25. Jansen
25
JANSEN
I was warm, so damn warm, and it had everything to do with the man draping his body over mine. Who needed a blanket when I had a sexy man I loved covering me?
Yesterday had been amazing. The houses weren’t all great, but it was more than that. Stephen and I were taking the next step in our relationship. We were building something wonderful together. The excitement that ran through me couldn’t be contained. This was it. This was where my life was headed… with him.
For a long time, I focused everything I had on hockey. Not to dismiss it, but hockey was my job. It was where I did something I loved. But one day, I wouldn’t have hockey anymore. Who knew what would happen then? The point was, I wanted more than my job. I wanted to know, at the end of the day, I had somewhere to go. A place that was home. It didn’t matter where it was because home wasn’t an actual house. I was realizing it was Stephen. He moored me, showed me where I belonged.
We needed to find the house we could grow old in together. Where we could sit on the porch and rock in chairs with our gray or white hair, still in love as much as we are now. That was the dream. A well-lived life with the man I loved by my side.
Wrapping my other arm around him, I started to shift my hips to wake him up in a very sinful way when I heard a door slam.
The noise jolted Stephen awake. He looked around, disoriented, until his eyes landed on me. They softened as a slow smile formed on his lips. That was until heels clicking on the stairs had us both whipping our heads toward the bedroom door.
We didn’t get to do more than make sure we were covered from the waist down before my ex-girlfriend, Stephen’s fucking daughter, entered the room like a bat out of hell. Her hair wasn’t perfectly styled like usual, with every strand just so. It was over her shoulders, limp and lifeless. Her eyes had bags under them like she hadn’t slept in days. There was no makeup on her face, which was far from normal with her.
“What the fuck?” she screeched.
“Serilda, calm down—” Stephen started to say but she quickly cut him off.
“Don’t!” She pointed at him. “Don’t tell me to calm down when you’re in bed with Jansen!”
“Not for nothing,” I said. “But this isn’t new. Why wait until now to barge in here, which by the way, wasn’t the nicest thing you could have done.” There was a saying about not poking the bear. Well, my proverbial stick was long, and I was hitting her right between the ribs. I wasn’t a fan of hers, hadn’t been since shit went down between us.
“Do you have any idea where I was? I couldn’t just rush over here, Jans.”
“No, but I also didn’t give a shit.” I shrugged.
Stephen shot me a glare before focusing on her again. “Could you step out of the room so we can put clothes on?”
She huffed and spun but stood right outside the door with her back to us so she could continue her tirade about us being together. “How could you both think this was a good idea? Do you have any clue what this has done to my career, to the way people see me? My ex-boyfriend dating my father? You’re straight, Jans!”
“Not anymore,” I muttered as I put on my jeans and slid a shirt over my head.
Stephen hopped on one leg while he pulled up the pair of jeans he had on before we stripped to nothing and had a good time last night. At least, we were happy until Serilda showed up. “Honey, if you’ll give me a minute to speak, I’ll tell you what happened.” He put a hand on her shoulder, which was akin to startling a pissed off cat. I was surprised she didn’t hiss at him. I also wondered what I ever saw in her. Sure, I thought I loved her but now that I knew what love really was, I was certain I hadn’t felt an ounce of what I feel for Stephen for her.
Her eyes narrowed on him. “I can’t believe you would do this to me. Did you not think about me at all as you went after Jansen? I can only fault him so much. But you, my father who’s smart, how could you?” Her eyes began to well with tears as anger turned to misery. “Of all the people in the world, you and Mom should have my back. You know how my industry is, how much I’ve struggled. It’s not easy but my parents, you two were always there. And now this?” Tears ran down her cheeks. “I can’t even look at you.”
Stephen reached for her, but she stepped back. And did so again. Then she turned on her heel and went down the stairs.
“Don’t leave,” he called after her.
“I’m not. But I need a few minutes to myself.” I watched as she retreated out of sight, listening to her heels carry her over the floor below until she was out of earshot.
“Stephen, I…” I didn’t know what to say. I made it worse when she got here but didn’t think she’d lash out like she did. In reality, I should have. I knew her. This was par for the course, though the crying was unexpected.
When Stephen turned to face me, he had tears swimming in his eyes. My knees nearly buckled at the sight. He should never look like this, so broken and upset.
It was my fault. I did this. If Stephen and I weren’t together, he wouldn’t be in tears, and neither would Serilda. How did I think this was going to play out? That she was going to throw a fucking party for us and celebrate her dad falling for me? That was never going to happen. I was an idiot, a fucking fool. And here I stood, getting in between Stephen and his daughter, his only child. No, I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t be the reason they fought.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’ll go downstairs and talk to her, explain things. I’ll let her know this isn’t a fling for me, that I have feelings for you.”
“She won’t listen, not when she’s like this. I have to be the one to talk to her.”
“But maybe I could—”
“Jansen, it needs to be me.” It was like a knife to my chest. He didn’t want me to help or be involved. What was I supposed to do? Wait upstairs while they talked and hoped for the best?
I nodded while swallowing the lump in my throat. “I understand. She’s your daughter. You have to speak to her and make things right.”
“I’m not sure I can. We already had a rocky relationship.” And here I was making it worse.
Turning, I reached for my socks to slip them on and gathered my phone where it fell to the floor when my jeans hit it last night. “I’m gonna go.”
“Okay, that will give us some time to talk.”
When I faced him again, it was my turn to fight tears. “I can’t put you through this. You have a daughter who I dated. She’s your child, Stephen, and I’m just the guy you’re with. She should come first. I wouldn’t expect her not to. But I can’t let your relationship with her come to ruins over me. I never want to put you through that.” And I was. Serilda was downstairs, pissed off and crying over me being in their lives, in her father’s life. “I did this and now I’m going to make it right.” It was the least I could do for the trouble I’d caused them.
“What are you saying?”
Reaching up, I let myself have one last moment with the man who held my heart. There was nothing left for anyone else. Stephen owned me. My fingers grazed his cheek a moment before I leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “I will always love you,” I whispered.
My eyes shut, not wanting to see the pain I’d caused. It was better this way. He could mend what he had with Serilda. I stepped around Stephen and took the stairs carefully, so I didn’t slip and fall. That would be the icing on this awful cake.
“Jansen!” I could hear him coming down the stairs behind me.
If I were to stay, it would get worse. Serilda could walk away from him for good. It didn’t matter their relationship wasn’t on great terms as it was. At least they spoke and saw each other. With me in the middle, they couldn’t repair things.
This was for the best.
I kept telling myself that as I grabbed my sneakers and keys, walking out the door before he could reach me. Stephen had picked me up yesterday, so I had no way to get home. Once I was outside and down a few houses, I put my shoes on and pulled up the app to call a car. The screen wavered in front of me, thanks to the tears I couldn’t blink back. But I put one foot in front of the other and started walking again. I had to put distance between us, or I’d run back in there and beg him to forget what I said.
There was no going back though. Stephen and Serilda needed to fix their relationship. With me out of the picture, they had a shot at doing it.
“Fuck,” I muttered, swiping at the tears that fell. Looking up, I saw cars drive past and remembered I was easily recognizable. My fingers flew over the phone to order the car. They were only five minutes away.
I tucked my chin to my chest and stared at my phone, suddenly wishing I had a hat. My feet carried me along the sidewalk slowly, trying not to draw attention to myself. It wasn’t until I was in the car that I breathed a sigh of relief. Then I saw the widening of the guy’s eyes behind the wheel and cursed myself because I was sure I looked like shit.
“Thanks for the ride,” I muttered.
“Of course. Listen, whatever you have going on isn’t my business. I won’t breathe a word of this, okay?” I didn’t know him, therefore couldn’t trust him, but I thanked him anyway.
Dropping my head back on the seat, I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. Falling apart in front of a stranger was not in the cards. I had to hold it together until I got behind the safe walls of my home, then I could let it out.
And that was just what I did. The minute I was behind my door, I sagged against it and slid down until my ass met the floor. Tears ran down my cheeks as I relived what happened.
God, what did I do? I knew it was the right thing but that didn’t mean it didn’t rip a fucking hole in my chest. My heart might still beat there, but it was hollow, left back in Stephen’s home with him.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, dialing someone I knew would listen and be there for me.
“Hey, I was just thinking of you,” he answered on the second ring. “I figured you’d be in bed with your hot man.”
“Gareth,” I whispered brokenly.
“Jans, what happened?”
I poured my heart and soul out to my brother. He wouldn’t judge me. Instead, he let me get my emotions out, offering me words of comfort along the way, even saying he’d fly out here. I told him that wasn’t necessary. He had commitments at home. I suddenly missed my family more than ever.