Chapter 29
Raze
In the first faint light of dawn, a twinge of hunger prickles through me.
Not the exhilarating craving to pull Peri out of the shadows where she’s been dozing and make her moan all over again—although there’s also a little of that desire tingling in the background of my existence, as there almost always is.
No, this is the darker, bloodier hunger I’d rather never existed.
If I don’t eat raw flesh soon, I won’t be able to concentrate on Peri’s brilliant plan.
No one else on site is alert to notice me slink out of the trailer through the shadows. At least, it appears that way at first.
I’ve only made it about a hundred feet from the makeshift film set when I sense my lover floating after me through the shadows.
I whirl around, tension I don’t want to unleash at her jittering through my essence. “What are you doing?”
Peri sidles closer with an air of curiosity that carries through our deepened bond. “You’re going hunting, aren’t you?”
I can’t stop my voice from turning gruff. “I need to eat. I don’t want to screw anything up today because I wasn’t at my best.”
A flicker of confusion quivers through her curiosity. “I wasn’t saying you shouldn’t. I’d like to see how you do it. If that’s all right.”
Even more tension coils inside me. “Why would you want to see that?”
She nudges me gently through the shadows. “I told you I love every part of you. I’d like to know as much about you as I can. I promise it won’t upset me. I understand that you’re going to have to kill an animal. That’s how you’re built. You shouldn’t have to hide it.”
I waver in indecision, but the warmth of her presence and her words melts most of my hesitation. Only Peri could turn vicious bloodshed into an act of adoration. “If you’re sure… I was planning on being quick about it. I just need to find viable prey.”
“I’ll stay quiet and out of your way. Don’t worry about me.”
Easier said than done. Although when I start forward across the patchy field again, the twisted feelings inside me have softened.
This is who I am. I’ve never had any choice about how I fuel myself.
If even Peri, who’s spent so much time trying to spread contentment, can be okay with that part of my nature… why should I fight it?
I prowl across the terrain near our work site for several minutes, careful not to venture too far. Peri’s with me now, but she can’t roam very widely without putting herself and the men I share her love with in pain.
Finally, my predator senses snap to alertness. I glance around to confirm there are no humans nearby to notice me and then emerge into the early-morning sunlight in my basilisk form.
A flick of my tongue to scent the air confirms what I already suspected: there’s a wild rabbit nearby.
As I creep closer, my clawed feet padding across the ground ever so quietly, I spot it. The brown-furred creature is nibbling on some grass not far from a hole that must be its burrow.
It won’t notice my scent. I’m not a natural predator in these parts—and my body gives off a different impression than a mortal predator’s would. Besides, I don’t have to get all that close to claim my meal.
I approach even more slowly. When I’m still several paces away, I pause and concentrate the searing energy behind my eyes.
Kill. Kill. Kill.
My eye sockets sting with the energy piercing through them. The rabbit jerks in a sudden spasm and topples over on its side.
Before it’s even hit the ground, I’m lunging forward. The part of my brain that craves fresh meat also craves the thrill of the pounce, even if I temper the violence by ending the creatures’ lives before I tackle them.
There’s no reason why my hunger should put them in more pain than necessary.
My claws rake through the furry pelt. My jaws snap around the muscles inside and wrench free globs of meat.
The bloody flavor saturates my mouth with a strange swell of satisfaction mingled with shame.
Maybe not quite as much shame as has gripped me before, though.
Peri materializes while I’m crunching down the bones. I freeze for a second, but as she promised, there’s no anguish or consternation in her expression or the emotions that waft through our bond. She has an unusually thoughtful air.
“You used your killing gaze on the rabbit,” she says. “It was already dead before you jumped on it.”
I lick the last droplets of blood from my jaws and straighten up into my human-like form, willing the green contacts to appear alongside my clothes so my natural eyes are covered. “I always have, once I figured out that I could. It makes the process easier for both me and the prey.”
Peri nods. “You don’t like them to suffer any more than they have to.”
“Of course not.”
She smiles at me, so bright my heart skips a beat. “You see—there’s nothing cruel about you.”
I don’t know how to answer that statement.
As Peri’s gaze slides back toward the trailers, a shiver of anxiety travels into me from her.
I frown. From the timing, I don’t think that emotion had anything to do with my hunt. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, it’s nothing—”
Peri cuts herself off and shakes her head, momentarily abashed. “I shouldn’t say that. It isn’t nothing. It isn’t good for me to pretend I’m only happy and calm when I’m not.”
She seems to gird herself. “I’m nervous about what we’re going to do today. We need to bash up a bunch of things that belong to mortals… What if it doesn’t bring Viscera to us after all? If it does bring her, what are we going to do with her? Just kill her?”
The uncertainty in her voice makes my gut clench, but I want to be honest with her too. “That might be the kindest thing we can do for everyone involved.”
“I know. I guess that’s partly why I wanted to come with you. To see how killing can be for a good reason too. But I’m not sure it stopped me from being nervous.”
She rubs her temple and then shoots me a softer smile. “But that’s okay, right? It’s normal to be nervous. That doesn’t mean the plan is wrong. We have to do something. I don’t want to let her keep wrecking the city either.”
I tuck my arm around her shoulders for whatever comfort that’ll give her, as hard as it still is for me to comprehend that I can comfort anyone.
“That’s why we’re doing it. It’s a very smart plan.
How we deal with her… A lot of that is her decision.
She messed up other people’s lives. She can’t really complain that we’re not allowed to do the same in return to stop her. ”
Peri perks up. “That’s a good point! She made the first choice, not us.”
She pauses before cocking her head at me. “I was wondering something, though.”
Her tone is light enough that I raise an eyebrow. “What’s that?”
“The power you can send from your eyes—and the poison from your skin—does it have to be strong enough to kill?”
I knit my brow. “That’s what it’s supposed to do.”
“But do you think there’s a way to rein it in so that you only knock the target unconscious or similar? Pull your punch a bit? Like… a lot of poisons are only deadly if the dose is big enough. Less and it simply slows you down or makes you sick.”
The question stirs up all kinds of feelings I don’t know what to make of: denial and doubt with a gleaming thread of hope winding through them. “That’s true. I don’t know if it’d work that way for me. I’ve never tried.”
Peri presses a kiss to my jaw. “Do you want to? I can do my best to help—to balance out the aggressive impulses that drive your instincts.”
I can tell she’d be fine with me refusing… but the hope expands as I consider the possibility. “All right. Let’s see what happens.”
How well can I not-quite-kill something?
We dive back into the shadows where we can scout for new prey discreetly. I stalk across the landscape, avoiding any signs of human occupation.
I definitely don’t want to experiment with the deadliness of my killing power on that kind of mortal being.
Over by a stand of spindly trees, a few sparrows are hopping around. They wouldn’t make much of a meal, hardly a mouthful, but I’m not aiming to eat them.
As I pull myself back into physical form, Peri follows. She rests her hand on my arm. “We’ll do it together. I can feel when you’re focusing.”
I swallow thickly and blink away the contacts I automatically conjured. The sparrows peck at whatever seeds or bugs they’re snatching off the ground.
They consume other life, just like I do. I don’t resent them for it.
Just like Peri doesn’t resent me.
Why have I let my needs bother me so much? Is it possible I could have found new, less harmful dimensions to my powers all this time, if I hadn’t shied away from using them unless I absolutely had to?
There’s only one way to find out.
I pick a sparrow and narrow my eyes. As the stinging sensation forms behind them, a waft of moderating reassurance flows from Peri.
I’m in control. I can decide how much harm my power inflicts.
Just a quick smack of the brain, enough to dim the lights. Leave all essential systems functioning. It shouldn’t be that hard, should it?
A slight pull of my punch, like Peri said.
I clench my hands and let a brief flare of my power burst from my eyes.
The sparrow flops over. Its companions startle and flit into the branches of the trees.
With my heart thudding at the base of my throat, I rush over to check the little creature.
As soon as my hand closes around its feathered body, I can sense the pulse still thrumming at its core.
A grin leaps to my face. I glance over at Peri, my relief radiating into her and mingling with the sunny pride glowing in her hair.
Who would have thought my power didn’t make me an unmitigated killer after all?
Peri would have thought. She watched and she saw me like no one else ever has.
“I did it,” I say. “We did it. Let’s keep practicing. I want to be as ready as possible when we see Viscera again.”