Breaking Through the Past (Espen Jetties #3)

14. Stephen

14

STEPHEN

Is this really happening?

Jansen walked next to me as we climbed the steps to the New Jersey Natural History Museum. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been there, and never had I imagined being here with Jansen. At least not with Jansen on my arm as my date. The moment at breakfast when he said he wanted to date me had been surreal. Thankfully, I found the words to respond when most of my brain was a jumbled mess. When he started to put himself down, I had to step in, which helped me focus on the conversation, not on the thoughts that tried to take over.

Throughout breakfast, we talked more. Nothing too serious. Mostly about his training schedule for the rest of the summer before things really picked up again in September. There wasn’t much time before he’d be on the road again. I might not be ready to jump into a relationship with both feet.

I wanted to be extra cautious here. I didn’t want to end up with a broken heart if, or when, he decided he was actually straight. And somehow, that wasn’t even the biggest worry in all of this. We had so much more we had to figure out, including the one thing we hadn’t talked about at all.

Serilda.

Even without her presence, she hung over our heads, holding us slightly captive. I figured that was a conversation I could have with him later when there weren’t so many ears listening in.

By the time we’d reached the highway, I found myself unable to hold the thought in any longer. I glanced over at Jansen out of the corner of my eye. “We didn’t talk about Serilda while we were at breakfast.”

Even with my gaze on the road, I noticed him stiffen beside me. “What about her?”

If we weren’t on the highway, I would have pulled the car over so we could talk about this. We were heading out on a date. A date with a man who used to date my daughter. I didn’t think this was a conversation that could wait anymore. This wasn’t a topic we could sweep under the rug and pretend it didn’t exist.

“We can’t ignore the fact that you once dated her.”

A long sigh left his lips. “I don’t really know what to say about it. We dated, she dumped me, end of story.”

Whether or not it was the right move, I reached over with my free hand and covered the top of his where it rested on his leg. “I know, but she’s my daughter. It’s not like we can avoid her forever.”

“Maybe a few years?” he half joked, then immediately quieted.

I let the silence linger for a few minutes. “Are you going to be okay with dating her father?”

He flipped his hand under mine, lacing our fingers together. “I don’t look at you and see Serilda’s father. The question is, are you okay being with me who used to date her?”

“We wouldn’t be in the car right now if I wasn’t. Not that I have a single idea of how to tell her. The benefit is that she’s in Europe for the next few months. Depending on where this goes, we have time to think about it.”

He tightened his grip. “We can cross that bridge when we come to it. But you need to have faith in me. I want to see where this goes.”

I wasn’t sure I had faith in either of us, but I was willing to give it a shot. Time with Jansen had been the most fun, relaxing time I’d had in years. Something I never had with Peter. Conversation and time together might be easier, but dating him had pitfalls of its own.

It wasn’t a secret the press followed Jansen. They followed all of the professional athletes in town. They didn’t need to know about our connection before this date. It would only serve as gossip for the tabloids. That minefield would have to be navigated, but only after we determined what there was between us.

In Jansen’s mind, he couldn’t stop thinking about me and wanted to date a man for the first time in his life. As for me, I still wasn’t so sure this wasn’t an experiment or loneliness. Everyone concluded about their sexuality in their own time, but Jansen showed no sign of being interested in men before, which made me a little skeptical of my own luck.

The fact we were heading to a museum was just another sign of the lack of excitement I brought to a relationship. As I reached for the door, I racked my brain, trying to think of a way to make this trip interesting for him. Or at minimum, one he didn’t regret suggesting.

A warm hand landed on my back as we reached the top of the stairs. “We’re going to have a great time.”

Without a word, I nodded and pulled open the door. I wished I had the confidence he did in my ability to be an excellent tour guide.

When we reached the reception desk, just as Jansen handed his credit card over for the tickets, I pulled my membership card from my wallet. I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks, doubting any of Jansen’s teammates or previous dates had ever had a membership to the museum.

“I didn’t know you’re a member. That’s cool.”

With a smile on his face, he handed over his card and paid for a yearly membership for himself. I had no doubt my mouth hung open watching him sign the slip. The receptionist printed his pass and handed it over, neither of them acknowledging my shock.

Jansen slid his card and pass into his wallet and turned to face me. “What?”

“You bought a year pass?” I knew Jansen made plenty of money playing hockey. It didn’t explain why he wouldn’t simply buy a day pass for the museum.

“It makes sense. You have one so I’m sure we’ll be spending more time here.”

I shook my head as I walked farther into the entrance area. The entire room was lit from the high windows letting the sun in on the bright paint. Bronze statues of important figures in history lined the outer edge of the circular space.

Jansen followed me into the center of the room. “Where should we start?”

I was still trying to process the idea Jansen wanted to spend more time at the museum with me when Peter would have thrown a fit about more than one day a year. Often, I came here on my own, on days Peter worked or when I just needed a place to think.

I wandered forward toward one of my favorite statues. The only one that was shorter than the others. A man who overcame his own fears to lead our country through one of the hardest times in the nation’s history.

I felt Jansen’s presence next to me before I heard his voice. “Isn’t that Franklin Roosevelt?”

I glanced down at the statue sitting poised in his wheelchair. “It is.”

“He was president during World War II.”

I glanced up at Jansen, a small smirk on my face. “See, you do know some history.”

He laughed. “I did pass my high school history classes. I’m pretty sure most people would recognize him.”

“Actually, you’d be surprised. Many people still don’t know he was in a wheelchair.”

“Seriously?”

“Probably for the same reason they didn’t know Eleanor was his fifth cousin.” I shrugged, as if the little bit of information hadn’t caught Jansen off guard.

“Wait… What?”

“Franklin and Eleanor were related. Eleanor was Teddy Roosevelt’s niece.”

“Dammnn,” he said, staring at the statue.

“Ironic, isn’t it?”

Jansen placed his hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him. “Not even close. I dated Serilda. Not married her. I never had kids with her. And I can tell you that just being here with you is miles away from being on a date with any of the women I’ve been in a relationship with. I love spending time with you.”

“We haven’t even left the atrium yet.”

He lifted his hand to cup my cheek. “Yeah, but it’s being with you that makes the difference.” Our eyes locked and, for a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. This time I was ready. This time I wanted his lips on mine. But then he broke the connection.

“Show me more than the atrium.”

I sucked in a breath, trying to get my bearings and not let my disappointment show. I turned toward the section where the Native American collections were kept. A few steps through the door and Jansen slipped his hand into mine.

Warm breath blew on my ear. “I told you, the next time I kiss you, I’ll ask for permission first.”

His words settled the fear that rose inside me. It might take time for me to not think the worst about Jansen’s actions and words, but hopefully he had enough patience with me to work through it.

“I’ll be waiting for the question.” I tightened my grip. “Until then, I want to take you to my favorite part of the museum.” I led him up the winding staircase to the third floor. We could have taken the elevator, but then we wouldn’t have been able to walk past the giant pendulum hanging from the ceiling. The piece was fascinating in its movement.

“How does it swing if no one is pushing it?” Jansen asked when we hit the landing of the third floor.

“The movement of the Earth keeps it going. It doesn’t need an outside force. The rotational axis of the Earth does the work for us.”

“Interesting.” He kept turning back to look at the wire connecting the pendulum to the ceiling as we walked.

We stopped at the sign above the entrance. “Native Americans?”

“Yes. It’s my favorite place to come when I’m here. The multitude of different tribes throughout the regions is fascinating to me. And I manage to learn something new every time I come.”

Jansen stepped into the room. “Let’s learn something new together.”

I walked him through the Native American exhibit, showing him the differences between the regions and tribes, before we moved on to the Asian-Pacific, and eventually European sections of the museum. Throughout each exhibit, Jansen asked a ton of questions. Not the type of questions one would ask when they had to complete a report of something they didn’t even find mildly interesting, but questions that showed a sincere interest in my knowledge and information.

It was refreshing to be able to discuss my favorite parts of the museum with someone who wanted to understand what made it my favorite.

At some point, we went down to the cafeteria for a quick lunch, then we were off to the planetarium show about the Big Bang.

I couldn’t believe how quickly the day had passed. Never had I enjoyed a trip to the museum so much.

The bright sun a little lower in the sky, and the heat of the day as we stepped outside, reminded us the day might be over, but the early evening had just begun.

Honestly, I didn’t want it to end.