Chapter 18
It was Friday night,work was done, and they were planning to head to the Salty Dawg after a quick stop back home to check the cameras and locks. Blaze glanced over at Emma. She gazed out the window of his truck, her long hair hanging over her shoulder as she played with her ponytail, twisting it around and around her finger.
Blaze wanted to play with that hair. He wanted to take it down and spread it out, then he wanted to see it fanned across his pillow as he lowered himself into her willing body.
Shit.
He shoved the thought away at the first tickle of arousal in his balls. He didn’t need to be getting hard over a thought that wasn’t gonna happen. He wanted it to, but the fact she was under his protection now, staying in his apartment, meant he wasn’t making any moves.
It wasn’t professional, and it damned sure wasn’t right considering what Emma had been through with Simon Marsh. She was still dealing with the fallout of that relationship. Last thing she needed was to get involved with him when all he could do right now was a few hot nights together.
Even when the mission was done in a few months, he didn’t do long-term. Maybe it was his childhood that had fucked him over, or maybe he just wasn’t cut out for it. He’d never met a woman he wanted to try with anyway.
He knew he wasn’t parent material. He hadn’t had a good example of that. The idea of having to be there for a kid, to give them a stable life free of fear that he might not come home one day, was too much.
And to be fair, there’d always been a chance he wouldn’t come home again. Not because he was a drug addict who’d do anything for his next fix, but because his job was dangerous.
Still was.
At least before, he could tell a woman that what he did in the military was risky. Now he wasn’t allowed to so much as hint at his status as an operator. A mercenary. Too much at stake.
Emma’s phone dinged with a text. He could see the hesitation before she picked it up. He hated that for her. Hated that someone tried so hard to dim her sparkle.
She didn’t stiffen or say anything. Instead, the corners of her mouth turned up as she started to type an answer. He felt something remarkably like envy that someone else had made her smile.
“Everything okay?” he asked because he was too fucking nosy where she was concerned. Could be Theo Harper texting her. He hadn’t asked if there’d been anything between them. Wasn’t his business. Yet he still wanted to know.
She looked over at him, still smiling. “It’s Rory. She’s funny sometimes.”
Funny? He hadn’t thought of Aurora Harper as funny. She was serious in the tavern, flirty when she served him and the guys—except for Chance, who she actively disliked—and completely no nonsense when dealing with any problems.
“You said before that you didn’t tell her about Simon. Did you mean that he was abusive or that you didn’t mention him at all?”
She huffed out a breath. “At all. It happened fast, and I didn’t want to say anything to anyone until I was certain the relationship was going somewhere. Besides, Rory had a bad breakup a few years ago, and I didn’t want to start talking about a guy and then it didn’t work out.”
Her head dropped as she studied her phone. “Honestly, we didn’t talk a whole lot the past four years anyway. The job took it out of me, and time would go by without me realizing how long it’d been. I really don’t deserve how sweet she is to me now that I’m back. I left town and abandoned everyone here. It’s no wonder some people are having trouble accepting me as their doctor. I’ve been home three or four times a year in the past decade, and I never stayed more than a week. I told myself I was making a career, and that one day I’d have more time, but I wouldn’t have. I’d have just stayed on the hamster wheel.”
“You wanted out.”
He understood the desire to escape. That was all he’d ever wanted. It was why he’d signed up for the military the day he turned eighteen.
“Yes.”
Her voice was little more than a whisper, but he could hear the pain in it. He wanted to ask her why she’d wanted out, but he knew better. It was her story, same as his story was his. You had to be careful who you shared your truth with. Who you gave a piece of yourself to. He knew that, too.
“But you came back.”
Her nostrils flared as she lifted her head and looked out the window. The Alabama countryside was brown at this time of year, the trees bare, though some evergreens were visible, yet it was still beautiful. Mother Nature was resting, but soon the ground and trees would burst with color. Cotton, soy, and corn would fill the fields. He imagined growing up here. He wasn’t stupid enough to think he’d have never left if he had.
Everyone had their demons.
“My dad’s retiring, and there won’t be a doctor in Sutton’s Creek when he does.” She shook her head. “It’s not what I ever wanted to do, and maybe I made the decision under duress, but it’s not a bad decision. If it doesn’t work out, I can go somewhere else. Maybe work in Huntsville or Decatur or Madison. Hell, maybe I’ll join Doctors Without Borders and work there for a while. Maybe I should have done that in the first place. Simon would have never found me if I had.”
He didn’t like the way hearing her talk about leaving made the weight in his chest expand. It shouldn’t affect him at all. “I’m sure your parents are happy to have you home. Clearly your friend is. And her brother. The patients will come around.”
She laughed softly. “You’re very confident. The older ones who knew me when I was a child don’t think I know what I’m doing. One called me Emma Grace the whole time and said she didn’t care if I’d passed my exams and that my daddy was still her doctor.”
“Ouch.”
“I told her she could go to Huntsville if she wanted, or she could let me see what the problem was and save her a trip. She let me examine her and took the prescription I wrote, but she stuck her nose so high in the air she’d have drowned if it rained.” She spread her hands. “It was a little bit funny and a little bit exasperating. I know it’ll take time to win them all over. And I know there’ll be some who I’ll never convince. I plan to take it a day at a time. If there comes a time when I can’t stand it, I’ll think about finding another doctor to take over so I can move on. Hopefully my dad will be well retired by then and enjoying himself too much to feel obligated to come back.”
He eased the truck into the town limits, careful to drive the posted speed. The Sutton’s Creek PD was small but mighty, and they loved giving tickets to unsuspecting drivers. He knew from experience.
“I like it here,” he said as he drove along tree-covered streets toward the center of town. “People are friendly, food’s good, and life is quieter than where I was before this.”
“Where did you move from?”
He’d known that was coming. “Maryland. We planned to start our own business for a while. The time was finally right and all of us were ready, so we did.”
“I think that’s nice,” she said. “Kinda crazy, too. Moving somewhere you’ve never been before. What if you hated it?”
“Nah, we weren’t going to hate it. We’re used to going where we’re told and adapting to the circumstances. Being here isn’t much different from that.”
“And where are you from originally?”
Unease flared. He didn’t like talking about his childhood. “I was born in Oklahoma. Left when I was eighteen to join the military.”
“Do you go back often?”
“No. No family left, so I don’t go back.”
His grandparents had been dead for years, and he didn’t have anything to do with the rest of the family. They’d cut his mother off long ago, and that had included him. He didn’t blame his aunts for not wanting his mother around their families, but it’d have been nice if one of them had taken him away and raised him with her kids. Life might have been more stable, less frightening.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Don’t be. I have my friends, and life is good.”
“But no Mrs. Connolly?” She pressed a hand to her forehead. “Good Lord, don’t answer that. Way too intrusive. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’ve never been married. My job in the military took me away a lot. I never met a woman willing to put up with that.”
“My parents would love it if I got married. Mama wants grandbabies to spoil.”
“And what do you want?”
She shrugged. “I’m not against kids, but I also don’t see marriage and family fitting into my life just yet. Maybe. Someday, but not too far in the future since time’s not on my side. Who knows?”
She seemed uncomfortable enough that he didn’t pursue it. Besides, that was a heavy conversation to be having with a woman he only lusted after.
“Yeah, who knows? You think you got life figured out, and then something happens completely opposite of what you expect.”
“Don’t I know it,” she muttered.
“Damn, I shouldn’t have said it like that. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s the truth.”
They reached the town square, and he took a left on First Street to drive around behind the buildings. The parking lot was filling up because it was prime rib at the Dawg tonight. Later, there was a live band on the stage that took up one corner of the tavern, across from the bar. A country band from Nashville, probably. Lots of small bands toured down into Alabama while they worked to pay their bills and get studio time. He’d never considered himself a country music fan, but he had to admit that was changing the longer he spent here.
“Wait for me to come around and get you,” he said as he backed into a space.
“You don’t have to do that. I don’t expect you to open doors for me.”
“It’s not some kind of manly duty, Emma. It’s protective. I make sure it’s safe before I let you out of the vehicle. I escort you upstairs and make sure that’s safe. Everywhere you go, I make sure it’s safe.”
Her jaw had fallen open just a little. She snapped it shut, but he could feel the irritation rolling off her in waves. He got it.
“I see.”
“This is serious, at least until we know it isn’t, okay? I’m not trying to control you or make all your decisions for you. In this situation, you’re the movie star and I’m your bodyguard. I have to make sure the paparazzi isn’t waiting to ambush you, understand?”
“When you put it that way… This isn’t going to be easy for me, okay? I let Simon cut me off from my friends and colleagues at the hospital, and I got to where I was afraid to make a decision in case he didn’t like it. You telling me I have to wait to get out of a car, that I can’t go anywhere alone—well, it’s logical and I get it, but it still makes me feel like it’s happening again. And I’m not accusing you of that, just saying that it’s Simon getting his way again. It makes me furious.”
“Okay, how’s this? I get to control your movements because I have to, but you get to pick all the TV shows we watch and all the food we eat. With the exception of broccoli. Have to draw a hard line there.”
One corner of her mouth lifted. “Broccoli, huh? That’s your line in the sand?”
“Well, yeah. There’s nothing worse than that.”
“I dunno. What if I like tripe or pickled herring? What if my idea of a hearty breakfast is pickled herring and tripe on toast or something?”
He put a hand to his stomach. “I feel like I’m turning green here, babe. Am I green? Are you sure you like those things? Can we add them to the list, or is it too late?”
She laughed. He loved the sound of her laugh, especially when she seemed genuinely amused like she did now. Sure, it was at his expense, but he liked it anyway.
“Nope, too late. Sorry. I’m going to need to hit the grocery store tomorrow so I can pick up supplies. You’re gonna love my herring-tripe toast!”
“Put barf bags on the list. Think I’m gonna need one.”
She cackled. Legit cackled. He loved it. He put his hand on the door to open it, but she stopped him by circling his other wrist with her fingers. Or trying, anyway. Her hands were small, and his wrist wasn’t.
He lifted his gaze to hers, something tightening in his chest at the emotion in the depths of those baby blues.
“Thanks, Blaze. I appreciate that you’re trying to make me comfortable, and I’m sorry if I freaked out a bit. I know you’re helping me. I’m grateful, and I owe you one.”
“Nah, you don’t owe me.” His voice felt stretched out in a way. Strained with the effort not to let any emotion in. “I’d do it for anyone.”
Her smile softened. “I know you would. That’s why I like you.”