Chapter 66 - Elijah
ELIJAH
The bus goes dead quiet at the same time my phone vibrates in my hand.
Even though I’ve already seen the headline hitting everyone’s notifications, I can’t stop myself from tapping into it again.
The photos burn up at me like they’re alive.
Me and Ryker years ago. Me and Ryker at the rink.
Me and Ryker outside the facility the other week.
His hand gripping my arm. His mouth too close.
Each picture frozen mid-moment to look like something it isn’t.
Like I’ve been living some secret life behind everyone’s back.
I can’t hear the whispers over the pounding in my skull. The buzzing phones, the guys scrolling, the low hisses of speculation… it all smears into one long, piercing sound that won’t stop.
My chest locks up so tight I think my ribs might crack.
I stare at the screen until my vision blurs, until I can’t tell if it’s the bus shaking or my hands.
I should’ve kissed Jayden last night.
God, I should’ve done it when his thigh was pressed to mine, when the glow of the iPad turned his eyes molten and soft, when he said my name like it mattered. Like I mattered.
One inch.
That’s all it would’ve taken. One breath of courage. One moment where I wasn’t the boy Havenview broke, the son who watched the Light devour everything, the man with the scars on his feet and the trembling hands and the pounding heart that never shuts up.
One inch, and I could’ve had something good before the world set fire to it.
Instead, here I am.
A headline. A scandal. A fucking punchline scrolling across every phone on this bus.
Ryker’s mouth against my jaw. His hand fisted in my shirt. A still-frame lie the world will believe because it’s easier than believing me.
My phone creaks in my grip when I press it to my thigh so hard the plastic protests. It’s either that or give in. Open the old escape hatch carved into my bones. Bleed the noise out the way I know will work—fast and punishing and absolute.
The thought lances through me, hot and electric. My body remembers exactly how to do it. How to carve the chaos out until there’s nothing left but the raw sting and the quiet that follows.
The itch is screaming for it already.
One drag of a cold blade. One cut. One moment of control in the middle of all this wreckage.
My pulse is counting the heartbeats it would take before I could breathe again.
I glance up. Through the gap in the seats, I can just see the curve of Jayden’s shoulder, the slope of his neck as he hunches forward.
He looks… wrong. Curled in. Defeated.
Because of me.
I did this to him. I’m gutting him alive, same as myself.
I drag my stare back to my phone like it hurts to look at him. It does. It fucking kills me.
I scroll up to the photo he sent me from our hike at Mt. Hollywood. I don’t even need to see it anymore to know every detail. Finley’s bright smile. Jayden’s sun-lit stare. The way I felt with them tucked close on either side of me like maybe I belonged somewhere after all.
For the first time in my life, I was happy. Breathing. Alive.
Now all I can think about is breaking that picture apart before the world does it for me. Before I ruin them both worse than I already have.
My thumb shakes over the keyboard as the itch claws higher under my skin, as the noise screams louder in my head, promising quiet if I just open the vein and let it spill.
Eli
I’m sorry. x
One last apology before I do what I do best.
Before I disappear.