Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Ruby
It was almost closing time and there was no sign of Tenor. I only looked out the window and at the door to the lobby a million times. His pickup was in the same spot in the parking lot. He was here, like usual. Would he see me out to lock up like he always had before?
Or would he make Teller do it?
What was I hoping for?
I was afraid to answer.
I’d worn the black pleated skirt that drove Tenor crazy. I couldn’t be the only one suffering.
What if he was unaffected? Would he see me and only picture my dad?
The mental torment was the worst. Lack of sleep also sucked. I hadn’t been able to read. After I’d left Mom’s place, I’d stopped at the bookstore and bought a few new books, mostly mystery and thrillers. Romance was not in the cards right now.
I finished cashing out just as the door opened.
My heart skyrocketed into my throat.
Tenor walked in and stopped, his solemn gaze on me. As drawn to him as I was, I had to force myself to look at him. My chest grew tight. His face was drawn. He wore the same oversized rust-colored polo and blue jeans. Same boots. And he looked as good as ever.
Longing opened up in my chest, but I sewed that damn tear shut.
You deserve better.
His words echoed through my head. Damn right I did. At one time, I had thought that was him. I’d get better for myself out of spite. Someday. When I pieced myself back together.
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I put the tablet away and grabbed my purse. “It was a quiet night.”
I hustled for the door, eager to get this uncomfortable interaction done with. Being around him only made me remember how good he could make me feel. Seeing him reminded me of everything I couldn’t have through no fault of my own.
You deserve better.
I sure did. I deserved a guy who would stick around. Someone who wouldn’t hold being me against me.
“Thanks for locking up.” I breezed past him and pushed outside.
A wall of heat followed me out into the warm evening air. “Ruby.”
My legs twitched to break into a run. But then my skirt would fly up and betray my plain black underwear. That picture wasn’t exactly the strong-girl front I had to present.
I steeled myself and turned. “Yeah?”
Neither of us moved. Our gazes clashed. Two melancholy people. I couldn’t even gloat that he seemed like he missed me. The thought just made me sad. He liked me but not enough.
Story of my damn life.
I had wanted to get this moment done with, but I was glued in place like I didn’t want it to end.
“How are you doing?” he asked in that pleasing, deep timbre.
How was I doing? I wasn’t sleeping. Food tasted like dust. The breakup made me see how bleak my social life was. I’d been reading nothing but murder stories. “Fine. You?” I asked more because it was expected. Not out of curiosity. Not because he looked like he’d gotten less sleep than me.
“I, uh . . . it’s been rough.”
His honesty shocked me. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
My irritation roared back. “You said that.”
He shook his head. “I might’ve been... I reacted harshly. About your dad.”
My righteousness deflated—just a little. “I can only try to understand the shock you were in. Dad’s mom was a real piece of work—not that that’s an excuse. My grandparents never gave me details and they died before I got to middle school. He’s still got an abrasive personality. Still... I love him. I take what I can get.” My voice hitched on the last sentence. I clutched my purse to my chest. “But that’s the only guy I’m going to settle for good enough with.”
He flinched. “I couldn’t get over my hurt.” He let out a dry laugh. “It’s been two decades. Should be enough time.”
Part of my resolve softened. “I don’t know if there’s a timeline.”
“It’s my shit to deal with. Not yours.”
“A real couple would work through that kind of stuff.”
His expression fell. “Yeah.” He draped a hand around the back of his neck. “I can’t take back what I said, but I don’t want this to be the end of us.”
Hope swirled to life in my stomach.
I smothered it.
He wanted take backs now? He could’ve asked for time to process what he was going through. Instead, he had ended it. “Even if you could get over who my dad is, I can’t change our age difference.”
“I don’t want you to.” He adjusted his glasses. The way his biceps bulged when he did that was just unfair.
Doubt was like an ever-present shadow. “Even if Dad was here right now, telling you you’re a creeper for dating me? That you walked right into the nursery and plucked me out of the crib?”
The corner of his mouth curved up. “Even if he said that I’d been in middle school waiting for my girlfriend to be born.”
A soft chuckle left me. Then reality sank in. I was not the same girl who let herself get jerked around. “You always kept a big part of yourself from me. With Dad, you just ended it.” I gave him a helpless shrug. “How can I trust you not to end things again the next time you’re upset? And then ask for another chance?” I shook my head, my sorrow hanging heavy on my shoulders.
Remorse rippled over his expression, furrowing his brow. “I’ve never been the one to end things.”
Ouch. “Glad you saved it for me.”
He winced. “Sorry, I meant that I was scared that you’d break up with me. That’s how it’s always ended.”
“After how much I opened up to you, you thought I was just like the other girls?”
“Shit. No. I mean, yes, but it’s my problem. It shouldn’t have been yours.” The crease in his forehead deepened. “I can earn your trust back.”
“What if Katrina came to town? And seeing her made you wonder if I’d ever do the same to you?” His cheek twitched and I let out a bitter laugh. “You’ve already wondered that, haven’t you?”
“I knew you wouldn’t.” When I shot him a flat stare, he looked away. “I worked through that fear. I’ll do better. I’ll be better.”
He’d been the best. Until he hadn’t been. I blinked. A tear rolled down my cheek. I swiped it away.
I didn’t trust him.
Another tear skated down my face.
“Ruby.” His mouth formed a troubled line and he stepped toward me.
I put a hand up.
He stopped. “I’ll earn it back, but, Ruby... I have a lot to learn. I might be older but I’m not wiser. I haven’t dated for over ten years.”
The last time he’d been on a real date, I’d been in high school. He’d broken his streak and the world was wide freaking open to him right now. “I felt really special that you wanted to be with me.” My throat grew thick and I hugged my purse tighter to myself. He could take his pick.
I just don’t know if this is what I want, Rubes. I need some time . Brock’s words rose from the depths of my mind.
“I still want to be with you,” he said, his voice ragged.
“I... can’t.” I would not run into his arms after one I’m sorry . The sad fact was that he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t do it again. I’d been dumped by him once. Twice would just be cruel.
He exhaled and dropped his head. “Okay. I understand.” His smile was tight but reassuring. “Will it bother you to have me see you out on Friday nights?”
He was giving me an out. I wouldn’t have to see him again. He rarely went to the Bozeman site, and once I was done working the bar for the summer, I wouldn’t have to come to Bourbon Canyon more than once or twice a year.
All I had to do was say no, it didn’t bother me. I’d crack open the door to another chance. I would show up to work, knowing I’d get to see Tenor. The night would end with him. Maybe he’d try again. Maybe he’d ask me out. Maybe I’d say yes.
I deserved better.
Right now, it was too goddamn hard to convince myself of that. Tenor was in front of me, asking for another chance. It should be a dream come true. Instead, it felt like Groundhog Day.
“Yes, Tenor. It would be too hard.”
All the hope drained from his features. He nodded. “I’ll talk to Teller. Good night, Ruby.”
I didn’t look back as I walked to my car. I resolutely didn’t check my rearview mirror as I drove off. And I waited until I hit the highway before I let the dam break on my tears.
Tenor
A pump on one of the fermenter tanks had gone out. We’d cleaned the seals, then replaced them, but to no avail. We needed a new pump. Until then, the tank was out of commission and all the mash inside had to be cleaned out.
“The delay shouldn’t put us behind too bad,” Teller said, pushing away from the tank. “Once we get the new pump installed, then we can clean it up and rock ’n’ roll.”
I checked the time. “I should get going.”
His gaze was steady. “Ruby starts soon?”
Last week, she’d basically told me she didn’t want to see me again. “Yeah.” I wanted to be gone by then.
“You’re not going to try with her again?”
I’d had to tell him so he or Tate or one of the girls could lock up after Ruby’s shift. “I’m not going to stalk her, no.”
“So that’s it? You tried once and you’re done?”
“Not sure what else I can do.”
“I dunno. Something more. Did you apologize?”
“No, fucker. I didn’t. I doubled down on how justified I was.” I grabbed the clipboard with the lot numbers of the grain shipment we’d received. I’d been inputting them before we spotted the pump issue and stomped around Teller.
He spun as I went around him. “There’s got to be another way.”
“That’s entering felony stalking territory.” I pushed into the lobby. A group of tourists was forming at the front desk. I tucked my head down and beelined for the stairs.
Teller stayed on my heels and followed me all the way. “I’m not saying you should watch her through the window, jackass.”
I tossed the clipboard on my desk. “There’s not much else. She works and she’s a homebody. So either I stare at her through her window—which, by the way, I wouldn’t know how to find unless I checked the employee records for her address—or I linger outside her office. Either way, I abuse my position at Copper Summit, and I make her uncomfortable at her job.” I dragged a hand through my hair. I needed a trim, but I didn’t care to be asked about Ruby, and I would be. It was all the barber had talked about when I’d gotten a trim before the wedding.
We hadn’t been spotted around town enough for people to yet notice the absence of Ruby-and-Tenor sightings. Soon enough though, someone would ask either me or one of my siblings and the thrilling news that we’d broken up would spread around town. Anyone who remembered Katrina’s slander would speculate. I was still a nepo loser who played games and lacked independence. Sadder now, because I was older.
Teller’s mouth formed a troubled line. “There’s got to be something you can do.”
Like I hadn’t been trying to figure that out myself. “She said it herself. She can’t change her age—which isn’t an issue, but she won’t believe me. And she can’t change who her dad is—and he’ll throw the age thing in my face.”
He scratched the back of his neck. “Somehow you’ve gotta get her to believe you. And you have to convince Bobby that her age is not an issue.”
“I’m not fucking talking to him.”
“Maybe not Bobby, but what about Robert Morgan?”
The corner of my mouth curled up. “Believe me. They’re one and the same. That fucker can rot. I’m not begging him to date his daughter.”
“You don’t need to. Check the century on your calendar. You don’t need his permission.”
“For fuck’s sake, Teller. I know all this. Don’t you think I’ve been over and over what I can do?” I dropped into my chair. The wheels scratched on the hardwood floor. “I’ve got work to do.”
He didn’t budge. “I didn’t peg you for a guy to give up so easily, but I should’ve.”
I glared at him. He was trying to get under my skin, but he was an amateur compared to Ruby’s dad.
“You shut down in front of Bobby for years, and then you shut down your entire dating life after Katrina. You’re doing nothing but shutting down right now. Only this time, you’re the one who hurt someone, and when ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t cut it, you give up.”
“Jesus, Teller.” He had no fucking clue what it’d been like.
“Bobby was in my class. Do you think I got nothing but compliments from the guy? Once he told me that I was only on the football team because of my last name.”
Teller had been a good goddamn player. He could’ve gotten a college scholarship, but he hadn’t been interested. “It was his go-to insult.”
“No shit. The guy didn’t have anything, so of course he hated us. We had parents who took in kids like him, but not him. He was being raised by grandparents who make your life look wild.”
Fair.
“You know why that was all he said to me?” Teller propped his hands on the edge of my desk and leaned over. “Because I cornered him in the locker room and told him that if my family’s name came out of his mouth one more damn time, I’d tie his tongue to the flagpole and let it flap in the wind. Tate was with me and he held the rope from the flagpole outside of the school.”
“You know how Dad was about violence.”
“Nothing wrong with bluffing.”
I cocked a brow. “You weren’t bluffing.”
He only grinned. “My point is that you can tell them how you’ll be treated. You know why Wendi took up with Scooter?” Teller’s ex was selfish, so it likely hadn’t taken much, but I shook my head. “Because I told her that I was helping Dad with working cattle and couldn’t go on a wine tour in Napa Valley.”
“Sounds like a vacation you’d hate.”
“Every part of it, and I told her that. She still planned it. She got upset and told me I was a daddy’s boy who couldn’t think for himself.”
I flinched. Those words had been thrown in my face too.
“I told her that she wasn’t allowed to disrespect my family or me like that. So she cheated on me. Did you ever tell Bobby to stop?”
“What the hell do you think?”
“Did you do it in a way that would make him listen?”
“I’m not like you and Tate.”
He chuffed. “Again, no shit.” He sighed and pulled up the chair across from the desk. “Did you ever think that’s why Bobby and girls like Katrina targeted you?”
I gnawed on my bottom lip. “You think I made it easy for them? That they were justified?”
“I think you were afraid they were right. And I think you’d rather take it than risk ever behaving like them. You’re not me and Tate. So lean into it. What about you drew Ruby to you?” He gestured to himself. “I can tell you that she was never interested in me. I wasn’t into her either—FYI. Nor was she giving Tate googly eyes. Not one guy walked through here and got her undivided attention. But you did.”
I tucked that info away. It likely wasn’t real, but a small win was better than none. “I don’t have it now. Little hard to win her back when she doesn’t want me around, much less to touch her.”
“Romance isn’t all about touching. Nor is it fancy restaurants and impressing people you don’t care about. Figure out what that is for you two and romance her.”
“She doesn’t want me.”
“Is that what she said?”
“She can’t trust me again.”
“Sounds a whole lot like she’s scared. You are too. Start there.” He pushed out of his chair and swaggered out of my office like he’d just laid down the solution for world peace.
What the hell did I know about romance? Any time I had tried, it had blown up in my face.
Start with we’re scared? Teller didn’t know a goddamn thing?—
Is that what she said?
No, she hadn’t said she didn’t want me anymore. She hadn’t had to.
But what if... What if she could trust me again?
Just to humor Teller, what would earning that trust look like?