Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

SHAW

“I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be flattered by this or not,” I mused, frowning at the comments accompanying the social media post in front of me on my phone screen. I blew out a sigh, shoving the device back into my pocket.

If there was going to be speculation about my dick , commentary such as, “I know it’s good, it’s got to be good , he definitely got that monster on him, why else would these girls be acting an ass about him?” was preferable to the opposite, I guess. But mostly, I’d prefer not to be speculated about in that manner at all.

Especially since at this point, the drama of it all seemed to be leading the news ahead of the show’s premiere.

“It’s definitely not the worst shit people could be saying about you,” Alec chuckled, leaning down to get at eye level with the pool table to line up his shot. “But trust me, bruh, I get it. The blogs and shit consistently take it a little too far.”

A little too far was putting it kindly as far as I was concerned. I was just glad I’d always been too paranoid to send nude pictures and shit—there was no doubt in my mind that this mess would make those pics a hot commodity for the nosy and dangerously horny.

But I didn’t have anybody but myself to blame for this bullshit.

I wanted badly to blame Stella—since she was the one who brought this shit into the public sphere to get tossed around and dissected in the first place. She could’ve just kept her commentary to herself, but her shading Ellie over the Alec lie had lit a match on the firestorm of mess that started all this.

However.

My father had drilled a lesson in me long ago about personal responsibility—it was always better to focus on what you could have done differently when fucked-up situations arose. That way, at the very least, you can find a lesson in the muck somewhere, so it wasn’t just all messed up for nothing.

My mistake in all this was getting involved with Stella in the first place.

Sure, she was bad as fuck—no arguing that. She could dance, she could sing, she could act, and she was inarguably fine. Purely from an image standpoint, being connected to her was absolutely a win.

One that honestly…should have never mattered.

Admiring her from afar, and if a meeting happened to occur, sobeit, should’ve been enough. But I’d mistakenly allowed the need for an adjustment to my public image to get ahead of the way I liked to operate in the first place.

Organically.

But I was trying to break into a new level of stardom, trying to get bigger and better roles, blah blah blah. All through my career, I’d allowed things to happen naturally, never forcing anything, but with the breakup with Ellie being so fresh, I was good and distracted from my path.

I couldn’t really blame my PR team, because they were doing what they were supposed to do. But I should’ve held my ground.

There should have never been any “appearance” of something with me and Stella when there wasn’t anything with me and Stella. If I’d just allowed myself to be comfortable with people believing what they wanted about me in the first place—me being a playboy, or gay, or secretly married, who gave a fuck? None of those options were truly anybody’s business except mine and whoever was on the receiving end of my heavily speculated-upon dick.

If I’d just held true to that conviction, there never would have even been an impetus for this whole situation.

But.

Stella’s ass was dead wrong for letting this all rock the way she had.

It was messy.

In any case, despite my discomfort with the entire situation, I had everybody around me who knew about these things offering similar opinions—all publicity was good, and speculation about me being good with my dick certainly wasn’t hurting the whole “heartthrob” thing my PR wanted to push.

“You know what I want to know?” Alec asked, straightening up from having taken his shot. “And if I may—I feel like me and you are cool enough now at this point that you can just be straight up with me. I don’t want the PR answer, I want the real deal.”

I groaned. “What is it?”

“ Is there something going on with you and Elodie? Cause y’all been looking mighty cozy lately.”

I was supposed to be taking my own shot, but once he asked that, I planted my pool stick on the ground, leaning into it a bit as I shook my head. “Damn, you’re believing Stella’s bullshit too?” I asked.

“I’m not believing anything, I’m asking you straight up.” He shrugged. “What’s up?”

I grunted a bit, trying to figure out how I wanted to answer the question.

The PR answer was definitely one thing— Elodie and I are coworkers, and it’s actually encouraging to me that we seem to have recreated the chemistry we found on our first project together with these new characters. She’s an amazingly talented actress, and I hate that it seemingly gets overshadowed by the need to have this incorrect narrative around our relationship.

Something like that.

Shame the media into letting the relationship be solely professional.

The real answer though…

“I don’t know if we can really…get back what we had,” I admitted, and Alec nodded.

He was one of very few people privy to the fact that Ellie and I had previously dated, so that part wasn’t news to him.

“But…you want to get it back?”

I chuckled. “This is supposed to be time to de-stress, not an opportunity for you to grill me,” I said, finally picking up my pool stick to take my shot.

Actually , him swinging by was supposed to be about us running lines and shit for an intense scene we had coming up, but we’d got that in the bag so early that we were just kicking it now.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were deflecting.”

“I’m definitely deflecting.” I laughed, watching the balls scatter across the table before landing in their intended places. “I don’t…I don’t really know how to answer the question.”

“Try yes or no.” Alec shrugged. “It seems simple as hell to me. Do you want to get back with her or not?”

I shook my head. “It’s not that simple though. Not with the way we broke up.”

“Which was what?” he asked. “’Cause the way you explained it to me…it seemed like neither of you actually wanted to be apart. It sounded like maybe just some space was needed.”

I grunted.

Really, that was what I thought too—just a need for space, some time apart, room to breathe and really think about the shit. Think about what we meant to each other, how we could make it work. How we could move back into a healthy energy around the relationship.

The suggestion turned into something so much bigger than I really intended though.

“I don’t think we had the maturity to understand that,” I admitted, planting myself against the wall behind me. “Emotions were high, we were both upset…the environment just wasn’t right for us to land at that place.”

“You don’t think y’all have changed?” Alec asked. “It’s been what, a year? A lot can change in a year.”

“Yeah, but has it?” I shrugged. “I don’t know. And really…I wouldn’t even know how to broach the topic with her. We’re finally getting back to a decent place as friends, we’re for real cool with each other again. I don’t know if I want to mess that up if she’s not… there .”

“But you want her to be there?”

“Damn, you are relentless, aren’t you?” I chuckled. “Why are you so concerned with this?”

His eyes were wide for a moment before he could wipe his expression into something neutral and shake his head. “No reason.”

“Nah, nah.” I shook my head. “There’s a reason. What’s up?”

He groaned. “It’s nothing.”

“Stop playing with me, bruh.”

“Fine, damn.” He laughed. “I’m trying to get you and Elodie on the same page so there’s no ambiguity about me and her—which is where this shit started.”

I nodded. “I mean…yeah, there was speculation about y’all. But why is that…why is it a problem?”

“Because—I don’t need Vanessa having any kind of girl code at the back of her mind when I pull that trigger.”

My eyes went wide. “Hold up—Vanessa, as in our co-star Vanessa?”

“Yeah.”

“As in top-selling rapper-turned-actress Vanity ?”

“Yeah.”

“ Wrong Bitch Vanity?”

“Bruh—why do you sound so shocked that I’d want her?” Alec asked, frowning. “She’s bad as hell.”

“Absolutely.” I nodded my agreement. “Which is exactly why I’m surprised—I thought you’d go for more like…I don’t know. More of a good girl type.”

He sucked his teeth. “Man, not you too—why does everybody think I’m supposed to want some wholesome chick?”

“Maybe because that’s been your whole image?”

“But that’s not me ,” he argued. “I mean, am I a gang shit type of dude—absolutely not.” He laughed. “But I’m also not trying to lean into the whole corny, preppy, Mr. Black America shit the world wants to push on me either. I want to just… be. And I want women like Vanessa. Real bad. ”

I chuckled. “I see. Well…Ellie and Vanessa are cool, so I’m sure they’ve probably talked about this. I don’t think you’ll have to worry about Vanessa thinking she’s stepping on Ellie’s toes by entertaining you. But…that means you got no excuses not to shoot your shot.”

“You’re getting way ahead of yourself,” Alec replied, lining up a new shot. “Right now, I’ve just gotta…set the scene, you know? Make sure everything is lined up right.”

I scoffed. “I’on know—sounds like you’re scared to me.”

“Says the man who doesn’t want to ask his ex that didn’t want to break up in the first place if she wants to get back together.”

“Damn.” I laughed, clutching my chest. “Straight for the kill shot, huh?”

He shrugged. “Just telling it how I see it.”

As much as I may have hated to admit it…he kinda had a point.

I didn’t have many—if any— good reasons not to just be up front with Ellie on how I felt.

Which was how I’d always felt.

The breakup hadn’t left me any less in love with her.

It wasn’t a thing I was afraid to admit to myself, by any means.

The problem was…potentially exposing that reality to her.

It wasn’t as if I thought she would be cruel or something, ‘cause that wasn’t Ellie’s nature, not at all. But just because she and I were still cool—or cool again, rather—I couldn’t assume her feelings on the matter of “us” hadn’t changed.

Maybe she’d matured past there being an “us” at all.

It was easy enough to blame the demise of our relationship on insecurities, communication breakdowns, toxic beliefs, and all that, because those things had potential to be overcome. If it was “just” that, we had hope.

What was more difficult though, was the chance that it was something deeper—what if we just weren’t compatible? What if we were too fundamentally different for it to ever work long term?

What if we tried again, only to fail again?

What then?

That possibility turned itself over in my head long after Alec had made his exit and I called it a night. Even while she and I did our customary exchange of texts, making small talk about any and everything, I just kept wondering…

Was considering us again even worth it?

The question was still playing in my mind when my cell phone rang—I wasn’t even surprised to see Ellie’s name on the screen. What did surprise me a little was the fact that it was a video call—we hadn’t exactly gotten into a habit of that, even though it was hella common when we were dating.

Still, I didn’t hesitate to answer.

“You good?” was the first question out of my mouth, causing her sculpted eyebrows to dip into a frown.

“Uhh…yeah?” she answered, clearly confused by me leading with that. “What makes you ask?”

“It’s kinda late…”

I slid my thumb on the screen to force it to display the time, making sure I wasn’t tripping—I wasn’t. We should honestly both be asleep right now, knowing we were due on set early the next day.

“Yeah, I guess it kinda is—my bad. Were you asleep? I see your nipples.” She giggled.

“Ay—my eyes are up here ,” I countered, angling the phone so my shirtless chest wasn’t in view. “Nah though, I wasn’t asleep. I was trying to wind down though.”

Clearly, she’d been doing the same—the silky pink bonnet covering her hair, and makeup-free face made it plain.

“I take it you were having a bit of trouble?” she asked, and I nodded.

“A bit, yeah. Same for you?”

“Yeah. Last time this happened, I ended up getting attacked in a parking lot though—so I figured just making a phone call was probably a safer way to handle it.” She laughed.

Good.

“I’m glad to hear you can joke about it now,” I said, and she shrugged. She had the phone propped up against something so she wasn’t hold it, just staring right into it.

“Gotta cope somehow, so I choose to focus on how just…completely ridiculous that shit was. Therapist says it’s healthy. Well…healthy ish. I’m supposed to be confronting it or something and not swearing off fries, but…maybe in a year.” She giggled. “That seems to be my turnaround time.”

I raised an eyebrow. I wanted to ask what that meant, but it also felt like a setup—not her doing of course, just the kind of coincidence I didn’t want to walk into. Not right now.

Seriously though, is she hinting at us?

“You’re hella quiet,” she complained, bringing my attention back to what was actually happening on the call. “Probably tired, huh? This was so freaking inconsiderate of me, my bad.”

“Nah, you’re good,” I assured her, shaking my head as I opted to prop my phone on something too, so I could get more comfortable. “I was thinking about you anyway.”

Shit.

“Oh really now?” she asked, perking up. “What were you thinking about?”

“These damn headlines you’ve got me wrapped up in,” I quickly covered. Not exactly a lie. “I’m not a fan.”

She gasped. “I haven’t even been saying anything. I’ve been letting it ride.”

“I know. I was proud of you until I realized that just makes people think it’s all true,” I chuckled. “Nah, I’m just messing with you though. I know it’s not your fault.”

“Perfect, now tell everybody else.”

I sucked my teeth. “Man, everybody sees who the one keeping up the mess is. And I’m pretty sure Nolan actually loves it—he knows it’s going to bring eyes to the show.”

“That’s what I keep trying to tell myself.” She sighed. “It’s just frustrating to have been putting so much into not falling into the same patterns, same bad behaviors, all that, just to like…still end up in bullshit. I don’t want people to watch the show because they’re trying to see if the rumors are true—I want them to watch because they know what they can expect from our talent.”

“Which is understandable—and admirable, honestly,” I replied. “But…there’s always going to be folks who are just there for the drama, and their views count like all the rest. You got a streaming royalty negotiated into your deal, right?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Okay then.” I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter why they’re tuned in, as long as they’re tuned in. But I promise you—all those eyes that came for the mess, they’ll be back the next week…still for mess, but for the fictional mess at least.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “You know…” she sighed. “You’re right. I guess I’m just…I feel like I’m still working on being taken seriously. When we did ODS , I was still deep in my party girl bag, and everybody said I only got the role because of my brother.”

“But you bodied that role, and made them respect you.”

“A fluke,” she countered, rolling her eyes. “And yeah, I’ve had roles since then, even won awards, but the roles were so close to Elodie Perry Spoiled Socialite that they weren’t like…they weren’t…”

“Challenging?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “I didn’t grow, I didn’t stretch at all. But with Kinfolk , it’s different, you know? It’s something a little different for all of us, a departure from our actual personalities, except maybe Vanessa, and even then, it’s her first real acting role, so that’s a challenge in itself. It’s frustrating to think about that getting lost in the midst of people just tuning in for the supposed tea. ”

“I feel you. And I get it, it’s upsetting. It’s damn near like people just watching so they catch you failing.”

“ Yes , exactly,” she said. “It’s so…shitty.” She laughed. “For lack of more eloquent phrasing.”

“That kind of thing doesn’t need or deserve eloquent framing. It is what it is.”

She nodded. “You’re right. About that, and about not letting it get to me. ’Cause if they’re coming to see me fail…”

“They’ll be sorely disappointed. So…shit, think about it like that ,” I chuckled. “Think about how salty and sour those people are gonna be, thinking it’s gonna be trash and then bam— we’re sweeping awards season.”

“That’s devious, I love it.” She laughed. “I like your way of thinking about things.”

“Glad I could be of service,” I told her, my eyes going wide as she yawned.

Big.

“Damn, I’m boring?” I teased, and she quickly shook her head.

“No,” she insisted. “You just…took a weight off my mind, so now my sleepiness can come through.”

“Tell me anything.”

“ Seriously .” She laughed. “Like…for real, for real. I appreciate you.”

I frowned at the screen. “That really had you stressed?”

“Unfortunately,” she admitted. “But I’m good now—for real. Thank you.”

“Anything for you, Ellie,” I said, before I could stop myself from such a loaded statement.

She definitely caught it.

And blushed over it, looking away from the camera to take a second to cover her smile.

“Uh…I should probably get to sleep,” she said, when her gaze came back to the camera. Her eyes were definitely low, but she didn’t want to get off the call.

She wasn’t wrong though.

“Yeah, I probably should too. See you tomorrow?”

She grinned. “Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

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