Chapter 7
Chapter
Seven
CALLISTA
“ H e asked you to do what?” Shawn's jaw drops in shock as I reveal my latest bombshell.
So much for a casual lunch with my friend.
“Attend a wedding with him. Stop giving me that look. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything,” I grumble, running my hand over my forehead.
Definitely a bad idea.
Shawn leans back in his chair and scratches his chin like a professor about to deliver a stern lecture. Joy of joys. “Are you two dating now?”
“No. We’re friends.”
“Since when?”
I bristle at the stupefied expression on my friend’s face. “Since the beginning, I suppose. Is it so unbelievable that I might strike up a friendship with someone? You were the one telling me to get back into the world. Now, you’re giving me crap about it.”
“I’m happy you’re getting out again, Calli. I’m just surprised because you never mentioned your relationship with Dr. Russo. ”
“There’s nothing to tell. He’s my friend. He invited me to a wedding to prove to his family he’s capable of dating a nice woman instead of a floozy.”
“Wait, a damn minute. You just said you’re going as friends.”
The headache continues to build in my brain, no matter how vigorously I rub my temples. “We are, but as far as his family is concerned, we’re dating.”
Shawn sighs and shakes his head. Again. Oh yes, a lecture is imminent. “Right. As far as his family is concerned.”
Enough of this disciplinarian style discussion.
I plant my palms on the table and fix him with a glare. “Will you or will you not watch Domino?”
“Of course. My daughter loves her. We all do.”
“Thank you,” I mumble.
But, just as I hope to pass to another conversation topic, Shawn pulls me back into the deep end.
“Just promise me something. Be careful. He is not the kind of man you fall for. You believe in love. He believes in love for the moment.”
I bite my tongue, holding back the salty retort to Shawn’s observation about Keegan.
First, it’s not true, and I should know, because I’m falling for Keegan—hard and fast—against every better judgment that I possess . “I thought you two were friends.”
Shawn shrugs, taking a sip from his drink. “I wouldn’t say we’re friends. We’re colleagues, and he’s a hell of a nice guy. An amazing doctor. But you’re like my sister, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t warn you about his reputation.”
My temper rises at his words and I release a slow, even breath. Time to center and calm, because I’m getting way too heated over this discussion.
Every time my friend makes a less-than-stellar remark about Keegan or questions his moral compass, I’m tempted to hurl the last twenty years of his poor decisions in his face. Trust me, I have plenty of ammo and stories when it comes to Shawn.
Then it hits me. I’m possessive about a man who isn’t even mine. Overly so, to the point that I’d engage in a knockdown, drag out fight with my best mate.
Lunatic asylum, save a room for me, please.
I roll my shoulders and slough off the anger brewing in my core. “Your concerns are noted, Shawn. You’ve warned me about his reputation since day one. But I’m not dating him. Hell, I’m not even screwing him. I’m simply attending a three-day wedding celebration with his family.”
Shawn opts out of further arguments, turning his focus to the birds chirping outside the window.
But I know my friend and all his gestures.
He doesn’t believe a word I’m saying.
Hell, I’m not sure I believe me anymore.
And despite Shawn’s opinion otherwise, I’ve vacillated like a erratic pendulum on attending this soiree.
I could use a weekend getaway. I haven’t been anywhere beyond our town borders in months. Plus, it will give me the opportunity to know Keegan better. And the schoolgirl in me gets a giggle at the idea of fooling his family into believing Keegan has changed his dating habits.
But the idea of a fake relationship brings a bucketload of questions: are we flirty or full on intimate? Hand holding or making out in darkened corridors? Sharing a room or bunking separately? How far does Keegan want to take this charade?
More importantly, how far will I let him?
A weekend away sounds lovely. A weekend with conjugal activities involving a gorgeous doctor? Infinitely more appealing.
All of that is superfluous, though. The last time I saw Keegan, he was kind, funny, and firmly in the friend zone .
What is this man’s endgame?
Best not to bring up this topic with Shawn, who already looks apoplectic at the idea.
Time to try a different approach with my friend and get him on board with this ruse. “I need your understanding. I think this trip will be good for me.”
“What happened with that bloke Suzanne set you up with?”
A dry chuckle flies from my mouth. “I love your wife. She’s one of my best friends, but never let her set me up again. Deal?”
“That bad?”
“He was fine, but the date was painful. The only highlight was a wholly underwhelming meal. Lucky for me, he felt the same and I escaped to a local pub, where I proceeded to imbibe whiskey. At least, until Keegan saved me.”
“Keegan?”
I flush at the intimate use of his name. “Dr. Russo.”
“I know who you meant. You two spend a ton of time together.” And once again, Shawn dons his lecturer cap.
“I haven’t seen him since that night.”
It’s the truth, not that I haven’t been tempted to call him daily. But where does that line of friendship blur into something more?
Besides, he isn’t blowing up my phone, either. The last thing I need is to appear clingy and needy.
I spent a year and a half living in that zone. No more, thank you.
“Promise me you’ll be careful?”
“Always, Shawn. I want to rejoin the world of the living. Charlie wouldn’t want me cooped up in the house, wasting away. Letting life pass me by.”
This time, my friend’s nod is enthusiastic. We’re in total agreement. Finally. “Charlie would be thrilled you’re having fun. Even if fun involves drinking at a hole in the wall.”
“It’s a start.”
“True.” Shawn smiles and leans forward, resting his arms on the table. “What’s the latest on your baby plan?”
Another conversation topic that brings me more angst than I dare disclose.
Having a baby is a momentous undertaking when there are two healthy parents involved. When it’s only me and a bunch of technology by my side, it’s just this side of overwhelming.
But I refuse to lead with fear. Besides, Shawn doesn’t need any more ammo. One whiff of uncertainty and my friend will land all over me.
He’s not doing it to be cruel. He loves me and the last thing he wants is me walking into a building that’s rigged to implode.
I knead my palm with my thumb. Yes, it’s a nervous tell, but one I hope Shawn misses. This time.
“There’s no issue with me. Physically, at least. Dr. Russo is running some tests to rule out chromosomal abnormalities in Charlie’s sperm, whatever that means.”
It may be medical babble to me, but Shawn and Keegan speak the same language. He offers a chin lift, his face devoid of expression.
Aka, his doctor face.
“It means the fetus won’t develop, or will develop with severe disabilities and life-threatening conditions. In the most basic of terms, it means incompatible with life.”
I swallow against the lump in my throat. “That’s how Keegan put it, too. I never thought Charlie and I would be incompatible with anything. Especially not something so vital.”
I need Shawn’s reassurances that won’t be the outcome, but my friend won’t lie to me. The best he can offer is a modicum of hope.
“Well, you don’t know yet if that’s the case. I’m sure Dr. Russo— Keegan —is looking at every available option. The man is a genius in his field.”
Trust me, Shawn, he’s a genius in many fields.
He motions to the server for another drink before returning his focus to me. “Even though I risk raising your ire for the millionth time today, I have another question, considering you are stepping back into the dating pool. Have you considered how being a single mother to a newborn might affect any future relationships? Even more so if you’re pregnant with someone else’s child. That’s some tricky navigation, Callista.”
Shawn may not have meant to anger me, but his questions spark the fury burning inside my gut. “I wouldn’t date if I was pregnant. I’m also aware it would limit my options, but the right man would understand.”
“Would he?”
I bark out a harsh laugh. “Wouldn’t he? Charlie isn’t some random sperm donor. He’s my husband. We had plans, Shawn. Important life plans. And just because he died doesn’t mean he’s gone. I have a chance for him to live on.”
“Callista, I loved Charlie. I miss the hell out of him. But are you doing this because you want his baby or because you feel you owe it to him? Because you feel like he was cheated?”
“He was cheated. So was I.” I toss down my fork, taking a few deep breaths to center myself. “Most young widows don’t have this opportunity, but I do. What would it say about my love for Charlie if I didn’t take this chance?”
Shawn grasps my hand, giving it a squeeze, the sorrow dancing in his face. “It wouldn’t change your love for Charlie one iota. I adore you, and I’m terrified you’re doing this because you feel you should. If you know this is what you want, one hundred percent, then I’m behind you. All the way. But I see it in your eyes. You’re conflicted?—”
“You’re making me conflicted,” I snap, my raised voice drawing gazes from the other restaurant patrons.
“It’s the last thing I want to do. But I think you’re looking for something with this baby, and I fear you won’t find it because you don’t know what you want. What you want for yourself. This is your life, now. You have to start living it on your terms, according to your rules. But you’re still living it according to the rules you and Charlie created.”
I shove myself back from the table. I need to leave, before I pitch the floral centerpiece at my friend’s head. “I knew you wouldn’t understand. You don’t have a clue what it’s like to lose someone you love.”
Okay, that statement is complete rubbish. Shawn buried his dad when he was barely a teenager. He knows loss all too well.
When his face crumples from my remark, I immediately regret my words.
“I shouldn’t have said that, because I know it isn’t true. My anger boiled over. I’m sorry, Shawn.”
A solemn mask slides over his features as he offers a curt nod. “I’ll watch Domino for you.”
I fidget, desperate to rain down more apologies, but my friend won’t meet my gaze. I’ve wounded him when all he wanted to do was protect me. “Maybe I should forgo the wedding. You’re likely right. It will only muddy things further between Keegan and me.”
“Go to the damn wedding. Take advantage of the open bar.”
“Has to be one perk, right?”
Shawn elicits a low chuckle, and I seize my in.
“Are we okay?”
After what feels like an eternity, his dark gaze swings in my direction. “We’re fine. I’m sorry if it appeared I was impeding on your life, but I’m protective. You’re my family.”
I grab him into a hug, dropping a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks for watching out for me. I promise I’ll consider all my options before making any decisions.”
As I leave the restaurant, I remain troubled. Shawn hit a nerve but he was spot on in his observation.
I’m not certain of anything anymore. Am I living life for me or the memory of a love that is now gone?
What would Charlie tell me to do? I wish to god I had engaged in those conversations during his illness.
Oh, he tried, but I rebuked every one. I was so certain love would overcome. Turns out, cancer was a worthy adversary.
Now, it’s too late for those heart to heart chats and all I know is how lost I feel.
How no choice, save for being near Keegan, feels right.
Shawn is right. I have some serious soul searching to do.
When I enter my wellness center, a warm energy pervades my every cell.
I’ve missed this place more than I realized.
Maybe there’s some life in me yet, even though my mind has been bouncing around on the topic of Charlie, babies, and Keegan since my lunch the other day.
But now is the time for a different sort of meditation.
And I’m so ready for it.
A fellow instructor, Ally, glances up from the desk, a smile crossing her face when she sees me.
“I thought someone was pulling a fast one on me when I saw you on the schedule to teach. Welcome back!” She hurries over, pulling me into a bear hug.
“It’s good to be back. Let’s hope I haven’t forgotten the flow.” I bounce on the balls of my feet, feeling the same jitters I had when I first led classes.
“You? Never. They’re in for a treat today.” Ally motions to the main studio, where a dozen students prepare for their class.
It’s like riding a bicycle, Callista. You’ve got this.
The bell above the entry door jingles and Ally glances over my shoulder, a coy smile splitting her face. “Hi, there. Can I help you?”
“I here for the yoga class.”
My face flushes. I know that voice. I turn, grinning at Keegan. “You came.”
I invited my new friend to my inaugural run, but I never thought he’d show. Already, I’m feeling better about this class. Whenever Keegan is close by, my mind calms, even as my body alights with sparks.
“You said you needed a cheerleader, although judging by all the excited looks, you already have an ample fan base.”
“One more never hurt, especially when his presence was specifically requested.”
Ally watches my exchange with Keegan, her eyes glowing with interest. Hard to say if she’s curious about my upbeat disposition or the dashing man by my side.
My money is on the Baby Maker.
“Ally, this is my friend, Dr. Keegan Russo.”
She extends a slender hand, a new sort of smile playing about her face. I should have placed money on that bet. No surprise that the sexy as hell doctor has piqued her interest. “Pleasure to meet you, Dr. Russo. First time at yoga?”
“First time at a class.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll be gentle.” She moves her hand to his chest, offering a playful pat.
Keegan grins, arching a brow in her direction. “Is that a promise, Ally? ”
I clench my teeth as I observe Ally’s flirtatious banter with Keegan. I know she’s not acting maliciously, simply seizing upon a golden opportunity.
The fact that Keegan is responding to her advances? A whole different story.
I was never the girl who liked to share. Even when the toy didn’t belong to me.
A bad habit, indeed, but after thirty-seven years, one I’m unlikely to break.
“I’d better get prepped for class.” My voice is calm, but I may as well be speaking to the wall, as I’ve ceased to exist.
Seems they’re far too interested in one another for my taste.
“We need to get you ready, too. Come with me, Dr. Russo, and I’ll get you signed up.” Much more of this exchange, and I’ll lose my breakfast.
Time for distance. Distance is the safest bet against the little green monster rooting around in my emotions. That and a roll of my eyes in their direction as I march toward the changing room.
Keegan and I are friends. That’s our agreement. Friends aren’t supposed to behave like jealous lunatics when beautiful, svelte yoga instructors show interest.
We’re supposed to be supportive.
So why do I want to rip Ally’s ponytail out by the roots?
This is definitely not the right mindset for a vinyasa flow. I pull in a few deep breaths, and find my center. My calm.
For now, I need to push the Keegan and Ally situation from my brain. My focus has to be on my return to the mat as my student’s instructor and the owner of this wellness center.
My class requires my undivided attention. Hell, after all these months, they deserve that and more.
I scratch my nails against my legs for the millionth time, unable to squash the butterflies roosting in my belly. So much has changed in the last two years .
I’m not the same woman I was before Charlie’s death. Will I be the same instructor?
Will my grief deepen my teachings or detract from them? The questions swirl around my brain, but a glance at the clock reminds my mental reel to put a lid on it.
I can do this. This is my passion, and it doesn’t matter how long I’ve been away because my wellness center is my home.
And you can always go home again.
An hour later, I tap the gong to signal the end of class.
The students stir from their savasana pose and gather their things. On their way to the changing area, each one pauses by my side. Some offer words of encouragement. Others simply pull me into a tight hug.
There are plenty of tears too, but this time, they’re happy ones.
Keegan hangs back, offering me a wink and thumbs up from across the studio.
It’s fantastic to be back on the mat. To lead my students in their flow, and regain my own in the process.
Keegan gave his all during the class, although I’m fairly certain that’s par for the course where he’s concerned.
His downward dog requires some serious tweaking, but lucky for him, Ally remained by his side, offering hands-on adjustments.
What a pal.
Don’t think I didn’t notice her hands lingering on his hips and back.
Lots and lots of touching between those two.
Once again, my little green monster rears its ugly head.
With a sigh, I shake away lingering feelings of envy. I know full well I’m being ridiculous .
And childish.
And possessive.
But damn it, I can’t help it. I blame Keegan for being so dashing that he evokes those emotions in me. Yes, that excuse works.
Besides, he’s a hell of a friend to me, even if I loathe the boundaries of that concept.
When I asked him to support me, he was there. No questions asked.
The perfect pal. Blech.
I fight back the disappointment as Ally waves off the last student. Keegan is gone. He likely has exciting plans for the evening.
Time for me to get some exciting plans of my own, instead of camping on the couch every night.
However, if my last attempt at dating is anything to go on, I’m good with staying couch-locked.
At least where dating is concerned.
“How does it feel?” Ally asks, looping an arm around my shoulder.
“Like I’ve been away too long.”
“You have, but yoga will always welcome you back. Want to grab some coffee?”
I shake my head, pulling my coat off the hook. “Not tonight. Although, I found a new coffee place and it’s divine. I’ll take you tomorrow.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Strolling out the door, I turn right onto Main Street, away from my former coffee house, and toward the small coffee shop Keegan introduced me to weeks ago.
“Have I made a convert out of you?”
I turn on my heel, catching sight of Keegan as he leans against his Jeep.
“Whatever do you mean?” I fight to maintain an innocent expression, but the grin breaks across my face at his insinuation.
He jerks his thumb over his shoulder. “Your favorite coffee place is over there. You’re going the wrong way. Unless … you’ve found somewhere you like better.”
I place my finger in front of my lips, shushing him. “Keep your voice down. If you must know, I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my baristas. But don’t tell them. Don’t want them getting all huffy.”
Keegan clicks his tongue against his teeth, his blue eyes dancing with mischief. “I knew you had a little kink in you somewhere. Care for some company?”
There goes that flush again, climbing up my cheeks and turning me every shade of pink. I’m like a schoolgirl with a crush. All emotions and jitters because the cutest boy in class is paying me some attention.
In other words, the antithesis of cool.
My only hope? He doesn’t pick up on it.
“Always love some company. How did you like the class?”
“It was great, even though I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. You’re an incredible instructor.”
“You did well for your first class. The women really enjoyed you as an addition. I caught several of them ogling you.”
He chuckles, pulling a scrap of paper from his pocket. “One in particular. Ally gave me her number. Told me she’s singing at some bar tonight. Wanted me to check it out.”
I force a strained smile. “Did she? I’m sure you two will have fun together.”
Hello, jealousy, lovely to see you again. What is my issue? In all my years with Charlie, the little green monster never showed itself. Not once did I envy another woman, because I knew Charlie would always choose me .
But Keegan? He’s a different story, and Ally’s invitation rips through my calm facade with the ferocity of a lion’s paw.
Keegan shoots me a curious look. “I never said I was going.”
“Hmm. I think you will.” I chew my lip, desperate to quiet the rising agitation in my core. The last thing he needs is for me to pop off over his potential dates.
Because we’re friends, and I’m still learning what that entails. Or doesn’t entail, as the case may be.
Trickier than I thought. Much trickier, particularly with gorgeous women drooling over him.
Like I said, I’m a newbie in this arena of envy.
I hoped my blasé response would be sufficient. No such luck.
“Why do you say that?” Keegan presses, gripping my elbow.
I shrug and shake off his hand. “She’s young, beautiful, sweet, and without all the complications of us older women. She’s not looking for marriage or children. Perfect for you.”
A cloud passes over Keegan’s features. “Is that a fact?”
“It is. You said you have no desire to have a family. Most women over the age of thirty are looking for something long-term. A sad but true fact.”
“What are you looking for, Calli?”
His question reverberates inside my heart, bouncing around like a ping-pong ball. The truth is, I don’t know anymore.
Shawn has cautioned me away from the handsome doctor, but my heart has other ideas regarding Keegan, even if they’re silly and pointless.
Then, just for fun, let’s throw in my increasing anxiety surrounding single motherhood.
Hearts are not known for making the best decisions, and mine has been pulverized. Repeatedly .
Stagnation seems my only safe option, but I’m sick of safe.
I release a groan and scrub my hand over my eyes.
I refuse to mire the handsome doctor into yet another of my deep and depressing chats. Today is for levity.
With a grin, I point at the coffee house sign. “Right now? I’m looking for caffeine.”
“You’ve come to the right place, even if that is a bullshit answer.” He holds open the door, and I pass easily under his arm.
Hey, there are a few perks to being a foot shorter than the man.
“Is it wrong to say I have no idea?”
Seems Keegan appreciates my answer. “Not at all. It’s honest.”
I focus my attention on the menu, because it’s far easier to stare at the wall than into Keegan’s mysterious blue pools. I get lost there.
Another sigh breezes past my lips. “I wish I could be like you and date for sport. Not expect anything beyond a good time, but I’m not built that way. I’ve always been far too serious and sentimental for my own good.”
“Trust me, my life is far from ideal. Even if someone warms my bed at night, they’re not in it the next morning. It’s beginning to feel like a shallow pursuit of pleasure that’s no longer pleasurable.”
I swallow back the nauseous feeling bubbling up from my stomach. I don’t dare ask how many women have gotten twisted up in his sheets over the last week.
There has to be some limits to our friendship. My sanity insists upon it.
“Can we talk about something else?” Keegan asks, interrupting my toxic daydream.
“Please.”
“Have you thought about my offer, Callista?” He grazes my lower back with his fingertips, barely dusting them against my skin.
It’s the slightest of touches, but it triggers memories of that night and those few stolen moments when we caved to our primal desires.
Brain, will you please stop thinking about that kiss? It’s not happening again. At least not with me in the role of heroine. No, it will be Ally or some other equally beautiful and uncomplicated woman.
Ugh.
“I have,” I mumble.
His intoxicating caress pauses, but Keegan keeps his hand pressed against the small of my back. “And?”
“Wouldn’t you rather take someone else? A beautiful woman you can ply with drinks and fancy food, before ending the evening with some raunchy sex? I’ll bet women swing on chandeliers for you.”
I expect a snort of laughter or an embarrassed chuckle.
I get neither.
Instead, Keegan inches closer and wraps his arm around my waist, his breath tickling my ear. “Has it ever occurred to you that I asked you for that very reason?”
A snicker flies from my lips. “Oh, I get it. I’m your shag for the weekend.”
Keegan returns my chuckle, but his grip remains firm. “Obviously. I have high standards.”
“Are you sure about that?” I tease, as the color climbs my cheeks once again.
“I’m turning over a new leaf. So, will you come with me or do I have to beg?”
“Begging might be fun.” I fight to maintain a cool facade during our lighthearted exchange. But internally, my hormones are firing on all cylinders, and it’s getting harder to breathe the longer his firm body presses against mine .
“Calli, I’ll make you a promise. You come with me, and you won’t have to beg for anything . I’ll give you whatever you want. As many times as you want it.”
Holy hell, it’s hot in this coffee shop.
I glide my hand along the back of my neck as Keegan’s low chuckle sounds in my ear.
The bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. Getting me all hot and bothered and enjoying every second.
Flipping around to face him, I plant my hands on my hips, skewing my mouth to the side. “How can I decline an offer like that? I’ll go.”
His eyes light up as a smile crosses his face. “You will?”
There’s something so endearing in Keegan’s expression, hiding just beneath his flirtatious exterior. That underbelly of his personality will be my downfall.
“Absolutely. You’ve got yourself a date for the wedding and a girlfriend for the weekend.”
Keegan leans in, pressing a kiss to my cheek. It’s quick and unexpected and damn near knocks my world off-kilter. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” I mumble, struggling to recover. “I’m looking forward to it, although you are obligated to tell me all your deep, dark secrets while we’re there.”
“Can’t wait.” With a friendly nod, Keegan grabs our coffee and leads us to a table.
Time to finalize the logistics. My organizational nature craves details. “It’s for three days?”
“Three days and two nights. Think you can stand me for that long?”
I tap my finger against my chin before shooting him a grin. “It won’t be easy, but I’ll make an effort. A mix of dressy and casual clothes, I assume?”
“There’s the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, so dressy for those. But beyond that, wear what’s comfortable. ”
“So, some lacy lingerie would be appropriate?”
I’m joking, but it’s totally worth it to watch his jaw slacken with surprise. In his defense, he has impressive recovery time. “Isn’t it always?”
I chuckle, taking a swallow of coffee. I can let that comment lie or push the envelope. Today, I’m in the mood for pushing. “No, sir. Lacy lingerie must be saved for the most special of occasions. Do you think this qualifies?”
A muscle jumps in Keegan’s jaw as his gaze flits around the room. I love that I have the ability to unnerve him, if only for a moment. “I’ll make sure that it does. You’re bringing it now. Case closed.”
“I am? Really?”
“You’re the one who mentioned it. Besides, I’m sure we could find some uses for it.”
Once again, my cheeks flame at his innuendo, but for once, I don’t feel bad. He’s flustered, too. “Wouldn’t want to put you out any.”
“Not at all. I insist. Bring it along. It will look great decorating the floor of the hotel room.”
And just like that, he regains control of the situation.
I shift in my seat, acutely aware of his sapphire gaze moving over me. When his tongue glides along his lower lip, a sheen of perspiration breaks out across my skin.
I can feel him undressing me with his eyes.
I’d prefer he also use his hands and tongue.
Time to drag our chat back to a safe topic before my sex-starved body implodes. “What’s our story, then?”
His head jerks at the abrupt conversation detour. “Our story?”
“I’m playing the part of your girlfriend, right?”
“Yes, if you don’t mind.”
“So, how did we meet? ”
He considers my question, his fingers tapping against the table. “Let’s keep it simple. Tell them the truth.”
“Tell them we met in your office? Isn’t that a bit odd?”
“Not when it’s the truth. People meet in all manner of ways and love blooms in the oddest of places. Why should we be any different?”
“Right. Okay.”
I will not read into it. I will not read into it.
I sip my coffee, but my mind focuses on one thing.
I’m reading into it.