Prologue
Prologue
Age 7
“You look pretty, Mommy. Where are you going?” I asked as any seven-year-old would, sitting on the edge of her mother’s bed and watching her get ready to go out.
“I’m going out on a date.” She turned to me and smiled as she made up her lips with a red color that brightened her pale skin.
“Can he be my daddy?”
She set down the tube of lipstick, walked over to the edge of the bed, and placed her hand on mine.
“No, sweetie. Remember what I told you. Mommy doesn’t need a man in her life to complete her. Companionship is a good thing. Relationships are not. They only complicate your life in a way that takes away your independence, your freedom, and your self-worth.”
Age 10
“Francesca will be here soon, Emily.”
“Who are you going out with?” I asked as I sat on the edge of her bed.
“His name is Xavier, and he’s a nice man.” She smiled.
“If he’s so nice, maybe he can be my daddy.”
“Emily, we’ve been over this a billion times. For someone to be your daddy, I would have to form a relationship with him, which I’m unwilling to do.” She smiled as she tapped me on the nose.
“But why?” I innocently asked.
“Because relationships are doomed before they even start. We’ve been over this before. No good comes from a long-term relationship. Happily ever after is a myth, my darling daughter. You need to remember that.” She placed her finger under my chin. “We Wade women do not let others, especially men, control or wreak havoc on our emotional state.”
Age 13
“I’m sorry, Gerald, but you need to leave now, and please don’t call me again,” my mother spoke as I listened outside her bedroom door.
“This is how you respond to me telling you that I love you?” Gerald’s voice raised.
“You don’t love me. We only went out a few times. I told you from the start that I wasn’t looking for anything long-term.”
“But, Karen, it doesn’t matter how many times we went out. I fell for you the moment I looked at you and thought you felt something for me too.”
“Well, you thought wrong. We’ve served our purpose to each other, and now it’s time for you to go.”
“You are a cold-hearted bitch, Karen. I’m sorry I wasted my time on someone like you.”
I could hear his footsteps approaching the door, so I ran back into my room, climbed into bed, and pulled the covers over my head. The hinges on the door lightly creaked as it softly opened. Before I knew it, my mother sat on the edge of my bed and carefully pulled the covers from my head. I stirred and opened my eyes to see her looking down at me as she brushed away the strands of hair from my face.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as I stared into her watery eyes.
“Nothing, sweet pea. I was making sure you were asleep.”
“Is Gerald staying the night?”
“No.” She softly smiled. “He won’t be coming around anymore, Emily.”
“Why?”
“Because he wanted a part of me that doesn’t exist. We do not change who we are to make someone else happy, darling. Remember that. Go back to sleep.” She gently kissed my head.
Age 16
I was watching a movie on the couch when my mother strolled in around one a.m.
“How was your date with Cecil?” I asked as she plopped down next to me.
“It was fine, but I don’t think we’ll be seeing each other again.”
“Why? He seems like a really nice guy.”
“He is, darling.”
“Then why would you stop seeing him?”
“Because he wanted to claim me for himself. He wanted us to be exclusive and told me he was in love with me.”
“Okay. So what’s wrong with that? I really like him, Mom.”
“My sweet girl. What have I taught you from the time you were a little girl about relationships?”
“I know, but?—”
“No buts, Emily. Do you want to become someone else’s plus one? Do you want to give them power over you to either make you over-the-top happy or destroy you emotionally? Do you want to feel your heart break over someone you thought you knew, but in the end, you didn’t even really know them at all? Do you want to wake up someday next to the same man you’ve been with for years and wonder if there’s someone better out there? Romance dies, darling. Jokes are no longer funny, conversations become stale, sex will become routine and mechanical, and the person you once were will no longer exist. And when the relationship ends, you will have to rediscover who you were in the first place. Because, make no mistake, darling, a person will change you. Love doesn’t last. It’s not possible. Men stray, and when the going gets tough, they run to seek comfort in the arms of another who is new and unfamiliar to them.”
“You sound like a man-hater, yet you date so many different men,” I spoke.
“That’s because each new man is exciting, and they serve a purpose. Why settle for one fish when you can have an ocean full anytime you want?” She smiled.
“I guess.”
“You come first, Emily. Never forget that. You will be successful, determined, and have the fulfilling career you always wanted. Men get in the way of that, and I know you would never allow a man to deter you from your dreams.”
“Aren’t you lonely?” I asked as I laid my head on her shoulder.
“Not at all. I have you and plenty of men to occupy my time and needs. Remember, women are a man’s weakness. We have the bodies they crave, the vagina they want to bury their cocks inside, and the breasts their mouths desire. We make them feel good. In return, they make us feel good. It’s purely physical, and as long as that’s all it is, life is good and uncomplicated.”