Blood & Ash (Saint’s Outlaws MC: Deadman’s Beach, AL #1)

9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

“What do you think?”

Ashley spins around the living room. “It’s bigger than I thought it’d be.”

“Won’t be once I get all of our shit moved in.”

“Won’t they miss you at the clubhouse?”

“I’ll split my time, but there will always be someone here to look after you guys.”

“I don’t need a babysitter. Shelby always knew where I was.”

“I’m not Shelby and you’re still a kid.”

“No, I’m not. I’ll be seventeen in a month.”

“Like I said. Still a little girl.”

“Whatever.” She rolls her eyes. “Do I get to pick my room?”

“Knock yourself out.”

“Sweet.” She takes off down the hallway, opening and closing doors.

I’m doing the right thing.

Ash and Ashley need a real home. Safety.

They were never going to have that with Shelby. She let Ashley run wild, like her mother did with her when we were this age. I’m not letting her loose to repeat her sister’s mistakes or mine. Ashley needs stability.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be what’s considered stable, but I’ll do my damnedest to try.

“How far are we from the clubhouse?” her voice carries from down the hall.

I follow the sound, packing Ash with me in his baby carrier. Who needs to hit the gym when lugging around a baby and all their shit all the time?

I find her in my old bedroom. Been some time since I’ve been back here but sometimes when I was in high school I’d hang here to party behind my old man’s back. Lost my damn virginity to Shelby in this room. She was worried I was going to fuck one of the club sluts.

That never really did it for me. Thinking about sticking my dick where everyone else already had turned me off.

“Nice posters.” Her cheeks heat and I track her line of sight to the closet, where I had some old posters of swimsuit models posing with motorcycles hanging up.

“You like them so much you can keep them.” I tease.

“Ha. Ha. Maybe if they were of Barry Keoghan.” She smirks.

“Who?”

“Guess you’ve not watched Saltburn?”

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s a movie. Forget it.”

“Better not tell Jackson about Barry. He might get jealous.” I chuckle.

“There is no Jackson. I took initiative and dumped him first.”

“Good. Saves me from giving the no sneaking boys over speech.”

“I don’t need a speech. I’m on birth control.”

“You still into purple, or was it pink?” I change the subject. I don’t want to know about her sex life, but if she has one, at least that’s one less worry.

“Neither. I’ve matured to blue.”

“All right. Blue it is. I’ve got a couple of the prospects coming by later to paint. Just tell them what color you want. Martina will be around if you need anything.”

“You’re leaving?”

“I’ve gotta work. Martina will make sure you get dinner.”

“I can take care of myself. Been doing it for years.”

“I know you can, honey. You shouldn’t have to.”

She nods, and I take Ash back to the living room to see if Goose’s mom has shown up. I find her in the kitchen, going through the cabinets.

“Hey.” I take Ash out of his carrier for her.

“You’re doing a good thing for them,” she tells me before kissing my cheek.

“Trying to. Ashley’s here. Put her to work.”

“I plan on it. Girl needs structure. Lord knows Shelby wasn’t the best role model.”

“No negative Shelby talk around them or at all. I want to forget she ever existed.”

“Kind of hard to do when you’ve got her kid and sister living with you.”

“Yeah, well, that’s my problem.”

“I’m here for you, son. As long as you need me.”

“I appreciate you. Some of the guys will be by with furniture and boxes and to do some painting.” I give the baby over and leave some money on the counter for groceries and whatever else she may need to grab. I’m taking over Pop’s old room. Already cleaned it out to make room for some of my stuff. I’m not moving all my junk out of the clubhouse, but it will be nice to have a place to get away. Which is why I need shit at both places.

I shouldn’t feel guilty for needing a break from diapers and teen girl dramatics, but today I just need to cut loose. Drink a little drink and smoke a little smoke. I’ve been drowning in responsibilities with the club and home life. It’s been about a month since I moved into the old house and fuck me if I’m not exhausted. Before my Pops died, my days consisted of collecting money and fucking around with the guys. Now I’m giving them orders and raising a kid on my own.

I’m twenty-five. I should be hitting the bars. Getting laid.

I look around the bar, seeing everyone having a good time, and all I feel is empty. Numb.

So fucking numb to the scene around me, being weighed down by responsibility and the choices that led me here.

“Let’s go blow some shit up or something. It’ll make you feel better.” Goose gives me a shove.

“Nah. I’m good. Probably going to head out. Give your mom a break.”

“Need you a woman. Any of these bitches would bow at your feet and suck your cock morning, noon, and night to be your Ol’ Lady.”

“The last thing I need is another female complicating my life.”

“All right. Get you a dude then.” He grins and I hold back from punching him.

“Fuck you.”

“You’re not my type, brother. You’ve got a flat ass and aren’t blonde with double D cups.”

“Get the fuck out of here before I stab you in the balls.”

“Knew you had a thing for me. Trying to play with my balls.”

“Daisy,” I call one of the hangarounds over.

“Hey, Blood.” She licks her lips and presses between Goose and me. “Goose. Can I do something for you?”

“Yeah, sweetheart. Take his ass upstairs.”

Goose laughs but doesn’t turn her away. I finish my beer and smoke another cigarette before I ride on home.

I pull up to the house and all the lights are on. Ashley is visible through the kitchen window, using a spoon as a microphone. When I walk in, I see Ash in the playpen, asleep, oblivious to the bubble gum pop music blaring from the speaker on the kitchen counter.

Ashley’s dancing around without a care in the world, and that’s how it should be for her.

“Hey. Martina left you a plate in the oven. I just loaded the dishwasher, and Ash has been asleep for about an hour.”

“When did Martina leave?”

“About two hours ago. I told her it was fine.”

“What’d she make?”

“You have a seat over there. In your chair. Go.”

I’m too tired to argue about it tonight. I kick my boots off and shrug off my cut, hanging it off the back of one of the barstools. I plop down on my Pop’s recliner and the music cuts off from the kitchen. Ashely brings me a beer, and a plate loaded down with mashed potatoes and gravy, fried chicken, and green beans. Gotta say it’s nice coming home to home cooking and not eating whatever mess the prospects have concocted.

I’ve not found a replacement for Momma Tee still. I try not to think about the past year.

My life has been flipped upside down, but not all of it has been completely awful.

I look over at my brother and know I’ll do anything to give him a good life.

Teach him how to be a real man.

One who doesn’t betray their family.

One who doesn’t hurt the people they love.

Unlike War.

Unlike his cunt of a mother.