Chapter Twenty-One
The conversation eventually died off once our plans were made. The lateness of the hour was palpable in the silence of the quarters. Eurok slipped off somewhere while Sidelle reassured me once more of how glad she was to have me back, then excused herself to her den.
It was clear she wasn’t pleased about the prospect of going to the castle again, especially given the uncertain circumstances. It was the last place I desired to be as well. Despite the unease, I sensed a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. A small spark of life flashed behind her eyes when Balis shared his theory about my dagger, and I’d be lying if I said my curiosity wasn’t piqued, too.
I pulled off my baldric, my shoulder singing in relief, and hung it on the back of a chair. Then, I stepped out onto the balcony to test the theory for myself—but found Balis leaning against the railing, deep in thought. His brown hair was disheveled, like he ran his hands through it over and over, but he offered a gentle smile when he saw me.
“Sorry,” I chewed my lip, “I didn’t realize anyone was out here.”
I turned to leave, but a gust of wind slammed the door with unnatural strength for the evening. I peered at him, only to see his gaze return to my face after climbing my body.
“We’ve barely spoken all day.” He patted the railing. “Come join me, princess.”
I rocked back on my heel and scoffed.
“Still don’t like the name, huh?” A sardonic light glimmered across his features. “I’m sure it’ll grow on you.”
With a half-amused huff, I strolled closer. “That day in the forest, when you asked me who I really was, did you have any idea? Who they thought me to be, I mean?” I pulled my sleeves down and wrapped my arms around myself, guarding against the slight chill in the air.
“I had my suspicions once you did that veiling shit.” He lifted the crystal tumbler to his lips.
“Why didn’t you voice it?”
“You made it clear you didn’t want to hear what I thought on the subject.”
A twinge of guilt knotted at the memory of cutting him off when he tried to tell me I veiled. He was right. I hadn’t been willing to hear it.
“And in the end, it wasn’t my place.” He shrugged.
“Oh, I see.” I quirked a brow and leaned against the railing. “So it is your place to fill my middle with your tongue.” I let the words linger between us, daring the predator in him to come out and play. “But confirming the identity of whom you’re tasked to recover—that’s going too far? Well, I’m glad your mission is complete, then.”
He faced me, rising to meet my challenge, and all air fled my lungs under his darkening gaze.
The scent of bourbon danced off his breath as he said, “Careful, princess. Someone might mistake you for caring.”
My stomach and middle quaked with conflicting interests, and I snapped my teeth in his face. He laughed a low-timbered chuckle.
It was at Star Hewn Lake when I realized there were two sides to this powerful male. One—highly logical, loyal, and good. But the other? Cool and dark, like an eclipse to the warm light he otherwise was. It was this side of him that I found myself craving more of.
Driven by curiosity and free of my dagger, I decided to try to witness the energy Sidelle referred to. I focused on reaching toward him with surreptitious intent, trying and failing at first. After a few more attempts, and with a bit more fervor, there was the smallest wisp of an unfamiliar sensation. It seemed to sweep by me, barely there, like ice gliding over my skin. A cold, smooth caress. When Balis’ eyes lit up, I knew I’d gotten it right, even for the briefest of moments.
His tumbler clinked against the surface as he set it aside. He moved over me, pinning me between his arms, braced on either side. With the hard railing and steep drop behind, I was at his mercy. Realizing how vulnerable I was, I straightened. But he didn’t retreat. He seemed to prefer me in vulnerable positions.
His touch slid to my waist, then wrapped around to settle on the small of my back. “I said nothing because I didn’t care who you were.”
I narrowed my eyes, not expecting those words in the slightest. He didn’t care? He followed me, helped save me… He would have to care a little, wouldn’t he? A sharp, sour sensation pooled deep in my chest.
“If I were meant to know who you were,” he said, “Eurok would have told me.”
“Oh, please.” An irritated flush crawled across my skin as I rolled my eyes and turned my head.
He snatched my jaw and brought my gaze to his, squeezing my cheeks so that they smooshed together against my teeth. The part of me that wanted to jerk away, lost out to the part that loved it.
“You were my mission. Your identity was none of my business. That was between you, Eurok, and Sidelle.”
He released his grip but left a finger at my jaw, tracing the soft edge. Chills exploded beneath my skin, and I had to force myself not to lean into his touch.
“But everything else about you,” his voice lowered as he gripped the nape of my neck, “that is what I wanted to make my business.”
My breath stuttered at the irresistible grin on his face. He knew exactly what he was doing, the effect he had on me. The rough pad of his thumb brushed against the soft flesh of my bottom lip. I fought the urge to nip at him again.
All annoyance swept away when, for the first time, I sensed those dark tendrils of his power lick at me, tasting the air. And I couldn’t stop the growing ache between my thighs.
All I wanted was to mold into him, feel his mouth on mine. I tipped my chin, lips parted, tasting the sweet bourbon on his breath–
He pulled away.
Rejection boiled as he returned to his glass on the ledge. My predator morphed back into the loyal warrior just as Eurok stepped out onto the balcony.
“I thought I’d find you together,” he said.
The accusation made obvious in his tone had me pursing my lips.
“What’s your problem?” he asked outright.
I caught Balis’ warning glare in the corner of my eye but didn’t care. “For starters, you’re a hypocrite.”
Eurok’s head ticked in surprise. “Excuse me?”
“You fucking heard me.”
I folded my arms as he stalked toward me, his jaw ticking. He stopped close by, demanding I lift my challenging stare.
“Elaborate.”
I dove in without a second thought. “You pine for Sidelle, wanted nothing more than to bed her for the last three centuries, and for what–”
“Don’t you fucking dare reduce my feelings for her to simply ‘bedding’ her.” He rose to his impossibly full height, hard anger turning the pools of gold in his eyes to solid amber. “She’s not some godsdamned dog in heat—unlike some.”
I clenched my jaw at the perceived jab.
“You think I haven’t noticed the looks between the two of you?” he scoffed. “That I don’t catch the scent of your cunt dripping when he’s near you?”
A wave of heat flushed across my chest and over my cheeks, but I stood firm in my defiance. “Who gives a fuck? What difference does it make if the druid and I are interested in one another?”
“The fucking difference, Mira, is that Sidelle and I have centuries of experience setting aside our feelings for the betterment of our people. I’ve suffered longer than you could fathom, longing to be near her, and never having the chance, waiting for her to let me in.”
My lip curled. “Some of us don’t have that kind of time. Human, remember?” I pointed a petulant finger at myself.
“I don’t give a fuck if you’re a human or a godsdamned garden gnome. You have a purpose here, whether or not your bratty ass wants to admit it. Until you prove to me you care enough about our people to choose them over whatever the fuck this is—”
I honed in on his choice of words—our people.
“—then yes, I will discourage you from catching feelings for one another. Because I know how painful, how destructive, how distracting they can be.”
My stubbornness raged, wanting to argue, but the small rational voice inside ensnared enough strength for me to hold my tongue.
“Whatever the fuck it is going on—it ends now.” His glare darted to Balis. “You are here at my request. I need you for this. Her training is priority number one. I can’t have you two fucking around and complicating an already precarious situation. Got it?”
“Yes, Captain.” Balis gave a tight nod, his expression unreadable.
Eurok’s attention refocused on me. “Sidelle thinks you may have a shot at ruling someday, overthrow that royal horse’s ass on the throne and–”
“I don’t want to rule. That’s not why I’m here,” I retorted.
“Mira,” he quieted, his defensive posture eased, shoulders relaxed, “nobody is forcing you to do anything, but fate has a funny way of finding us, no matter how far we run from it. I know you don’t believe that you possess Annorah’s soul, but Sidelle believes you do. All I know for sure is that one way or another, the truth will be revealed to us.”
He paused, then let out a deep sigh. “You’ve been through a lot. I’m sorry to be asking this of you., but for now, can we agree to work toward the same end?” His heavy hand found my shoulder, squeezing.
I was still caught up on his previous statement, reminding myself again that I wanted to be here, that I longed for those words—our people—to feel as true as it sounded coming out of the captain’s mouth. So I nodded and let him pull me into his side for a hug, even leaning into it a bit, something I’m not sure I’d ever done before. He was warm and solid and smelled of the sun and earth.
“I’m glad to have you back, kid.”
I forced a smile, despite it grating on my stubbornness. Then he nodded at Balis.
“Both of you.”
“I’ll be honest,” Balis said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this side of you before, Captain. As warm and cuddly as a child’s teddy bear.” He pressed the glass to his lips.
Eurok stepped away with a haughty smirk and sauntered over to him. “Don’t get used to it, either.”
He jabbed Balis in the shoulder, then grabbed a spherical decanter from the table along the back wall and poured himself a drink. Watching them, I wondered to myself how long it’d taken for them to form this seamlessness between them—a captain and his subordinate—how they maintained those boundaries and yet, still seemed to possess a comfortability with one another that resembled friendship. Did those lines ever get blurred?
“So now that we are on the same page, there’s something I wanna ask you that Sidelle won’t,” he said, finding my stare.
My brow pinched. “Why wouldn’t she?”
“She believes it’s too much to burden you with.”
“I’m listening.” I tilted my head.
He took a long sip and loosed a satisfied sigh before topping the glass off again. “She has experienced a lot in her life, but she has never needed to survive the city streets of the human world. She underestimates the strength that it takes.”
Something tugged inside of me, like the first unbinding of a tangled knot in the pit of my stomach. “You’ve spent time in Calrund?” I asked.
“Quite a bit, actually.” He paused, staring at the amber liquid in his tumbler. “Greggor was my best friend. I’m the reason he became what he was for this province.”
My chest caved as if I’d been decked in the gut. That tangled knot pulled tight again. Unsure what to do, I backed a step, my legs finding the balcony railing to brace my weight against.
“I don’t blame you for anything, Mira. It was him.”He ground the last word through his teeth, features marred with seething hatred.
I knew he meant it. But I looked away, unsure if I’d be capable of forgiving myself so easily. Or ever.
Balis stepped beside Eurok, setting his hand on the captain’s shoulder. “This province has a lot of painful history with the king—almost a thousand years of it. Don’t blame yourself. You were just a pawn in one of the endless games he plays.”
A wave of bitter shame washed through me at the tenderness in his voice, crashing against my growing rage for the man on that throne.
“And Annorah was the first,” I said, my whisper harsh.
Both druids nodded.
They gave me a moment to regain myself, but really, I was listing every way I’d like to make King Atreus pay for the things he’d done, the pain he caused. The clinking of glass as Eurok poured himself another round pulled me from my murderous thoughts.
“So what is it you want me to do?”
“Attagirl.” The side of his mouth ticked as he settled himself against the edge of a tall bar chair. “We need you to find his journal.”
Balis shifted apart, resuming his position near the railing.
“We should have a second approach in case he doesn’t confide the details of his plan.” He swirled the liquid in his glass. “Sidelle says this journal is the most likely place we’ll find information about the ash and, hopefully, these poachers.”
I nodded, even as I felt tension rolling off the stoic druid beside me.
“She said he keeps it with him constantly, but–”
“It’s unlikely he will have it during the ball.” I finished for him, showing I understood where this was going. “So where does she think it might be?”
“In his council chamber.”
I folded my arms and stared at the moonlight bathing the balcony in a silver beam, remembering the room where Sidelle met with him. It was right off the great hall, where the ball would most likely take place.
“It’ll be damn near impossible to sneak in unnoticed,” he said.
My thought, exactly.I pushed myself off the railing, pacing a small circle. “Which means I need to get him to invite me in.” I paced some more, considering, then stopped and put my hands on my hips. A sly smirk lifted my cheek, and I cocked my head. “What exactly is the king’s type?”
An involuntary rumble escaped Balis’ chest.
“You thinking about seducing him?” Eurok asked, seeming to weigh the option.
Balis’ slow blink, gawking at the captain, told me he was not.
“I mean, it could work,” Eurok said. “You think you could handle something like that?”
Sidelle’s dress flashed to mind again—the one she wore the first time I met her. “Yeah, I can do it.”
Gods, the idea of that vile man even looking at me had me fighting a gag. But if Sidelle could spend the last nine centuries wielding the man’s wit against him where her mana couldn’t—I could handle one night.
“You can’t be serious.” Balis scoffed. “You want her to be alone with him?”
Eurok raised a brow at the clear disapproval in his tone, and I thought back to those blurring lines between friend and soldier.
“It’s her choice.” The captain dipped his chin. “It is, after all, her plan.”
“I’ll do it.”
I swore steam blew out Balis’ nose.
“Welcome to the team, kid.” Eurok flashed a smile and one of those stupid winks as he inclined his drink toward me.
I gave a half-amused laugh and started past them. “Good. Now, if all you big, tough druids are through with your dramatics, I’m turning in.”
I snagged Balis’ glass from the ledge and downed the last swig. My gaze lingered on his just long enough for me to set it down—and turn away. His stare, fraught with frustration, burned a hole in my back, and I imagined my energy blowing him a taunting kiss.
For a moment, I was unsure if I’d done it right. But before I disappeared through the glass doors, there was a cold, airy pinch on my ass. Goodnight Balis.