Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Anna
I waddled into the shop, and I first took a chocolate cupcake and ate it.
“Breakfast?” Francine smiled.
“Actually, I had oatmeal before I came in. So I’m considering this a mid-morning snack.”
I went into my office to look over some reports. The shop was doing phenomenally well, and we made a big profit in our first year. I knew this business would do well, and now Wes regretted not investing himself. I finished up what I had to do and decided to see if they needed any help up front. I was standing behind the counter when the door opened. I looked up, and my eyes met with the same eyes staring back at me. I froze, and my heart started racing.
“Anna?” The woman spoke softly as she placed her hand over her mouth.
If I ran, I’d look like an idiot. Plus, I was thirty-seven weeks pregnant. Running wasn’t possible.
“Carla,” I spoke.
She was with a man I presumed was her husband. Panic started to soar through me, but I remembered my breathing and quickly tried to calm myself down. Her husband grasped her shoulders when he heard my name. God, what I wouldn’t give for Wes to be here.
“How are you?” she cautiously asked as she approached the counter.
“I’m great. I’m pregnant.” I placed my hands on my belly.
“I can see that.” She smiled. “You look like you’re due very soon.”
“In about two and a half weeks. What are you doing here in New York?” I asked.
“We’re looking at places to live. We may move here.”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“I didn’t know you lived here. Aren’t you working for your father anymore?”
“No. Things weren’t working out.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. You’re working here?” she asked with confusion as she looked around.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
“Actually, I own it.”
“Wow. That’s wonderful. We heard amazing things about this place and had to come to check it out for ourselves. Little did I know that my daughter owned it.” She smiled.
“Hi, Anna, I’m Paul. It’s finally nice to meet you,” her husband spoke as he extended his hand.
“Hi, Paul. It’s nice to meet you.”
I hated them. I wished they’d leave.
“Wow, look at you. I can’t believe I’m going to be a grandma.”
The fuck you are.
I gave her a small, fake smile.
“Are you married?” she asked.
Like she couldn’t tell from the rock on my finger. Oh, that’s right, I wasn’t wearing it because my fingers were so swollen.
“Yes. I’m married to a wonderful man.”
“I would love to talk to you, Anna. Is there any way we could do that?”
She was the last person I wanted to talk to. But all I could hear in my head was Dr. Stark’s voice telling me that I needed closure with my mother, and the only way to get that closure and be free from the hate and anger I harbored my entire life was to talk to her. I just didn’t think the time would be now. If I rejected her, I’d only be screwing up my therapy. Plus, I was happy and in a better place now than I had been my whole life. I could handle her and a conversation. No problem.
“I guess so,” I said.
“Why don’t the two of you do it now?” Paul smiled. “Go grab some lunch. I’ll head back to the hotel for a while.”
“Is now okay with you?” she asked.
“I guess now is as good a time as any.”
I wasn’t sure a restaurant setting would be such a good place, and it was a beautiful warm sunny day out, so I suggested we go talk in Central Park and grab a couple of hot dogs. I couldn’t help but stare at her. She looked a lot healthier than the last time I saw her. We had the same eyes and the same smile.
“What happened between you and your father?” she asked.
“You mean the father that never loved me? The father who sent me all the way across the country to boarding school, so he didn’t have to deal with me. The same father who disowned me and fired me from the family company because I didn’t want to marry the man he thought I should?”
She slowly closed her eyes.
“Anna, I’m so sorry.”
We took a seat on one of the benches in Central Park.
“You should be,” I spoke in a harsh tone. “And now that you’re here and we’re talking after all these years, I want the answer to the question I've had ever since I was five years old. Why? Why didn’t you get the help you needed after I was born? How could you just abandon your child? Your flesh and blood? The person you carried inside you for nine months?”
“I can’t answer that because I don’t know. I did see a doctor once. Your father forced me to, and he put me on medication, but the medication made me worse. My depression deepened, and I felt like everything was hopeless. Your father grew angrier with me every day. You were constantly trying to get my attention, and I was so absorbed in my own head and dark world that I was afraid of what I might do to you.” She pulled up her sleeves and turned her wrists over where scars lay on her skin.
“I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like such a failure to you and your father, and I didn’t know how to help myself, so I tried to take my own life. Do you remember?”
I sat there, thinking as hard as I could.
“I was five years old, and I remember Dad screaming at the nanny to get me out of the house and take me away until he called her. I never knew what happened that night. It was never discussed, and you were gone when the nanny brought me home.”
“Your father had me committed to a psychiatric hospital. While I was in there, he filed for divorce. I was granted supervised visitations, and I was ridden with guilt. That’s why I didn’t show some of the time. But when I finally worked up the courage to see you and looked into your eyes, I saw your hatred towards me. You knew I abandoned you, and you weren’t having any part of it. That’s when I knew you’d grow up to be a strong, independent woman with a strong will and mind.
After that, I stayed away because I knew that was what was best for you. I don’t blame you, Anna, for hating me. I hate myself too for what I’d done. After a few years of being on medication, I met Paul, and he wanted children. I talked about you all the time, and he was the one who convinced me to see you in Connecticut. When I contacted your father to tell him I wanted to see you, he told me he sent you away. My heart broke, and I needed to make sure you were okay. But, when I got there, you refused to see me.”
“I couldn’t see you. I hated you,” I spoke.
“And rightfully so.”
“The only reason I’m talking to you now is because my therapist told me that I needed closure with you.”
“You’re in therapy?” she asked.
“Not so much now, but I was because I almost lost my husband.”
“Why?”
“Because I told him I was never having children. That’s what you and Dad did to me!”
“Anna,” she softly spoke as tears filled her eyes.
“So I went to therapy for my lifelong issues, and he helped me realize some things. He helped me realize that I’m not you and that I’ll never be you.”
“I want you to know that I never once stopped loving you or thinking about you. My two children know about you, and they know what I did. I talk about you all the time.”
All of a sudden, a severe cramping overtook me as I placed my hand on my belly and doubled over.
“Whoa!” I yelled.
“Anna, what’s wrong?”
“Just a cramp.”
“Have you been experiencing them all day?”
“Yes, but they’re just Braxton Hicks. I think I just need to go home,” I spoke as I got up from the bench.
We began walking towards the entrance of the park when another one hit me.
“Holy shit!” I yelled as my mother took hold of my arm.
“That was too close, Anna. I think you’re in labor.”
“I’m not in labor, Mother. I’m not due for another two and a half weeks.”
“You were born at thirty-seven weeks. Babies come when they’re ready. They don’t care how many more weeks are left or have passed.”