Breaking Through the Past (Espen Jetties #3)

1. Jansen

1

JANSEN

Did anything good ever happen in a grocery store? It had food and other items I needed to survive but outside of that, was it a place people loved coming to? I didn’t think so. It wasn’t like there was any entertainment. A kid running around, knocking down produce while screaming with glee didn’t count.

I held my list and pointed the cart to where I wanted to go next. I’d already gotten a bunch of healthy stuff like fruits and vegetables.

Could someone else have done this for me? Sure. Did I want them to? No. I had the money to hire an assistant, but I wasn’t that kind of guy. I liked to do things myself when I could. And since it was the offseason, I had more than enough time on my hands.

As I walked around, I noticed how many couples there were in the store. It made me momentarily remember my ex, the woman I loved who couldn’t bother to feel the same. I groaned internally. It had been long enough that I didn’t still have feelings for her, but I missed having someone. A person to talk to about my day. To hold in my arms at night. Someone who was wholly mine.

The clubs were only good for so long. Sure, they helped me get over Serilda faster. She broke it off with me and started dating soon after. Hookups were great for the night. They ended there though. The woman of my dreams wasn’t going to be found under strobe lights while gyrating against my dick.

People smiled at me if they recognized me when I was walking with my cart. Some did a double take. One guy asked for an autograph.

Being a player on the Espen Jetties meant when I was in public, I was always on. I loved it though. Loved that people here enjoyed hockey. And we brought the Stanley Cup home for them last month.

Fuck, it was amazing. The crowd. The win. The parade. Hoisting the Cup. Definitely one of the best days I’d ever had.

Now I was just like everyone else in the pasta aisle, trying to decide between which brand of fusilli I was going to buy and what sauce would work best with it. Yup, I was living the life.

There was a reason I was walking as slow as I was through the store, and no, it wasn’t because people knew who I was. It was because my pathetic ass didn’t want to return home yet. To an empty place where there was no loved one, no someone special waiting for me.

Yup, pathetic. Here I was at the top of my career, playing my heart out and winning. My mind kept going back to how alone I was, even if I didn’t want it to. I wasn’t someone who usually dwelled on my personal life. If I was meant to be with someone, I’d find them.

Deciding to push that to the back of mine mind, I kept on moving from aisle to aisle. Eventually, I was in the last one, which held the cold stuff. Why were there so many yogurt options? I had the worst time deciding because I loved them all. Chocolate, strawberry, cheesecake, cookie dough, okay so I loved the extra sweet ones.

“Jansen?” someone said behind me. Not a Holy shit, it’s Jansen McKenna! A soft, quiet use of my name instead.

Turning, I saw a man with light brown hair and green eyes. A man who seeing him sent a slight pinch to my chest. “Stephen, hi. What are you doing here?” I pressed my lips together. Did I seriously just ask him why he was in a grocery store?

“Staring at the yogurt like you.”

“You caught me. Damn flavors. I can’t decide.”

He stepped up beside me. “I’m partial to strawberry banana.”

I rubbed my chin. “That is a good one.”

Stephen was my ex’s father. Someone who came to our home games, wore my jersey, and cheered the Jetties on. I instantly felt comfortable with him the first time I met him. And I’d never felt that way before when meeting a girlfriend’s father. Stephen was different. I wasn’t sure why. He just was.

Then Serilda dumped me, and it was like I lost her family too. I enjoyed spending time with her dad and his boyfriend. Being with them made me not so homesick for Michigan. I wasn’t lucky enough to have my parents move here like Devon did. Not that I’d ever knock him for it. It wasn’t like that. I was jealous.

The only time mine came were for playoffs. I bought their plane tickets and paid for the hotel. My parents were both middle-class workers who’d busted their asses all my life to give me everything I needed so I could excel at hockey. But my entire family was back in Michigan. I had aunts and uncles, cousins, and my brother.

God, I missed them.

A hand touched my arm. “Are you okay?” Stephen. I was so lost in thought, I forgot where I was.

I realized I had a yogurt in my hand and was looking at it like it held all the answers of the world. “Yeah, sorry. A lot on my mind.”

“I won’t keep you.” I glanced over at him and really took him in. Dressed in gray slacks and a white button-down, with his tie still firmly in place. If it wasn’t for the heat outside, I was sure he’d still be wearing the suit jacket he no doubt had on all day at his office. Stephen was a man who always had on at least business casual clothes, unless he was at a game, of course. He looked good when he dressed for work. Stephen was the dean at Espen University.

I wasn’t a stupid man, but my knowledge didn’t come close to his. Intelligent as hell, he never made me feel like I wasn’t. He didn’t talk to people like they were beneath him. He was down-to-earth and an all-around great guy.

“No, don’t worry about it,” I told him and smiled. “I like the company.” And there was the pathetic side of me again, latching on to my ex’s dad so I had someone to talk to.

We spoke for a bit while he shopped. I had everything I needed but liked walking around with him. There was no mention of his daughter, which I appreciated. If I wanted to know about her, all I had to do was go on to one of her social media accounts, where she laid her life out like she was trying to find someone to do a movie about her. Dating actors left and right. Living a glamorous, albeit, shallow life.

It wasn’t until after we’d broken up, I realized a lot about her. Hindsight. Getting out while I did was for the best. I could see that now, even if I didn’t before, because I wasn’t lying when I said I loved her… past tense.

As we were nearing checkout, Stephen brought up the Emperors, Espen’s Major League Baseball team. He looked down at his cart. “All the things I need to watch the game Saturday.”

“Aren’t you and Peter going to the game?”

“Oh. I guess you don’t know.” His eyes lifted to mine. “Peter left me a few months ago.”

“Ah, man, I’m sorry about that.” I placed my hand on his shoulder and gave him a gentle squeeze. “That sucks.”

“It’s not something I like to focus on.” The line moved up, but Stephen didn’t. “I have an idea. How about you join me for the game on Saturday? I have two tickets. I’d hate for them to go to waste.” A baseball game that got me out of the house and my boring life? Sign me up.

At least it was a weekend game. A game during the day in the middle of the week wouldn’t work. Training came first in summer.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take someone else?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you to join me.”

“Then count me in.” I grinned. “I haven’t been to a baseball game in forever.”

I also didn’t know much about the team, outside of who the popular players were. I had just enough knowledge to talk to our team owner about it since he was married to one of the players. I didn’t want to look like a jackass in front of Kasper Warnes-Wilder.

“Great. I’ll send you a message.” Yes, I had his phone number. I had to get him tickets to the Jetties’ games often. We never talked outside of games or meeting for dinner with Serilda and Stephen’s boyfriend.

This was new, different since it would just be the two of us. But I always got along well with him. Stephen was a good man, and I was going to get out of my place and have some fun. Point for McKenna.

We parted ways after Stephen paid for his groceries and agreed to text. What would Serilda think if she knew I was hanging out with her father? Wait, I didn’t care. She lost the chance to give a shit about what I did when we broke up. But this was her father, so maybe she would care. Whatever. If Stephen wasn’t worried about it then neither was I.

As I was walking to my car, my phone rang. I looked at the screen and a smile lit my face. “How’s my brother?” I answered.

He groaned. “Mom is torturing me.”

“I am not!” I heard from the background.

“What’s she making you do now?”

“She’s trying to get me to eat healthy. I seriously need to move out.”

I chuckled. “God forbid you eat broccoli.”

“Hey, just because you need to stay in shape doesn’t mean I do too.”

I opened the hatch on my Subaru and started putting my groceries in, while keeping the phone pressed to my ear. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be fit.”

“You sound like Mom.”

“That’s because we love you,” I said in a sweet, high-pitched voice.

“Knock it off.”

“Awww, you know I love you, Gare.”

“Fuck you.” He laughed.

“Gareth!” Mom yelled.

“I’ve said way worse than that,” he called back. “Anyway…” I could hear rustling, letting me know my brother was moving. Then a door closed.

“What’s going on?” I asked seriously.

He sighed. “I’m tired of this town.”

“The offer stands for you to move here. I’d be happy to have you.”

“I know, but I don’t really want to leave. Everyone’s here except you.” My brother was like my parents, he loved being surrounded by family. I was the odd one who left. Hardly anyone in our extended family did.

I closed the back of my car and got into the front seat so I could give him my full attention. “Do you want me to visit again?” I was there for a bit after the season was over. I’d go back in a heartbeat if Gareth needed me. I could find a trainer there. It wouldn’t be ideal, but I’d make it work.

“No, you have to get ready for next season. I’m just in a shitty mood.”

“That’s okay. We all get in those.”

Gareth was twenty, almost twenty-one. When he was in high school, he came out as bi. It didn’t go over well with others. Fortunately, our family was supportive and didn’t bat an eye when he came out. He dealt with a lot and my parents found him a therapist. It made a big difference. He only had a few months of high school left when he told us. Not everyone was bullying him, but all it took was one to make his life hell.

After graduation, Gareth was happier, and I loved seeing it. I’d threatened on numerous occasions to return home and talk to the asshole who bullied my brother in school. But he didn’t want that. He wanted to handle it on his own.

“I miss you,” he told me.

“I miss you too. You could fly out, spend the summer here.”

“Nah, can’t right now. I gotta work.”

“If anything changes…”

“You’ll be the first I call.”

Gareth and I were really close. It was hard following my dream of playing professional hockey while being away from home at the same time. He saw how much it bothered me being gone. Gareth became my biggest supporter. He watched almost every game on TV. And if he missed one, he caught the highlights after.

“What’s going on with you?” he asked. “No new girlfriend yet?”

“Nah, I haven’t found anyone. How about you?”

I could practically hear the eye roll. “Sure, the queer scene is bustling here.”

“I’m telling you, come to Espen. There are some great clubs my friends love.”

“Yeah, yeah. Tell me more about what you have going on.”

I took the hint and changed the subject. Gareth and I talked about almost anything, but he wasn’t in the mood to chat about romance, which was fine with me. I wasn’t either. “I’m going to an Emperors’ game this weekend with Serilda’s father.”

“No shit?”

“He’s a good guy.”

“And your ex’s dad. Jesus, Jans, you sure know how to mix shit up.”

I laughed. “It’s just a baseball game.”