Chapter 23 - Abram
What have I done? What did I get myself into? I knew I had to either kill her or let her go, but I couldn’t do either. Rubbing my head, I tried to think straight but couldn’t. Staring at my phone screen, I knew I had to make the call. But what was I going to say to him?
I had been sitting with my phone in hand for about half an hour and still had no words. Dialing Alexandr, I knew that I had to rip off the band-aid and get it done.
It was getting late, but at least it wasn’t completely dark outside yet. Listening to the ringing, I wanted to smash my head into the wall. How could I have allowed her to creep into my heart?
“Yes, Abram,” I heard Alexandr saying. For a moment, it sounded like he was miles away. Shaking my head, I looked at the phone, half dumbfounded. “Abram, are you there? What’s wrong?” Alexandr added as I didn’t reply.
“Sorry,” I breathed out into the phone. “I have messed up.” I could hear the pain in my voice as I spoke. I didn’t want him to know how I felt, but I couldn’t keep it down any longer.
When he spoke again, Alexandr’s tone was calm and slightly softer than usual. “Abram, it’s fine. Tell me what happened, and we will take it from there.”
“Nadia sent details on some of our operations to her family,” I replied flatly.
This time, there was a hint of irritation in his tone. “Information that she got where Abram?”
“Alexandr, I messed up. I left some fake intel for her to find…,” taking a deep breath, I continued. “There was a sheet mixed up with it that had actual intel,” I huffed, swallowing hard.
“Okay, I think I understand now. You know what you need to do. If you can’t, let me know and…,” his words trailed off as I interrupted.
“No, I will handle it. Don’t send anyone.”
There was a long pause before he spoke again. “Okay, you do what needs to be done. Please send me the sheet so I can move what needs to be moved. Abram, we’ll talk in the morning.”
Nodding, I killed the line as I felt my throat thickening and my eyes burning. Standing from my desk, I slammed my fists into it as I chastised myself. ‘How could you fall for a woman like that? You knew who and what she was! Now you have no other options.’ I sent the copy to Alexandr as I stepped out of my office.
Heading back to her room, I decided I would keep her locked up. I would never be able to hurt her. But without a phone or any contact with anyone, she would eventually have to give us everything on them. I would lock her up in one of the internal rooms downstairs.
I had never used them, but Alexandr insisted I add at least two. They were windowless and isolated for sound and signal. One was an office of sorts for protection. It held a special phone which we all shared.
The other one was a bedroom with a small bathroom. There was a door between the two, but I would ensure it was locked. As I approached her room, I noticed the door was open. Storming in, I felt the blood drain from my face.
Nadia was gone. The room was empty, and so were the closets. “No!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. It didn’t take my guards seconds to storm in.
“Boss?” one of them asked as they stopped in the doorway.
“Find her!” I spat at them as I turned. I knew my face was red as my skin burned. Their eyes looked like saucers. They turned and scurried off.
I had to find her; this was a bigger mess than anticipated. My guards turned over every rock and stone. They searched for the entire night but couldn’t find her. I couldn’t sleep as I couldn’t get a handle on my feelings.
Lying in bed, I stared blankly up at the ceiling. My mind was empty and full at the same time, and it was hurting. I felt a migraine coming on as I tried to sort my thoughts. I pulled the blankets over my head, hoping to darken out everything.
As my morning alarm sounded, I huffed. Turning on my side, I lay looking at it for a while. I couldn’t decide if getting out of bed was worth it. Reaching out, I slammed the off button, pulling the clock from its perch on the nightstand.
After a couple more minutes, I sat up on the side of the bed. I placed my elbows on my knees and lowered my head into my hands. This was going to be the longest day of my life. Sighing, I got up and went to the bathroom.
I knew I would have to push through no matter what. After rinsing my face three times, I stared at my reflection. Taking a deep, long breath, I tried smiling, but nothing happened. My facial muscles were frozen in place.
Heading down for breakfast, a part of me felt empty. I really missed spending my mornings with Nadia. Even my appetite was completely gone. I sat glaring at the food before me. Pushing the plate back, I rose and headed to my car.
I had to get to work. There was a lot to be done. Taking out my phone, I considered calling Alexandr but decided to send a message instead. I wasn’t sure why I tagged Tasha in it. But maybe I just wanted her to know in case Alexandr had me killed before I got to work. I drove slower than usual; it was like every part of me was moving in slow motion.
Sitting in my office, I stared at the emails and papers scattered on my desk. My heart was heavy as my mind mulled over the last couple of weeks. How had I missed it? I had sent Alexandr and Tasha a message before coming in. I knew Alexandr was going to be pissed at me, no, he was going to kill me.
Yet, there was no way to hide it from him. Tasha replied that she would check in on me once she got to the office. I had work to do, but I couldn’t focus. I was instructed to lock her up or kill her even if he never said it. I knew the procedure, and I let her get away.
I couldn’t kill the person who stole my heart, and I would never allow anyone else to harm her. Things would be different if I had locked her in her room. We could have worked on turning her. But now, I didn’t know what was going to happen.
All I knew was that I would still fight for her, and taking down the Chernykh family would still have to be done. However, I had no energy to proceed. My brothers would expect me to provide them with plans.
Nothing made sense; nothing mattered. My mind kept replaying the pain I saw in her eyes as she realized I had betrayed her. I felt her agony vibrating through me. I wasn’t sure what she felt; I thought we were bonding. Then everything went up in flames.
If I didn’t walk in, if only I didn’t know, I thought shaking my head. No, I reminded myself that she had also betrayed me. This wasn’t only my doing. I felt my anger rising at her and the whole situation. I was just starting to trust her.
She had just as much blame as me. Yet, I also felt guilty even though I knew I had made the right decision. If we had spent more time together, we would have hurt each other more than we already did.
The lies and deception had to stop. Taking a deep breath, I felt my chest aching as my heart shattered bit by bit, thinking of her. She manipulated me, used me. Was anything we shared real?
I felt my mind spiraling wildly out of control. Then, there was a knock at my door. The sound felt like it was vibrating through my head. Lifting my eyes to the door, I saw Tasha standing there.
Tasha pushed the door open. She smiled weakly at me as she strolled over. She took the seat opposite me and spoke softly: “I’m sorry, Abram. I know this must be hard. You did so much to win her over.”
“It’s not the betrayal,” I huffed. My head felt like it was going to explode. I was conflicted as I wanted Tasha here. But I wanted to be left alone with my sorrow as well.
“I’m sorry you are going through this,” she added.
Opening my mouth to speak, I saw Tasha raising her hand, silencing me, so I closed my mouth again. “You must remember that there are things to take care of now. There is a lot to do still. You have all the information I gathered from the bugs, and the worm I sent through her phone worked. Do you remember that?”
I remembered, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to start over but couldn’t. What was done was done.
“The worm worked, Abram,” Tasha added, sounding thrilled. “I was able to hack the Chernykh’s database.”
Glancing at her, I noticed the cheeky smile she had. “I know,” I replied in barely a whisper. “It’s just…,” Pausing, I inhaled deeply.
Before I could continue, she spoke again. “I know you have developed feelings, but you have to, no, you must order the hit on their operations. We have the locations, scheduling, delivery, and all other things recorded.”
“Yes,” I replied with little confidence.
“Alexandr has set up a meeting for this afternoon. You have until then to decide what you are going to do. If you want, I can stay and assist?” Tasha questioned.
“Thank you,” I replied, pushing the files across the desk to her.
I watched as she grabbed a pen and paper. She made a list of the locations, adding the best times to hit. She also noted what each operation held and how we could destroy them. Once she was done, she slid the paper to me.
Glancing at it, I nodded as I spoke. “This can work, thank you.”
Tasha smiled, got up, and left my office. With her perfect list, I would attend the meeting. I hoped Alexandr could forgive me for my failure when I gave him this. After all, we got what we needed from her.