23. Chapter 23

23

Nelle

A rrogant asshole, prick, motherfucker, egotistical dickhead—

My ass still tingled where Graysen had slapped it.

While Sage ?disappeared on me, no doubt to dig up one of his old bones to gnaw at, Graysen had kept up his stupid-ass chant for ages. I could hear it from inside my bedroom until it drove me so mad I started throwing my stress ball against the wall separating our two rooms in a ricochet of annoying thuds. He turned his music up, loud, every so often roaring that I wanted to kiss him.

Infuriated, I’d stormed out, needing to go for a run, to burn myself and that creature out. Except I hadn’t gone just yet.

Kiss him? In your dreams, Crowther!

Still annoyed, I flung birdseed through the aviary. My mother’s thrushes, finches, and sparrows eagerly gathered on the grass and pecked greedily at the seeds.

A chinking noise made me turn.

My mother sat primly on the wooden bench with a teapot in her shaky hands. The teapot’s spout rattled against the fine china teacup as she tried to pour herself a fresh drink.

Long blades of grass brushed against my shins as I padded quickly over to where she sat, taking the teapot from her cold hands. “Here, let me.”

The amber liquid splashed within the teacup and on wisps of steam, the smell of bergamot floated through the air. I carefully handed the cup and saucer to her and they shook a little in her trembling grip. Her blue eyes were glassy and held a faraway quality, but she was smiling. “Thank you, Nelle.”

Sitting down beside her, I smoothed my skirt over my thighs and stretched my legs long, curling my toes into the grass like it was a plush carpet. We did this every morning before I disappeared into the woodland. I fed the birds while she sipped tea. Both of us were mostly quiet in each other’s company.

I sighed, pushing aside the conflicting emotions Graysen had stirred within me earlier this morning, rolling my neck and closing my eyes briefly, feeling the warmth of the sun coating my face. It was a glorious day. Thin streaks of clouds in a bright blue sky promised an afternoon of blistering heat. Amongst the chittering bird life and the gentle burble of water flowing from the birdbath, the soft drone of insects added a layer of melody to my mother’s humming as she smiled, watching the bustle of men and women spreading around the flattened marquee, adjusting ropes and pulleys as they readied to raise the roof.

“It’ll be magnificent when it’s finally set up for tomorrow night,” I said, toying with the folds of the pale blue dress I wore. Evvie had shown me her mood board and talked endlessly about all the things she wanted for the evening event. She was more focused on the actual engagement party than the Horned Gods’ blessing that would take place first.

A chilling sensation shuddered down my spine. I certainly couldn’t say I was looking forward to that either.

My mother blinked at me as if just realizing I was still there. “Oh, yes. Indeed.”

I hooked an arm along the top of the wooden bench. My bracelet clinked with the movement and it drew her attention to the adamere beads. Slowly, ever so slowly, she reached out, pinching a fingertip and thumb around a bead, rubbing it back and forth. “It was a good idea of your father’s.”

I didn’t move a muscle. I wasn’t even sure I was breathing.

We’d never talked about that year. All those times she’d locked me up in the tithe prison when my father had been away. It ended as soon as Lise broke her promise to our mother.

My father had taken me aside, kneeling, so we were eye to eye, gruffly promising— It’ll never happen again. Those words shattered me more than being trapped in darkness, and I’d burst into tears, clinging to him. He hugged me, holding me for what seemed like an eternity. Those arms wrapped around me felt safe and protective. It also felt like a deep apology. I could have stayed there forever.

And afterward, even though my father promised to keep me safe, I still didn’t trust her. I was wary and tried to keep out of her way. Terror had bit hard when my father left for another trip out of state, but to my utter relief, she didn’t lock me up.

The birds in the aviary chirped as they flew between the birch trees. My mother set aside her cup of tea to take hold of the necklace I wore like a bracelet. She untangled the long length of beads from my wrist and held it up. Sunlight struck off the glassy-silvery whirls of adamere as the strands twisted this way and that. “It belonged to your great-great-aunt.”

After the tithe prison, my father dug it out of our ancestors’ treasure trove and gave it to me. We had spent time together as he explained his idea—my version of a rosary to induce calm and use it as a tool to bring myself and the creature to heel.

As the sparrows and finches pecked noisily at the seeds I’d tossed about the long grasses, my mother handed the necklace back to me and I rewound it about my wrist. Despite being caught in the hazy world created by those little pills, there was a spark of lucidity in her eyes. “I didn’t know how to handle you. Your father has always been better with you than me.”

I gently brushed her arm. “That’s not true, Momma.”

Her long lashes fluttered and her cheeks curved with a slight smile as she gave me a look as if to say— Thanks, but it’s true.

Although sometimes hate ate away at me at what she’d done, I understood why she’d locked me inside the prison. The year that took my father from our home, something was amiss with the Houses, with the Horned Gods themselves. There’d been talk of others being hunted in the hushed conversations between my parents, and there’d been discord between them too. They were worried for me. They were also worried about what would happen to our House if I was discovered.

And my mother…it was like a switch had been pulled. One day, on—smiles and laughter and teasing. The next day—off. She’d withdrawn and become nervous and introspective as if… as if something was rotting her from the inside.

I’d always attributed that to me.

She’d said I’d been a fussy baby, crying a lot. Even then, I couldn’t stand clothes or being swaddled in cloth. I spent my younger years naked—crawling, taking my first wobbly steps, then walking, running—until Evvie had coaxed me into a dress that didn’t cling.

My strength and senses were sharpening and, at seven years old, I hadn’t yet realized I shared my body with the creature, but I could still feel something stirring. Like the wind when my temper exploded. The earth trembling beneath my bare feet too. And things snapped and shattered, even if I wasn’t touching them. Like Lise’s wrist, when we argued over a stupid Barbie doll.

That’s when my mother dragged me to the tithe prison, writhing and screaming, sobbing for forgiveness. I hadn’t meant to hurt Lise .

Without my father by her side, she was afraid of me, afraid for her other daughters, and terrified because she didn’t know what to do or how to handle me.

I was afraid of myself too. I didn’t understand the strange affliction either. The creature, the power manifesting inside, had matured with me. It wasn’t until after being freed from the tithe prison I finally felt it slithering inside and heard its hisses and rumbles of chuckling.

Basking in the sun’s rays cast within the aviary, my mother picked up her teacup and matching saucer.

“What happened to you, Momma?”

She squeezed her eyes shut.

And again, I held my breath tightly in my chest. What had happened to her to become like this, her bright soul dulled.

The words came out in a raw whisper. “I had to make a choice. One I’d make again. But one I can’t forgive myself for.”

A cold sensation crept over me.

Why do I have a terrible feeling this is about me?

But when she opened her eyes, love shone brightly. And I bathed in it greedily.

Taking a long sip of tea, she placed the cup on the small table sitting beside the bench seat and rose, smoothing back her hair even though it was immaculately polished, not a strand out of place. She primped the elegant skirt suit and the pearls around her neck. “I should see what needs to be done.”

“Can I help with anything, Momma?” I asked, rising too. I dug my toes into the earth, rolling the balls of my feet on the grass as I shifted my weight from foot to foot. The power inside me slunk beneath my skin, filling me with a wild intensity that thrummed in my blood, demanding release. I felt restless, but I’d put off burning it out for a little longer if my mother needed me.

She brushed my hair over a shoulder. I was wearing it loose, my hair so long it fell almost to the dip in my back. She gave me a blinding smile, the kind she wore when I was a child. My soul burst with warmth. “No, sweetheart. It’s all taken care of.” This was the standard line she’d given me most of my life, and disappointment washed through me. I was one of her pretty birds, nice to look at but all for show. She wanted all my energy spent on keeping hidden, even though I would have loved to have been included, been part of it all. Through the bars of the grand aviary, I spied my sister with her fiancé as they breezed across the lawn. My gaze snagged on Corné’s arm, bound possessively around Evvie’s waist, and it reminded me of last night, of how he’d gripped her arm too tight and hurt her. My blood simmered with anger. I didn’t want this engagement to continue.

I tore my gaze away, returning my attention to my mother, who was still smiling back at me. I don’t know why I said such a stupid thing. All I’d desired was to keep her in this moment of happiness a little longer. Maybe simply to earn more of these types of warm smiles from her. “After all this, you can help me plan my wedding.”

And like the snap of fingers, her smile dimmed into a faded copy of its original, similar to the way she dressed in clothes she didn’t pick out for the day, but a servant did on her behalf. As if she were gliding through a life that was no longer hers. She slid a frail hand into her pocket and I heard the rattle of pills as she clenched the vial. “Graysen Crowther’s not going to marry you.”

I could only stare, stunned.

What?

I mean, I hoped for that. But whenever she talked about Graysen—which we didn’t like to do often—she’d say how she’d love to plan for a winter wedding.

Left dazed by her prediction, I watched my mother as she turned away, walking to the aviary door and latching it behind her as she left. Caught within the cage she’d shut me in, I continued staring at her through the crisscross of the aviary’s steel bars as she made her way toward the organized chaos to where Evvie and Corné conferred with the wedding planner. The trio stood near the mini-city of containers housing all the furnishings needed for the engagement party. Across the lawn came the whir of machinery, and shouts between men and women as they set about unloading the large containers of tables and chairs and the parquet dance floor.

Rattled, I dug my hands into the bird feed we kept in a tall metal drum, scooping up one last handful of seeds. This time, I flexed my fingers straight and held my palm out. A sparrow fluttered onto my wrist and began pecking at the small seeds.

My mind remained awhirl. What choice had she had to make? What had she done that she couldn’t forgive herself for? What had turned her to those tiny white pills so she could live with herself?

Me? Was it about me?

A rich, amused voice came from behind me. “Charming birds out of the trees?”

Startled, the sparrow darted away. I spun around, instantly beaming when I faced who that warm voice belonged to—Danne Pellan.

Looking striking in a casual pair of tan slacks and a navy polo shirt, he bowed as was customary when first greeting a Wychthorn from Great House. Sunlight glimmered over his neatly trimmed hair, turning it from deep bronze to copper. He straightened, a sunny grin splayed over his freckled features.

“Hi.” I thought I’d be beyond excited to see him, but after my mother’s half-confession, I was too twisted up inside.

“Hey.” He spread his arms wide. “Finally, I’m here.”

We didn’t hug, because we weren’t at that stage in our friendship, but I hoped someday we would be. “Just arrived?” And I forced myself to shove all those uneasy feelings my mother had stirred down deep. Later, I’d think about it all later.

He gave a sheepish look, rubbing the back of his neck with a hand. “I actually came late last night.” His nose scrunched. “After you refused to sneak away, I cut everything short and came here. But you were already asleep.”

I blinked. “You didn’t go to that little jazz bar?”

He shook his head.

Sage padded into the aviary. His ghostly shimmering body slipped through the metal bars like the wraith he was, shifting from the void back into a corporeal state once he’d passed through them. A rotting stench of mangy chicken clung to him. He’d obviously finished gnawing at the treat Evvie had promised him last night. Stalking to my side, he sat on his haunches, his eerie silvery eyes slit and fixed on Danne.

My friend shot Sage a wary look. “He’s massive. I’m always worried he’s going to bite a chunk out of me.”

I stroked a hand over Sage’s wolfish head, scratching behind his ear. He was just a big, cuddly puppy for me and my sisters. However, I gave Danne a sly look. “He will if I ask him to.”

Danne startled, then broke into a chuckle when he saw I was kidding. He glanced at his Zeitwerk wristwatch before tucking his hand into the pocket of his slacks. The movement pulled his polo shirt across the slight paunch of his belly.

I suddenly realized he looked jaded. There were shadows beneath his eyes and he hadn’t shaved. Scruff lined his jaw. “You okay? You look a little tired.”

“Work’s been a bit manic.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Here.” I held my fist out, waiting for him to cup his hand under mine before I tipped birdseed into his palm. My mother’s birds were tame enough that they fed from him too. Stretching his arm long, he laughed softly in delight at the finch that landed on his hand and then bobbed its head rapidly, its talons gripping his finger tighter, as it gobbled down the seeds.

It gave me a moment to study him. Danne was so far removed from the likes of Graysen Crowther. Graysen was darkness—a winter midnight sky. He possessed stupidly beautiful features and a powerfully muscled body honed from the daily physical demands at the office . And Danne, a year older than me, was softer, boyishly charming with autumnal coloring. Safe, he promised. Comfortable, he assured with easy smiles.

“So tell me, how’s it all going? What have you been up to?” Danne asked, scrubbing at his nose with a knuckle.

Sage curled up beneath the shade of a tree, watching us, as we chatted while feeding the birds. There wasn’t much I could share about last night. Graysen had tried to kiss me no less than three times so far. Jerk. So I skirted around those things. And I wasn’t sure how to bring up his brother Corné, either, or Master Sirro. So we stuck to safe topics. I’d been worried about awkward pregnant pauses punctuating our conversation, as we were still a brand new kind of friendship, still feeling one another out. But I needn’t have been concerned because Danne pretty much did all the talking, sometimes cutting me off mid-sentence.

He jerked his chin toward the construction workers and the madness taking place on the back lawn of the mansion. “Why don’t we go and see what’s going on out there?”

“Sure.” That sounded like a lovely idea. Spinning away, I picked up my messenger bag I’d left by the wooden bench. Earlier, I had filled it with snacks and water, my Kindle, and a blanket, thinking that after I’d burned out the dark power residing within me, I’d spend some time by the deep well of water inside the woodland and bask in the sun like a reptile.

Today, like other mornings, I left the door to my mother’s aviary slightly open, hoping the birds would fly free. But I knew they wouldn’t. They’d been trapped in there for so long that it didn’t occur to them.

Danne and I drifted from the aviary, strolling casually toward the mayhem of construction currently taking place. I kicked my legs out as I walked, delighting in the manicured lawn and the spring of the grass beneath my bare feet. Danne kept chatting, and I let him as we made our way in a direction more in line with the cluster of containers than the small group of people—my family and the Pellans—gathered in a loose knot, watching the marquee rising.

Graysen stalked across the lawn. As yet, he hadn’t noticed us. He was still wearing the same clothes from early this morning—dark jeans and heavy boots—though he’d changed into a new t-shirt which was tight enough to reveal the muscular chest and the inked flames of his tattoos. He carried a lethal casualness about him, completely at odds with the sleek, polished Pellans and Wychthorns.

Gods, the guy was magnificent—

Stop it right there!

“How’s the Lord of Darkness been?” There was a bitter note in Danne’s tone. He ran his hand through his preppy hair as he cast a scowl toward Graysen.

I frowned. What was it between them?

“He’s…” How to describe Graysen? If Danne had asked me yesterday. I might have said an arrogant prick, and he still was, but as I tried to formulate an answer, my gaze drifted over to an opening within the tree line and the flagstone path that led to the sinister prison.

He kept me company at the tithe prison.

He could have left me there alone, but he’d stayed and carried me back to my rooms.

I’d been half-aware when he’d picked me up and held me in his lap, his indelible scent perfuming my dreams. And my subconscious mind allowed me to do what my conscious mind would not—just sink in, let go, and let him hold me. Safe. That’s what it had felt like. His warmth and arms caging me. Not bars of metal, but flesh. I’d not been a bird trapped in an aviary. A girl in an estate. I’d been protected, but those arms could open up and let me fly.

Graysen Crowther wasn’t as cold-hearted as he made out.

My fingers worked my hair, braiding and unbraiding my locks, my brow creasing in thought. “He’s—”

But Danne didn’t allow me to answer. Instead, he overrode me. “Gods, that guy is an asshole. I don’t know how you can stand to be around him.”

The vehemence in his words startled me. “Why don’t you like him?”

He was still scowling at Graysen when he said, “He doesn’t know his place. He’s from a Lower House and he still lords over the rest of us.”

For some reason, that rankled. Not so much the frank assessment of Graysen, because Danne was right. He was an asshole. However, I didn’t like the comment about Lower Houses, as if Danne thought of himself above them all.

But then, wasn’t I placed higher than everyone else? I was a Wychthorn from the Great House. I bowed to none.

And the creature in me stirred, a slithering motion like dry scales against my bones as if it didn’t like what Danne had revealed.

He stopped walking, turning to me fully. The scowl twisting his soft features made him look more like Corné. I didn’t like that look on him, so I glanced away to my fingers wrapped around the shoulder strap of my bag. “He almost broke my jaw last year.”

My eyes went wide as I swung back, gaping in surprise. “You got into a fight with Graysen?”

He gave a casual shrug, but there was tension crackling from him. “I got in a few punches. He got in more.”

I didn’t even need the creature twitching nor the odd sensation swirling deep inside that sang what he said was wrong. I knew it. There was no way that Danne would even get close enough to even lay a finger on Graysen. If Graysen wanted to break Danne’s jaw, he would have. I knew what Graysen was capable of—you were dead or he let you live.

I cocked my head to the side, still not quite comprehending. I hadn’t known this had happened between them. “Why were you two fighting?”

Instead, Danne ignored my question and reached out to take my hand, a smile dancing on his full lips.

He took my hand!

He’d never touched me like that before. I was too startled to do anything about it—tug it free or twine my fingers through his. I stared in disbelief at his fingers looped around mine.

What did that mean?

Did he like me in that way?

Did I?

Except as I checked my body’s reaction to the touch of his warm hand, it was nice, comforting. But it sparked nothing in me like Graysen’s mere presence did.

Godsdammit.

Excitement and mischief sparked in Danne’s hazel eyes. “Why don’t we piss him off by sneaking out of here?” He wagged his eyebrows. “I’ll take you to Ascendria. We’ll find some places to call our own. Think how mad he’ll be when he finds out you’re with me.”

That sounded far too tempting, and I almost shot back— Yes!

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” He started moving us toward the containers.

But I dug in my heels, trying to free my hand from his firm grip. “I can’t. Really Danne, I’d love to, but my father wouldn’t allow it.”

He leaned close. I could smell a faint hint of his aftershave. It smelled like him—nice. “Sure he would. You’d be with me. We’ll have my bodyguards.”

I worried my bottom lip, staring over at the gathering beside the marquee, where my father spoke with Aldert Pellan, both of them positioned slightly apart from everyone else, both of them serious. Perhaps they were discussing the attack on our empire and the outcome of the meeting they’d held with Master Sirro that I’d barged into. And if I’d been right, whoever was behind it couldn’t be living if they’d swifted in.

Glancing back at Danne, he stood still, holding my hand as he waited patiently for an answer.

Would my father let me? I mean, it was Danne Pellan. We were practically family.

In the corner of my eye, I glimpsed a man with blond hair and the brightest blue eyes I’d ever seen unloading a container near us. He carried a stack of elegantly carved chairs. I don’t know why he drew my attention. Perhaps because his hair was as pale as mine. He glanced up as he lowered the chairs to the grass, catching me staring, and a smile slowly curved his mouth.

When Danne said, “Better yet, we won’t tell him,” my gaze snapped back his way. He winked. “We’ll sneak out of here. Come on, princess, let’s live a little dangerously.” Lurching forward, he tugged me toward the same container the blond-headed man had disappeared inside. The sound of shifting boxes and the feet of wooden chairs scraping against the floor floated from within it.

However, a goofy smile lit my mouth—one I couldn’t shake, one I didn’t want to shake. Princess —that was new. Danne had given me a nickname. And I knew I’d be wearing that goofy smile for hours to come.

My gaze flicked over to my father. There was a hard line to his shoulders and a stern expression on his face. With a sinking feeling, I knew if I asked him for permission, he’d never let me go, not even with Danne Pellan and a vanguard of security.

But…I could sneak away. Isn’t that what I’d always wanted, a day of freedom to investigate Ascendria? I could sink into all the buzz and energy and hope the citizens brought with them to the city. Danne might want to sip wine, listen to jazz, visit art galleries and museums, and show me all the usual touristy spots, but I wanted too-hot coffee, to eat folded pieces of pizza or dubious snacks from food stalls, visit small pockets of greenery sewn into the pavement and along concrete walls. I wanted crazy and madness—buskers and indie art performances, hustlers selling knock-offs, bearded hipsters, and women with lavender hair and piercings. Maybe even go to a tattoo parlor and watch someone get inked. I wanted to fill my lungs with the dirty choking smell of carbon dioxide and listen to car horns honking and the obscene yelling of rageful drivers.

I wanted Ascendria to filthy me up a bit.

I wanted to pretend I lived there in a shitty apartment, running from job to job, hustling for a wage.

Do it. Do it. Do it.

Danne wanted to sneak me out. Maybe that was the only way to get a day of freedom.

It was there, my tongue curling back, about to say— Yes.

“I’ll take you to that little jazz club I told you about last night,” Danne said eagerly. “You’ll love it.”

My stomach sunk— Oooer jazz, unlikely.

Danne’s grip on my hand tightened harshly. He yanked me into the rabbit warren of containers, shielding us from our two families gathered around the mayhem of the marquee. Several things happened all at once.

I winced, yelping at the crunch of my knuckles under that too-hard hold.

Sage bristled and went to attack.

And that man with piercing blue eyes started walking toward us with a deep frown.

But someone else got there first.

“Let her go.”

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