Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
My eyes opened, and Max wasn’t in the room. Nobody was in the room but me. I was in pain. The numbing medication must have worn off, and I was feeling it big time. As I lay there, flat on my back, looking up at the ceiling, the fear for my daughter’s life overwhelmed me, and the tears started up again. A few moments later, Max walked in and came to my bedside.
“Hey,” he said as he ran his thumb across my forehead.
“Hey.” I swallowed hard.
“I called Kara, and she’s going to tell Molly and Aubrey. They’ll be here later. They wanted to come now, and I told them that you needed to rest first. They also said they would call your mom.”
“Have you seen her?” I asked.
He looked down and softly nodded.
“And?” I spoke sharply.
“She’s doing as well as can be expected and beautiful. I talked to the specialist, and he’ll be in to talk to you soon.”
“What did he say?”
Just then, a man who appeared to be in his forties with sandy brown long hair and green eyes stepped into the room.
“Hi, Emma. I’m Dr. Cooper, and I’ll be taking care of Sarah. I know what you’re going through right now, both emotionally and physically, but I want you to know that the outlook for Sarah is good. Her heart is perfect, and she looks as good as can be expected for a twenty-eight-week-old preemie. I don’t see any abnormalities at all. The only problem is her breathing is a little unstable, and we have her hooked up to a ventilator to help her. This is common in babies born this early, and I don’t want you to be alarmed. I have a special team of nurses that are the best in the field, and they’re going to take care of her around the clock.”
“When can I see her?”
“As soon as you’re able to get out of bed. Probably tomorrow. I know it’s hard, but try to focus on healing yourself because I won’t lie to you. This is going to be one of the toughest and most exhausting journeys you will ever face, and you need to be at your best and one hundred percent. Sarah is fighting, and she’s going to need you to help her.” He gave a small smile. “I’m going to go back and check on her, and I’ll talk to you both soon. Until then, rest up.”
After Dr. Cooper left, Lila, the nurse, walked in. “Did you have a nice nap?” She smiled. “I see you’ve met Dr. Cooper. He’s one of the top neonatal doctors in the country. We are so fortunate to have him working here. Your daughter is in the best hands. Do you need some more pain medication?”
“Yes, please.”
“Okay. I’ll be right back.”
“Can I get you anything, Emma?” Max kindly asked.
“Maybe some water?”
He took the cup from the table and brought the straw up to my lips. I slowly took a few sips. He sat down in the chair and took hold of my hand.
“I believe Sarah is going to be just fine. She’s a fighter like her mom.”
“I hope so because if anything happens to her, Max, it’ll destroy me.”
“I know, baby. But she’ll be fine.”
“Don’t you think you should tell your parents?”
“I don’t want to talk about that right now, and I don’t want you thinking about them.”
I turned my head and looked out the window. I didn’t want to talk, period. Lila walked back in and pushed the pain meds through my IV.
“There you go. You should start feeling some relief soon. Try to get some more rest, and first thing tomorrow morning, we’ll get you up and walking around. If you need anything, just press this button.”
I looked over at Max, who was checking his phone. “Is something wrong?” I asked.
“No. I was just looking over some emails.”
“You don’t have to stay, Max. I know you’re busy.”
He gave me a look of disappointment. “How could you even say that? Sarah is my child, too, and I’m not going to abandon her. I don’t care how busy I am. I have people who can handle office work for me while I’m gone.”
He was extremely upset when I said that, and I didn’t intend to upset him. He could do nothing here, and he had a business to run.
“Max, I’m sorry. It’s just that you don’t need to sit here with me. You have a company to run, and I don’t want it to suffer.”
“Don’t worry about my company, Emma. I’m staying right where I belong, and that’s here with you and our daughter.”
I turned away because I couldn’t look at him. I blamed myself for Sarah being born early, and if something happened to her, he would never forgive me, and I would never forgive myself.
Despite me telling Max to go home last night, he stayed and slept on a cot in the room next to my bed. The morning nurse, Kayla, told me I had to get up and try to walk around.
“I need to see my baby,” I said with desperation.
“Okay. Let me just call down and tell them you’re coming.”
Max took hold of both my hands as soon as she walked out of the room. “Listen, Emma, I want you to be prepared when you go and see her. She’s hooked up to different machines and tubes, and I don’t want you to be scared.”
“I know.”
“No, baby, you don’t. It’s one thing to think about it and another when you actually see it.”
Kayla walked back into the room with a wheelchair. “Are you ready?”
I took a deep, long breath and sat in the chair. Max told the nurse he would take me and return me to the room. We approached the neonatal unit and got buzzed in. My heart began to beat rapidly as he pushed me down the hallway and to the large room where Sarah was. The room was so cold, and the beeping sounds of high-calibrated machines were the only sounds I could hear. The sounds that were keeping all the sick and premature babies alive.
“You must be Emma. I’m Laney, and I’ve been taking care of Sarah.” She gave me a sympathetic smile.
I nodded my head, unable to speak from the lump in my throat that was constricting my breathing as fear swept throughout my body. Max pushed the wheelchair up to the incubator, where my baby girl lay helpless with a tube down her tiny little throat, helping her breathe. I placed my hand over my mouth as the tears fell down my face, and I began to sob uncontrollably. Max knelt down beside me and wrapped his arm around me.
“I know it’s hard, but she’s going to be okay.”
I felt as if I was hyperventilating. Seeing her so helpless and fighting for her life was too much. I couldn’t take it. I had to leave.
“Take me back to the room, Max,” I cried as I shook uncontrollably.
“Emma.”
“Take me back now!”
He looked at Laney, the nurse, and I heard her say that this was completely normal and that it would take a bit of time for me to adjust to seeing her like that. Max stood up and wheeled me back to the room. I was hysterical and couldn’t stop crying. This wasn’t fair to Sarah, and it was all my fault. As I climbed back into the bed, Kayla came in and pushed some medication through my IV.
“This is going to help you relax and calm down, Emma. Don’t fight it.”
Max held my hand and stared at me with tears in his eyes as I slowly closed mine and drifted to sleep.