26. Chapter 26
26
Nelle
D eep underwater was a world of murky greens and silvers with streaks of sunlight piercing through the undulating surface. Using small fluttering movements of my arms kept me at the depth I wanted to stay as silver fish darted through the gloom of the water, winding around my ankles before swimming away with the flick of a tail.
In a streak of speed, a gremleen shot out of the dark, spearing a fish with its talons.
The black-scaled gremleen was smaller than me, with thin stunted limbs and an oily sheen to its body. The otherworldly creature stared at me with bulbous eyes and pinprick pupils as it devoured its meal. Tendrils of flesh and sinew were caught between the creature’s razor-sharp teeth. Blood burst into red mist, drifting apart in the current.
We warily watched one another as it crunched through bone and scale and meat. I adjusted my position with a pump of my arms, and the motion startled the gremleen. It disappeared into the inky darkness, leaving faint ripples in its wake. The creature would dive deep and bury itself into the muddy bottom, waiting for a fish or some unsuspecting soul to go for a swim.
It knew to keep its distance from me.
It knew it should fear me.
Under the water, it was silent and tranquil. I needed rest from all the imaginary arguments I was still having with Graysen inside my head.
The guy was a megalomaniac. Whatever his problem with Danne was, he wasn’t willing to share. And I wasn’t sure if it even warranted any headspace. He was probably just annoyed that his shiny toy— me— had another’s interest.
But Danne was my friend. That was blindingly obvious. My feelings for him were platonic.
A loud splash—
Something large plunged into the water, enveloped in a blanket of bubbles and displaced water.
Graysen!
He’d dived into the pool in jeans and a t-shirt, having only discarded his boots and socks. He swam down, his powerful arms and legs kicking through the murky water, searching, searching, searching —until he found me. Something disappeared from his dark gaze so swiftly I’d almost not seen it—panic chased by relief.
We stared at each other across the watery void, each of us suspended, our hair drifting in the water like seaweed. One side of his mouth curled up and air bubbles escaped as he took me in.
Shit. I was swimming in only my underwear.
Poking my tongue at him, I kicked up, propelling fast to break the surface and spit water from my mouth. Graysen erupted from the water a moment later, shaking his head like a dog to make water spray wide. His fearsome glare locked on me. “Fuck, Wychthorn, what the hells were you doing?”
Sluicing the dripping water from my face, I blinked, glancing around at the deep well of water. I mean, wasn’t it obvious? “ Er, swimming.”
He slicked his hair from his forehead with a hand and frowned. “How long can you hold your breath?”
Oh… oh…
How long has he been watching me?
My gaze darted to the cascading waterfall that rushed from above to thunder into the pool. There was a cave behind the thick sheet of raining water. And if he’d entered the cavernous space, he wouldn’t find it damp. It’d be tinder dry. The power inhabiting my body had been carefully released in increments and now it lazed inside, curled up and content.
“Long,” I answered him, knowing it sounded enigmatic but not caring either. “You could too. You just need to practice.”
He’d jumped into the water, fully clothed.
I frowned, glancing up at the scrub-studded cliff face surrounding the northern flank of the deep well of water where he’d dove from. “You were worried about me?”
He barked a laugh. “Of course not.”
Liar. He was such a liar. Why couldn’t he say— Yeah, for a moment I was— how hard was that? “So why jump, then? I mean, I’d have thought you’d have delighted in my drowning.”
“I was more worried about the gremleens. You encounter a school of them and you’d become a nice tasty snack… And then they’d have choked on your bony frame.”
I snorted. Gremleens didn’t scare me. And I called bullshit on him pretending he was more concerned about the gremleens welfare than my own.
But Graysen had jumped in…to what? Save me?
And what was he doing here in the first place?
Spying on me?
I leveled a suspicious look. “What do you want?”
“Danne—”
“Oh, Gods, more Danne bullshit,” I groaned, flicking up an irritated hand. “Can’t you let it go?”
“Go on. Enlighten me. You’re clever, Wychthorn. What does he know about you?”
I twirled in the water, striking out for the rocky shore. “More than you.”
“Doubtful,” I heard him mutter.
I spun back, fluttering my hands beneath the surface to keep afloat. “You know nothing about me,” I snapped. “Spending one day a month, which you use to pointedly ignore me, does not constitute you actually knowing me.” But for me, on the other hand, he’d been a box of puzzle pieces I liked to sift through. There were little things I’d gleaned about him while he was stuck with me.
“It’s not only one day a month. Since Evvie got engaged to that dickhead Pellan, there’s been loads more evenings I’ve been stuck with your company,” he clipped out. “But you’re right, I don’t know you, and I don’t fucking care to.”
“Well, I know plenty about you,” I shot back.
His laugh was sarcastic, and it cut through the hum of insects and trills of bird-call.
Vexed, I shoved a hand forward, splashing water all over him. He snarled, wiping droplets from his eyelashes, the wet rivulets running down his face.
“Don’t you think that while we’ve been together, I’ve been studying you?” I tore my gaze away, glaring toward the other side of the pool where shadows plunged the shore into an inky green. “I’d be a godsdamned idiot not to,” I muttered so quietly he shouldn’t have been able to hear me.
But quiet was nothing to a Crowther. “Go on then, Wychthorn. Tell me. What do you think you know?” he challenged .
I knew things about him, far more than he did about me. He’d shown no interest whatsoever in actually wanting to get to know me. I was simply a chore he detested.
Sharp anger burned inside.
He was right. I was fire and brimstone. He needed to know I was onto him. The man was mean. Really mean. He practically didn’t like anyone, only his family, and everyone else could go to hells, me included. Besides, he needed to stop trying to kiss me and getting all handsy. I needed to make him leave because this was dangerous. I shouldn’t like him. I shouldn’t like him enough to want to kiss him back. And maybe this was more about me than him, pushing him away.
I turned around, my mouth a dispassionate line. “A tic in your jawline twitches whenever you’re annoyed.”
“No surprise there. It tics all the time in your company.”
“I feel you watching me.” Like prey —I might have added. “You hate being here. Hate having to spend a minute—”
“Every single second, if you want to get specific. Yes. All true.”
He did. He hated being stuck with me. It radiated from him like a hot, annoyed heat, similar to the way my skin itched when I needed to release the thing inside me. But since he’d arrived at the estate last night, the wall between us was being chipped away. I arched a smug brow. “Every single second?”
The power residing inside coiled and gave a husky rumble of delighted laughter at his exaggeration.
“Liar,” I said, not waiting for his reply and refusing to give in to the sudden smile that tugged at my mouth.
His expression turned dark. He clenched his jaw, frowning, and glanced away. His gaze darted back when he heard the splash of water as I swam a little closer, wanting to provoke him further. Maybe I had a death wish after all, taunting a Crowther.
I treaded water. “The books you choose to read—you’re not reading them—I don’t know why you bother to pretend. It’s so obvious what you’re really doing.”
He tilted his head. “And what do you think I’m doing?”
“Watching the comings and goings of our House, our staff, the rotation of our security. What my father is up to. Who he talks to.”
His eyebrows rose. “I’m impressed, Wychthorn.”
“ But ,” I drawled. “You do read a lot. There’s never only one book in your bag. You prefer Bukowski, Hunter S. Thompson, and Kerouac. But sometimes you divulge in the latest trashy bestseller. ”
His expression taunted me to keep going.
“You don’t like some orders that come from Novak.” I tipped my head to the side and my hair fanned out in the water. “I don’t actually think you like being part of this world. Having to be at the beck and call of the Horned Gods.”
“House Novak is our Upper House. I do as I’m told,” he said between gritted teeth.
“I’m sure you do.”
And then his tight expression softened just a fraction, and he asked in a low, quiet voice, “What gives me away?”
I leaned forward a little, whispering, “The timbre of your voice changes. Bored-as-fuck, rest assured. But there’s the faintest trace of discontent.”
He stared at me long and hard. I could see him mulling it over.
Which suddenly reminded me that though his tone had always been flat, bored, and dispassionate, this time with me, inflection had wound itself through in conversation. My resolve stumbled.
A mask? Was this a mask he presented to the world? Cold, heartless, disinterested.
I glanced down at the water rippling around my body, trying desperately to shove aside the faltering hesitation and cool the warmth he inspired that heated my blood.
Make him go away.
“I know exactly which one of your brothers you’re talking to even before you say their name. Kenton, you’re somewhat respectful of, yet he can piss you off in record time.” I tapped my mouth, pretending to think, then gave him a sly sideways glance. “You know, I really must call him, ask him how he does it so well.”
His lips twitched on the cusp of a grin. “Trust me, Wychthorn. Kenton could use tips from you.”
“You’re always sparring with Caidan. Mostly relaxed around Jett. And Ferne…you’re softer with her.” If that was possible. But it was. “You smile the most when you talk to her.” Genuine smiles, too. “Oh, she messes with you just as much as the rest of your siblings do. You adore your baby sister. You’re protective of her… Yet… ” Should I say it? I wasn’t sure if I should, but it was something I’d instinctively felt. “You carry guilt too. Something you’ve done—”
He tensed, and there was a dark warning in his tone. “Don’t say another word.”
Okay, all right, Ferne was out of bounds. But one of these days I’d get to ask the gazillion questions I hoarded like a fire drake obsessed with glittering baubles.
“You like doing things with your hands. Your cars and bikes—you’re always tinkering with them.” His brow quirked. “Sometimes I’ve scented a slight hint of oil and grease on you and seen the faintest trace of them staining the creases of your fingers.”
This was fun. With every revelation I unnerved him—that telling tic pulsing away in his jaw. The current carried us towards a narrow gap where the water flowed out of the well and meandered through the woodlands as streams and rivers.
Graysen drifted closer. He slanted his chin in challenge, waiting to hear the next thing I knew about him.
“You always fuck someone before you arrive for the day.”
His expression changed so swiftly from surprised to rattled to defiant, I wanted to laugh. Instead, I tsked, giving him a condescending smirk. He thought I wouldn’t know. “Her scent lingers.” Closing my eyes, I inhaled. I couldn’t smell anything on him, but I pretended I could. “I especially like the girl with the touch of honey and orange blossoms. You seem to favor her.”
When I opened my eyes, I found myself staring at a cold smile.
“Yes I do,” he said. “Mela likes a good hard fuck.”
Huh, Mela V?duva. And I thought she just liked girls. “I bet she does.”
He motioned a hand between us both. “We’re not together, Wychthorn.”
I laughed bitterly because that was true. Water dripped from my shoulders as I shrugged nonchalantly, as if his admission didn’t cut painfully through me. I cared. My ego cared. And some stupid part of me was crushed he didn’t see me in that way. But I refused to let him see me hurt. “Sure, it’s insulting. But as long as you’re getting it from someone, you won’t bother with me. And I’ll assume you’ll extend the same allowance to me.”
I flipped over, kicking to push myself toward the shoreline. As far as I was concerned, this conversation was over.
“Like Danne,” I heard from behind. It wasn’t a question, but I answered it as if it were.
“If I want.”
He surged forward, easily cutting through the water to swim alongside me. “What is it about Danne Douchebag Pellan that women find so appealing?”
I stopped swimming, holding my place, wondering what the hells Graysen meant by that. Why he should even care? And what had happened between them and Ferne last year, that he’d torn into my friend, almost breaking his jaw.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact he doesn’t scowl or snarl and snap or spit such horrible things. Maybe it’s because he’s interested in getting to know me.”
Graysen’s entire demeanor changed, completely unnerving me. He suddenly relaxed. All the tense lines in his body melted away. He shot me a sideways look, arching a playful brow. “It doesn’t bother you?”
I frowned. “Bother me, what?”
“That he’s one of those talk-over-top-of-you kinds of guys, cutting you off before you’ve had a chance to speak. He’s always yapping about himself. Constantly. You should hear him when the Houses get together.” He mocked a yawn.
Danne did cut me off. In fact, when I thought about it, we’d mostly talked about what he’d been up to.
“Soft-looking,” he said, shrugging one shoulder, the wet t-shirt clinging to his body. “But I guess you don’t mind that either. That beer gut of his.”
I immediately felt defensive and shot back. “Not everyone can look like you.” I instantly regretted it the moment his face lit up with delight.
Great amusement glittered in Graysen’s black eyes. “And how do I look?” He didn’t give me a chance to reply. Instead, he winked while charging onward. “Oh, that’s right, stupidly beautiful.”
My cheeks flushed hot. Shit, why had I revealed that to him? Too much wine, that’s why.
The sudden change in him disoriented me. I thought I’d pushed him away and made him mad enough to leave. This was… What is this? He was being playful. And shockingly, I realized I liked his teasing.
Godsdammit!
He carried on speaking. “That ever-twitching nose of Danne’s makes him look like a ferret.”
I suppose, now that he’d said it, Danne twitched his nose a lot. I started giggling and felt bad about doing so. But that auburn hair of his and that nose twitch…he did somewhat resemble a ferret. “That’s not nice,” I choked out, hiding my laughter behind a hand. Graysen opened his mouth to reply, but I got in there first. “Yeah, I know. You’re not a nice guy.”
He grinned. “Oh, I can be nice if I want. Real nice, little bird.”
Bobbing up and down in the water, he half-spun away and raked his fingers through his wet hair, and my gaze landed on his veiny forearm, the tattoos of black flame and Ukkenskrit threading down to the wrist thickly bound in silver and leather. For some crazy moment, I wondered what it might be like to sink my teeth into that arm. Have it curled around my waist, pinning me down.
My nipples tightened and rubbed against the thin material of my bra. I chewed my bottom lip, trying to quell the lustful heat blazing inside my core.
Graysen startled and reared back a little as he spun about to face me. His nostrils flared. Then the most devilish smile curled one side of his mouth.
Shit, shit, shit—
I started swishing my hands, hauling myself backward to create space between us. But he propelled through the water to swim closer. “Why do you like him so much?”
We neared the cascade of water tumbling from the clifftop. The water foamed all around us and the noise of it nearly deafened the sound of my heartbeat slamming against my ribs.
“He’s n-nice…you know…the antithesis of you, jerk-off.” The words were harsh. I meant them to be harsh, but came out stumbling.
His smile was slow and glorious, and the words rumbled from deep within his chest. “You don’t want nice.”
I huffed a breath, shaking my head at him. What did he truly know about me? Nothing—that’s what.
His hand reached out to encircle my wrist and waves of water broke against my chest as he gently pulled me to him. Inches separated us and the heat from his body warmed mine. Dark eyes dipped to my lips, lingering there. “Nice will only bore you.” He brought my inner wrist up to his mouth, and I stilled, my breath caught tight in my throat. Those lips ghosting over my sensitive skin sent my nerves sparking, and I gasped, which drew another smile from him. “You’re wild like me. You want me to dirty you up,” he purred.
The words stroked against my sex and I had to bite my lip hard to stifle the moan as my inner walls clenched. And I swear the water swirling between us heated and thrummed in response.
His jaw hardened, as did his eyes, as if he was trying to tame something inside too.
A frown creased his forehead. He chose not to look at me, sending his line of sight somewhere over my shoulder when he asked softly, “What does Danne Pellan really know about you?”
“Plenty,” I whispered. A simple word because suddenly speech eluded me.
His gaze slowly slid back to mine. He tipped his head to the side, studying me as if weighing up how to say it. “It’s been easy for someone like him to slink in because you’re lonely.”
I blinked. A sudden rush of surprise mixed with hurt swept through my chest, dousing everything he’d roused within me. I tried tugging my arm free. He wouldn’t let me go. “Your father trapped you on this estate. With who? Just your sisters for company?”
When he summed it up like that, it sounded pathetic.
“Why can’t you leave the estate? Why won’t Byron let you leave?”
“He’s just overprotective.” I ripped myself free, kicking away, splashing water in my wake.
Graysen made a rough noise from the back of his throat. He was pissed off on my behalf.
But I could understand my father all too well, and that’s why I obeyed him. “I’m a Wychthorn from the Great House. There’s been deceit between Houses before. He’s afraid if I fall into the wrong hands…”
The Horned Gods. Always hanging over my head. Always the argument given why I couldn’t join my sisters or my mother when they left for an adventure outside of the estate. One slip out there and our entire House would be annihilated. No doubt by the Crowthers themselves. Our blood would coat their blades. Or perhaps we’d be hung. An example made of us in front of the entire gathering of Houses.
“Maybe then you can understand why I want a friend. Why Danne’s important,” I said.
“Danne’s not your friend.”
“He is—”
“He’s using you. I could taste it on him. He was nervous and anxious and hungry for something only you could provide.”
My brow furrowed. “You could have it wrong. Maybe he feels the same way I do.”
Graysen went rigid, only his legs slowly cutting through the water below, keeping him afloat. “How do you feel?” And I felt as if he were asking me something else entirely.
It was safer to study my prune-wrinkled hands than meet that intense stare. “Nervous. Anxious. Desperate for someone else’s company. Hoping he’ll like me enough to want to keep talking to me.”
“And that’s why you lied about jazz,” he said quietly.
“I don’t expect you to understand.”
“Try me.”
I didn’t get why he found it so elusive. It was the simplest thing to understand. “You have the freedom to walk out every day. Speak with people. Do anything. Anything you like… And I don’t. Besides Danne, the only other person I interact wi th from the outside is you.” I burst into laughter and even to my own ears, it sounded manic and went on far too long to be comfortable. “You, Gods, what a joke.” I rubbed my forehead, scrunching my eyes shut. Sucking in a breath, I released it slowly, and offered him a truth. “You’re right. I am lonely. And I do want out. And I don’t know what I’ve done for you to be so hateful. You didn’t like me when we first met in the aviary. And you don’t like me now.” I opened my eyes to find him staring at me like I was a strange creature he’d never encountered before, one that slightly repulsed him. I sighed, running the fingertips of one hand along the underside of an eyebrow. “It might have been nice to spend those days talking, being friendly toward one another, instead of you being such an asshole to me…”— he didn’t deny it—“We could have been friends.”
“I don’t want to be your friend,” he snapped harshly. And right then, without even realizing I’d built my world around him, it crumbled. I stood in the carnage he wrecked with those seven words, shocked that it hurt. Shocked at myself that I didn’t realize he mattered. Heat flared behind my eyes and my nose prickled with the threat of tears. I stared at him in confusion for one long moment before rolling over. I swam away, pressing a hand to my chest, not understanding why something ached deep inside.
What was this?
I couldn’t possibly care for Graysen.
It would be utterly reckless, undeniably irresponsible—
Dammit! I shouldn’t care, I shouldn’t care!
“You don’t like me, I get it,” I tossed over my shoulder. “So why don’t you stay away and leave me in peace?”
“No. I don’t want to like you,” he growled. “But I do. Gods, why are you so fucking likable?” And he snarled it as if it was the worst thing ever.
Stunned, I rounded back to find him wearing a sullen expression, his chin jutting out, not even deigning to look at me. He liked me? Kind-of? What the hells did he say? What did he mean by it?
“Is it really that bad? Would your world implode just because you liked me?”
He gave me an odd look, as if indeed it would. “I’ve tried… Like, really. Fucking. Hard… To dislike you.”
My nose scrunched with confusion. Was I supposed to thank him for his hostility?
He merely rolled his eyes as if exasperated and looked away.
What was his deal? It was like he was ten years old, a bratty boy who couldn’t tell a girl he liked her, so he teased or taunted her with cruel words. “ You like me?”
He jerked his head in a violent nod— yes. But still didn’t look at me, choosing to stare instead at the wall of white water plunging from the cliff. His whole being vibrated with the same power as the churning water, practically screaming he did not want to be here and he sure as hells did not want to be talking about this.
“Tell me the things about me you like,” I commanded. There was no way I was going to let him off the hook. He was going to wriggle and squirm. Graysen’s glower darkened and his eyes narrowed. “Go on then,” I taunted him. “I’m waiting.”
His mouth thinned into a pinched line and he rattled off quickly, “Obstinate. Kind. Loyal. Fearless. Clever. Intelligent. Compassionate,” glaring as if every single trait personally offended him.
I winced. I knew my expression was a little pained. Because in his cold way, this was the nicest thing he’d ever said to me. Yet still, the guy looked as if he wanted to tear his tongue from his mouth.
His gaze returned to me. “What’s the face for?” he scowled, catching my grimace.
I squinted, wondering why the hells I insulted him so much.
“You wanted to know,” he threw at me as if it were all my fault.
“Yeah, but you pretty much looked like you’d prefer to pick up used condoms after a frat party than admit that.”
He blinked twice. His features slackened and his mouth fell open. “Used condoms?”
“Yes. Used-condoms.”
I made an irritated gah sound. Why the hells was I bothering with Graysen Crowther? The guy was emotionally stunted. I rolled my eyes skyward, tossing an arm up to flip a hand at him. “Why don’t you go back to the mansion and leave me be? Go on, get.”
I kicked off, and water broke before me as I swam away. But behind me, I heard him hiss out an exasperated, strangled breath. This time, though, when he gritted it out, his voice was somewhat softer. “Kind. Even to assholes.” I paused my strokes and treaded water, waiting, but still refusing to turn back.
Oh my, he really is going to tell me how much he likes me.
“Pig-headed. Stubborn. So excruciatingly stubborn, Wychthorn,” he continued. “Mischievous. A thorn in my ass. Gods, I’m paranoid around you. I’m constantly worrying about what you’re up to, how you’ll mess with me next.”
The hurtful ache inside my chest eased.
Stifling the grin, I twirled in the water to face him. “I do have fun.” I did. I really did enjoy messing with him.
“Fearless. You jumped from there, didn’t you?” He glanced up at the clifftop and I saw a little bit of awe and admiration shining in his gaze.
“Dove, actually. A triple somersault,” I deadpanned. I did dive, but no somersault.
“Such a smart-ass.” But his mouth twitched on the verge of a smile.
“You bring it out in me.” I shrugged, feigning nonchalance because my heart was beating wildly. “Besides, you like my bite.”
He shook his head as if baffled. “Facing off against Sirro? Madness. I nearly had a heart attack. But you did it for your sister. You’d do anything for Evelene or Annalise.”
I tipped my chin up. He was right. I would do anything for my sisters. And I knew he’d do the same. “You’d too, for your brothers, for Ferne.”
He gave a slow, measured nod, and his thoughtful perusal of me returned. “Clever and intelligent. That brilliant mind of yours is such a fucking turn-on.”
I blinked, my mouth falling open. A turn-on? Me?
“As kind-hearted as you are, your temper matches it. Such fire, Wychthorn. You would burn the world down over a slight.”
I had to forcefully chew back the smile. Because he was right.
His arms spread like wings through the water as he bobbed. We stared at one another, neither of us able to look away. His head tilted to the side and sunlight glistened in his raven-black hair. “And… I don’t always fuck someone before I arrive for the day.”
I swallowed hard. “No. Not always.”
“I haven’t…for a while now.” My breath caught in my throat as I waited for him to say something further because I knew that too. “You must know… If I was with someone, I wouldn’t touch another woman. Not so much as a glance.”
Holy shit, did he just say that out loud?
It made my blood run hotter and warmth spread across my chest and a wide smile lurked dangerously close to the surface of my mouth. As far as I knew, he’d never had a girlfriend. But he was fiercely loyal to his family, and that loyalty ran deep. I don’t know why I should believe him. But I did.
This was the closest he’d come to confessing how he might actually feel. I think it startled him too. His gaze darted from mine and his thick brows slashed forward. There was a hard set to his jaw and his bottom lip poked petulantly out a fraction.
“I don’t get the sudden interest you have in me. ”
His gaze returned. Honest. Open. “It’s never been sudden.”
My heart stumbled. And we stared at one another. A truth.