Bonds of Fate (Fated in the Stars #2)

Chapter One Nix

Nix

The warmth of the pack still clings to Nix like Finn’s sweater as he drifts between sleep and wakefulness. For the first time in years—maybe ever—he is surrounded by safety, wrapped in the unshakable presence of his mates.

Dull morning light fills the room, when Nix turns his head, he’s face-to-face with Grayson. His beauty is staggering, even in sleep, and there is something magnetic about him that pulls at Nix in ways he doesn’t entirely understand.

They’re curled together like brackets on a page, with Rowan spooned up behind Nix, one hand draped over his waist, Rowan’s nose snuffling softly in Nix’s hair.

Luca is tucked up behind the larger man, barely visible—just a hint of fluffy dark hair and the newly familiar scent of sleepy mocha.

After they’d all managed to squeeze into the large hot tub last night, there had been laughter and innuendo and the occasional welcome slippery hand on his back or belly or the inside of his thigh.

It warmed more than just his belly, and Luca had been there to help him navigate it all. Nix found that if he used Luca’s mood as a barometer to set his state of mind, things were much easier. If Luca was safe, then so was Nix.

His mind had rested because of it, and Nix had never felt anything like it. He knows how that sounds, he does. That he’s been given yet one more person fulfilling a need in him, who fits him like a glove, when he’d only ever thought he had had Jamie—it seems too good to be true.

Who could blame him if he’s leary that this might be a psychotic break or that he’s in some sort of Matrix delusion? Well, if it is, he’s happy where he is, thank you very much.

After they’d showered and dressed, Luca had shown him the nest: a giant, ten-foot-diameter bed piled high with blankets in every color and the softest pillows. It was certainly nicer than his closet from before, but even then, a surge of anxiety had hit him at being so out in the open.

He had pushed it down, climbed in, and the entire pack piled in after him, all jostling to put a hand on Nix or at least get close enough to scent him. It was new and wonderful, and being immersed in the closeness and whispers of people who cared about him turned out to be the best way to sleep. His anxiety floated away on the comforting scents of his new family.

Now, though, the thing in his head is so loud. It’s nothing he’s ever heard before, focused on scents and demanding he burrows close under Gray’s chin and maybe stay there all day—maybe forever.

It isn’t just a thought; it’s instinct, raw and overwhelming, bigger than anything human. His skin prickles with the need to touch, to hold, to claim something he doesn’t fully understand yet.

When he’d finally seen Grayson yesterday, the universe had just stopped spinning. Touching him and hearing his heartbeat connected them in a way he’d never felt before—like his body recognized something his mind couldn’t name, an ancient, undeniable truth buried deep in the part of him that was no longer entirely human.

He hadn’t had a lot of experience with love; he’d loved his parents and his sister and even his grandmother in her way. But Nix has only ever loved one other person for real and that hasn’t faded a single iota.

Oh, he’d thought he could love Dawson at first, he’s ashamed to admit that to himself, but it hadn’t taken long for him to realize that it hadn’t been love at all. Only loneliness and loss turned against him.

This is surprising because it feels similar in intensity to the love he feels for Jamie. It’s a love so deep that it feels like it’s embedded in his cells and that this transition only made it more. Like there’s a place inside him and Jamie lives there, except now he’s not alone. Now there’s room for sweet Luca and Gideon, Finn and Rowan, and Leo—and especially Grayson.

That together, they are more than they could ever be separately.

He can tell the nest is mostly empty—everyone but Luca, Rowan, and Grayson is already awake and probably somewhere in the house. His grumbly belly reminds him that last night’s dinner and snack are long gone.

With one last lingering look at his mates, he sits up and climbs out of the nest as quietly as possible. With a last look, he admires the nest room, and Nix thinks he could sleep there for the rest of his days.

He follows his nose into the kitchen and finds Gideon and Finn kissing just inside the wide open fridge door, soft old music playing in the background as if they’d been dancing while making breakfast and had stopped to kiss. It’s romantic, and it’s silly, and that thing in his mind wants to push up between them—not to interrupt, but to soak up some of that warmth for himself.

He’s one step into the kitchen to do just that when both men turn to smile and beckon him close enough to be squeezed between them so they can sway to the music together just like he’d wanted.

“Kitten, did you sleep well?” Gideon’s voice is raspy, and there’s a mouth-shaped bruise under his jaw that hadn’t been there last night.

“I did. You?”

Finn’s nose is in his hair and running down behind his ear. The ticklish feeling has goosebumps popping up on his arms and legs. “Mmhmm.”

Gideon chuckles. “Finnie was up late and isn’t up to speed yet. Do you want coffee? Or maybe juice?” He seems to realize they’re still standing inside the open door to the fridge and reaches in to grab the orange juice.

“Tea, maybe? It looks like it might rain.” He shivers in his borrowed t-shirt, wondering where “his” white sweater from yesterday went.

The thunderstorm begins in earnest at that moment, and Finn kisses his cheek before breaking away to turn on the lamps in the living space. Despite its spaciousness, the room feels remarkably cozy, especially when he lights the enormous fireplace. He grabs a blue blanket from the couch, then lifts Nix onto the breakfast bar to tuck it snugly around his legs.

Nix wonders if it reminds Finn of that first night in the ER, the way it does for him—the instant connection zapping into place. His heart beats faster, and he pulls Finn in close, between his knees, just like he’d wanted to back then.

“Morning, Finnie.”

He’s gifted a soft smile as Finn sexily pushes his glasses up his nose. “Morning. I never thought I’d get to do this a week ago, you know. I’m sorry I let you go that night. I wanted you to stay.”

The memory of that night is still dim, but he remembers the beautiful doctor and his gentle, elegant, helping hands and sweet smile. He had made him feel safe, even if he’d felt sadness at having to leave.

“I wanted to stay, but Daw– he would have hurt you–hurt other people who were nice to me, and I knew I couldn’t lead him right to you.” Gideon drops something loud in the sink by accident and stands frozen for a moment, so Nix continues. “I couldn’t do that to you . Not when you were the first person who made me feel something other than constantly being afraid. I had to go.”

“Nix.”

Nix knew Finn wanted to say that he could have helped him, that he could have prevented this whole thing, but Nix knows Dawson Hayes and he would have come for Finn, would have torn him down along with anyone else who’d gotten in his way.

He still might try, but this time—and the thing in the back of his head agrees—this time, they will fight.

Thunder booms and rain pours against the windows, but he’s safe and dry, perched on the breakfast bar while Gideon makes breakfast for his family. He hums along to the music under his breath, pausing now and then to nibble a piece of apple or strawberry that Finn offers. It’s sweet and reminds Nix that he had a few unanswered questions.

“Could either of you maybe tell me a bit about mates? Does it mean boyfriend or partner? It seems important, and I don’t want to put my foot wrong, ya know?”

Both men look uncertain, but neither changes the subject.

Finn wipes his hands on a napkin and puts on his “doctor face.” “Nix, mates are like husbands, wives, or partners in the Were community. It’s not something decided through civil or religious ceremonies like human weddings. While people do sometimes choose their mates and there are often celebrations, more often, Were mates are chosen for us.”

“What?! Like arranged marriages? Whoa.”

“Not at all.” Putting aside his breakfast preparations for a second, Gideon washes his hands and looks Nix in the eye. “Mates are gifted by the Goddess, and when we meet our mates, we feel a connection to them that we don’t to any other person. We are lucky to have seven mates. When I met each one, I knew they were mine, and I was theirs.”

“Whoa,” Nix says again. “So, you don’t have a choice? What if you don’t get along? What if the person isn’t…nice?” They all know Nix means someone like Dawson, so he doesn’t have to say it out loud. Even if Dawson isn’t Were, it’s scary to think about.

“Well, I guess that does happen, but the Goddess tries to choose mates that match you in lots of different ways. That’s why packs exist so that we can find a match for each aspect of our personalities.”

“You said seven, and Jamie said at the hospital that—am I a mate, too? With all of you?” Nix thinks the answer is yes. The moment he met each of them—and saw Jamie again—something had snapped into place, and the thing in his mind knew they were his, too. It’s the same feeling he’d had with Grayson yesterday, and even the way just being with Luca makes everything easier. Better.

“You are. We’ve missed you all this time. Jay—”

“Finn, not your story to tell, eh?” Gideon snaps his tea towel at his mate’s butt.

Finn squeaks at the contact but nods in agreement. “You’re right. Do you remember when I said I knew you were special to me? That’s what I meant. I was trying to work up the courage to convince you to stay.”

“Oh.” Maybe that’s why it had been so hard to go. “One more question: there’s this thing in my brain that has an opinion on everything. It’s really loud sometimes. Should I be worried?”

Both men chuckle, and Gideon pulls his cinnamon buns out of the oven and begins icing them. The vanilla icing looks divine, and the scent of the two together is a reminder of Leo.

“Like right now? Those smell so good, and it keeps saying it wants Leo. What is that?”

“It’s your wolf.” Gideon tries to smudge icing on Nix’s nose, but Nix grabs his hand and takes his finger into his mouth, they both moan. Gideon licks his lips, his eyes dark with desire.

Wait. What did Finn say?

Nix inhales sharply—and promptly chokes. Coughing, he manages, “My what?”

“It’s a holdover from the genesis of our species,” Finn explains. “Jay told you that Weres retained some of our enhanced senses. Your wolf is a connection to that part of you—it’s your instincts and feelings with a mental voice of its own. It’s not a separate entity, exactly, but it’s the most non-human part of you.”

Finn dips his finger into the leftover icing, and Nix follows it with his eyes, leaning forward to suck the digit clean. A shiver runs through him. Hot. So hot.

Distracted momentarily, he brings the thing—his wolf—back on track. His chest tightens, and a shiver runs down his spine as the thought sinks in: there’s a semi-sentient creature lurking in the back of his mind. Nix swallows hard, his pulse quickening. Okay, maybe he’s more than a little bit freaked out.

Finn must see him still struggling. “Nix, he’s just a connection to your instincts and senses; it acts as an extra way to interpret what your enhanced senses are perceiving or feeling. For example, you smelled the cinnamon buns and the vanilla icing, and your wolf recognized the two scents as Leo and you. It reminded you that you haven’t seen Leo since last night, and you probably miss him. Jay and Leo have gone to work for a few hours, by the way. They’ll be back soon.”

“Huh. Makes sense, though. I need to think about it some more. Test it out on my own.” Nix keeps his tone vague because even though it’s weird, Finn’s words do make sense—his wolf is instincts and feelings, not a separate entity—but it’s more than that.

Nix can’t help but feel that—for him—it’s not just a voice in his head; it feels deeper, something woven into him, inseparable. Still, he’s willing to start with Finn’s explanation. For now.

His rumbling tummy reminds him the rolls look good. “May I have one?”

Gideon is so happy that Nix has asked for food for himself that there are two on his plate within minutes, his mate’s red ears and big smile proof of his delight. There’s so much to get used to, and all of it makes sense in this new version of his life; it’s just difficult to reconcile how much his life has changed—how much he’s changed.

He feels like there’s even more coming—things that scare him, things that might be too hard to accept, things that could threaten his ability to embrace this new life. But he really wants to believe that his place here, with these men, is his destiny. He’ll just have to go at his own pace, keep asking questions like he did this morning, and let himself enjoy feeling safe for the first time in forever.

He can do that, right?

Sleepy Luca and Rowan soon follow the scent of fresh baking into the kitchen, accepting iced coffee from Finn, who has a hot barista vibe going. There are gentle coffee-flavored pecks to his mouth, and they eat Gideon’s cinnamon buns in the kitchen or take plates out to the couch in front of the fire.

Grayson wanders in a bit later, skipping the kitchen altogether. He walks straight up to Nix on the couch, kisses him on the lips, takes a big bite of his second cinnamon bun, then flops down with his head on Nix’s lap, nose pressed against his belly, and promptly falls back to sleep. Nix sinks his clean hand into the soft black locks.

When they are done eating, Nix offers to clean up, but Gideon declines, while Rowan and Luca volunteer to organize an online grocery order with dire warnings from Gideon about too much junk. They disappear into a large pantry with a tablet and begin bickering about the merits of PopTarts versus Toaster Strudel.

Finn returns to the couch and sneaks under the corner of Nix’s blanket, his tablet in hand. “I thought we might order you some clothing and shoes and stuff. So you can have your own things, you know?”

It’s thoughtful and so kind, but the– his wolf whines at having to wear clothes that don’t smell like their mates, and now Nix can smell burnt cookies. So that’s distress. Huh . He also hasn’t got any money—Dawson made sure he never had enough to truly escape—and no way to earn any. His face burns with shame, and his palms grow damp with sweat.

Swallowing his embarrassment, he murmurs, “I can’t pay for anything new, Finnie. I wasn’t allowed to have a job, so I never earned any of my own money. But I could probably try that now? Although I don’t have a lot of experience, so maybe nothing complicated?”

With that feeling in his gut roiling, he realizes that the most pressing is that Nix doesn’t want to leave the house—Dawson is out there. What if he finds him? Or worse, his mates? Dawson is devious and cruel, and just the thought of being in the outside world makes Nix’s anxiety surge. This time, the whimper escapes out loud.

Gideon pokes his head out of the kitchen pantry, and Grayson sits up, pushing his shoulder-length black hair out of his face. “Angel?”

His genuine concern tips the scales and breaks down the dam that had been holding Nix’s emotions in check. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know I’m a useless freeloader. Maybe I can have a few more days?” He’d heard that enough from Dawson, and it’s his recriminations he hears coming out of his own mouth. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a bur–”

“Nix! Stop, please. You’re okay.” Finn grabs his hand. “You are not a burden or a freeloader. If you want to work or go to school sometime in the future after you’re feeling better, then we’ll help you do that. If you want to walk around the house naked or in a clown costume for the rest of your life, reading anime and watching Supernatural, you can do that, too. You can do anything and everything you want.”

He knows Finn is trying to help, but he can’t hear anything but Dawson embedded in the buzzing in his head.

“Angel, let us take care of you for a while. We have more money than we could ever spend, and Jay is always out there making more. Or you can work as much as you want—when you’re ready.” Grayson rubs a soothing hand over his back. “Hey, speak of the devil…”

The security system beeps, signaling Jay’s return.

In the next second, Nix is out of his seat, flying across the room and straight into Jamie’s arms. Jamie drops his laptop and phone with a crash, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Baby! What the fu—?”

Nix’s wolf wants Jamie—wants his strong arms and his reassurances. He wants him to say Nix is worthy of them. Why Jamie, and not the others at that moment, Nix doesn’t know. Maybe it’s because he’s known Jamie the longest. Maybe it’s because Jamie will know what to do with this overwhelming sense of impending doom.

“What brought this on? Finn?”

“It’s not them, Jamie. Finnie is nice. He wanted to buy me some new stuff, but I’m not working, and I don’t have any money and don’t want to wear new things or the stuff from Dawson’s place. I want to wear the things that smell like you guys. Please don’t make me—”

He’s going to be sick. His mates will think he’s useless—that he’s no good. They won’t want him; they’ll send him away. He’ll go back to being afraid, hurt, and hungry.

Dawson will find him.

Nix pushes Jamie away, but he doesn’t make it far before he’s doubled over, vomiting onto the floor. Again and again, until there’s nothing left but bile. Until he physically can’t anymore. Black spots dance in his vision, and his arms and legs seize with painful cramps.

Then everything goes black and quiet.

When he comes to, he’s back in the nest; Jamie is underneath him, with Grayson on his left and Luca on his right. He’s shivering so hard that his muscles are aching. There’s a large hand rubbing his back, and when he opens his eyes, he sees Luca has been crying. The mocha scent is…sad—smelling like day-old burnt coffee in the pot.

“Luc? Sad?” He touches the boy’s soft cheek with a finger, and it comes away wet.

“I’m sad because you’re sad, baby. We’ll cry together, okay? You’re safe. Alpha won’t let anyone hurt you, and you can wear my stuff when you want, although I don’t really own any pants.” His voice trails away, but it makes Nix smile a tiny bit.

Alpha. Yes. That word settles his wolf. Jamie is his alpha.

“What happened?” Nix asks because he tastes vomit in his mouth but can’t remember how he got to the nest.

Jamie’s voice rumbles in his chest, and a smoky campfire scent fills the room. “You’re all right, Nix. You panicked. Fuck. We aren’t forcing you out. If I’m honest, I don’t think we’ll be able to let you leave the house at all—let alone by yourself—for the foreseeable future.”

Gray snorts and mutters, “Or ever.”

Nix grabs Luca’s hand and brings it under his chin. The reassurance brings relief. He’s safe here. They don’t want him to go.

“That’s okay with me. I’m sorry about this. I’m usually better at keeping that stuff to myself—”

Luca looks horrified. “What? No! You don’t need to do that…tell him, Gray.” His voice cracks, and he begins to cry in earnest now.

“Whoa, hey. Wait..okay, okay. Please stop crying. I’m not worth it.” His words only make his mate cry harder. Nix’s chest tightens, panic rising all over again. “What did I say?” His wolf is losing its mind at Luca’s obvious distress, claws raking at his insides. He needs to fix it—now.

“Come on, Luc, let’s find Gideon or Leo. I’ll be right back, Angel.”

“Gray, my baby needs to know he’s worth everything.” Grayson hoists Luca up like a koala, and Luca yells out as he’s being carried away from the nest. “I love youuuuu, Nixie.”

Nix doesn’t know what happened, but he hates to admit it’s easier to manage his feelings without the barrage of burnt coffee and a teary-eyed Luca radiating overwhelming sympathy. He just wants to forget, to get back to happy, to make this his new normal.

Of course, Jamie won’t let it slide. Nix tries to sit up on his own, but Jamie rolls them onto their sides instead. “Nix, what happened downstairs?”

“Nothing—I don’t know, but it’s okay. I handled it badly. Sorry to be so weird. Finn is right; I can’t go around wearing other people’s clothes,” he scoffs.

His wolf whines, though, and it hurts something deep inside. Placing a hand on his belly, he clenches his jaw and tries to think happy thoughts. “I can pick something out and then just pay you back later. If that’s all right. Let me go brush m–”

“Nix. Stop,” Jamie interrupts, his voice almost pleading. “Finn wasn’t telling you that you needed your own things. He wanted to gift them to you, to make you feel at home here, but if you don’t want them, that’s all right. As for the other—you don’t have to talk about it right now. We just want you to be happy—not just act like it. You know what I mean?”

Nix did—a long time ago. It’s just that now he isn’t sure what ‘happy’ feels like. He’s locked those parts of himself away a long time ago. “I’ll try, Jamie. I’ll try. I’m sorry. Will Luca be okay?”

“He will. Luca is good at asking for what he needs, and I think our pack is good at giving it to him unconditionally.” That makes Nix happy because his Luca deserves to be loved that much.

“I want to go check on him.” He moves to leave the nest, but Jamie pulls him back.

“Maybe you should rest a bit. You were just sick, and Luca says panic attac–”

Nix cuts him off. “I’m fine, Jamie. Truly. Please. Let’s go and make sure Luca is okay, but maybe I should put some pants on first?”

Nix isn’t sure Jamie is going to accept his reassurances at face value, but after a moment’s hesitation, he gives him a tiny nod and helps Nix to his feet.

They find a pair of Finn’s track shorts with a drawstring, which seems better than free-balling—to everyone but Luca, and maybe even Nix, who was enjoying the freedom that just a t-shirt brings.

He washes his face and brushes his teeth again, letting the routine wash most of the episode away. Mostly. The low-grade anxiety still simmers under his skin like a swarm of ants.

It means he’ll just have to work harder at forgetting, right?

Easier said than done, though, because when they reach the bottom of the stairs, Nix finally tunes in enough to hear voices coming from the living room. They’re not pack voices, and his wolf does not like it one bit.

A growl rumbles in his chest, and he feels his fangs drop. Jay spins around just in time to intercept Nix’s charge.

There’s only one thought, one driving instinct: rid their home of the intruders.

“Gideon! Fuck. Get in here!” Jay’s voice is sharp, and Gideon arrives at a run, eyes wide. Nix’s wolf is furious at being kept from the strangers in his den, the growling deepening as both men struggle to push him backward into the powder room. The door slams after Gideon steps inside with him, a hand gripping the back of Nix’s neck.

Nix whirls, snapping his teeth harshly.

“Nix. Enough.” Gideon’s voice is firm, but Nix can still hear the unfamiliar voices through the door. His wolf rages. If Gideon is in here, who’s protecting the others out there?

Lunging for the door, he almost gets it open before Gideon blocks his exit. Wide-eyed, Gideon repeats himself. “Nix. Enough .” There’s a push behind the words, something sharp and intrusive that tickles the back of Nix’s mind unpleasantly. His wolf howls in anger.

How dare he . “No.” This time, he means it.

Gideon flicks the fan on, the sudden hum piercing Nix’s ears, but at least the noise drowns out the strangers’ voices. Maybe they’ve gone. Maybe he scared them away? The fan also clears some of his angry scent, dulling the intensity in the small room.

Gideon leans his back against the door, his steady presence a wall Nix doesn’t want to push past. Slowly, Nix sinks onto the toilet lid, tense and bristling. “Breathe with me,” Gideon says, his voice low and even.

Gideon takes Nix’s hand and places it on his diaphragm. “Match my breathing, kitten. In. Out.” Nix focuses on the feeling of Gideon’s firm abdomen and the cadence of his breath.

He sees the shadow of footsteps retreating beyond the door and guesses it must be Jamie. The rush of fear and possessive anger ebbs slowly, leaving behind a creeping unease. It’s terrifying to realize he’s lost control of himself twice in as many days.

“This fucking sucks. What was that? Who is out there, and why did I want to murder them in the living room and ruin Gray’s decor with their entrails?”

“Ha. Maybe your wolf is still feeling a bit touchy. It’s the doctor who treated you in the ICU; he’s a family friend, and because he didn’t see you before we left, he wants to check in with you today.” He grabs Nix’s hand. “We should have warned you yesterday, but the day flew by, and we forgot. Do you think you want to say hello? So he knows you’re okay?”

That’s a good question. Does he want to go out there now that he knows they’re a friend, not foe? The better question is: can he?

“He’s nice?” Nix asks, his voice tentative, trying not to let his worry about hurting someone overwhelm him. Has he really wrangled his wolf under control?

“Riordan works with Finn, and Jay has known him for a long time. He’s part of the reason you’re still here. We’re so grateful for that. That can’t be bad, eh?”

If Nix needs a checkup and Riordan is already here, then it only makes sense to do it, especially if he is a friend of the pack.

“Is he alone? I heard voices. More than one.”

“He actually brought Ewan. He’s an orthopedic surgeon who…uh…did some of your surgery when you were brought in. They’re a pack like we are.” Nix detects Gideon is unhappy about the extra guest, and his rainstorm scent is less rain and more thunder.

There’s a quick knock, and Gideon raises his eyebrows in a silent question: can you do this?

Nix can be brave and gives a curt nod. “Will you stay with me?

“Sure will, kitten.”

Turns out, it’s Finn on the other side of the door. Together, the three of them make the short walk to the living room, each holding one of Nix’s hands. He’s determined to stand tall, refusing to look like they’re dragging him along like a recalcitrant toddler.

Both newcomers are standing by the couch. The shorter of the two, with smooth, dark skin and close-cropped curls, is checking something under Jamie’s shirt. His calm smile and warm amber eyes should have been reassuring, but Nix’s wolf doesn’t care.

A low growl slips out, a warning to the other wolf to stay away from his alpha. His mate, a taller, red-haired man with fair skin and soft brown eyes, places a steadying hand on Riordan’s shoulder, their movements unhurried and in sync. Thankfully, most of Nix’s pack has been shuffled outside or back upstairs, and Nix is happy not to have too many moving parts to worry about or witnesses to his freak-out.

“Hello, Nix, I’m Dr. Riordan Kennedy, and this is my mate, Dr. Ewan Campbell. I’m glad to meet you. Please call us Riordan and Ewan if you like.” They both smile encouragingly at him in that distant way doctors have. Neither newcomer mentions his earlier outburst, which is kind but weird.

Nix nods, unable to make his face smile without baring his teeth. “Thank you for saving me. Jamie, are you all right?”

Jamie pulls his shirt down again, and not for the first time since he woke up, he wonders what he missed out on. Nix couldn’t remember if he’d been hurt in the SUV or even in the hot tub.

“I’m fine, Nix. Riordan was just checking a muscle thing for me. Do you think he could have a look at you now?”

Neither doctor smells like anything, and Nix can’t help but wonder how they manage that. It made his wolf suspicious. Dr. Campbell steps aside to where Gideon is standing to give his mate more room to work, while Dr. Riordan gestures for Nix to come closer.

“Would you prefer to do it here, or is there somewhere else you’d feel more comfortable? Do you want Finn, Jay, or Gideon to accompany you?”

It is a straightforward decision when he thinks he might have to leave Dr. Campbell alone with one of his mates or that the strange doctors might go deeper into his den and, worse–see his pack members when he wouldn’t be able to protect them. “Here is fine. Everyone can stay.”

Where I can see them.

Pulling out the tools of his trade, Riordan checks his blood pressure, heart rate, and temperature. “Things look good, Nix. Your temperature is a bit high for what I would expect from a newly transitioned beta. You don’t feel ill?”

What the fuck is a beta? Luca had called Jamie an alpha earlier, back when they were in the nest. Nix won’t ask, though—not if it risks making it seem like his pack has kept him in the dark. He refuses to show any weakness to an outsider.

“No, I feel good. Weird sometimes, but good. There’s so much I’m still learning; how can I know what’s normal?” Riordan’s eyebrows go up, but he nods.

“Nothing specific that you’re worried about? I am concerned the effects of the concussion might linger past the transition, but that should pass very soon. No headaches? Nausea?”

Nix doesn’t mention the panicked-induced vomiting from earlier, and neither do his mates.

“No? Good. The breaks in your fingers, arm, and leg also seem good.” He turns to Ewan, asking, “Love, do you want to have a look?”

“I think you’ve got it covered,” Ewan confirms in his lilting voice, but his eyes haven’t left Nix, his nose twitching as if catching every detail. Nix feels the sting of unfairness—of not being able to smell them when they can surely smell him. His wolf bristles at the thought, taking umbrage at Dr. Campbell’s unwavering, almost piercing stare. The intensity of Ewan’s gaze feels like a challenge, and it sets Nix on edge.

“Well, Nix, I think you have come through with flying colors. Do you have questions for me or Ewan?”

He hadn’t known he was going to ask before he did, but once it’s out, he doesn’t want to call it back. “What happened to me?”

Smoke and burnt wood flood Nix’s senses as Jamie clenches his jaw. “Nix. No. Come on now, no good will come from that right now.”

The doctor busies himself with putting his equipment away and sighs. “I’m your physician, Nix. I answer to you, and if you want to know, I will–not gladly, but honestly–tell you. But I want to qualify in the same way I did with your pack: that it’s not a pretty story.”

A bitter laugh bubbles out from his chest. “Dr. Kennedy, none of my life for the past nine years has been a pretty story. If I don’t want to hear it, can I tell you to stop? Ask questions?”

“Of course; shall we sit? Jay, are you staying? Gideon? Finn? Is that okay with you, Nix?”

“Yes, we don’t have any secrets, right?” Jamie’s expression looks less than reassuring, and Nix thinks maybe they need to have another chat about lies of omission. Even Gideon and Finn smell…guilty.

Nix sits on the couch beside Jamie and grabs his hand for comfort, and it makes his wolf lie down and rest. Thank fuck.

Riordan doesn’t even pull out a tablet, notebook, or file; Nix clearly made enough of an impression on the doctor that he would remember the list of his injuries from memory.

And what a list it is.

From the broken bones to the perforated bowel to the punctured lung. From the damaged eye and facial fractures to the severe brain injury. The doctor doesn’t waver, and it’s like Nix is hearing a laundry list of pain in someone else’s body.

In all of his years with Dawson, he had never hurt him this badly, and there’s no doubt he’d had the clear intent of killing him this time. Dawson had always maintained that he was more fun alive than dead—but what could have changed his mind or incited such violent fury?

“Is there anything else?” Nix asks when the kind doctor pauses.

“Well, there were several older injuries in various stages of healing and…” The doctor looks uncomfortable and well—doesn’t that make Nix’s stomach drop even further.

It doesn’t stop him though. “Don’t stop now, Dr. Kennedy. What can be worse than a boot to the face a few times over? I assure you, it couldn’t be worse than everything you’ve just listed.” He’s bordering on disrespect, but he is genuinely curious in a detached way. What could be worse?

He wants to feel bad that his mates are upset hearing it all again. Gideon paces back and forth like a caged lion, his movements sharp and restless. Finn sits with his hands clenched into fists on his thighs, his gaze fixed on the floor. Jamie’s eyes flash red, his fangs digging into his bottom lip, and the scent of a forest fire blazes around him.

But Nix doesn’t feel anything at all.

“You said you would tell me.”

“You’re right, Nix.” Taking a deep breath, the doctor sits up straight and clears his throat. “There was extensive damage to your rectum and colon. We conducted a rape kit, as is our protocol, and it has been included with your patient information when the police subpoenaed it. We noted it hadn’t been the fir–”

“Stop.” Turns out he doesn’t actually want to hear it. Nix stands, and the doctor subtly eases back, oddly wary.

Had Dawson raped him while he’d been dying? His wolf’s hackles rise, a relentless need to hunt Dawson down and tear his throat out surging through him. The avalanche of fury wears through the walls he’s built around his emotions, threatening to collapse them entirely.

He wonders why the thought of that violation feels worse than any other he’d endured. It’s ludicrous. Why is a torn rectum worse than a broken arm? Why is the desecration of his broken body without his consent worse than a punctured lung or a lost kidney?

The terrible questions must have slipped out aloud because the room has fallen into utter silence. The absurdity of it makes Nix laugh.

“Nix.” Jamie’s voice is thick with shock.

“What? You heard him. It’s not like it was the first time, Jamie—but it sure will be the last.” His tone is callous and biting, and he knows it. Nix has never deliberately hurt Jamie before, and the regret claws at him immediately.

Jamie whines.

Riordan stands up and nods. “I’m not going to tell you how to feel, Nix. No one should do that. I am sorry that this happened to you. Sincerely. I think Ewan and I will head home. Should you need to talk to anyone in a professional capacity or even as a new friend, I hope you’ll reach out. It was nice to meet you; I only wish it had been under better circumstances. No need to walk us out, we know the way. Love?”

The taller doctor nods and keeps Nix in sight until they disappear down the hall.

Nix watches the doctors go. They were nice enough, but they upset his mates. They smell sad—Nix can tell that now, and isn’t that saying something when he recognizes sadness and anger more than he does their happy scents?

His desire to placate is strong, but he doesn’t know where to start. “Jamie.”

Finn is still frozen, and Gideon’s jaw is clenched so hard he might crack a tooth. But Jamie…Jamie has not looked away from him, and the tears on his face might hurt more than anything he’s heard today, and he hates it.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said all that.” Out loud.

“Nix. Please. No more. You—you can’t be sorry,” Jamie says, his voice breaking, the weight of his plea evident in every word.

“I do nothing but make you sad, so I am sorry. Sorry, I brought Dawson to your door, sorry I made you do something you should not have had on your conscience, and sorry you had to hear even a little of how evil and cruel he can be. If I were a bigger person, I would leave now and make sure he never has the chance to learn your names. But I can’t. I have nowhere to g—”

Gideon growls and storms out for the second time in two days followed by a slamming door. Just another regret Nix can add to his list of sins.

“Look, can we forget this? I’m here, and I’m safe, right? I never have to think about it again because he’s going to prison forever. I’m going to order some new stuff with Finnie and eat some lunch, and it’s all…fine. It’s good, even.”

Suddenly, he wants Grayson. He wants cool hands on his face and in his hair. He wants the comfort of someone who didn’t witness the telling of this sad tale for the second time. He just wants it all to stop.

Because something awful sits perched on the edge of his awareness, charged with the emotions and memories he’d rather not acknowledge—or worse, feel. Old habits and years of practice have served him well—they let him add the horrors of near death to the box he keeps locked in his brain.

He’s worried he’ll have to fight his wolf, who wants nothing more than to rip that box open and set all those memories and emotions free. To use them to fuel a fire that burns for Dawson Hayes’s heart in his hand. It’s concerning—because once they’re free, locking them back up will be nearly impossible.