Four
Jameson
What in the hell had possessed me to ask Willow if I could go with her to this thing? Two nurses and the lady at the intake desk had asked if I was the father, and I’d had to hear Wills confirm to them all that no, I wasn’t.
“So where is this asshat love of your life?” I asked, leaning against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest.
“Busy,” she snapped.
“Too busy to see the first images of his child?” I was being a dick, and I knew I wasn’t helping the situation. But I was in too much pain to find anything but anger.
When she’d told me she was in love with someone else, that she was carrying his child, it had felt as if I’d died. As if she’d gutted me and left me to bleed out. We’d been each other’s firsts, each other’s only, ever since…since whatever this was between us had started. I thought she knew we’d end up together, eventually. It had never occurred to me that she might be on another page and find someone else.
I loved her. I’d always loved her. And now, it was way too late to tell her.
“You didn’t have to come,” she said with a sigh.
“You shouldn’t be here alone,” I argued. “I want to be here.”
I forced myself to loosen my posture and walked over to her. She was wearing a paper gown and lying on an exam table with a blanket over her legs. She looked so tiny. Her hand rested on her belly, which showed no obvious evidence of a bump. How could she be pregnant?
“Sorry!” the doctor chirped when he came into the room. “We’re running a bit late today.” He held out his hand to shake mine. “I’m Dr. Bob.”
Dr. Bob? Her OB was named Dr. Bob. Jesus, really? That’s really his name?
“That’s okay,” Willow assured him, propping herself up on her forearms.
“Let’s get a look at that baby.” He dropped onto his stool and wheeled over. He helped Willow push her gown up under her breasts, and I had to clench my hands into fists to keep from knocking his hands away from her.
I had to get a grip. She wasn’t mine anymore. Apparently, she never really was.
“Don’t you have… Doesn’t a tech usually do the ultrasounds?” I asked, wanting to demand a female member of the staff do the scan.
“Not always.” Dr. Bob chuckled.
Undeterred by me, her doctor squeezed some goo on Willow’s belly and started pressing the ultrasound wand over it. He pushed a few buttons on the machine and soon a soft thwump-thwump-thwump sound filled the room.
“Is that…” Willow’s eyes went wide.
“Baby’s heartbeat,” he confirmed with a smile.
Tears suddenly pricked at my eyes, and I had to turn my head away, not wanting to let her see what this was doing to me. Damn it, this should be the happiest moment of our lives. Instead, I was just an interloper, standing in a room with what could have been.
“And there it is,” Dr. Bob said softly.
I couldn’t resist looking at the screen. My heart leapt into my throat at the sight of the tiniest little bean, nestled inside Willow.
The doctor clicked a few more buttons, and little lines surrounded the nugget.
“Too early to tell the sex yet,” Dr. Bob murmured. “Looks like you’re right around three and half…maybe four months along. According to your chart four, and you’re measuring right for that.”
months. She’d met someone, fallen in love with the guy, and gotten pregnant by him all in four months. How? I’d had over twenty years with her and look at us.
I was an idiot. All of this was my fault. I pushed her and goaded her and fought with her. It had been a game to me. A game I’d thought she was playing, too.
A game I’d just lost.
Dr. Bob helped Willow clean up, and I wandered back to the window, looking out over the city and feeling sorry for myself. When he was finished, I followed him out into the hallway, so Willow could get dressed.
“Hey, Doc?”
He stopped and turned to face me, an eyebrow raised as I handed him my business card.
“I’d like all of Ms. Tate’s medical bills sent directly to my office, please.” I glanced toward the closed door, knowing she’d argue with me if she knew. “Can you see that it happens.”
His brow furrowed. “You’re not the father?”
“No, but I’m her employer…her friend. And my firm will be taking care of all of her medical expenses.”
He nodded, smiling softly, a knowing look in his eyes that made me uncomfortable. “You’re a good friend.”
“Not good enough,” I muttered as I walked out to the waiting room to wait for the girl I’d lost.
I sat in one of the chairs, my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. I had no idea what the father’s financial situation was, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t about the money. It was about taking care of Willow in the only way I could.
Maybe, one day, I could be Uncle Jamie. Poor, lonely, drunk Uncle Jamie. Because there would be no one else, except the specter of all I’d lost.
Willow came out a few minutes later, made her next appointment with the clerk, then silently followed me outside.
“Do you want me to take you home?” I asked her when the oppressive silence became too much to bear any longer.
“I need to go back to the office,” she said.
“Right.”
“Thank you,” she said, reaching over and putting her hand on my forearm. “For coming with me today. I’m…glad you were there.”
“Of course,” I insisted. “You shouldn’t have been there alone.”
She blew out a sigh and turned to stare out the window. She seemed so sad. It confused me. Shouldn’t she be happy? She had everything in the world she wanted. Love. A baby. A family. Everything I’d never given her…had never offered to give her.
But as I thought about it, I hadn’t seen her smile in the week she’d been at the firm. I knew she didn’t realize I’d been watching. Okay, lurking. Sort of stalking. I’d been avoiding her, but I couldn’t help checking up on her. I loved her. But if she was happy, then I’d let her be happy.
This…this didn’t seem happy. And something was wrong. Something she wasn’t telling me. Damn that guy for not being at her appointment. And damn me for not being that guy.