35. Chapter 34
Chapter 34
Jemima
I arrive home from D.C., having spent the flight working on new event contracts. At the airport, I began drafting an email to all the suppliers I’d need, assuming Mr. Baird gave the go-ahead. As soon as the one-hour-and-twenty-seven-minute flight lands, I check my email and see that he’s already responded, and he’s signed them all.
I quickly send out the emails and add one to Molly, asking her to book me a return trip and letting her know I’ll be in the office as soon as I unpack.
Dragging my small case behind me, I take the steps up to my apartment. My breath catches when I see the tall, solid frame waiting at my door. I’ve missed his face, and now that I’m looking at him again, I can see he’s been struggling too. His beard is longer than usual, his hair messier, and his eyes are sad. The way my heart twinges at the sight makes this so hard. He needs to go.
He pushes off the wall he’s leaning on, his eyes dropping from my case to my face.
“Have you been waiting long?” I ask, my voice betraying my defeat.
“No, I went to the office, and Molly said you were flying back from the D.C. meeting.”
"So, you thought you'd wait here all day until I came home?" I cross my arms, eyebrows raised.
He leans back slightly, his posture relaxed but determined, his hands in his pockets. "If that's what it took," he replies, meeting my gaze without flinching.
“I’m not ready,” I say, softer than usual. I understand he’s trying, but I’m not ready to let him in just yet.
When he reaches out, my body jerks back. I can’t let him touch me; it’s too hard. His hand curls back, and he puts it back into his pocket.
“I only did it to protect you. Scared you’d get hurt and you’d lose hope, and I couldn’t have that,” he says with vulnerability in his expression.
“I’m stronger than I look,” I argue.
“What can I do to make you trust me again?”
“I don’t know,” I tell him honestly. I’m just empty and need more time. Words are just words to me. I used to feel safe and secure with him, but now…I feel hollow.
“I need to go inside and work. I have a lot going on right now,” I say, trying to scoot past him.
He stays quiet, his eyes fixed on my face. “I’ve never lost anything. Losing you made me die inside. But not only did I lose you… I lost Chad too. And you’re a package deal, and fuck, I want that. I love you. I love him. I love you both so fucking much. You're the loves of my life. Please.”
My knees threaten to buckle at his words. I know what he's saying is true, and my heart aches for my mouth to express the same to him, but he hurt me by betraying my trust. I need proof of change, and that will take more time.
“I need time to think. You hurt me. It’s only been a few days.” With a shaky hand, I put the key in the lock.
He reaches out to touch me, but quickly retracts his hand. “Take the time that you need. Just know I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never give up on us. I made a mistake not telling you, and I swear I’ll prove that from now on. I’ll always be honest.”
I sigh. “That doesn’t change the fact that you should’ve told me.”
“You're right, I should have. That's something I will always regret. I’m so fucking sorry.”
His sincerity hits me hard in the chest, and my eyes sting. Before I can stop it, a tear slips down my cheek. “Me too,” I sniff as I turn and open the door.
I’ve never had a guy chase me and beg me like this before… This is different. But if I am to take him back, I have to wholeheartedly believe I can trust him. Our relationship only exists that way, and if I can’t see myself doing that, then there’s no point, even if I love him. Love alone isn’t enough.
“I won't give up,” he says, and I turn away before I say anything else. The moment I’m safely inside my house, I drop my purse and slide down the door, my ass hitting the floor as I cry into my hands. I stay there for a while, and when I’m blotchy and out of tears, I stand and start cleaning up the contents that fell from my purse.
I pause when I see the card Molly gave me. It was for her therapist.
As much as I want to give Harvey another chance, I need to focus on myself. I need to heal. From everything I’ve been battling, it’s time to call.
I don’t waste time or give myself a chance to overthink it. With the money coming in from the business and having paid Pedro and Jade back, I know it’s time to spend on myself. As hard as that is, I realize I need this. I hit dial, and when the receptionist answers, I book my first session.