16. Rachel
16
RACHEL
I sat on the swinging hammock chair in the lounge of Dreamary with my laptop open, scrolling through comments from Lexi’s podcast account. She recently hosted a controversial episode about poly relationships, and the comment section was out of control.
Coming back had been a welcome relief. Except things were weird with Derrick. I thought after everything that happened the other night, we’d have a closer bond, but he’d been all hot and cold. One minute worrying over me like an overprotective dad, the next giving me such a wide berth it felt like he was ignoring me.
“I have an idea,” I said as I flagged another troll.
Lexi set her espresso on the coffee table and sat on the pink sofa adjacent to the swing.
“I think you should have an ‘Ask Lexi’ segment on your podcast.”
Lexi looked up from the email she was typing. “I’ve thought about it. I even pitched it to my producer. But in the end, I decided not to move forward. It’d be more work, and I’m already overwhelmed.”
“I can manage it,” I said. It would be nice to take on something that used more of my brain. Scrolling through comments and social media posts got tedious after a while. “I’ll set up an email account, go through the requests, and pull questions for your producer to cull. You could do the segment once a month. And we could video it and post it on your socials.”
“Alright. I’ll talk to my producer. If they okay it, you can move forward.”
I clapped my hands. Damn, it felt good to contribute and be respected.
Suddenly my chest tightened, and I rubbed it with my palm, releasing the tension. These little attacks had been happening all weekend. I had tried to stay busy and not think about Hao or my bio mom, but I worked at the Pilates studio yesterday and all it did was remind me of the encounter, which I replayed a thousand times.
“You okay?” Lexi asked.
“Dehydrated,” I said and sipped from my water bottle.
I had told no one what happened. Not even my mom. Derrick texted several times to check in. I told him to stop being a nag and go choke his snake.
“Why is your face all cringy?” Lexi asked.
“Oh, I was thinking of something stupid I texted to Derrick. Maybe you can psychoanalyze it,” I said, half joking. “I keep making sexual jokes. Why do I do that?”
“Are you attracted to him?” she asked.
“No. He’s an Adonis but I’m not crushing on him.”
“Then it’s a power thing. It makes him uncomfortable, right?” Lexi’s fingers flew over her keyboard, not pausing as she spoke.
“Yeah. He gets all squirmy. Plus, er, I may have thrown his ED in his face.”
Lexi shot her head up. “What?!”
“I know.” I groaned. “Who does that?”
“I should never have told you. He’s not my client, but still. That was so private.”
“He doesn’t know you told me.”
Lexi closed her laptop. “It’s okay if he does. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. That’s on me. What did you say to him?”
I pushed my toes against the floor and swung backward. “I was mad. I wanted to hurt him. And...” I chewed my lip, unsure how much I should tell Lexi.
“Look.” Lexi glanced toward the open door. “You have no reason to trust me since I blabbed his secret. That was really stupid on my part. But I swear I’ll keep anything in the vault that we talk about.”
“He was being a jerk, so I threw all this awful stuff in his face, including him not being able to get it up.”
“You said that?” Lexi’s eyebrows shot up.
“He was really mad.”
“No shit.”
I slammed my feet on the floor, stopping the swing. “But he can get it up. We were fighting and he was hard. I could see it through his pants.”
“It’s called agrexophilia,” Lexi said, not missing a beat.
“Agrexo what?”
“When someone is aroused by fighting or aggression. That could also be part of what’s causing his ED. His problem isn’t physical. It’s mental. But it may be more complicated than Derrick initially told me. He’d be ashamed to admit even to himself that aggression turns him on.” Lexi shook her head. “This isn’t an official diagnosis. But it would explain a lot.”
It was an interesting theory.
“What are you thinking?” Lexi asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Nothing,” I said, because I wasn’t thinking anything concrete. “It’s just fascinating.”
“Don’t go poking the bear,” Lexi said.
“What if the bear wants to poke me?” I joked.
“Does he?”
“Obviously his cock does.” I shrugged. “But he acts like I’m an annoying kid most of the time.”
My phone pinged.
It was my mom asking about my Fourth of July plans next week. The city became a zombie apocalypse during the holiday, with everyone scattering to the beaches and the people who stayed walking aimlessly around enjoying the quiet.
“What are you doing for the Fourth?” I asked as I shot a text back to my mom telling her I had to work. It was a little white lie, but the whole long-lost granddad thing was messing with my head, and I wasn’t ready to talk to her about it. If I visited, I’d end up blurting it out.
“Hamptons. I’ve never been, and it’s a rite of passage if you live in New York, right? You?”
“Just hanging in the city.”
Derrick walked into the lounge, and Lexi and I clamped our mouths shut even though we had moved on from discussions of him a few minutes ago.
A short brunette was chattering next to him.
“Mom is gonna freak if you don’t go,” the woman said. She wore Equinox gear from head to toe. “She’s already complaining that you skipped Memorial Day.”
“I have work to catch up on.” He smiled apologetically to her. “But I’ll try.”
The swing I was on squeaked, and Derrick turned, spotting me, and the smile on his face dropped. He hadn’t been exactly friendly since I returned, even though it was his idea.
“Hi,” he grumbled and jammed his finger against several buttons of the coffee machine. The woman caught his shift in attitude and cocked her head toward me.
“Hi!” she said brightly, approaching my chair. “I’m Derrick’s sister, Tina.”
Unlike Valeria, who was blonde, Tina was brunette like Derrick, but she was short like her sister.
“Hey,” I said. “I’m Rachel. This is Lexi.”
Her eyes lit up in recognition of my name, and now I was way curious about what Derrick had told her about me.
“Nice to meet you.” Tina picked up a mug and pumped vanilla flavoring into it, then handed it to Derrick.
“The office is closed over the holiday,” Lexi said, referring to the conversation Tina and Derrick were having when they walked in. Tina shot her gaze at Derrick accusingly.
“Then you can totally come upstate.”
Derrick frowned at Lexi. “It’s closed, but I’ll still be working.”
“Rachel will be in town too,” Lexi said.
Derrick shot his gaze at me. “You’re gonna be in the city alone?” he asked.
“So?”
He shook his head. “Can I talk to you?”
I followed him out into the hallway.
“I don’t like it. We still don’t know a lot about your grandfather or if he is, in fact, your grandfather. The man doesn’t have a record, but he could be lying. Until we know for sure, you have to be extra vigilant.”
“Stop it,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest, frowning at the warmth that bubbled up there from Derrick’s concern.
“Have you told your mom?” he asked. I hesitated, and he shook his head. “You need to talk to her. Confirm his story.”
“Lay off my nuts,” I shot back. “I’m not ready, okay.” I walked back into the lounge and slumped next to Lexi.
“Rickie, the whole reason I’m here is because Mom begged me to convince you to come. You’re always saying life is short and family is most important. Now put your damn words where your mouth is. You’re the boss. You can do whatever you want.”
Lexi pointed at Derrick. “What she said, Rickie. Go enjoy your life.”
Derrick glanced at me warily.
“Oh my God.” Tina rolled her eyes. “Rachel, he obviously doesn’t want to leave you all on your lonesome, even though I’m sure you can take care of yourself.” Tina looked pointedly at him, then continued. “Why don’t you come up with us? It’s super casual, and Valeria’s bringing a friend so you won’t be the only non-fam there. Plus, the house is huge and right on a lake.”
Derrick glared at his sister, obviously not a fan of her invitation.
“Okay,” I chirped. I agreed partly because I really didn’t want to be alone with all my ick thoughts about my bio fam and partly because it would obviously annoy Derrick.
Also, hello? A big house on a lake in the Adirondacks. Yes, please.
“Great.” Tina clapped Derrick on the back. “Now you have to come.”