Chapter 1
1
“ F riendship at first sight, like love at first sight, is said to be the only truth.” —Herman Melville
April 20
One year ago….
Saturday afternoon was one of those quintessential picture-postcard days in DC with brilliant blue skies the color of the ocean and fluffy white clouds. Gorgeous cherry trees in full-blush pink bloom provided the perfect backdrop for an April wedding. The ceremony was being held on the lush grounds of a historic Federal-style mansion in Georgetown. I’d been looking forward to attending my first same-sex nuptials. It felt like a particularly significant event to me because I’m gay. The grooms were well-connected, successful businessmen in the city, so no doubt there would be some interesting people watching at this posh affair. Everything looked amazing, and the atmosphere was practically buzzing with celebratory energy.
I would have been too if I hadn’t listened to that fucking voice message on my cell before I’d arrived. I was generally known for being upbeat and cheerful. “Life of the party” might be pushing it, but I wasn’t someone who was prone to bouts of negativity.
Today, however, I could feel the tension radiating through my body, effectively marring my usually positive attitude. My family had a knack for spoiling even the merriest of occasions. I felt a crushing wave of guilt I couldn’t seem to shake. It didn’t matter that they were three thousand miles away on the other side of the country. I was rocked by familiar feelings of anxiety and inadequacy. I shook my head, hoping it would help shake my dark mood as I took in my surroundings.
Beautiful and important-looking people were greeting one another or looking for their seats before the ceremony began. Many of the attendees were wearing designer dresses and tuxes, which was entirely appropriate for a late-afternoon wedding. I had opted for a dark gray Armani suit worn with a floral-print bow tie for a little extra pizzazz. I considered myself one of those guys who could easily blend in with the proverbial wallpaper if I didn’t put myself out there either by being sociable or wearing something… well, eye-catching.
Most of the time, I went for friendly because paying too much attention to my wardrobe on a consistent basis wasn’t my thing. Perhaps I was more casually attired than some, but I certainly didn’t look out of place. I looked like what I was… your average everyday gay man spruced up for a wedding. Tall, lean, brown hair with the faintest hint of auburn, and brown eyes. My friend Matt’s boyfriend recently likened me to a young Bradley Cooper, and although I graciously accepted the compliment, I had no illusions I was movie-star handsome.
This bright, beautiful day belonged to Jay and Peter, easily two of the best-looking men on the planet. That may sound like an exaggeration, but damn… in this case, it was the honest truth. I had come to know Jay and Peter over the past couple of years through my friends, Matt and Aaron. Matt was my former roommate and one of my best friends from law school, and Aaron was his sexy boyfriend. Aaron was also Jay’s best friend and, today, his best man. Aaron would stand beside Jay while he recited his vows to the seriously hot Peter. Matt had been asked to play guitar for the festivities, and I knew he’d practiced like a madman. I had no doubt, however, he’d pull it off beautifully.
I spied an empty chair at the end of the back row and made a beeline for it. I smiled politely to the older woman in the chair beside mine, who took my overture as a sign that I wanted to make a new best friend. What was it about me that made perfect strangers think they knew me? I must look like everyone’s cousin, nephew, or grandson, I mused.
I scanned the crowd surreptitiously while my new friend, Aunt Betty, chewed my ear off about her sweet, great-nephew, Jay, before she moved on to the lovely weather and the gorgeous gardens. I nodded in all the right places as I noted that I knew or had met less than ten people out of the two-hundred-plus in attendance. Oh well. I knew the champagne would be flowing freely soon enough.
I spotted Peter waiting under the ivy-and-cherry-blossom arch for his groom just before the ceremony was set to begin. I was hard-pressed not to stare at him. He wore his black tuxedo like a second skin, giving the simple design an elegant, impressive quality not every man could pull off. He was chatting quietly with a beautiful, tiny woman I knew was his best friend, Kelly. I had heard from Aaron that she was his best man—or woman, I supposed. She had long raven hair and was wearing a gorgeous long, formfitting black silk dress. I have a true appreciation for beauty, and it was hard to not stare at Peter and Kelly. Until my attention was diverted by my first glimpse of Him.
That’s Him, with a capital H, because wow… he was stunning. He appeared out of nowhere, walked straight up to Kelly, and gave her a warm hug and a peck on the cheek before he turned to wrap Peter in a friendly embrace. Peter looked surprised at first but then gave the guy a show-stopping smile and patted his back affectionately. They talked for a brief moment, and when he turned to find his seat, I had the oddest sensation I was getting my first good look at someone significant.
That may sound weird, but I was transfixed. I also decided I may have been a little hasty racing to the back row. I wished I had a better view. From what I could see, he was dreamy. Tall like Peter, maybe six feet three or four, with dark, wavy hair worn long enough to brush the collar of his black tuxedo coat. He had sharp, even features and the muscular build of a linebacker, but the longish hair made me think rock star or even pirate.
I wondered if he had any tattoos before I stopped my pointless reverie and tried to focus on what Aunt Betty was saying next to me. This may have been a gay wedding, but that didn’t mean the guests were all homosexual, or unattached for that matter. I gave a half laugh and stole one more glance of Peter’s sexy friend slash relative, only to find the man in question staring straight at me.
I gulped when our eyes met. Even from a distance, his gaze felt intense. I would have sworn he could read my thoughts, and since they featured him in a somewhat lascivious fashion, I was mortified. I gave a weak grin, swallowed hard, and attempted to look away, but I couldn’t. He held my stare and smiled. It was a lecherous come-hither smile, which had me turning to see if I might be sitting near his wife or girlfriend. Surely that sexy grin wasn’t for me.
There was no one on my left, and that cocky grin couldn’t be for Aunt Betty wearing her Sunday best and sensible heels on my right. I briefly closed my eyes as a heated flush of embarrassment crept over my fair skin, leaving me feeling flustered and bewildered. When I glanced up again, he was gone.
As my blush faded, I smiled. Peter and Kelly’s friend, relative, or whoever he was would no doubt end up being straight, married, and a father of three, but he was delicious. The thought of spending an evening at a boisterous gay wedding reception stealing glances at a gorgeous mystery man was enough to clear all the cobwebs left over from my brother’s earlier message. Today was for fun. Tomorrow I would deal with the rest.
The ceremony was beautiful. Peter and Jay had written their own vows, which were the perfect combination of humorous and heartfelt. I was grateful I’d remembered a handkerchief when Peter’s voice cracked as he spoke of finding Jay, who made everything in life brighter, lighter, and simply better. Aunt Betty patted my arm kindly as I sniffled. Damn, I was a sucker. Matt played and sang “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz. It was light and sweet and set a celebratory tone to carry the gathering into the reception starting immediately on the lawn.
I said my good-byes to my new friend and made a beeline to the nearest bar under an alcove adjacent to the mansion. Happily, I was the first in line. I ordered a gin and tonic from a cute young bartender and stepped aside, wondering what to do with myself. Now that the ceremony was over, I was feeling a little out of my element. Everyone I knew well was busy having pictures taken. I took a deep drink from my glass as I wandered back toward the garden, where the photographer was wrapping up the wedding photos.
Aaron had mentioned earlier that the bulk of the pictures would be taken before the ceremony so the party wouldn’t be held up. Jay and Peter looked incredibly handsome and very happy. I couldn’t help wistfully wondering if I’d ever find someone I cared enough about to spend the rest of my life with. I let out a humorless chuckle at the very real issue of barely having time for any social life let alone meeting someone new. Lately I’d been putting in eighty hours a week on average at my firm. My love life had certainly suffered as a result. It was a good thing my right hand hadn’t developed carpal tunnel, I thought sarcastically.
A loud cheer from inside the mansion area had me turning just as someone was walking toward me on the lawn. My arm was jostled, sending part of my drink down my sleeve. I dabbed quickly at it with the tiny napkin I’d been holding, thankful I’d ordered gin and not red wine.
“Hey, sorry about that. My bad. Can I get you a refill?”
My breath caught as I looked up into the bluest eyes set in the most interesting face I’d ever seen. It was Him, the pirate. Fuck. I sounded like the back jacket of one of the romance novels my mom used to devour when I was a kid. But, in a way, the description fit perfectly. Up close, he was even more impressive than when I’d first spotted him before the ceremony talking to Peter. His shoulders were massive. He was large and muscular without looking cartoonish. His features were sharp and even on his sinfully handsome face. He had what some might call devilish good looks.
I started when I heard a throat being cleared and realized I’d once again been caught staring. The blush was instantaneous, of course. Might as well make my mortification complete. This guy was so far out of my league I had serious doubts I’d be able to hold my end of a coherent conversation.
“Um. No worries. I’m fine. Thanks, though,” I babbled as I stepped backward as though to keep moving toward the garden.
“No, no. I got it. What are you having? Vodka tonic? Want a lime?” His generous mouth twitched in amusement.
“No. Gin, but don’t….”
“Cool. Be right back.”
I held up a hand, intending to stop him, but he was already gone.
“Curt! There you are!” I swiveled back around to find Matt bounding toward me. He was buzzing with energy. He always got that way after he played guitar in front of an audience. “I wondered where you’d headed off to. Great ceremony, huh?”
“It was beautiful, man. What do you think? Does it make you want to pop the question and take a walk down the aisle with your man?” I teased.
Matt and Aaron had been together for two years now. Hell, it had to be over a year since they got their own place and I’d been forced to rent my bachelor pad for a party of one. They complemented each other well. Complete opposites in practically every way, and maybe that’s why they worked. I smiled at the thought of those two walking down the aisle. Matt was head over heels in love with his beautiful spitfire boyfriend. Yeah, they’d be next.
“You know… it kind of does.” Matt winked at me and patted my back hard.
“Easy, dude! I already had half my drink spilled and I’ve only taken two sips.”
“Sorry…,” Matt began.
“Actually, that was my fault. Here you go. Gin and tonic. And I had him throw in a twist of lime. Better that way.”
The hunky pirate was back with a drink in each hand. I looked over at Matt, who was wearing a mystified expression with his mouth wide open. It made me check my own and hope we both didn’t look like a couple of drooling morons. I recovered before Matt and graciously took the offered beverage, depositing the half-empty glass in my other hand on a nearby table.
“Wow. That was fast. Thank you. I’m Curt, by the way. And this is my friend, Matt.” I nudged Matt hard in the stomach with my elbow. He grunted and stuck out his hand.
“Nice to meet you.”
“You’re Aaron’s boyfriend, right? I think we’ve met before. I’m Jack.”
I was pretty sure I heard Matt mumble something like “I would definitely have remembered,” but he coughed to cover the words that no doubt would have had Aaron smacking him upside the head if he were within hearing distance. Instead he shook Jack’s hand effusively while I rolled my eyes.
“My friend Curt here is a bit of a wallflower sometimes. I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t hiding in a corner somewhere,” Matt teased.
“You are hysterical. I think I hear your man calling you, Mat-ty.” I drew out the pet name Aaron called him in a singsong voice that was sure to annoy him.
“I can take a hint, Curtster,” he countered before turning to Jack, who was standing at my left looking highly amused. “Don’t let this guy start blending in with the furniture.” Matt winked playfully at me and squeezed my shoulder hard as he left us.
I discreetly flipped Matt off and took a sip of my cocktail before addressing the hunk in a tuxedo standing next to me. I had to admit I was a little intimidated by Jack’s looks. Jack had a presence that felt larger than life. It wasn’t simply his height that set him apart, though. He exuded an energy and vibrancy that was magnetic. I didn’t even know the guy, but I could feel something was different about him. Special, almost.
I, on the other hand, was a mere mortal. A regular guy. I would say I was considered attractive, but my features weren’t anything extraordinary. Thus the floral-print bow tie, I mused. My most interesting feature seemed to be the beard I’d recently grown. I was fanatical about grooming, so I kept it neatly trimmed and close-shaven. What had started as an accidental “weekend without a razor” thing stayed when Aaron fawned over how sexy it looked, much to Matt’s chagrin. The guy worked at a fashion magazine, so I figured he knew what he was talking about. Either way, I had to admit I seemed to get more looks with it than I had before. Unfortunately, it by no means put me in league with the guy standing before me eyeing me curiously.
“So….”
“Do you….”
We started at the same time. I felt myself redden again and took another quick sip to hide my flustered state.
“I was going to ask how you know Jay and Peter,” Jack said conversationally. “Let’s step away from the bar. It’s getting crowded here.”
He gently steered me toward a seating area on the lawn with the slightest touch to my elbow. I breathed in the crisp late-afternoon air and looked out at the gardens behind the estate. They were glorious. Spring was blooming all around me. I turned to make a comment about the setting to my companion and found him to be sitting much closer to me than I expected. I leaned back in my chair and took another drink.
“Well?”
“What?”
Jack gave a half laugh and observed me thoughtfully before he repeated his question. “How do you know the happy husbands?”
“Oh sorry… I met them through Matt, who obviously knows them through Aaron. And you know Aaron is….”
“Yes. I’ve actually known Aaron for years now through Jay. He’s a beautiful man.”
Men don’t talk about other men being beautiful unless they find them to be attractive. Beautiful was a special sort of adjective. They also don’t make a point of refilling spilled drinks and engaging in prolonged friendly conversations with other men unless they’re attracted. Or maybe just interested. Although I couldn’t see someone like Jack being attracted to someone like me. Maybe he was just killing time waiting for his date or the photos to finish. I looked closely at him. Was he gay? I really couldn’t tell.
“He is. Matt and I went to law school together at Georgetown. I met Aaron when he and Matt became a thing…. and that has to be over two years ago now. Jay was always around especially when Peter got busy traveling with work.” I took another drink without thinking and set it on the table beside my chair. “What about you?”
“Peter and I have known each other since we were teenagers.”
“Oh. Cool.”
“My sister Kelly and he are best friends.”
“Right. Okay. I’ve met your sister. She’s great.”
So Kelly was the connection. For some reason that rang a bell for me, like he’d given me a puzzle piece I needed but didn’t know where to place. I felt like I was in one of those conversations where I was interested in knowing so much more than was polite to ask so I had to fumble around with safe topics until I got a green light. Or had too much to drink.
“Mmm-hmm. You’re a lawyer?” The pirate grin was back. I wondered idly if he was making fun of me.
“Yeah.”
“What kind?” This time Jack used his hands to indicate he was pulling information out of me. The twinkle in his eye was kind and set me at ease.
“Not an exciting kind. I….”
“I wasn’t aware there was an exciting kind,” he teased.
“Ha. Ha. Well, that may be true. I specialize in eminent domain and property acquisition.”
“Guess you were right… that doesn’t sound sexy at all.” He arched a brow at me, and I couldn’t help but think the gesture was flirtatious. I was definitely thinking gay.
“Who ever said anything about law being sexy?”
“Not me. Is it at least intriguing?”
“Probably not to most, but I like it. I love the firm I’m with, and although I don’t always like the long hours, I like my job.”
“Good. That’s what matters. I’m sure there’s a sexy side to it too… somewhere.” This time he winked, shook the ice in his glass, and took a long sip. My eyes were glued to his mouth as I tried to follow what it was we were talking about.
“Uh… I don’t….” I was flustered again. Sexy eminent domain? No. I didn’t think so. “What about you? What do you do?”
“I own a couple of businesses.” His answer seemed evasive, though he looked perfectly at ease as he sat back in his chair with one arm draped casually over the side. I picked up my glass and took another sip, catching a piece of ice on my tongue. I set it back down and repeated his rolling hand motion, gesturing I was now the one pulling information from him.
“Sexy businesses?” Uh-oh. I pushed the glass aside. Jack laughed out loud, throwing his head back.
“It depends on your idea of sexy, I suppose.”
“Sexier than eminent domain?” I teased, loving his easy humor.
“Imminently and unarguably,” he countered with a wolfish grin.
“Now you sound like a lawyer. So… what kind of businesses already? Porn sites? A triple-X bar slash club for horny old men? Why so secretive?”
Jack laughed again. I cocked my head, taking in his handsome features. Damn. Even his Adam’s apple made me swoon. I wanted to lick a trail up his neck to nibble on his sexy, stubbled chin. I wanted to… I pulled myself from my musing when I noted his intense gaze on me.
“No secrets. I do own a bar, but not quite the kind you suggested. And I?—”
“What kind, then?” I interrupted.
“It’s a gay bar.” His voice was very matter-of-fact, almost as though he were stating the obvious.
“You’re gay?” Part of that question was the gin and tonic talking for me, but I wasn’t sorry I asked.
“Yes.” This time Jack didn’t smile. A slightly longer than comfortable silence passed between us, and I couldn’t help but think I was being closely observed as he waited for me to acknowledge his admission.
“Cool. Me too.”
He smiled then but hid it quickly by taking a sip from his own glass.
“Where’s your bar?”
“It’s in Dupont. Jack’s. Heard of it?”
I gulped audibly and picked up my glass to suck on a piece of ice nervously. Jack’s. Okay. That was a new one. And I now had absolutely no idea what to say.
I’d heard through the gay grapevine Jack’s was the bar for leather daddies and muscle men. It had a reputation as a hook-up place for guys into the leather scene. They’d go to Jack’s before heading to underground sex clubs catering to those who enjoyed a little kink. Or so I’d heard. I had been once with some friends on a dare, but I hadn’t stayed long. I remembered feeling very much out of my element. I wasn’t a leather type of guy. I wasn’t overly muscled. Hell, I didn’t even have a tattoo. Something told me Jack probably had a few under his beautifully tailored black tux.
“Y-yeah….” I cleared my throat and tried again. “Yes, I’ve heard of it.”
“Have you been?” There was more than simple curiosity in Jack’s question. There was challenge.
“Once. Last year, I think. I… uh… I don’t think I remembered to wear leather that night. I felt a little out of place in my khakis.”
“You can wear whatever you want. Leather isn’t a requirement.” Jack arched one brow in challenge, but there was a flash of humor in his eyes. I didn’t think he was laughing at me but I couldn’t be sure, and all I really wanted now was a topic change. I swallowed hard, trying to wrack my brain for a segue. “Gee, I’ll try again” didn’t ring true because I had no intention of ever going back to Jack’s. Simply put… it wasn’t my scene.
“Did you say you have another business too?” I was hoping it was something innocuous like tutoring college-aged kids looking to brush up on their algebra skills.
Jack gave me another one of those rakish smiles that curled one side of his mouth higher than the other before he answered.
“I own a motorcycle shop. We sell bikes and do repairs too. That’s where I spend most of my time.”
Motorcycles and leather bars. Um…. Okay. I was right. I was out of my depth, as in a twenty-five-foot tidal wave out of my depth. I didn’t even know what kind of questions one asked about those subjects. I couldn’t help the fact that my thoughts went directly to a stereotypical tatted-up bad-boy persona when I looked over at my companion. Fuck, I needed another drink.
“Um… so what kind of…?” I struggled to think of the name of a motorcycle brand, snapping my fingers as though it were on the edge of my tongue.
“Motorcycles?” he helpfully supplied. I nodded, hoping he’d talk without needing my input.
We were interrupted by the timely arrival of a handsome young waiter carrying a silver tray of champagne flutes. I quickly sprang to my feet and took two, smiling widely as I handed one to Jack.
“To Peter and Jay,” I toasted. Jack raised his flute and took a small sip, never taking his eyes from mine. Everything about him was hypnotic. Damn, what were we talking about? Motorcycles! That’s it.
“So… yes, tell me about your motorcycle business. What kind do you sell?”
“Harleys mainly, but I have a few other brands as well. Do you ride?”
“Hell no!” My eyes widened at my frankly rude fit of honesty. “I mean….”
Jack’s eyes twinkled with amusement. “Let me rephrase the question. Have you ever ridden?”
I hesitated before I admitted I hadn’t with a shake of my head.
“Well, as they say, Curt… don’t knock it ’til you try it. You just may end up lovin’ it.”
Wisely, I refrained from saying what I really was thinking, which was something like “Yeah, right.” Instead, I fixated on something else I’d noticed.
“Where are you from? Wait… if you and Peter grew up together, then you must be from Georgia too. Right?”
Once again I had a niggling feeling I had been given a clue I didn’t know how to use. Georgia, Kelly’s brother… whatever. My diet of gin and tonics and now champagne wasn’t doing anything to help jog my memory.
“Atlanta, yes.”
“Great city.” Safe subject. I was feeling better already.
“Yes, but I haven’t been back in a while. Funny thing that you would notice an accent. It’s been a while since anyone has.”
“What can I say? I’m detail-oriented.”
Jack opened his mouth to say something and held back at the last second, shaking his head in an amused fashion instead. From somewhere inside the mansion, an announcement was being made. Jack shifted in his chair and leaned forward as though he were going to stand.
“We should probably go see what the fuss is about. Care to join me?”
“Um yeah… I’ll be right there.”
Jack nodded and flashed a brilliant smile at me before he stood. “I’ll be looking for you.”
I gulped. That sounded a hell of a lot sexier than I was sure he meant it to. I took a sip of champagne and watched him as he headed off to join the festivities. His broad shoulders and tall frame made him stand out among the crowd. I leaned back in my chair for a moment, deciding I should steer clear of Jack. Why torment myself with visions of hot sex with a muscle-bound leather man? It might make for good fantasy, but in reality, I doubted I was his type any more than he was mine.
The reception was a blast. The mood was joyful and celebratory with sappy toasts and funny stories followed by nonstop dancing. I wasn’t much of a dancer but after a few cocktails, I tended to think maybe I did have some mad moves on the floor. Everyone was hard-pressed not to join in at some point. It was pretty amusing to see Matt try to keep up with Aaron, and I couldn’t help razz him a couple of times.
“I know, right? Why bother?” Matt laughed good-naturedly. “I think there’s a group heading to our place after the reception. You coming?”
“Sure. Why not?” I’d had a great time all day and wasn’t in any hurry to go home to an empty apartment.
“That’s the spirit, Curtster!” He knocked my shoulder playfully as he wrapped his arms around Aaron’s waist and shook his ass seductively on the dance floor. Aaron turned in Matt’s arms and threw himself at his lover, pulling Matt’s head down to kiss him soundly before backing up and giving him a beautiful megawatt smile.
I watched the exchange through a gin-hazed fog. I wanted that. I didn’t feel jealous per se, but I felt a pull of longing. I turned away when the pull started to drag my mood down. Maybe what I really needed was fresh air. I made my way through the wide french doors leading to the terrace and gardens beyond. The evening air had a bite to it that came as a surprise after the temperate weather we’d enjoyed all day, but it was a welcome change after the heat generated by the press of bodies on the dance floor. I took a deep, cleansing breath and stepped into the shadow under the eaves, stopping in my tracks when I heard soft voices nearby.
“You’re sure you’re okay?” A woman’s gentle tone sounded like a warm caress in the cool evening breeze.
“Fine. I promise. Go on back to the party. Go find your husband and dance. I’m good.” I recognized Jack’s deep voice and froze.
I’d spotted Jack intermittently throughout the reception but I didn’t seek him out. I could almost imagine I felt his sharp gaze upon me a couple of times, but some saner part of me thought it was probably the gin talking. A rustle of fabric warned me someone was heading in my direction. I looked up to see Kelly walking carefully in her mega-high heels toward the ballroom. She seemed distracted but offered a small smile as she passed me.
I usually would have been the guy turning in the opposite direction if I sensed any drama in the works. It wasn’t my thing. I didn’t do emotional theatrics and I steered away from other people’s issues unless I was specifically asked for advice. But I was compelled to see Jack again. In my current state, I wasn’t going to question why. I cleared my throat to announce my presence as I moved toward him. Fuck, he was magnificent.
He was leaning against the brick facade of the mansion with one foot planted on the wall and the other firmly on the ground. He was smoking a cigarette and staring into space, but he turned at my approach and offered a lopsided grin that almost made it to his eyes. I didn’t know Jack from jack, but obviously something was on his mind.
“Hey.”
“Hey yourself. I saw you dancing like a madman in there. Kinda sexy.” Jack waggled his eyebrows as he drew on the cigarette.
“Those’ll kill you, you know.” Of course I was correct, but I sounded like a judgmental douche to my own ears.
Jack gave a humorless chuckle as he pulled away from the wall and fully faced me, handing the cigarette toward me. To take a drag or throw away, I didn’t know. I took his offering and sucked on the end, drawing the smoke deep in my lungs before giving it back to him. My eyes instantly watered, and I choked on the foreign burning feeling in my chest. I wiped at my eyes and desperately tried to control my breathing as Jack patted my back and enjoyed a good laugh at my expense.
“You all right there?”
“Yeah.” I gasped once more before I attempted to give Jack a perturbed evil eye. He was decidedly unfazed and chuckled again, rubbing my shoulder in what I think was meant to be a soothing gesture.
“Okay, Curtis. No smoking for you. And you’re right. You sound like an advertisement for clean living… you know, like a know-it-all. But you’re still right.”
“I know I am. My father is dying from those fucking things.”
“I’m sorry.” Jack took a step back and observed me quietly as he made a show of putting out the offending cancer stick. He tightened his lips as though he were trying to decide if he should say more, but shrugged instead and looked out into the darkened grounds.
“Whatever.” I didn’t want to talk about my dad. I actually couldn’t believe I’d brought it up. I wanted to know about Jack, not divulge Townsend family shit. “What about you? Are you okay? You seem a little… I don’t know… pensive?”
This time his laughter rang like a bell through the relative quiet of the garden. I wanted to be annoyed, but I was charmed. Jack had a lusty, full laugh that had me grinning in response as I waited to find out what the hell was so damn funny.
“Pensive? Ha! Well, Curtis, I suppose I am a little pensive. Did you overhear my little sister asking after her poor sad-sap brother? Or are you naturally intuitive? Or just nosy?”
“You’re kind of a dick, aren’t you?” I stuffed my hands in my suit-coat pockets and looked Jack over carefully.
He had an air of defiance that warred with a sadness I was just detecting. Why was he sad? This was a wedding. A happy occasion! Peter and Jay were perf—oh.
Oh damn. The elusive puzzle piece clicked into place, and I suddenly knew exactly who Jack was. Peter’s ex. Fuck, I couldn’t believe I didn’t clue in immediately! I knew it was ancient history. It had to be, because Peter and Jay had been together for years. Maybe Jack wasn’t quite over it. Or maybe he was grappling with old feelings or may?—
“Cool it, kid. I’m fine. I can see the wheels turning in your head. Like I told Kel, I’m good. Everything’s good. Are you good?” Jack modulated his tone from exasperated and sarcastic to breathy with lustful innuendo in one short exchange.
“Um… yeah. Good.” I took his place leaning against the cool brick as he stared out again wordlessly. Definitely pensive, but I was staying quiet this time. Not my business.
“Today, tonight is about new beginnings. Do you feel it?” Jack wasn’t looking in my direction. He may have been trying to convince himself, and I was merely an unwitting audience to some tumultuous inner thoughts.
“I dunno. I suppose so.” I’d had enough gin and champagne to agree to almost anything that night. However, I liked the optimistic bent to his musing. Sure… new beginnings. I’d drink to it if I had a glass in my hand.
Jack glanced over his shoulder at me. His handsome face was clouded with something I couldn’t define. His forehead was wrinkled in deep thought. It made me curious about something I never would have had the audacity to ask if I weren’t slightly pickled.
“I know it’s none of my business, but… well, why are you sad about Peter and Jay getting married? They’ve been together for some time now.”
Jack came back to my side and leaned against the brick facing me. His features were half shadowed, and the tension radiating from him belied his casual pose. He was much closer than I would normally have been comfortable with, but I didn’t move a muscle.
“For the record, I’m not sad about the happy couple. In fact, I’m thrilled.” Jack swiped his hand over his face. I didn’t understand the gesture, but I sensed he was angry with himself. “It’s closure in a way.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Look, you don’t know me and I’m not trying to trip you out, but… I’m going to tell you something I didn’t just tell my poor worried baby sister….”
I stood perfectly still for fear of breaking the strange spell floating palpably in the air between us, waiting for Jack to continue. Standing just outside the party in the dark with a sexy man I barely knew who was about to reveal a secret was tantalizing to my gin-infused brain. I literally hung on Jack’s every word, wondering at the significance of our exchange and our meeting in general. Did it mean something? Or was I just drunk?
“Today… this ceremony… it feels final. It’s closure. It’s their beginning, which I’m really good with, as I tried to assure Kel. But it’s my personal final farewell in a way.”
Jack shifted against the wall and stared out into the dark evening. I remained still and silent.
“Peter is the past. My past. Now he’s someone else’s future. It’s time for me to figure out my future. You understand? You don’t actually have to say a word. I’m a shit for saying this stuff to a perfect stranger in the first place.”
“No. I don’t think that. I get it. The circle of life or something like it, right?”
Jack’s full mouth turned up at the corners in a weak grin that in no way reached his eyes.
“Maybe. But I’m not sad. I’m… look, for a period in my life he was my partner, lover, whatever you want to call it. It was a good run and yeah, it’s been over for some time. But marriage… I don’t know how well you know Peter, but this day is fucking huge. I couldn’t have imagined even suggesting wearing rings when we were… you know.”
“A couple?” I supplied, hoping to keep Jack talking. He seemed to need this little catharsis.
“We were never like what he has with Jay. Ever. I… I’m happy for my friend, and grateful we still are friends, but I admit… it feels weird. I feel like I got a friendly reminder to wake the fuck up and move on.” Jack straightened from the wall and turned to face me. “So today… on my ex’s wedding day, April 20, I’m moving forward. I wish I had something to toast with….”
Jack looked over toward the mansion, maybe considering if it were worth the trip to go inside to get a glass or two of champagne. I watched him carefully and caught his changing train of thought as he leaned into me. I blinked and let out a small gasp when I suddenly found myself pinned against the brick facade with Jack’s thick arms braced on either side of my head. My heart was beating out of my chest. I watched his cloudy expression as Jack struggled to gather control of his emotions or temper. He was wound tight, radiating with excess energy as he held himself inches from my body. I felt his warm breath against my mouth before he leaned down to gently brush his lips against mine.
My response was instantaneous. I reached up and held Jack’s head, running my fingers through the thick waves of his hair, loving the sensation of being held in place and kissed senseless by a bigger, stronger man. None of that was really happening, though. It was me creating a same-sex Harlequin romance by trapping the guy who was giving me a friendly peck on the lips. I moaned aloud, as I realized what a moron I was. Unbelievable. I’d really hoped not to embarrass myself immediately with the hottest guy I’d been kissed by in… well, years. No such luck. Jack chuckled softly and kissed my forehead before stepping back.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” I swallowed hard before attempting to speak.
“Listening. Not judging. Or at least keeping that part to yourself.” This time when Jack smiled, his blue eyes twinkled. I returned his grin and fought to think of something to say to keep him near me. I didn’t want him to go.
Jack offered a small smile and turned to leave. I didn’t think. I grabbed the sleeve of his coat silently, though maybe a little obnoxiously, asking him not to go.
“What is it, Curtis? What do you need?” He was back in my space, filling the air around me so every sense I had was attuned to him. His manly, musky scent, his larger-than-life presence, his very magnetic essence trapped me in a surreal cocoon. I’d asked for this. But I had no idea what to do now that I had Jack’s full attention. A niggling voice in the back of my head told me to take what I wanted. Just say it.
“Kiss me again.” Uncharacteristic of me, for sure. I knew some of my newfound confidence came from the copious amount of alcohol I’d had throughout the course of the day. The hangover I’d surely have in the morning might just be worth it if the look in Jack’s eyes were any indication.
“You kiss me,” he challenged, as he leaned back lazily against the brick.
I stepped away from the wall and between his thighs, keeping my eyes fixed on his. My heart was beating double-time, but I didn’t stop my forward motion as I gently set my right hand on his left shoulder. I tilted my head up and brushed my lips softly against his.
There. I did it. I kissed Jack.
I heard a sudden low growl and was afraid it was me. I was usually very careful not to give away too much, but Jack was dangerous. I was more attracted to him than I had been to anyone in a very long time. I heard the sound again and somehow registered it was Jack. He cupped the back of my head and drew me close, sealing his mouth over mine. My peck on the lips was evidently not his idea of a kiss. I was shocked at first, but the second his tongue licked a path across my mouth requesting entry I complied and responded, kissing him back as though my life depended on it. As though I’d never get another chance. I probably wouldn’t, I thought. Take what you want , that voice in my head repeated.
Jack was an expert kisser. I could have happily stood in the circle of his arms all night with his lips sealed against my own, his tongue prodding, licking, and taking everything on offer and then some. He drew back for breath and rested his forehead against mine, his hand still in my hair, anchoring me close to him. I opened my eyes and pulled away. I was panting softly and felt a little like I’d run a marathon as I stepped back and leaned against the wall to steady myself. We stared at one another, still wrapped up in the moment. Jack’s full lips were slightly swollen, his eyes blazing with desire.
“That was hot.”
I nodded weakly, wondering what to do now.
“Hey. Why don’t y—” Jack was interrupted by Matt’s untimely arrival.
“There you are! You coming with us? We’re leaving soon and you need a ride. No driving for you. Jack, you’re welcome too. We’re heading to our place for a small after party.”
“Uh….” The truth was I wanted to see what, if anything, more would happen with Jack and me tonight. I didn’t want to be reminded of my real life, though of course my friends were the best part of it. For once, I wanted to go with this reckless abandon being around him seem to inspire.
“Thanks. That sounds cool. I’ll drive Curtis for you. What’s your address?” Jack spoke up. I heard Matt give him the Dupont-area address to his and Aaron’s condo, but I kept quiet. It was as though the combination of the gin and Jack’s intoxicating company rendered me speechless. I felt like I was floating outside my body, watching their exchange, content with letting them make plans for me. So unlike me. A glance at Matt’s shit-eating grin told me he’d figured it out without a word from me. Great. I’d never hear the end of it. I watched Matt retreat to the ballroom. The festivities were coming to a close inside, but outside, it felt like that new beginning Jack had spoken of earlier.
“Um….” I looked up at Jack, who gave me a wide, generous grin.
“A lawyer who can’t speak. That has got to be a first.”
“Shut up.” I ducked my head, embarrassed.
“Hmm. I like you, Curt. I wouldn’t mind having you to myself for a while longer if you’re game. Your friends live near me. I’ll drop you off on my way home.”
I had to clear my throat before I could answer and decided it didn’t matter anyway, so I nodded in agreement. Jack smiled indulgently. I noticed one side of his mouth turned up more than the other. I reached out and touched his lip curiously. My sudden motion surprised him, but he didn’t move a muscle. He let me trace his soft, full lips as though I were a blind man. After a minute, he brought his hand up and gently grasped my fingers, licking them into his mouth in a move worthy of a porn star. Then he kissed my palm sweetly before lowering my hand away from his face. His eyes never left mine. I gulped and tried to refocus. Fuck, that was sexy.
“So… where were we?” Jack closed the short distance between us and lifted my chin with his thumb before swooping down to cover his mouth over mine.
We made out like a couple of teenagers in the semidark of the grand garden as the wedding reception came to an end around us. I was aware of fading voices, lowered music, and finally a gentle quiet broken only occasionally by someone who’d had a few too many. But I was content to remain exactly where I was—trapped between Jack’s wall of a body and the brick of the mansion’s facade as we kissed, licked, and sucked on each other’s tongues, mouths, and necks in our effort to get better acquainted.
Jack kissed me roughly, running his fingers through my hair and holding my head in place as he ravaged my mouth. Then he would pull away and soften the connection until I was whimpering for more. More contact, more Jack. I circled my arms around his large frame and pulled him into me, bringing our chests flush. Jack tilted his hips into mine, and I could have sworn I saw stars. The first touch of our erections, even through our suit pants, was enough to take my breath away. It had been too long since I’d been with a man, I mused, and fleetingly hoped I didn’t come in my pants just from a little friction. Geez, it would be like high school all over again.
When the overhead lights from the ballroom spilled brightly into our little garden oasis, the magic was diffused. Obviously the cleaning crew was trying to get a handle on the mess from the reception, thinking the entire party had long since gone. We both went still, waiting for someone to come outside and reprimand us as though we were a couple of naughty schoolboys.
Jack stepped back and shot a guilty look toward the action indoors. He took a deep breath and brushed one hand through his wavy hair. He didn’t seem like the type of guy to regret making out with a stranger in the dark, even at his ex’s wedding. Maybe he needed me to steer for now.
“You still okay to take me to Matt and Aaron’s?”
Jack inclined his head and leaned down to press one last kiss on my swollen lips.
“Yeah. Come on, Curtis.”
I wanted to reprimand him for calling me by my full name—the name I only used for official documents. And the name my parents called me. But when he grabbed my hand in his larger one and drew me back into the shadow of the night, I didn’t give a fuck what he called me. Being with him was exhilarating, I thought, as I laced my fingers with his. I happily floated on a breezy cloud of contentment as I matched his stride through the garden and out to the parking area beyond. I felt lighthearted and starry-eyed just being near him, sharing the same space.
And then he had to go and ruin everything.
Jack stopped at a motorcycle, which if I’d paid any attention to my surroundings in the empty lot, I would have realized was the only damn vehicle still there.
“Ah… no. Where is your car? Don’t you have a car? You couldn’t have ridden this in your tux, right?” I folded my arms across my chest decisively. No way was I getting on that death trap.
Jack paid no attention to me as he unlocked a helmet attached somewhere to the bike. He gave me a sideways glance and then turned to hand it to me. I stared at it, then at him and shook my head. Not happening. Fuck. I took a taxi to the wedding and I guess I’d take one home. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, intending to dial up a ride with four wheels instead of taking my chances with the two-wheeled variety, when I felt the helmet being drawn over my head. Jack batted my cell away, shoving it back in my pocket before fastening the helmet properly.
“What are you doing? No. I’ll call a taxi. Besides, what would you wear? This is entirely unsafe!” My voice had risen an octave as I warmed up with self-righteous indignation. Who did he think I was? I didn’t do motorcycles. Ever.
“Hey, look at me.”
I rolled my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek. Jack looked larger than life in the moonlight. He seemed powerful too and in charge. Whatever. I wasn’t budging. I knew the bubble would burst. I had just misjudged the timing. Badly. Back to reality. I was pissed at myself for letting my inhibitions go. I’d had too much to drink and was now in a situation I didn’t care to be in. Fuck! I was an idiot!
“Curtis. Look at me.” His tone was low and commanding. I snuck a peek from the corner of my eye, not willing to comply completely.
“Hey.” Jack gently took my chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing me to focus on him. “Remember what we said earlier? Tonight is a beginning. Tonight anything is possible. Try something you never thought you would. I know you don’t know me, but will you trust me? Just for tonight. I’ll take it slow and easy. You’ll just sit back and enjoy the ride. What do you say, honey?”
I gulped, mesmerized by his speech. Whether he meant for it to sound sexy or not, he seemed to be asking me to do more than hop on the back of his Harley and shut the fuck up.
“You won’t have a helmet, though. It’s not safe,” I heard myself protest weakly.
“I’ll go slow. Promise. Scout’s honor.” His eyes were twinkling again.
I snorted, smacked his arm lightly, and rolled my eyes for good measure.
“Puh-leeze. You don’t look like Boy Scout material.”
Jack threw his head back, laughing at my undoubtedly astute estimation.
“What makes you think I wasn’t a Boy Scout? I think you’re making judgments based on superficial observation. Tsk tsk.”
“Well, were you?”
Jack didn’t answer. He shot me a grin that turned the corners of his mouth up devilishly as he moved back to his big bike, making a show of straddling the monster before starting it. I jumped back at the harsh noise of the powerful motor. Jack laughed above the startling sound and revved the engine.
“Hop on, Curtis. Time to ride.” His gloved hands were affixed to the handlebars. He inclined his head, this time in exasperation.
Fuck. I felt a bead of sweat on my upper lip form in the cool night, and a flash of heat made my skin feel suddenly clammy all over. I was scared. Shitless. What did he say earlier? Something about tonight being about new beginnings. I needed one of those, I mused. I needed to try something new, take a chance on the unknown. Riding, even as a passenger on a motorcycle, was a new one for me. I took a deep, cleansing breath and reached for the straps of the helmet, making certain it really was secure on my head before I moved gingerly toward Jack, who was perched on his Harley. I was aware of his watchful gaze but I needed to concentrate on working through my fear. I bit my lip and cheek as I reached out to touch the seat behind him, feeling the purr of the engine radiate through my body.
“Hey, honey… it’s okay. Get behind me and hold on tight. You’ll be just fine.” His voice was low and kind, as though he were addressing a skittish child. Well, I was skittish, that was a given.
I took another deep breath, wiped my sweaty palms on my pants, and lifted the fabric on my right leg as I attempted to mount the bike. The seat was broader than I realized, so I ended up misjudging the momentum required and hopped backward on my left foot, trying to avoid falling on my ass. Jack caught my flailing right arm and held me steady. Now my right Prada-covered foot was stuck on the seat, which may have been a graceful move for a dancer, but not a six-foot-tall dork like me.
“Easy there. I got you.”
“Jack. I’m stuck.” I was torn between embarrassed and pissed.
Jack chuckled softly and turned to look at my predicament. He turned the engine off and effortlessly dismounted, giving me room to remove my leg from the seat. We stared at each other in the dark. I probably looked like a mutinous overgrown child with my arms crossed angrily and that damn biker helmet on my head. Oh and let’s not forget I was still wearing an Armani suit and a bow tie. Fucking ridiculous. Jack’s smile grew as he took in the silly sight I made. He shook his head in disbelief or maybe in disappointment—who knew? Perhaps I’d get my taxi ride after all. I waited anxiously to hear his verdict. He looked like a guy who had something to say.
“We’re gonna try this again. You hop on first. I’ll lend you a hand if you need it. Then I’ll get in front of you.” His eyes were sparkling with humor, and his speech was slow and deliberate.
I stared at him a moment longer. Jack raised his eyebrows in response and waited for me to move back toward his Harley. This time around the fear was gone, and I was fueled by angry determination. I wasn’t about to look like a bigger schmuck than I already did. With more room to get on the bike and Jack’s arm nearby for purchase if I needed it, I was on the back end of his motorcycle in seconds flat. Jack took his place in front and restarted the engine, revving it to life.
My thighs were splayed open, resting on the sides of Jack’s legs, the motor humming beneath us suggestively. I studied his massively wide shoulders and wondered at his sheer size and apparent strength. I couldn’t believe I was this close to him. We’d had our tongues down each other’s throats, but somehow this feeling, this kind of touching… it was sexy as hell.
“Curt!”
I blinked and refocused, realizing we were still parked.
“Yeah?”
“Hold on now. No daydreamin’, got it?” I heard the smirk in his voice and delivered a light smack to his back before I cautiously snaked my arms around his middle. “Tighter, honey. I don’t wanna have to go back and retrace my path to find pieces of you.”
“Fuck! Jack, let me off. I’m not doing this. I changed my mi?—”
And he was off. I felt his laughter through the fine fabric of his tuxedo jacket. I wanted to be angry or scared but honestly, I was neither. The immediate sensation of flying and yet being tethered was thrilling. Holding on to a hunky, muscular man while I felt the cool wind on my face and the engine under my ass was another kind of thrill.
Jack set a hand over mine when we reached a red light at the bottom of the hill and asked if I was doing okay. I nodded briefly as he revved the engine, and we were off again. To his credit, he kept his word and maneuvered the Harley with caution and care, which I knew was for my sake. We navigated the quiet streets of Georgetown and traveled down M Street across the bridge leading to the more lively area in and around Dupont Circle. I loved this neighborhood, or gayborhood as Jay and Aaron called it. It was colorful and vibrant. There were world-class art galleries, restaurants, and of course, great bars and clubs, both gay and straight. I smiled and held on a little tighter around Jack’s middle as I took in the rainbow scenery.
We passed Jack’s bar on R Street. I noticed he slowed down as we approached—to check out the crowd, I guessed. It definitely looked like business was good if the gathering of muscle-bound men near the entrance was any indication. I started to ask Jack a question about the bar, but the traffic noise combined with the revelers on the street made it difficult to be heard. Jack made a left down New Hampshire Avenue, backtracking to Dupont Circle proper, coming to a slow stop on a sidewalk path leading to the famous fountain in the middle.
Jack dismounted with ease and gave me a heart-stopping grin. I couldn’t help returning it and chuckled. I didn’t necessarily want to go buy a Harley now, but yeah… that was fun.
“See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jack took his gloves off before reaching out to help me remove the helmet.
“No. My life only flashed before my eyes once.”
“Yeah, and that was when we were still parked.”
“You’re fucking hysterical.” I tried to give him a dirty look but ended up laughing instead, because he was right. It had seemed so much scarier than it was.
“C’mon. Take a seat on a park bench in the moonlight with me for a few minutes. Then I’ll take you to your friends’ place.”
“Hmm. That’s kind of romantic.”
“That’s me. Mr. Romance.”
“You aren’t coming to Matt and Aaron’s, are you?” It didn’t make sense that he’d stopped here.
“No. My phone has been vibrating nonstop. We were short-staffed tonight at the bar, and I need to make sure?—”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain. It looked pretty busy when we drove by.”
“Saturday nights are always crazy. I have a great staff, so usually they don’t need me at all, but….”
I smiled at him, loving that he felt the need to explain. Standing here in the moonlight with Jack after riding behind him on his Harley dressed in suits and tuxedos was more than I would have imagined. I was happy in the moment, and that alone was a tremendous feeling.
I followed Jack toward the stately old fountain in the middle of the circle, noting a few other patrons on nearby benches as I took a seat next to him. Dupont Circle was a pretty oasis in the middle of a heavy DC-traffic area. In the midnight hour, it was pleasant, with the sound of water trickling from the old fountain and the lights from overhead lending a tranquil vibe to the city park. I was struck by a feeling of something mystical and magical in the air. I felt content once again to enjoy the moment and not dwell on the knowledge it wouldn’t last.
“I rarely come here anymore. Remember a couple winters ago when we got that big storm?” I looked at Jack and continued when he nodded. “Well, I came with Matt and some other friends for the snowball fight. It was a blast! I’d never seen so many adults act like kids in one place.”
“I bet I was there too.” Jack smiled, turning slightly to look at me.
“Really? That’s cool. I wonder if I beaned you with my rocket arm.” Jack laughed as I feigned indignation. “Hey! It’s true! I played Little League for years. I wasn’t half bad, either.”
“You like baseball?” Something in Jack’s tone made me study him more closely. He sounded like an overeager kid. Interesting.
“Of course. Do you?”
“Absolutely. ‘Baseball was, is, and always will be to me the best game in the world.’ So said Babe Ruth, and I one hundred percent agree.”
I couldn’t control the bubble of laughter at his impassioned baseball speech. It was oddly… well, geeky and endearing coming from someone like Jack.
“You can quote Babe Ruth? That’s….”
“I can tell you more about baseball past and present than you’ll ever want to know. I’m a font of interesting and sometimes ridiculous baseball trivia,” he said with self-deprecating humor marked with a devilish waggle of his thick eyebrows.
“Cool. So I take it you’re a Nationals fan, right?” I teased, knowing I’d get a reaction. I wasn’t disappointed.
“ What? I’m from Atlanta. Try again, smart-ass.”
“Shoot. Sorry about that.”
“Hmph. I’ve been a Braves fan since I was old enough to hold a bat. Who’s your team? Don’t tell me… the Dodgers?”
“Ha. I’m from San Francisco originally. The mighty Giants, my friend. World Series champions… again.”
“Cocky little shit. So, when did you make the move East?”
“Fuck, as fast as I could. When I was eighteen I left… for college.”
“And… you went… where?” He made that same “get on with it” gesture he’d made earlier in the day, as though he were frustrated with my lack of information-giving. It made me smile.
“Well, I started at Berkeley but I switched midyear to Georgetown. I liked it, so I stayed.”
“For undergrad and law school?”
I nodded.
“You don’t like change, do you? I’d bet on that.” The hair on the back of my neck bristled at the astute observation. But he continued before I could comment. “Why did you move all the way across the country, then? Doesn’t add up.”
Talk about a buzzkill. Fuck, I needed a drink if I were really going down that path. I swallowed hard and pasted an overly bright smile on my face.
“Oh,” Jack said before I had a chance to reply.
“Oh what?” My tone was sharp and biting, but I couldn’t help it. I gave myself credit for usually not letting my past bother me; however, I sucked at it tonight. I could feel that old familiar anger bubbling near the surface and making my skin prickle. When would it go away for good? I knew the message from my brother that morning was to blame, but Jack didn’t know me. He didn’t deserve any angst from me for having the audacity to make an astute observation.
“Hey, relax.” His voice was soothing and his eyes were kind. I was keyed up, though, and it was hard for me to want to do anything besides walk away. Knowing I’d look like a total ass, I stayed where I was, perched on the park bench like I didn’t have a care in the world. I didn’t, I reminded myself. That shit was a decade old. The past.
“Curt, look at me.” Jack set his thumb and forefinger under my chin and turned my face toward him. “I’ve been there too, man.”
I wanted to ask him what he thought he knew but I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. His eyes were too knowing and honest. Why couldn’t we just go back to baseball? I nodded and looked up at the fountain.
Jack’s phone vibrated again, and though he ignored it, the buzzing provided an easy diversion. He cocked his head as though trying to read me, and thankfully opted for a change in topic.
“I have an idea. You tell me one thing I need to know about Curtis… what did you say your last name is?” I let out the breath I’d been holding and offered him a tentative grin.
“Townsend.” I replied warily.
“Jack Farinelli. Nice to meet you.” He grinned devilishly. “And you can ask me something. Agreed?”
I had to chuckle at his attempt at restoring the lighthearted mood. It was sweet, and though a little disjointed, I appreciated the gesture.
“Can I ask first?”
“Sure. Go ahead.” Jack was now fully facing me on the bench with his right leg bent casually over his left knee. He reached over and ran his thumb enticingly over my cheekbone before meeting my eyes. Damn, he was distracting.
I cleared my throat theatrically and asked the one question that had been on my mind the entire day.
“Do you have a tattoo?”
Jack quirked his eyebrows nearly to his forehead in a funny expression of surprise before he gave in and laughed outright. I joined him. I didn’t even know what was so funny, but I liked his easy sense of humor.
“Yes. That’s it? You, my friend, are easy.” The words were said in a lasciviously mocking tone, which made me laugh again.
“Ha. Probably true. Do you have more than one? If so, how many and where are they?”
We held eye contact for a long moment before we both busted up giggling.
“You have gone well beyond your quota for questions,” he admonished, shaking a finger at me.
I had a sudden desire to take his finger in my mouth and suck on it like he’d done to me earlier. I wondered what he’d say. I wondered if that would get me any closer to actually seeing his body ink, running my fingers over his warm skin. And yeah, I was pretty damn sure there was more than one tat. My tongue felt heavy suddenly. God, this man was sexy.
“You okay?” I resurfaced through my ridiculous haze of lust and tried to focus on the conversation.
“Yeah. Um… so… are you going to answer?”
“Sure, why not? I’m feeling magnanimous tonight. The answer is yes, many, and all over, baby.”
I gulped. Fuck, that was hot. I nodded when I realized speech wasn’t possible. Plus I had the added discomfort of a hard dick to deal with now. I was glad we were sitting. I needed to steer the conversation back to baseball.
“My turn. Since you asked more than one, I will too. Answer the same question you just asked me. And then tell me your favorite thing to do. But… you have to be honest.” He altered his tone to sound like a concerned doctor. “If it’s knitting, you need to tell me.”
I grinned at him and fell a little more under his spell. Knitting? Really?
“Easy enough. I don’t have any body ink. Nor will I probably ever. And?—”
“Why not?” Jack brushed my ear in a featherlight touch, making my pulse skip a beat.
“Not my thing.” I shrugged. “And my favorite th?—”
“Yes, it is.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Sure it is. You asked me about my ink because you secretly want some. Admit it.”
“I’ll do no such thing. I like tats. I mean, not all, but on some people they’re really very….” I stopped, suddenly feeling stupidly shy.
“I’m waiting.”
“They can be sexy. Extremely sexy.” My voice lowered a notch of its own accord. It was a little mortifying.
“I totally agree. So, hypothetically speaking, if you were to get one, what would it be?”
“I’m not getting one, so that’s a silly question.”
“There are no silly questions. Silly answers, maybe.”
I stared at him and let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “Something meaningful.”
“Good answer. All of mine mean something to me.” Jack’s expression was intense again. I wondered if he had Peter’s name on him somewhere or the names of other lovers. I didn’t like that idea at all, but didn’t know why that would bother me. I needed to change the subject.
“You asked what my favorite thing to do besides knitting was, right?”
“I did.” Jack gave me a wide grin and ran his right hand over my ear again and through my short hair. I leaned into his touch, willing him to do something more, suggest something. Or was he waiting for me to do the same? A buzzing noise broke the peaceful quiet and was followed by a slight but equally annoying vibration. Jack leaned away from me and pulled his cell out of his pocket. He glanced quickly at the screen before putting it away.
“You have to go, don’t you?”
“Yeah. They’re probably wondering what the fuck my problem is. But first, what do you like to do? Work out? Read? Fish?”
“Well… the truth is I don’t have a lot of time for much besides work these days. I go to the gym, but it’s not necessarily my favorite thing to do.”
“Spit it out. What is your favorite thing? If it’s sex, that’s cool. Actually, it’s more than cool, but don’t tell me. I’ve been half- hard all night around you and now I’ve got to go to the bar, so keep it tame for my sake.”
I laughed, charmed and very fucking pleased he admitted to being as attracted to me as I was to him. It seemed extremely implausible, but I wasn’t about to question.
“Sports. Watching, playing, reading about?—”
“What’s your favorite?” he interrupted.
“Football….” I stopped when Jack snorted derisively. “Followed closely by baseball.” He smiled appreciatively at that. “But I also love basketball, hockey, tennis, and?—”
“Okay, okay, I get it. Me too. I mean, I love baseball. I like the rest fine, but baseball is definitely number one. Do you want to…? Fuck!” His phone vibrated again, and this time I wanted to grab it from him and throw it in the fountain. “Sorry. I have to get going.”
Jack swiped his hand over his end-of-day manly scruff in a gesture that seemed to indicate frustration and something else. I nodded wordlessly. It was time for good-bye. I was disappointed but I knew this wasn’t going to go anywhere. It had been a great night, and I was lucky to have spent it with Jack.
“Kiss me, Curtis. Once more, and I’ll take you to your friends’.”
The desire in his eyes was enough to spur me forward. I leaned in slightly and gasped as Jack roughly pulled me the rest of the way so I was half sitting on his lap. He took my head between his hands and forcibly molded his mouth over mine. Immediately, he softened the kiss but not the intensity. He licked and stroked his tongue against mine, then placed gentle kisses along my jaw before returning to ravage my mouth. I ran my fingers through his thick hair and down his back. I marveled at his size as my hands explored his upper back and traveled down to his tapered middle. The man was built like a god.
We rested our foreheads together in an effort to catch our breaths and let the silence settle comfortably between us. Words weren’t necessary or desired. It felt good and right to just be. Eventually, we untangled ourselves and made our way back to Jack’s bike. I allowed him to strap the helmet on my head without making a fuss and took his hand when he offered to help me onto my seat. He hopped on with ease, and we were on our way in no time. Jack stopped in front of Matt and Aaron’s condo and waited patiently for me to dismount.
“Thank you. For everything.”
“Thank you , Curtis. I dreaded today. Honestly fucking dreaded it. But it turned out much better than I expected.” Jack gave me one of his lopsided grins and kissed my cheek. I handed him the helmet and watched as he set it over his head and fastened it in a fluid motion that bespoke years of practice. He caught my stare and smiled kindly before adjusting the front wheel in preparation to leave me behind. “I’ll see you ’round.”
I nodded once and raised a hand in farewell. I didn’t know if I’d ever see Jack again, but I knew I’d never forget him.
April 21
I woke up in an unfamiliar bed. My head was throbbing, and my stomach lurched unhappily as I sat up to survey my surroundings. This had to be Matt and Aaron’s guest room. It was a pristine, uncluttered space furnished with a simple desk and the queen-sized bed I’d slept in. There were black-and-white framed photos of friends and family members on the walls, and a couple of prize guitars hung neatly on display in a corner. I gingerly swung my feet around and carefully stood, giving myself a moment to be sure I was steady before I went in search of the bathroom.
I studied myself in the bathroom mirror as I washed my hands. I looked like shit. No two ways about it. I was in for a rotten day. The party the night before hadn’t been overly raucous; it had been a small gathering of twenty or so people with more alcohol and music. The music had been loud, but that was Aaron’s preference. Every once in a while the sound would go down considerably, and I chuckled, knowing that was a good indication Matt had finally reached his limit.
He didn’t love techno dance music like Aaron and his friends did. I didn’t mind it and I was feeling mellow enough in the early-morning hours to admit I didn’t mind much of anything. I sighed deeply as I opened the door. I hoped to score a cup of coffee, thank my hosts, and head home to nurse my aching head and upset stomach with a day spent on the sofa watching baseball and not moving an inch if I could help it.
Matt and Aaron’s place was very chic. It was a newer building, so the units were equipped with state-of-the-art amenities, high ceilings, and generous windows. The layout was open with a kitchen island separating the main living areas. Aaron worked for a fashion magazine. He loved all things design, which meant their place looked like a candidate for a contemporary-home photo spread. Basically, the opposite of the apartment Matt and I had shared with our buddy Dave. That place had been the epitome of a bachelor pad. Kind of like my own place now in Georgetown, I mused.
I found Aaron standing at the kitchen island, humming a song as he stirred something in the large blue bowl in front of him. He smiled broadly, his pretty hazel eyes lit in greeting as he set the whisk aside and grabbed a cup from the cabinet behind him.
“Poor, poor Curt. You’re looking a little green, honey.” He tsked and shook his head in mock sympathy. His tone told me he was pretty sure I deserved it.
I grunted and rubbed my hands over my face as I sat heavily on a kitchen barstool at the island. Aaron set a large cup of coffee in front of me and placed two aspirin next to it before turning back to bring me a glass of water as well. Maybe he was a tiny bit sympathetic after all.
“Thanks,” I mumbled. I should have been more effusive, perhaps, but I wasn’t myself yet.
Fifteen minutes later, after the aspirin and caffeine had begun to work their magic, I could finally feel the fog lift. My host was busily making pancakes and chatting enough for the two of us about brands of syrup and the merits of making batter from scratch rather than the boxed variety. I assumed he was talking about pancakes, but I wasn’t sure.
“Aaron.” He turned at the sound of my voice and took a good look at me.
“You okay? More coffee?”
“No, I’m good. Thanks. I’m really sorry I?—”
He held up his hand to stop my speech and gave me an irritated look. “Do not apologize. You’re welcome any time, Curt. You know that, right?”
I nodded, immediately wincing at the sudden movement.
“I appreciate it. Thanks. Where’s Matt?”
“Showering. He’ll be out in a minute. Sooo… in the meantime, tell me all about it.”
“About what?”
“Leave him alone.” Matt was pulling on a T-shirt as he stepped into the kitchen. He hugged Aaron tightly around his middle and kissed him noisily on the cheek before burying his nose in his boyfriend’s neck and blowing raspberry sounds. Aaron shrieked and jumped out of Matt’s arms, giggling as he slapped him away.
“Cool it! Go sit down. Breakfast is just about ready.”
“Fine. Have it your way. I’ll just have mine later.” Matt raised his eyebrows in a silly, lascivious fashion, making both Aaron and I laugh.
“Could you at least wait for me to leave before you two start making goo-goo eyes at each other?” I honestly didn’t care and they knew it. I appreciated their easy manner together. They were obviously good friends as well as lovers.
Matt took the seat next to me and made a point of giving me a good once-over. I was sure he was about to comment on my pathetic state, but he shook his head like a disappointed parent instead. He was teasing me, but I told him to fuck off anyway. He laughed good-naturedly and smiled his thanks at his boyfriend as Aaron set a cup of coffee in front of him.
“I s’pose you need a ride home.” Matt sighed dramatically.
“You s’pose correctly.”
“Eat first and then we’ll take you.” Aaron set a stack of pancakes between Matt and me. He was an amazing cook, but my stomach wasn’t ready for real food yet. I must have grimaced without realizing it. Matt looked over at me and did that annoying head-shake thing again.
“Oh well, more for me.”
Aaron turned back to join us with a plate of scrambled eggs and fruit. He scooped some of his eggs onto Matt’s plate, and another one of those “couple” looks passed between them that seemed to say “thank you,” “I love you,” and maybe more. I sighed and decided to make an attempt at the pancakes, thinking a little something in my stomach might aid my recovery.
Aaron leaned against the counter, facing Matt and me while he nonchalantly nibbled at a piece of melon. I knew he wouldn’t let his earlier line of questioning go. It was a matter of minutes before he grilled me for a story I wished were a hell of a lot juicier than reality.
“Time to share, Curt. I’m waiting.”
“Aar… leave it al?—”
“No, it’s cool.” I sat back on the barstool, taking a break from playing with my food. I really had no appetite. “The thing is, there is nothing to tell. Sorry to disappoint, boys.”
“Nice try. No offense, but you’ve become a little conservative since you’ve become a big important lawyer, and it’s highly unlike you to take rides from strange, hunky men on motorcycles. Confession time! I’m all about the?—”
“Details,” Matt and I supplied at the same time.
We laughed, and Matt took the opportunity to embrace his inner teenager as he smacked my arm hard, yelling, “Jinx!” I smacked him back equally hard and glared at him for good measure.
“You two are a couple of idiots. Distractions won’t work either way. C’mon, Curt. Dish!”
Aaron leaned far over the counter on his elbows and stared at me pointedly. He looked pretty damn cute, and a glance at his moon-eyed boyfriend told me he was thinking the same thing.
“I swear, Aaron…. We talked. But that was really it.” I shrugged as though I couldn’t remember a word of importance anyway. Total lie. I remembered everything. Granted, I had had too much to drink last night, but I wouldn’t forget Jack anytime soon. I simply wasn’t ready to share my night. It felt like something out of a fairy tale. Bigger than “we made out and then he drove my drunk ass here on his Harley.” I couldn’t say why, but it did.
“Hmm. You’re a stubborn one.” Aaron slapped the island’s granite surface for emphasis and laid his hand back on his hip.
“It’s cool, man. We’ve all been there to some degree, and Peter’s ex is certainly not a bad choice to lose your inhibitions to.” Matt waggled his eyebrows again and neatly dodged Aaron’s aim at the side of his head. “I only meant he’s single, successful, and perfect for someone like Curtster.”
Fuck. In the bright morning light, the knowledge that Jack and Peter were once a couple made all my starry-eyed memories of the previous evening seem like a ridiculous dream. An improbable blip in time. Guys like Jack went for guys like Peter. Guys who were extraordinarily handsome and buff, with effortless style and an edgy side, who didn’t think twice about getting on the back of a tricked-out motorcycle with a man they barely knew.
Of course, I didn’t know if all those attributes fit Peter, but I did know that I, Curt Townsend, wasn’t that guy. I was fine-looking, I supposed, but certainly not gorgeous. I wore suits to work only because I had to. Otherwise I was very happy in an old pair of Levi’s and a plain T-shirt. I was cautious by nature. I looked before I leapt. And I didn’t have any particular stand-out talent. I didn’t play guitar like Matt and I couldn’t dance like Aaron.
Fuck. I wished the day was over already. I knew I would spend the remainder of my Sunday with a miserable hangover as I pathetically replayed the night with Jack in my head, dissecting and overanalyzing. I needed Monday with my ridiculous workload and no opportunity for self-recriminations.
Matt and Aaron were doing their silent communication thing while I was in the midst of my internal meltdown. I glanced up to see Aaron eyeing me thoughtfully as Matt tucked in to his breakfast, lifting his head to cast a wary look my way.
“What?” I asked Aaron. He was making me nervous.
“Nothing. I was just thinking it was a hot kiss. That’s all,” Aaron said as he bit into another piece of melon.
“Um, you saw?”
Aaron wiggled his eyebrows and smiled appreciatively.
“Aar, leave him alone. A kiss sometimes is just a kiss, not a promise of undying love,” Matt interjected, finally putting his fork down to come to my rescue.
“I wasn’t quantifying the kiss one way or another. I think, darling… well, I’ll speak plainly even if it does sound gauche. I think Curt doesn’t think he’s good enough for Jack.”
Wow. Bingo.
“I regret getting shit-faced. It was fun while it lasted, but it’s not fun to wake up with a headache you know isn’t budging for most of the day. The rest”—I waved my hand as though I couldn’t be bothered with the embarrassing details I knew would haunt me all damn day—“is just the product of too much Tanqueray.”
“Hmmm.”
“Aaron…,” Matt warned his boyfriend.
“Okay, fine. I’ll leave it alone, but I want you to know something, Curt. Are you listening?” I nodded, careful not to shake up my gray matter any more than necessary. “You are smart, funny, good-looking, and kind. You are worthy. Don’t for one second think you aren’t cool enough or handsome enough for anyone. You are a great guy and you deserve someone who knows how amazing you are. If you want Jack, for example, there is no reason you shouldn’t go for it. None whatsoever. You are the only one holding yourself back. So stop.”
Matt and I both stared at him with our mouths wide open. I hadn’t expected so impassioned a speech on my behalf and I truly didn’t know how to respond. Aaron didn’t seem to mind. He clapped his hands together loudly, making me wince in pain as he leaned over to pick up our plates.
“Okay, I’m stepping off my soapbox now. I’m going to get dressed. Ciao for now.” He swept out of the room, stopping briefly to kiss Matt as he passed by his chair.
“Um, I should probably get my stuff together,” I said lamely.
“He’s right, you know.”
“Aaron’s great and while I appreciate?—”
“Aaron’s amazing and I’m really lucky, man. I know it. And like I was trying to say, he’s right. You don’t give yourself a chance. Hell, you don’t give any guy you ever meet a chance. It was kind of cool seeing you with Jack last night. Obviously Aaron thought so too or he wouldn’t have teased you. I don’t know the guy but I like his sister, and if he’s still friends with Peter and managed to win over Jay along the way, he can’t be that bad. They invited him to their wedding! What would it hurt to give the guy a call and see where it led?”
Once again I was rendered speechless. I let a full second pass before I answered my well-meaning but thickheaded friend.
“Matt, are you fucking high? Look, I know I need to get out more often. And you know what? I’m going to! Starting today, April 21, I vow to be more open-minded about dating and meeting new guys.” I smiled at the déjà vu I experienced, thinking of Jack and a similar conversation. Maybe the date was significant somehow, I mused. “But really…. Jack?”
“Why not Jack? The guy is smokin’ hot!”
“I hear you!” Aaron’s voice singsonged from the vicinity of the master bedroom. We both chuckled, and I took the reprieve the interruption gave to stand up and get moving. It was time for me to get out of their way.
“Matt. Just leave it alone. Please.”
“Okay fine. Maybe it’s not Jack. But give someone a chance, okay?”
Lying sprawled out on my sofa later that afternoon, I did what I knew I would no matter how hard I tried not to. I ran through last night’s conversations in my head, analyzing and agonizing over every detail. I wasn’t at my sharpest as the evening had progressed, but there was little chance I’d forget anything about Jack.
Yesterday had been such an anomaly, beginning with my brother’s phone call giving me the latest report on our father’s failing health. Nothing brought out my inner demons better than the mere mention of my father. I was torn, as I always was, between wanting to support Cary somehow and wanting to ignore his calls. I hated our father, but I loved my brother. When I returned Cary’s phone call, I muttered all the expected lines about hoping Dad wasn’t in pain. That was what one did when confronted with news about difficult chemotherapy sessions and poor reactions to medications, right? As much as I wished I didn’t sometimes, I still had a heart.
Weddings heralded a beginning. I was happy for my friends, but I couldn’t help feel a bit worried about myself. What was I doing to jump-start my life besides working? It was all well and good for my career path, but what about the rest? Maybe it was my conversation earlier that morning with Matt combined with my Cinderfella-esque time spent with Jack that made me realize I needed to make some changes. I didn’t want to be alone because I was too afraid to risk my heart again. I didn’t want to grow into a bitter, lonely man who held the past close to his chest like a shield. Perhaps my evening with Jack was an anomaly, but it was a great memory and I wanted more. Unfortunately, life wasn’t a fairy tale. I couldn’t wait around for a hunky, pirate-like bad boy to sweep me off my feet. I had to do what Matt suggested. Give someone a chance.
I turned my attention back to the game on the television. Baseball was easy. Real life could wait another day.