Blood & Ash (Saint’s Outlaws MC: Deadman’s Beach, AL #1)

4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

I’m not sure how much time has passed when Goose drops to his ass next to me, smoking a blunt. “They had to sedate Momma Tee. Gotti drove Shelby home. Always thought those bastards would go out together, just not like this,” he says, shaking his head before taking a hard toke.

“Gotta hand it to him. Fucking went out with a fucking bang. Shelby. That shit. I can’t wrap my head around that one.”

Goose shrugs.

“You knew she was fucking him.”

“Didn’t find out until you did. When she came running down the stairs. I’m just not shocked by it.”

Guess he wouldn’t be considering his last stepmother graduated a year after we did. His old man has always liked them young. Didn’t see this shit coming. Not even close.

I don’t understand any of it. Except Eightball. Him getting fucked up and tagging Shelby makes sense. My Pops. Can’t wrap my mind around it. Every time I close my eyes, all I think about is them fucking behind my back and laughing about what a dumbass I’ve been not to see it.

“Buford stopped by and said to come to the morgue when we’re ready. My old man had a couple of baggies on him that tested positive for fentanyl. Paramedics said War’s heart burst.”

“Jesus,” I mutter, and take another swig. I stare out at the ocean, wondering what the fuck I’m to do now. Where do I go from here?

“I know you aren’t ready to pick up that gavel, but the club is going to need you to lead.”

“Yeah.” I hang my head. “Can’t believe he was that fucking stupid. Out of all the shit he’s done in his life, this has to be the most fucked.”

Part of me had always believed my old man was invincible. That nothing or no one could take him out. Was foolish. They say never meet your heroes. My dad was mine. Tough and mean.

Fucking Shelby behind my back. Of all the women, he had to choose her. I expected more from him. Her too. Eightball I could see, but not my father. My flesh and blood.

I sniff and take another hit, passing the doobie back to Goose.

“At least he went out staring at some nice tits.” Goose chuckles and hands me the joint once more.

“That he did. That he fucking did.” I take two puffs as the silence stretches between us. There’s no one else I’d rather have by my side to do this shit with. The sun sets fire to the sky, and I hope wherever and the fuck he is, my old man is having the ride of his life. Who am I kidding? Him and Eightball are crashing through the gates of Hell side by side on their Harleys brothers in arms till the very fucking end.

I pour out two shots in the sand.

One for each of our fathers.

Our fallen heroes.

Slicking back my hair, I let out a sigh and then brace the sink. I’m not ready for this. Nowhere near prepared to walk out of this clubhouse and ride in my father’s and Eightball’s memory. Goddamn them both. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I’m twenty-five years old. Too damn young to be burying my old man and filling his shoes.

It wasn’t his time to go.

Not yet.

Everyone is looking at me. Some depending on me like I’m their lifeline where others possibly want to watch me fail. This shit isn’t fair.

Momma Tee comes into my room without knocking. “How you holding up, baby?”

I exit the bathroom and grab my cut off the bed. “I’m breathing.”

Her lips tip into a sympathetic smile. “Loved him like no other. That man.” She smiles to herself, biting her lip in an effort not to cry.

“I know. We all did.”

“I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“If you’re worried about your place here, don’t be. This is your home as much as it is mine.”

“It’s not that.” Frown lines appear etched around her lips and in the crinkles of her eyes. Whatever she’s about to say, I’m not going to like it.

“What is it then?” I pull out my smokes and light one up.

“Shelby.” Fidgeting, she twists her fingers together, hesitating to continue past that cunt’s name. I’ve never known Momma Tee to be nervous or to beat around the bush.

“What about her?”

“That wasn’t the first time. I always wanted to tell you, but I loved your father more than he probably deserved. Was always loyal to him.”

Taking a hard drag, I motion for her to get this over with. I’ve got shit to do. A club to lead. I’m not ready for this, but I have no fucking choice. Last thing I want to do is stand here and listen to her recite some bullshit about my old man fucking the same woman as me. “How long?”

“I can’t answer that.”

“I’ve got shit to do. Get to the point.”

“She’s here and wants to talk.”

“Fuck me. You tried to shoot her the other day and now you’re standing here doing her bidding. I don’t want to see her.”

“You need to hear the girl out.”

“The time for her to talk was whenever this bullshit started. Not now.”

“She’s pregnant, Blood.”

Her words hit me straight in the gut, but I can’t do this. Not today. Maybe not ever. “Been there with her before. If this is some sick way to get me to talk to her.” I snuff out my cigarette. This bitch has a death wish. “Can’t believe she’s pulling this shit again.”

“It’s your father’s baby.”

I stop at the doorway. “Jesus. This shit gets deeper and more twisted. That’s just fucking great.” I slap my palm against the wall, trying not to fall to my knees and show any sign of weakness. Shelby and my old man. A baby.

Perfect.

Fucking perfect.

How could she look me in the eye knowing that shit? Any of them. How many knew? How many laughed behind my back that my fucking childhood sweetheart was giving it up to my old man on the regular? How could she lay in my arms and pretend she gave a fuck about me while giving her pussy up to my father? Did he know she was still sleeping with me? Was that why he’d been giving me dirty looks?

“Blood, you may not want to hear it, but she’s messed up. She needs you.”

“Needs me?” I lick my lips. “Only thing she needs is to leave and never look back. There’s nothing here for her or the bastard in her belly.”

“I know you’re angry.”

I turn fast on her, getting in her face. “Fuck yeah, I’m angry. I’m pissed at him. At her. And you. I think you’re the worst of all standing here defending them after all this. Look around, Momma Tee. War is gone. He didn’t give a fuck about you. Me. This club. He died snorting coke off the tits of his son’s whore. And now you want me to feel sorry for that bitch because she was stupid enough to get knocked up? That baby could belong to anyone.”

“He knew. Was planning on telling you. They were going to get married. She was going to be his second chance to do shit right.”

“What did he ever know about right?”

“You turned out okay.”

“Not because of him. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve not been okay for a long time.”

I stomp down the stairs to see Ghost and Rogue out of the mother chapter in Boston sitting at the bar with Smoke and Gunner out of the Pensacola chapter. They all turn to me, giving me a nod.

Means a fuckuva lot that they made the drive.

“Daisy, make sure they have whatever they need. Rooms, food, pussy.” The job would normally fall to Momma Tee, but who knows where her head is at?

I can hear my old man’s voice in my head telling me, “Atta boy.” The prick.

I want to hate him, but I can’t.

Before I can give them a proper welcome, I spot Shelby hanging around the front door as Goose walks through it. He ignores her as he should. Bitch is as dead to me as my father’s ashes, but I don’t want her to cause a scene. I shoot him a chin left toward the bar so he can properly greet our guests.

“Outside,” I growl, grabbing her by her bony elbow. Dragging her across the parking lot, I get her out of earshot of anyone at the clubhouse. I release my grip, not wanting to touch her any longer than necessary. “What the fuck are you doing here? Made it pretty goddamn clear you’re no longer welcome here.”

“I wanted to…” she trails off, her bottom lip quivering as the sun beats down on us.

“You wanted to what? Apologize for fucking or murdering my Pops? Which is it?”

“I didn’t know the drugs were laced.”

“You ready to tell me who sold to you?” Bitch is lucky that despite all this bullshit, there’s still some piece of her rooted in me. Anyone else, I’d already tortured the information out of them. Peeled off their fingernails. Busted their kneecaps. Gouged an eye. Not Shelby, though. I couldn’t fucking physically hurt her. I don’t beat women, but for the first time in my life, I want to.

I want to carve out her fucking heart.

If my Pops were still here, I’d make him watch.

That should scare me that I’m becoming everything I swore I wouldn’t. A cruel and heartless bastard.

“I can’t. We both know you’d be reckless and kill them. Then where would the club be? I know you hate me, and you should. But I’m not sorry I fell in love with your father. I’m only sorry that I didn’t tell you. Your father loved me, too. I’m having his baby.”

I snort. “And I’m what? Supposed to be grateful that you’re doing all this to protect me and the club out of love and loyalty. Cut the shit, Shelby. You’re worried about your meal ticket and what you now see as your child’s inheritance. Let me clue you in and save you the suspense. I don’t give a fuck if that kid comes out looking like a clone of my old man. You’ll never see a dime.”

“He left it all to me. That’s what I came here to tell you, but I don’t want you to worry. The clubhouse is yours.”

“Bitch, I don’t know what you’ve been smoking, snorting, or shooting, but whatever he promised you.” I shake my head. “I’ll kill you first.”

“I’m not the enemy, Blood. We could get married, and nothing would have to change. I wouldn’t expect a real marriage, but you could help me raise this baby.”

“Fuck you. I’d burn this whole town to the ground before I ever put a ring on your finger or give you or that bastard in your belly a dime. I mean it, you fucking whore. You need to get gone before I permanently erase you.”

“You don’t mean that.” She stares at me with those gorgeous blue eyes I used to drown in the depths of they are so deep. Now when I look at her, the only sensation that engulfs me is disgust. “You need time.”

I grab her under the chin, squeezing tight. “So help me, Shelby. If you don’t get out of my face and off club property, I’ll drive you out to the middle of nowhere and bury you alive. This is your final warning. Keep the fuck away from me. The sooner you get gone, the better your chances are at living. I’m not fucking around. I’ll slit your throat from ear to ear if you say one more word about the club or my father.”