34. Olivia
Olivia
M ose crawling in the bed wakes me up early in the morning. Moments later, his soft snores join Ansel and Jasper’s.
I try to go back to sleep, but I’m still worried about Tyson and Rueben.
After a quick shower, I put on one of the cute dresses Rueben got for me and the UGG boots from Tyson and style my hair in a Dutch braid. It’s been a while since I dressed up for someone. I still remember all the effort I put into my looks when I was dating Tyson. Just thinking about him was enough to feel butterflies in my stomach.
I’m still not ready to let those two back into my life, at least not in the way I am with Ansel, Mose, and Jasper. My body still tenses up around them, especially when I’m alone with Rueben, but maybe if they court me…things can change. Just the idea of being with them scares me, but I need to learn to take risks. Things are not like they were six years ago.
All that has happened in the past week, combined with last night, made me open my eyes. I’m slowly learning how to speak my mind. It’s not always easy since I never had a voice of my own, but I’m trying to create my own narrative.
Life is too short to have regrets, and I already have plenty of them.
Once I’m ready for the day, I start looking for Rueben and Tyson around the house and the farm, with Diva by my side because I’m not stupid enough to be on my own when I know Jason is not done with me. He hates me simply because I exist. I never understood why, but it doesn’t matter anyway. The next time we see each other is the day he’ll be held accountable for everything he did.
If I ever have another meltdown because I’m blamed for someone’s death or something else that I have no control over, I will turn to Tyson or any of the other guys instead of going back to Jason to get high.
Last night was about embracing the future, so falling back into old habits is out of the question. My past is horrible, but I no longer want to be tormented by it. I know I have a lot of healing to do, but the love and affection I’m receiving from the guys is so therapeutic. I still get triggered daily, and I often cry, but I no longer live in constant fear of being hurt by my men . They are slowly gaining my trust. If I’m not careful, they will also win my heart, and I’m not ready for that yet.
When I look in the mirror nowadays, my eyes are not that haunted. I know it’s still early, too soon, but I’m starting to feel happiness again. It’s thrilling and scary at the same time. Getting things off my chest has helped me more than I thought. Even talking with Mose and Tyson about Spencer makes me feel less guilty, more alive. All time I felt as if…I failed my baby. Camila also. Rueben might have stopped blaming me for killing her, but I’ll never forgive myself for what happened.
Despite looking all over the farm, I don’t find Tyson and Rueben anywhere.
Not wanting to go crazy with worry, I keep myself busy feeding the animals since Ansel, Jasper, and Mose are still sleeping. After I’m done, Diva and I go to the living room to wait for the guys. While I know they can take care of themselves, past experiences have taught me that loved ones are constantly ripped away from me.
I surf the TV, wanting to find something that will keep me interested for more than a few seconds. A scene from a movie pops up, and my eyes fill with tears. It’s a mother and a father putting their child to bed, and it breaks my heart because I’ll never get to experience that.
Tears fall down my cheeks, and I furiously wipe them away. I don’t even know why I’m upset. It’s not like I want to have more babies. Sure, there might be a possibility with IVF, but I won’t do it. What if I enter into labor earlier, as it happened with Spencer, and I lose yet another child? If it happens a second time, I will completely lose my mind. The only reason why it didn’t happen when I lost my sweet little boy was because Carlos kept me drugged all the time.
Yet there are days when I dream of my baby and how life would have been if he hadn’t died.
I snuggle with Diva. “You can be my baby. What do you say?” Diva tilts her head and gives me a strange look. “I think I’m being hormonal. Don’t mind my stupid blabbering.”
A car’s honk comes from the main gate; Diva barks.
I jump to my feet. “They are home.”
I hum happily as I rush to greet them. Diva keeps barking. “You are more excited than I am.” I open the front door, and Diva pushes past me before I even get to step on the porch. Her barks turn more aggressive, alerting me that it’s not Rueben and Tyson. “Diva, get back here!” I shout after her. As Diva is Rueben’s dog, she completely ignores me and runs to the main gate, where an expensive car I don’t recognize is parked. I freeze on the spot because I don’t know if it’s my father or brother who came to take me back to Celestial Heaven or someone else who has nothing to do with me.
Ansel’s voice comes from behind me. “Get inside!”
I do as ordered without any protest, as I’d rather be safe than sorry. Ansel leaves the house, closes the screen door, and quickly climbs down the porch’s steps. I watch from inside, scared that whoever came is here for me. Ansel, Mose, and Jasper will keep me safe, but I hate that they are in danger because of me. I’ll never truly be free until my father and brother are dead.
Diva keeps barking until a blond man steps out of the car. She turns from aggressive to friendly in a second, letting me know he is not an enemy. Diva goes to the man, who strokes her head.
Jasper and Mose enter the living room. “Who is it?” Jasper asks.
I shrug. “Probably a Lord. I think he was at the gathering last night.”
Jasper comes to where I’m standing and glances outside. “It’s Stefan. Don’t you remember him?” I shake my head. “He and his blood-brothers were with us when we found you and Mose in the desert.”
“Oh,” I breathe. That day, I was running high on adrenaline until I saw Tyson and the others. The only thing I remember is how relieved I felt that Mose and I were safe and how scared I was, thinking I was going to be blamed for Mose’s soul being consumed by his demon.
Jasper opens the screen door and steps onto the porch. Mose and I do the same.
Ansel is close to the main gate. “Something happened?” He speaks loud enough for me to hear him.
Stefan walks up to Ansel, and they speak for several moments. I start to imagine all sorts of bad things happening to Tyson and Rueben until Stefan returns to his car, opens the front passenger door, and helps someone get out. It’s a pregnant woman. I feel like the air has been knocked out of me. Memories of when I was pregnant with Spencer flood my mind, and I have to breathe through my mouth to calm myself. Stefan and the woman start walking toward the house, and the air leaves my lungs for the second time, but now for a different reason.
I rush past Jasper and Mose while I scream from the top of my lungs, “Angelica!”
She and Stefan stop in the middle of the garden. I’m so happy to see that she’s alright that I go directly for a hug. “You have no idea how worried I was for you,” I say as my arms wrap tightly around her.
“Olivia?” She sounds just as surprised as I am to see her.
“Yes,” I confirm.
Angelica pulls back her head to take a better look at me. “You look so much healthier now, I didn’t even recognize you.”
I press my lips in a thin line before saying, “It’s been a month since I stopped taking drugs.” I grab her arm and start leading her to the house. “Tell me about you. I can’t believe you’re pregnant!”
Angelica turns her head around to look at Stefan, who encourages her to go with me. “I will join you after I catch up with Olivia’s bondeds.”
Even though we were in the same year in high school, Angelica and I barely spoke. She had her friends, and I had mine. She must be wondering why I’m acting so friendly, but I am so desperate to spend time with a woman and gossip about anything and everything that I don’t care if I come off as desperate—because I am.
Diva follows us up the stairs.
“Forget about the men. They will drink beer and talk about sports or about last night’s meeting at the Blood Lodge.”
Angelica blinks. “What happened last night?”
It wasn’t that hard to catch her attention.
“Let me tell you all about it over a hot cocoa.”
“Count me in. My men never tell me anything juicy. They think that because I’m pregnant, I’m suddenly too delicate to hear all the gore that happens in their world. But when it comes to fucking, I can take it,” she huffs.
“Mine are the same.” Especially Jasper. Whenever he fucks me, it’s like he’s drilling my pussy. But I love being fucked by Ansel and Mose just as much.
We enter the kitchen. Diva goes under the table and lies on the floor. “Whenever you feel like gossiping, I’ve got your back.”
Angelica suddenly squeals happily, scaring Miss Teapot, who is playing with her ball. “You have a black cat.”
I pull out a chair for her to sit on, but she goes to pet Miss Teapot. “Don’t tell me you are superstitious.”
My comment makes Angelica laugh. “Far from it. Actually, I want to adopt a black cat, but Alekos is against it, at least while I’m pregnant. He’s afraid I’ll get toxoplasmosis.”
I start making hot cocoa for the two of us. “He worries about you. He must love you very much.”
“He is a bully who likes to spank me until I do as he says,” she huffs.
I stop what I’m doing and stare at her. “Are your men abusing you?”
If that is the case, I’ll let her know that she can stay here. Men who abuse women are spineless cowards.
“No, they just want things done their way all the time.” She looks at the door, making sure no one is around. “Between you and me, I like the spanking. It really turns me on. And now that I’m pregnant, I’m into it even more.”
I chew the inside of my cheek. “I can’t relate. Carlos used spanking to discipline me. I hated it.”
“I shouldn’t have mentioned spanking. It was insensitive on my part.”
For several seconds, no one says anything. I hate that Carlos still has so much power over me. I don’t want to think of myself as a victim or a survivor. I am a…warrior. For six years, I was a prisoner, but now that I’ve regained my freedom, my real fight is only starting. “Talking about things helps.”
Angelica picks up Miss Teapot and goes over to the table with her. “So, what happened at the Blood Lodge?” She tries to change the subject.
While I put marshmallows in each mug, I debate about telling her what I did on the dais or skipping ahead to my little speech. I think about telling her about the Blight and what it means for everyone, but strong emotions are not good for her baby. “I upset the Elders.”
“Your men let you go to the meetings? Alekos says they talk about wars and how to stop the Dukes and that I’ll get bored.”
I bite my bottom lip. It’s for the best that Alekos makes her stay home. “It was very boring,” I lie. I take the mugs over to the table and give one to her. “I fell asleep when one of the old farts spoke about tanks. He was not impressed.”
Angelica takes a sip of her mug. “I always thought that the Lords have a big orgy with the sex slaves they have there.” I choke on my drink because she is not far from the truth. “Now that I know that Alekos was telling me the truth, I’ll sleep better.”
She is either naive, or she wants a quiet life. Because if she wants the truth about the Blood Lodge, she will end up with high blood pressure.
Wanting to know how she escaped from Carlos’ hands, I say, “The last time I saw you, you were still in the Celestial Heaven.”
She slides her hand across the table and gives my wrist a gentle squeeze. “I was saved by a group of…” She pauses for a moment before saying, “Women.” I’m not the only one who has secrets. “They took me to a place they call the Sanctuary and helped me heal from the beating Carlos gave me.”
“The Sanctuary? Wasp saved you?”
Angelica blinks. “You know about her?”
“She has saved my ass several times. I’m like her.”
A crease forms between her brows. “Like her? You mean a hellstar.” A bright smile spreads across her face. “Welcome to the VIP Club.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “You’re one as well?”
After she nods, we start talking about what has happened since we last saw each other. She tells me all about her bondeds and her unborn baby. The love she has for her family and life has me feeling jealous. Maybe one day, I’ll experience half of her happiness.
Once she is done, I tell her how my guys found me in the forest and how nice it is to live on the farm.
As I am putting some chocolate cookies that Jasper made two days ago on a plate, Stefan and Ansel enter the kitchen.
“We have to go help Tyson and Rueben with something. Jasper and Mose will stay with you on the farm, and another group of blood-brothers are on their way to patrol the territory,” Ansel casually says.
I take the plate to the table. “What’s going on? And no more ‘everything is fine’ bullshit. I want the truth.”
Stefan quirks an eyebrow. He is clearly waiting to see what Ansel says next.
Ansel sighs a bit dramatically. “Alekos has a cabin up in the mountains. He uses it for hunting.” From the look on Angelica’s face, it’s the first time she is hearing about this. “He invites Lords each spring for a week of hunting and fishing. Last night, he discovered he has rats and needs help getting rid of them.”
The fact that Ansel avoids eye contact makes me think he is lying about something. Since I don’t have any proof, I only say, “I expect everyone to be back in time for dinner.” I shouldn’t make invitations without talking to the others first, but Tyson already told me I could do what I wanted. “Angelica, you and your men are also invited.”
“Call me Angel. Thank you for the invitation. I’m not a good cook, but I can follow instructions.”
“Don’t let her make steak. She always burns it,” Stefan chuckles.
Angel glares at him. “You’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.”
“What if I tell you I’m working on something for you that will always remind you of our honeymoon? Will I still get kicked out of our bedroom?” Stefan asks.
After a few moments of thinking, Angel says, “Depends on what the surprise is.”
The exchange between Angel and Stefan is so funny that I can’t help but say, “What if he gives you one of Miss Teapot’s kittens?”
Ansel blinks, confused. “She doesn’t have kittens.”
It’s my turn to be confused.
Jasper and Mose enter the kitchen just in time to hear me say, “She is pregnant.” I’ve known it from the moment she returned home.
Mose’s gaze falls on my stomach. He frowns deeply before looking at Angel. “Who?”
“Miss Teapot, who else?” I reply with a question.
Jasper faints.
“Oh my, he didn’t take the news of being a grandfather very well.”