Chapter 43
Chapter Forty-Three
When Gemma woke, Skarde no longer lay with her, but sat next to the bed with his head cradled in both hands. As she stirred, he glanced up, harsh lines carving his face. Something serious was coming her way, but the one thing about Skarde she could rely on was he didn’t balk at relaying bad news.
This was the person she loved with her entire heart. Together they could handle whatever was thrown at them. She asked, “Are you okay after…everything?”
His face softened ever so slightly before he dropped his chin to his chest. “I’m sorry for whatever I said outside the church. I don’t remember. It’s little excuse, but I’d been poisoned. I shouldn’t have left you at the inn.”
“They tried to stake me. I’m thinking you might want to get your money back on the room. That’s a clear hospitality breach.”
His lips twitched as if about to smile but stress rested in his gaze.
“I was angry. It’s my fault I didn’t take the time to think about you and the whole witch-fight situation. I ran and ran toward the Vorche until I smacked into VanFliet. I assume you figured out he might not be entirely on the bad guy team. Petra hurt him to control him somehow.”
“Fliet’s free of Petra now. Gemma…” He twisted a metal bracelet on his left wrist.
“Whatever it is, tell me.”
He glanced toward the window before he locked gazes with her.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Serina is here. She was your guardian in the other realm. I hear she didn’t do a great job of it.
The mages sheltered you after your parents were killed and hid you over there.
It was the only way they could think to keep you safe.
Now you…” His voice cracked and broke off. He fisted his hand and then relaxed it.
She entwined her fingers together to keep from reaching out to him.
He cleared his throat, although his voice came out little more than a hoarse rasp. “You need to go back to where you came from. To retrieve VanFliet’s cure. You—”
“I don’t want to go back,” she interrupted. “I planned to ask Serina to get what I think VanFliet needs. I’m not one hundred percent sure what’ll work. I’ll stay here. With you.”
He leaned in to kiss her. Gentle. Tender.
He stood and crossed his arms. “Despite all we’ve been through, you never got to make your own choice to be here.
They…the mages protecting…you did something to force you over here and into my life.
Then they made sure you were mortally injured to force me to make you vampire.
They banked on my inability to let you die.
They stole the potential for you to live a normal lifespan with natural children. ”
“I’d be dead if you hadn’t made that decision.”
“An outcome decided for us by meddling magical people. You have to go back to your world to find out if this is where you belong. You had a life in that other place, helping people. If you’re certain you want to leave it behind, then you need to tie up ends there.” His voice was soft and measured.
“I belong here!” Why did she need to argue this? “Vampires don’t exist where I come from except in fiction. How would I eat? Where would I get blood? Are you recommending I go around biting and killing people?” Her stomach churned at the thought of drinking from humans.
“You’re a survivor. Your need to acquire blood and avoid daylight won’t hold you back.”
Gemma scooted into his lap and pressed her mouth to his throat, remembering vividly the first time he’d asked her to bite him there. Hunger rose like a red haze in her mind, such that nothing existed other than her need to taste his blood. Her teeth grazed his skin.
A moan escaped him, but waves of grief poured off him.
She murmured, “I’m so hungry.”
“Take from me,” he rasped out.
She bit. Yet, she tried to be gentle.
His body bowed up as she straddled his hips, feeling his arousal between her thighs.
She took great draws from his neck until the hunger receded.
Although she’d licked his neck to encourage it to heal, she still smelled his blood.
Bringing his fisted hands up, she unrolled his fingers and licked the small crescent marks where his nails had dug in.
“I only want to drink from you. I don’t want to bite people or any other vampire.
” She stared up at his seductive mouth and wished he’d kiss her.
She tried to smooth his frown lines, wanting to erase the desperate desire mixed with sadness.
“Leaving you is wrong.” On a whispered exhale she asked, “Why are you pushing me away?”
He lifted and placed her back on the bed.
“Stay there. I want to be buried deep inside you so much. I’m at the edge of losing it.
If we… I’ll never be able to… This time, I’m doing what’s right.
” He raked a hand through his hair. “You’ll never be safe here.
The Directorate wants you. Everyone in need of a medicinal will be after you.
They won’t want a courteous consult. They’ll want to enslave you. ”
“I’m safer with you.”
“I can’t always be here. I have to go when I’m called for a job. It’s a part of who I am, what I’ve become.”
“Teach me how to fight, how to be helpful when you deal with the deranged magical creatures. I refuse to be a burden or a distraction.”
He shook his head. “You’re so strong, Gemma. It amazes me. But right now, you will go home.”
“Why do you want to get rid of me? Why now?” She couldn’t think or breathe.
“I almost lost you yesterday. I almost couldn’t figure out what I needed to do quickly enough.
I almost lost Cade when he thought he could take down the demon on his own.
It’s a bloody miracle you’re not messed up after being possessed by that thing and that Cade survived.
” Skarde scraped a hand through his hair. “You nearly died.”
“But I didn’t. You were there. You did figure it out.”
“What about next time? And the time after that? The odds aren’t in our favor for it to always work out.”
“You don’t have to figure this all out by yourself. You don’t have to fight these things alone. There’s me, and Cade, and maybe VanFliet, although he’s a wild card. Nah, forget him. He’s crazy. But you’re not an island with a monopoly on killing magical shits.”
“I am the island. There’s only me, uniquely fucking perfect for the job, like you told me.
” He stood. “I’ve been alone ever since I started doing this.
Having you in the wings won’t change that.
It simply adds to the complexity, having someone else I need to protect.
Especially when you’ll want to try to fix the thing and miss the signs before it tries to kill you. ”
“I want to help,” she whispered.
“But you won’t.” His voice softened for a second. “You being there will make it worse. So much fucking worse.”
“For who? You? Because you think like you’ll have to babysit me like a toddler?” Her heart was shattering into a million fragments. This sure sounded like Skarde was breaking up with her.
He covered his face. “This—you and me—has all been so fast. It’s too much for either of us to get a grip on. I’m not cut out for this kind of thing.”
“What kind of thing?”
“We need to slow it down. I need to figure out how I can keep you safe and out of the line of fire and…” He fisted his hands.
“I’m not some knight who can romance you with flowery words and keep you safe all the time.
I’m not a hero. I have new things I discovered about myself to contend with.
Scary fucking things that make me more dangerous.
I’m not even sure exactly what I am anymore. ”
“Don’t shut me out when things get hard.” Gemma’s lips trembled as she stepped closer to him. “It’ll get better. Don’t shut me out now. You need me. You can’t do this alone.”
He backed away from her. “I need to figure it out myself. There’s nothing you can do to help. This is on me.”
“It’s not, Skarde. You don’t need to shoulder everything yourself.”
“This isn’t helping either of us.”
“Your solution is for me to go back to the other realm? So you can relax and soul-search or whatever? Alone? Don’t forget how nasty the guys can get over there too.
Safety is never guaranteed, here or there.
If I remember correctly, the last time you tried dealing with everything yourself, you decided suicide was the right path. ”
“I never tried to kill myself.”
“No, you were happy enough to let someone else do it for you.”
“Gemma—”
She held up her hand. “You’re saying if we slow things down by being so far apart there’s no way we could ever contact each other, you’ll be more effective as a warrior against evil?”
“I don’t know!” he yelled. “I know that what happened yesterday can’t happen again. There aren’t people summoning demons into your realm. I refuse to watch you die because I can’t protect you. Something has to change.”
“And that change is me exiting your life?” She was furious because what they had was special. Wasn’t it? She’d never been so consumed by another person, nor had she ever felt safer. Until right now.
“I want to ensure you are somewhere better than here. Your realm may not be a perfect place, but at least there are fewer threats there. I can’t give up battling monsters.
There’s no one else to do it. I can’t figure out what’s going on with me if I’m worried that doing so might cause ripples in my world that will kill you.
I’m so distracted by what’s going on between us that I’ll probably mess up—and then you’ll die. ”
“So I’m what has to change about your life? The newest element gets kicked off the island.” She shook her head with disbelief and headed for the door.
“I can’t watch you die. I can’t be the reason you die. I’m asking you to understand where I’m coming from.”
She stopped. “I understand not wanting to watch the person you love die, not wanting to think that she died because you messed up. No one is perfect. But don’t use your fear as an excuse to push me away because you don’t think you deserve happiness. You’re better than that.”
“You won’t be somewhere else for forever.” He caught her hand, his eyes pleading with her. “I need you to go somewhere evil is less likely to look for you while I figure out the demon part of me. Then I can be the person you deserve.”
“You’re right. Right now, you’re not being the man I deserve.
The person I want and deserve is the one who knows that when times get tough, I’m an asset, not a liability.
I need a person who doesn’t see me as an obstacle and wants me as a partner.
I need you to realize that of all the other women out there I’m the one you can rely on to be on your team.
The best way to figure things out is to not give up on the one good thing you have. You see that, don’t you?”
He dropped his head.
Skarde had already put her on the boat and started the motor to turbojet her off the island.
He’d caved to fear. Deep inside, she understood this was the only way he knew how to contend with his need to protect, something so ingrained in him he couldn’t deny it.
He had to come to grips with the fact he wasn’t a god.
He couldn’t control everything. He couldn’t protect her from every bump or threat.
He could give her the tools to fight what may come her way, but then he would have to trust her ability to protect herself.
Hadn’t she saved him…how many times, now? At least twice.
She did deserve better. She deserved someone willing to persevere Someone willing to try and believe her when she said she’d be there for him through it all.
“I’ll make this easy on you,” she said, although everything inside her was dying. “I’m going to slow things down real hard. I’ll go back to my realm and get the stuff for VanFliet. I’ll toss it across the portal, but I’m not coming back with it. We’re over.”
“Gemma, that’s not what I’m asking.”
“It’s what you’re getting. Once I cross and that portal closes, I can’t get back to you. It’s done. There are just as many monsters over there as there are here. And some are far worse than those who use magic.”