Bitterness of Spirit (Pride and Prejudice Variation)
Prologue
Mirrored in Pemberley’s stunning lake, the moon illuminated the night. Behind a large oak, hidden from the full view of the impressive manor, two young men spoke in low voices, one animatedly and the other calmly and decidedly, both sharing their distress.
“This is foolish, simply foolish! You are behaving like a child. Surely, you cannot seriously consider leaving!”
“I must and I shall.”
“This is unfair. And ridiculous,” the other man repeated.
“Forgive me; I am humbled and honoured that my decision affects you so. Your friendship is my most valuable possession. But I cannot stay. I shall die of shame and sorrow if I am still here in two weeks.”
“You speak nonsense—to leave over the mere rejection of a woman you fancy yourself in love with. Ridiculous and childish, I say. If men left every time they were rejected, England would be deserted.”
Restrained but amused laugher greeted the statement.
“You are diverting, Darcy, although not entirely accurate. Women rarely reject a man—except when he is a fool and dreams of more than he should, or when he is far below the woman he dared to fall in love with and makes himself the laughingstock of the world by hoping for what he should not.”
“Wilson, things like this happen all the time—”
“No indeed, Darcy. It is not often that a man without situation, wealth, or connections—with nothing—gains the attention of a woman who has everything and dedicates himself to her with his entire being, only to find he means nothing to her.”
“I can understand your disappointment—”
“I doubt it, my friend. Neither you nor anyone else from your family has ever been—nor ever will be—in such a situation. I did not even propose. She simply informed me that she was to be married in a fortnight. She was astonished at my surprise—that I could imagine otherwise. She specifically mentioned that no one with sense could consider an alliance between us—that I was only a way of amusing herself for a while, a diversion for her boredom—and that she would die of shame if anyone ever discovered our connection. How could I stay after that? How could I escape the anger, the despair, the shame, the bitterness that chilled my heart? You cannot force me to remain here; please do not do so.”
“I shall not. But can you not travel somewhere closer so that you could return in a few months? You are the most faithful and trustworthy friend I have ever had or shall ever have. I have relied on you in the last ten years, and I do not wish to lose your friendship.”
“You are generous to say that, Darcy. I deserve no such praise, just as you need not rely on anyone. There is only one thing that worries me. Before tonight, I have rarely heard you laugh, nor have I seen you doing many things you used to enjoy before your marriage. I hope and pray every day that you are happier than your laughter proclaims.”
The answer came after a brief hesitation. “I have a good marriage. I have been fortunate to find Anne, who is beautiful, gentle, and kind. What else can a man expect?”
“I shall not deny any of the qualities you mention—and many others. Your wife is nothing but admirable, and nobody could say otherwise. But, to be completely honest, your father made the arrangements to provide the only thing he believed Pemberley lacked: a titled mistress.”
“The sharpness in your voice disturbs me, Wilson. It is true my father insisted upon this marriage, but I had no reason to oppose it. Anne was one of the most admired young heiresses in Town from the day she was out.”
“I would be content to know you are happy in your marriage. You always tend to put your duty and your father’s requests above your own desires.”
“I am as happy as any other man. And since I am fortunate to have my beloved son, what more could I wish?”
“Young Fitzwilliam is a blessing. I am sure he will be just like you and make you proud.”
“I only wish him to be healthy and happy.”
“I shall pray for him and your entire family every day of my life. Your wellbeing is more important than my own. You granted me your friendship when I was a young boy with little family and no means. You taught me to read; you asked your father to provide me with a way to earn my living; you helped me have a good life.”
“But you saved my life, Wilson. You found me lost and hurt in the woods when I fell off the cliff! Do not give me more merit than I deserve for a friendship that grew from my injury and your courage; it was beneficial for both of us. If anything, I showed you less gratitude than you deserved. And my father could not be more content with the way you have used his support. You have worked hard and studied all these years, and you could easily become a lawyer or a clergyman or go into trade. But you have decided to leave.”
Wilson held out a letter. “Please give this to Mr Darcy. It speaks clearly of my deepest respect and gratitude and of my intention to build my future abroad. I trust he knows how thankful I am for everything he has done for me.”
“I shall. Is there anything I might say or do to change your mind? I simply cannot stand by and accept a decision that I find unreasonable and unnecessary.”
“Nothing, my friend. No one can do anything. My spirit is too bitter.”