Chapter Twelve
CHAPTER TWELVE
D OMINIC HAD BEEN gone a week and Maude was worse than miserable, she was broken-hearted. She dragged herself around the forest, but not even the trees could comfort her, not this time.
She knew she’d done the right thing. She knew. But that little selfish piece of her kept crying and crying because he’d gone. Because he’d done exactly what she’d told him to do and walked away from her, and now there’d be emptiness in her heart for ever.
A just punishment, really, for how she’d lied to him and for how she’d given him nothing, while he’d given her the world and everything in it.
It was only fair that he walked away and only fair that he couldn’t love her back. He’d been clear right from the start about the kind of arrangement they’d had, and if she was the one wanting more, then she should have stopped it right in the beginning.
Except she hadn’t known she’d even want more, not until it was too late.
Eventually, she called her Your Girl Friday friends in a video call, and told them what had happened, baring her heart in a flood of words that left everyone silent for at least five minutes afterwards.
‘So,’ Lyanna said at last. ‘Let me get this straight. You slept with a strange man in the forest at a midsummer bacchanal, found yourself pregnant with his baby, and then the strange man turned out to be your boss and one of the worst playboys in Europe. Then he asked you to be his wife and so you married him, and now he’s gone, yes?’
‘Yes,’ Maude said, grabbing a tissue from the nearby box and dabbing at her eyes with it. ‘That’s pretty much it.’
‘Well,’ said Auggie, clearly miffed. ‘You kept that very quiet.’
‘Dominic Lancaster’s midsummer bacchanal, hmm?’ Irinka was all curiosity. ‘And with Dominic Lancaster himself. Is he as good as everyone says he is?’
‘He’s better.’ Maude blew her nose into her tissue. Then she took a deep breath. ‘And I’m in love with him.’
There was a silence.
Irinka frowned—she had her background blurred so Maude couldn’t tell where she was. ‘You married the man, so how is being in love an issue?’
‘Because our marriage was a business agreement,’ Maude explained. ‘It was for the baby. He told me love wouldn’t be a part of it and I agreed. And then...’ her chest ached ‘...I actually fell in love.’
‘That was poor timing,’ Lyanna muttered.
‘Extremely poor,’ Irinka added.
But Auggie, newly married to her own wonderful ex-playboy husband, only gave her a clear-eyed stare. ‘So what are you doing about it, Maude?’
Maude stared back. ‘What do you think I’m doing? I’m not crying for fun, and, before you say anything, it’s not pregnancy hormones.’
‘What I mean,’ Auggie said patiently, ‘is did you just let him go?’
‘Of course, I let him go.’ Maude pulled out another tissue. ‘He had a terrible childhood and his father was basically the devil, and he was very clear he doesn’t want love. In fact...’ she swallowed as another bubble of anguish rose ‘...he walked away rather than stay with someone who loved him.’
Lyanna frowned. ‘How could he not stay with you? You’re pregnant with his child, for God’s sake.’
‘It’s not his fault,’ Maude said, instantly wanting to defend him. ‘I’m the one who fell in love with him. And I...refused to compromise about certain things. He’s...just such a wonderful man. Yes, he has his flaws, but he accepted me in a way no one else ever has.’
‘Hey,’ Auggie muttered, along with various protestations from Irinka and Lyanna. ‘We accept you.’
‘I know you do,’ Maude said, thinking of Dominic standing in front of her, his dark eyes haunted as he told her he was giving her Darkfell, that it was hers more than it had ever been his. Giving up the last piece of himself to her. Telling her that he didn’t want to let her go, but he had to, and then walking away.
Alone. He was so alone. At least she had her friends, but who did he have? Perhaps he had friends too, but she was sure there was no one who loved him the way she did, with every part of her.
‘But I’m not sure he has anyone,’ she said into the silence, her chest sore. ‘I... I wish he could feel what it was like to be loved. Just once.’
‘So?’ Auggie said. ‘Why don’t you go show him?’
Maude took a breath. ‘He told me that—’
‘Oh, who cares what he told you?’ Auggie interrupted impatiently, provoking startled looks from Irinka and Lyanna. ‘Men say all kinds of stupid things that they don’t really mean. You’re a wonderful person, Maude, and you deserve happiness. If you love him, don’t let him walk away. And don’t accept whatever silly excuses he chooses to throw at you, either. You go after him and you tell him that you can’t live without him.’
Everyone else fell silent.
Maude stared at her screen, feeling her friends’ words echo in her soul.
He didn’t love her and he wouldn’t, he’d made that very plain. And yet, regardless of that small part of her that was desperate for his love and had been hurt terribly by him walking away, she couldn’t bear the thought of being apart from him either.
But he’s gone and he’s not coming back.
Yes, he had, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t go after him. She didn’t go to the city, she didn’t like it, she never had, but she couldn’t leave him there alone amongst all that metal and concrete and glass. His father had left him like that, had made him negotiate for everything he’d wanted, but she would never do the same. She’d go to him, tell him that she loved him still and then she’d find somewhere to stay. And if he didn’t want her, then at least she’d be close by with their child.
She would be his little piece of home, a little piece of wild Darkfell, in the vast city.
‘Sorry,’ she said to her friends. ‘I have to go. I need to find out how to organise myself a helicopter.’
Dominic sat in his London office wondering what the hell he was going to do now. He didn’t want to do anything, that was the issue. A couple of months ago he would have thrown himself into a party and taken one, two, or three women to bed, but he’d lost his taste for partying.
He’d lost his taste for anything that wasn’t Maude, and his future looked so bleak he almost couldn’t stand it.
You threw it away. You loved her and you threw her away.
Maybe. Maybe this painful, aching feeling in his chest was love. He didn’t know. His heart had been frozen for so long he’d forgotten what it felt like.
But no, he couldn’t tell himself that. He knew. It was the same helpless pain he’d felt when the man who was supposed to be his father had laughed at his anguish over the stag. Had shrugged when he’d cried over the itemised list he’d been given, all the expenses laid out of his upbringing. His relationship with his father reduced to pounds and pence, to cold, hard money. Dominic had never been given anything freely. He’d always had to pay for it.
She gave you her love freely. She didn’t want anything in return.
He sat back in his office chair, London at his back, and shut his eyes.
He didn’t want to think about Maude and the tears on her cheeks, telling him that she’d fallen in love with him, anguish in her warm brown eyes. She hadn’t asked to be loved in return. She hadn’t asked for anything. It had been him that she had been concerned about, telling him that none of this had been his choice, not her, not their baby...
Pain sat in his heart, eating at him with sharp teeth.
You fool. You bloody fool.
Oh, he knew it. And it was poetic, almost, to finally know what he wanted in life, to finally understand his purpose, only for it to be out of his reach.
He loved her. He loved their baby. He wanted the future he’d been able to see for them both, living at Darkfell as a family.
But he couldn’t have it. He couldn’t bargain for it. He couldn’t buy it, not this precious future. Because in doing so, he’d cheapen it, and he couldn’t bear to do that.
So you’re happy to hurt her instead?
His beautiful wood nymph, crying because she was in love with him, giving him freely what he’d never been given before.
And he couldn’t take it. Because ultimately he was just like his father. Everything was about the deal. Everything was about money. About cold, hard cash and a cold, hard heart. There was no room for warmth or passion. No room for the living, breathing things of the forest. And no room for the little family that might have been his.
He would never sentence Maude to the kind of life he lived, and he wouldn’t sentence his son to it, either. It would kill her, and it would kill him too.
You can change, you know. It’s not too late.
Ah, but that was the kicker, wasn’t it? He couldn’t change, not now. He was too old for that kind of thing, had lived too much of his life in the boardrooms. His heart was nothing but a frozen lump in his chest and nothing was going to shock it back to life.
Just then, his intercom buzzed. ‘Mr Lancaster?’ his secretary said. ‘You have a—wait! You can’t go in there!’
At the same moment the doors to his office were pushed wide and a woman strode through them.
She was dressed in maternity jeans that still had mud clinging to the knees and his green sweatshirt that just about swallowed her. Her hair was loose in wild golden skeins down her back, and there appeared to be a leaf caught in it.
His frozen heart was still and quiet in his chest.
He couldn’t move.
He couldn’t breathe.
It was his wood nymph, come to the city.
She was carrying a bag and as she dumped it on the floor next to his desk, her nose wrinkled. ‘I’m disappointed, badger,’ she said flatly. ‘I was expecting to find you in bed with lots of women. But here you are sulking in your den.’
He had to say something, he had to. ‘Maude,’ he managed, his voice full of gravel. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’
‘What does it look like?’ She surveyed his office and then the view out of the windows. ‘I want you to show me the city.’
He stared at her, his brain moving so very slowly. ‘What?’
Her gaze came to his, a deep forest pool dappled with sunshine. ‘I showed you my world. Now I’ve come to see yours.’
‘But...but...’ He stopped. He’d never been lost for words before, not since he was a child, and he just couldn’t comprehend what she was doing here.
‘I was an idiot,’ Maude said. ‘I let you walk away without a word and I’ve never regretted anything more. I was afraid, badger. I wasn’t your choice, I told you that, and neither was our baby, and I didn’t want to be a millstone around your neck the way I was with my mother and my grandparents, so I...gave you a way out.’ Her chin lifted in that stubborn way. ‘But I was wrong to let you walk away. I love you, Dominic Lancaster, and I’ve been miserable without you. You don’t have to love me back. You don’t have to do anything at all for me. But I can’t bear not being near you, so I’ve decided to move here. I can have the baby here and we can—’
‘No!’ The word burst out of him without any conscious thought, and he was on his feet, his chair pushed back so violently it lay overturned on the floor. And he was coming around the side of the desk to her, full of some fierce, burning emotion he couldn’t quite comprehend.
But maybe he didn’t need to comprehend it. Maybe he didn’t need to think about it or analyse it. Maybe he simply needed to obey it and so he did.
Her eyes were shining as he put his hands on her hips and jerked her into his arms. ‘Nymph...’ His voice was so rough it was barely intelligible. ‘Nymph...’ And then her mouth was beneath his, so warm and sweet with that delicious tartness he’d come to hunger for more than his own breath. And his hands were in the raw silk of her hair, holding on for dear life, as if he was afraid she’d disappear again.
He was afraid she’d disappear again.
He was afraid of that fierce, burning feeling inside him. Afraid of what it meant. Afraid to trust it. Afraid to trust her and the heart she’d given him on a silver platter. But that heart of hers was valiant, and strong, and generous, an unbreakable tether holding him fast. Coaxing a thaw in his own, making a wild rose suddenly bloom.
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered against her mouth. ‘I’m so sorry I walked away. I was a coward and a fool, and I have been for weeks. I should have trusted what we had that night in the forest. I should have accepted it for what it was.’ He lifted his head and gazed down into her eyes. ‘I’d never met you. I’d never even seen your face. But that didn’t matter. You were my choice that night, Maude, and you’re my choice now. You’ve been my choice all along. My entire life I’ve been struggling to find a purpose and now I’ve found it.’ He slowly tightened his fingers in her hair, his heart a bed of wild roses. ‘It’s you, nymph. It’s you and our son.’
She smiled, warm as the midsummer sun, her eyes full of tenderness. ‘My forest god,’ she murmured.
He kissed her again, unable to stop. ‘I love you, Maude Lancaster,’ he said against her mouth. ‘I love you so much.’
She deepened the kiss, giving him a wordless answer that flooded him with heat and the most peculiar sensation that he had the odd feeling was joy.
A few endless moments later, he lifted his head, because, while he was desperate for her, even he had standards and taking her on his desk was not one of them.
‘Let’s go home,’ he said. ‘To Darkfell.’
But Maude shook her head. ‘No. I told you. I want to see the city.’
‘Stubborn nymph.’ He kissed her again, already reassessing his standards and thinking that maybe he could lower them just this once. ‘I hope you’re not meaning now.’
The gold in her eyes glittered, a sure sign that she was going to dig in on this. ‘Of course now. Don’t sulk, badger.’
He sighed. ‘Come on, then,’ he said, reluctantly releasing her, yet keeping hold of her hand. ‘If you insist.’
Maude’s gaze became hotter and suddenly very wicked. ‘Well... I suppose I could wait a little longer.’
But Dominic was already striding to the doors and shutting them, and locking them for good measure. Then he strode back to where she stood, and kissed her hard, letting the flames take them both.
It was going to be interesting, this new life of his. Interesting in ways he couldn’t even begin to contemplate. But one thing he was sure of.
He couldn’t wait to get started.