37. Natasha
37
NATASHA
T he Kings Lance called into action rush Killian back to his mansion and lay him on the kitchen table like a corpse on a slab. And I watch in tight-lipped horror as his sister gets to work slipping a tube into his chest cavity to release the air trapped from his collapsed lung. Then she sews up his side with surgical precision.
She looks young, but she has such a steady hand and unshakeable calm, I almost believe she can save him. But he’s lost so much blood. His lips are chalky white, his cheeks almost blue they’re so pale, and his pulse was terrifyingly thready by the time Lance and his men carried Killian through the front door.
But all I can do is stand by and pray that he survives.
Because if he doesn’t, I don’t know how I’ll go on.
He risked his life to protect me.
And now it might be too late to tell him that I love him.
But God, I do.
I love him so desperately, it hurts. And it took the very real possibility of losing him for me to realize I can’t live without him. I don’t want to. Not for a single day of my life.
Tatiana stands with me in mute silence, her arm around my shoulders as we bear witness to the impromptu surgery.
And all around me, I see the tight-knit devotion Killian’s men have for their boss. The lengths they will go to for him. Like my father’s Bratva is a brotherhood, the Kings are truly like a family, the men banding together to establish a semblance of order in the wake of their boss’s absence.
Finally, Quinn steps away from her brother and releases a heavy breath.
“Well?” I ask shakily as she goes to the kitchen sink to wash her blood-stained hands.
The look of devastation she casts over her shoulder makes my heart plummet, and tears sting the backs of my eyes as I look back at Killian’s deathly still form.
“He’s alive. But he lost a lot of blood. Thankfully, I’ve made these idiots stockpile as much as I can drain from them as often as possible for this exact type of situation. Still, he’s not out of the woods yet. I won’t really know the extent of the damage until he wakes up…”
I hear the way her sentence tapers off. The silent if he wakes up that she’s not willing to say.
“We can bring him to his room. Make him more comfortable,” Lance says.
Quinn nods. “Just be careful not to jostle him. I had to put in a lot of stitches. I don’t want any of them to pop.”
Lance nods, and he and two other men ease Killian onto a makeshift stretcher.
“Can I stay with him?” I ask, anxious to let him out of my sight.
Quinn’s face softens, her shoulder relaxing, and I see an understanding in her eyes that surprises me. It makes me wonder if Killian might have told her about me—even after he swore to keep me secret. And for some reason, that breach in our agreement doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, I like the thought that he spoke to his sister about me.
“Of course,” Quinn says. “Stay as long as you’d like.”
I follow the men as they carry Killian from the kitchen, and Tatiana joins me. But before I take the first stair toward his bedroom, she grasps my forearm and pulls me to a stop.
“I need to go,” she says softly, worry and pain playing equal parts in her devastated expression. “I need to rally our men and get the situation under control. See where we stand now that Papa’s…” She swallows convulsively, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.
“I understand,” I murmur, squeezing her hand. “But I can’t leave him…” My eyes follow Killian’s retreating figure, my heart torn because, once again, I need to choose between him and my family.
And my family needs me desperately right now. Tatiana needs me.
But if Killian slips away and I’m not here…I could never forgive myself.
I can’t leave him after he risked his life to save my life—and Tatiana’s.
“I know,” Tatiana says softly.
I look back at her, meeting her intelligent blue eyes, and I see a turmoil in them. A weight she didn’t have to bear until now.
“I’m in love with him, Ti,” I whisper. And perhaps that’s wrong because he’s my family’s enemy. But after tonight, I hardly can think of him that way. Not after everything he’s done for me. Not after the lengths he went to prove how much I mean to him.
“Natasha…” she warns, tilting her head. “You know how Papa felt about him. You can’t possibly think that I’ll support you marrying him. The Kings have been our enemies for too long. I can’t entrust my baby sister to their leader right after we’ve just lost our parents.”
“Killian’s gravely injured because he risked his life to save us. To save me. Maybe he deserves more consideration than you’re giving him. Papa might have dug in his heels about Killian when it came to a marriage proposal. But I believe he would have reconsidered after today.”
I could see it in his eyes during that moment before he died. He saw Killian for the wonderful man he really is—the protector who would sacrifice his life for me. But I can’t say that to Tatiana, because just thinking about it puts a painful knot in my throat.
And the pain that follows as I relive the moment of my father’s death is almost soul crushing.
“Maybe you’re right,” Tatiana concedes. “But we won’t really know for sure, will we? And right now, I need you more than ever. The family needs you. We can think about your relationship with Killian after we’ve dealt with Don Agosti. Because I will not let him get away with this.”
Fiery determination floods my veins, my wrath momentarily burning away the agonizing grief. “You’re right. Lucian has to pay. But think about it, Ti. This isn’t just about me being in love with Killian—though that’s an unexpected benefit I honestly didn’t see coming—but marrying him would also create a good alliance between our families. He could help us get revenge on the Italians.”
Passion infuses my voice, and Tatiana turns contemplative.
Finally, she nods. “You’re right. If you’re really sure about this, I’ll give you my blessing to marry Killian.”
Relief seeps through my chest, and suddenly, I feel much lighter than I did before. I’m far from okay. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the pain of losing both our parents in one day. And my anger toward Lucian Agosti is unlike anything I’ve ever known before.
But at least the war is at an end between my love for Killian and my love for my family. And it seems like this will begin a new chapter of peace between the Kings and the Sokolovs if we can band together to punish Don Lucian.
“Thank you, Ti,” I murmur, pulling her in for a fierce hug.
She gives me a tight squeeze, holding on extra long. “You’re welcome. Let me know when you can come home. I really could use all the help I can get.”
“I know.” It’s going to be a long road ahead for Tatiana.
My father was still in the early stages of bringing the men around to having a woman for their leader. And while they have always shown us deep respect as Boris Sokolov’s daughters, I don’t know how they might take the news that Tatiana is to be their pakhansha .
“I’ll let you know as soon as he’s awake.”
Stepping back, Tatiana cups my cheeks in her palms, and a rare display of vulnerability softens her beautiful face. “I love you, Natasha,” she whispers.
And I know it’s because we just lost two of the most important people in our lives. Which makes our connection to each other feel all the more precious.
“I love you too.” And I pull her in for another hug.
I watch my sister go, escorted by two King men who Lance assigned to get her not to our family home—Central Park Tower will be far too dangerous right now. She’ll go to our estate just outside of town. Where she can rally our troops in a far less public eye.
Then I tromp upstairs, my heart heavy and my body racked with exhaustion.
Lance and the men have settled Killian onto his bed, and he looks almost peaceful—if a bit too pale—in the comfort of his own room.
“I’ll keep an eye on him,” I assure Killian’s right-hand man because, regardless of the fact that he hasn’t said anything, I can see the deep concern written across his face.
No one who actually knows Killian wants to see anything bad happen to him.
Losing him would be a devastating blow.
Lance gives me a stoic smile, and he grips my shoulder, his massive hand swallowing the bare flesh whole as he gives it a grateful squeeze. Then he departs without a word.
Kicking off my high heels, I hike my dress up around my hips and settle onto the bed with Killian, snuggling close in the hopes of feeling his generous warmth. His familiar scent of leather and eucalyptus has been overwhelmed by the scent of antiseptic and the residual metallic hint of blood.
The men changed him into fresh joggers and left his chest bare except the bandage Quinn wrapped around his torso to stave off infection. But still, the truth of Killian’s injury lingers in the air, making it challenging to soak up his soothing familiarity.
“You promised, Killian,” I murmur, leaning carefully over his shoulder so I can peer down at his handsome face. “You promised you would come back to me.”
Tears sting the backs of my eyes as the full weight of the day comes crashing down on me. And I feel so utterly alone. I never realized how heavily I was relying on Killian to lift me up, to make the darkness in my world somehow more bearable.
He did it seemingly without trying.
Worming his way into my world and my heart so sneakily I never saw it coming.
And he knew all along.
He told me from the start how this would end.
That I would fall in love with him.
Only he never warned me how devastating it could be to lose him.
And after losing my mother and father tonight, I don’t think I’m strong enough to lose Killian too.
Snuggling close to his uninjured side, I rest my head on his strong shoulder. And there, I catch that warm familiar scent. It fills me with comfort, and I breathe deeply, taking him in.
Then I slip my fingers into his large hand.
“You better come back to me because I want to marry you, you insufferable man,” I murmur, and my heart flutters as his fingers tighten around mine.
He doesn’t wake. He doesn’t even stir. But his hold on my hand is so steady and sure, it gives me real hope for the first time. And I bury my face in his shoulder and cry.