19. Derrick
19
DERRICK
"T ell me the truth." Tina bumped my shoulder with hers. "Are you two fucking?"
"No." I swung a murderous gaze at her.
Tina threw her hands up. "It's a valid question. She's the first woman you've brought up here since Camilla."
I sank into the cushioned lounge chair. We were on the dock watching the first stars light up the summer sky. My belly was full from the pasta-heavy dinner, and my body ached from all the activities.
Rachel was inside playing a board game with Frankie and Valeria and my parents were helping Maria and her husband give the kids baths before they were put to bed.
"Because you made me. Besides, she's going through some stuff. I didn't want her to be by herself."
"Always the savior." Tina sipped her canned Truly.
"Why do people keep saying that?" I rested my head against the cushion and looked up at the vast sky.
"Why does it bother you?" Tina shot back.
"It makes me sound controlling and misogynistic."
"How many violent crimes did you investigate over the years?" Tina rolled her head sideways and looked at me.
"Too many to count." I frowned and mentally pushed away the haunting images from the hundreds of cases that ran through my head.
"And how many were women?"
An orchestra of nature surrounded us, and I let the sounds of crickets, cicadas, and the lapping water wash over me, calming my rising heart rate.
Over the years, I'd learned how to process the horrors. When the images of the victims threatened to pull me under, I focused on the world around me, bringing me back to the present, and I reminded myself that those days were in the past and I did the best I could to get justice for the victims.
"All those women...they could've been you or Valeria or Maria or Carmen or Bea or Stacci," I said, listing off all my sisters. "That's the fire that kept me going after years on the force. I've seen too many women hurt."
"Exactly. It's your instinct to protect us." Tina smiled softly. "It's why I adore you, bro, but you can't save us all."
I looked out over the still water, the moonlight reflecting on the shiny surface. When the camp was around, you could hear songs being sung around the bonfire and kids shouting and laughing. Now there was silence.
"Rachel presents as strong," Tina said, breaking my reverie. "But there's a fragility under the surface."
I shook my head. "There's nothing feeble about Rachel."
"The strongest women have the softest core. Do you want to break through her surface?" Tina raised an eyebrow. "To be more than her friend or whatever you are?"
"No," I said. "Stop asking."
"Why are you defensive?"
"I'm not." I exhaled a loud sigh. "If she were ten years older and had her shit together maybe I'd consider it, but she's a fucking mess, Tina. She plays flirty games with me which, if you asked her, she'd say meant nothing, but they're immature power games. It's her way of deflecting any real connection. You should've seen how she pushed her friend Eva into an ill-advised relationship last year. It all worked out, but it was childish. I don't want any part of her crazy."
A stick snapped behind us. I swung around and glanced at the path that led back to the house, but I couldn't see much in the shadows of the trees that lined that path.
"Hello?" I called out.
"It's probably a squirrel," Tina said, glancing over her shoulder.
"Can we drop the whole Rachel thing?" I turned back to her, one ear open for more noises.
Tina rolled her eyes but didn't press further, finishing her drink. We left the dock and walked to the house. As we approached, I heard raised voices from inside. I pushed the screen door open. Valeria and Mom were yelling at each other in the kitchen. Frankie stood cautiously next to Valeria, and Rachel stood on the edge of the scene, her hands on her hips, fuming.
"You're confused," Mom said, batting her hand toward Valeria, dismissing whatever Valeria had just said before we entered. "I raised you right."
"Fine, Mama. If that makes you sleep at night," Valeria shot back. "But I know who I am."
"I'm gonna go," Frankie said.
"Don't." Valeria stepped next to Frankie and took her hand.
Oh, shit. Tina and I exchanged a look. Mom must’ve found out about Frankie and Valeria.
"It is not natural," Mom said, holding tight to the silver cross around her neck.
Valeria pulled Frankie toward the stairs.
"You must speak to Father Carron," Mom continued.
Valeria ignored her and continued up the stairs. Tina shook her head, telling me not to get involved.
"How dare you!" Rachel exploded, and everyone turned to her, Valeria and Frankie halting on the steps.
"Rachel, don't," I warned.
"How can you all stay silent while she spews bigotry? Derrick, you have a whole podcast fighting against injustices, but you won't stand up to your own mother's homophobia?"
"Drop it," I growled.
"You're a hypocrite," she said, her eyes narrowing. Rachel's accusation stung, but trying to change decades of religious dogma by shaming my mom wasn't going to help.
"This is between Mom and Valeria," I grumbled. "Butt out."
"I'll never keep my mouth shut when someone slanders one of the most vulnerable segments of our society." Angry red splotches crested Rachel's neck and chest. "Never."
She stormed upstairs, and I exhaled my frustration. Tina and I turned to Mom, but she mumbled a prayer and left the kitchen.
"Rachel's not wrong." Tina opened the wine fridge and pulled out two IPAs, handing one to me.
"It's not her fight. This is between our family," I said, taking a long pull from the beer can. "I hate Mom's view, but she's more than that one awful opinion."
Tina rested her hand on my forearm and squeezed. "I know that. And you know that. When Rachel is calmer, talk to her. Right now she's too emotional to hear reason. Wait until she's capable of listening."
"Fuck." I shook my head. "How did Mom find out?"
"I don't know, but we need to tread lightly so we don't blow up the entire family."
Family was everything to the Jacques's. That's why Valeria chose to keep her sexuality on the DL when it came to Mom and Dad, and I respected that. She didn't want to disrupt anything.
"She has a right to love whoever she damn well pleases," I said. "Everyone in this family is clear on that except Mom."
"Do you think Dad cares?" Tina asked.
"He's never expressed an opinion either way, but he fiercely loves Valeria." Dad would never choose a favorite, but if he did, it would be her. "I think if push came to shove, Dad would support her."
"I think so too." Tina chugged the last half of her beer. "I'll go see how Valeria and Frankie are doing."
"I'll check on Rachel." I trudged up the stairs, hoping she'd calmed down enough to have a rational conversation and not blow up at me.
I tapped my knuckle on the door to her room. "Rach?"
No answer.
I pounded harder, but she didn't open the door.
"I'm coming in," I said and turned the handle. I swept my gaze across the room. The bedsheets were rumpled, and there was an empty water cup on the nightstand. Other than that, the room was empty.
Rachel and all her belongings were gone.