought I could hear him, but his hearing is getting bad as he’s getting older and he doesn’t realize how his voice carries. It’s no big deal. Nothing I haven’t heard many a time before, but fuck… every once in a while it gets under my skin. And that is the worst part. Knowing I’m letting stupid ignorant words hurt me. I’m better than that. I just hate that my dad still says them. He’ll never change. In his own way, I know he loves me, but it just hurts.”
I pulled him close to me and held him tightly in my arms, as though my hold would keep his hurt at bay. He melted into me. I felt the warmth of his tears on my chest and held him closer still.
Aaron was right. I had never had to deal with any name-calling, or worse, because of my sexuality. Hell, no one knew I was bi or gay. I didn’t dress, act, or speak in a manner suggesting I liked men. I knew, of course, that was stereotyping, but that stereotype had enabled me to keep my own secret for a long time. I had been comfortable in my relationships with women, but I had never felt fulfilled. Sexually, being with Aaron was like discovering the real me. I was still me, though. I still loved playing and watching sports, loved hanging out with my buddies. I didn’t think that would change when they found out about Aaron, but I couldn’t deny that I would be hurt if it did. I hadn’t even thought about my family. They were good people, and I knew they loved me, but I wasn’t ready to think about the repercussions of coming out to them.
Aaron wiped at his face and cuddled into me. I kissed his tears away and made him laugh when I jokingly told him I was going to kick his dad’s ass. I tickled him until he was hysterical and finally let up when he wiggled out from under me, straddling my thighs. We were gasping for breath as we stilled our playing. Then Aaron swooped down to lay flat over me, wrapping his arms around my neck in a sweet embrace.
“Thank you, Matty. You’re my knight in no clothes.” He sighed and laughed softly in my ear.
I smiled into his hair. Knight. Yeah, that sounded fine by me.