Bride of Ashes (Kingdom of Shadow and Ruin #1)

18. Reyla

18

REYLA

B y letting this man in, I stroked the line between daring and caution. It was a small, almost imperceptible shift, the way I tilted my body toward his.

I didn’t miss the flicker of happiness in his gaze. His eyes lightened, softening at the edges, and the tension in his frame loosened enough for me to notice, as if he subtly released a breath.

He’d been worried I’d pull away. That I’d avoid him again, bolt when things got too close, too tangled. Like I’d done yesterday. Like I'd done this morning when Lord Briscalar suggested I visit with him here on the deck.

The thought that I mattered enough for him to feel that flicker of vulnerability, even if he hid it behind a confident exterior, made me pause. There was something honest and sweet in the way he couldn’t mask that hesitance, as if he worried one wrong move would scare me off like the timid fawn he’d named me. His readiness to protect, combined with the gentleness I saw now, impressed me more than I wanted to admit.

And maybe, just maybe, it softened something in me as well.

Heat prickled along the back of my neck, but I shrugged it off and gave him a smaller smile than I should. “Alright. I think I’m ready now.”

“Ready for what?” His voice dropped, followed by a half grin that stopped my thoughts much too easily.

“For that walk we talked about.” The pulse of tension tightened around us before his lips curled wider, a genuine, almost relieved warmth spreading across his features.

He nodded. “Well then, Fawn, lead the way.”

I rolled my eyes at the nickname but didn’t argue about it either, then stepped forward with him at my side. We strolled around the deck a few times before stopping at the rail. I watched him from the corner of my eye before looking out at the sea. Waves sloshed across the surface, rippling with sunlight that bounced up at us. It was peaceful here, deceptively so, and it was hard to grasp that a short time ago, someone had tried to kill him, an attack he'd ended with frightening ease.

“You handled it well,” I said, giving myself time to appreciate the way the sun teased my face and arms exposed by my cap-sleeved gown.

His gaze shifted from the water to me, and curiosity softened the intensity in his eyes. “Handled what?”

I darted a glance his way, enjoying the way his dark hair gleamed. He really was pretty. Prettier than Lore .

Don't think about Lore.

“The incident on deck,” I said. “You handled it calmly, like it wasn’t your first time.” He’d handled it grimly, actually. In that brief time I'd stared at him, my belly had churned. Despite what I'd been through fighting for Lydel, let alone with my father, I'd noted that while Merrick hadn't enjoyed the need to take care of the problem, he must’ve long since accepted that he had to. What kind of life had this man led that he’d resigned himself to doing things like that?

He did have a bodyguard, and Lore didn't watch over the king because he was pretty.

Disgust flickered across Merrick's face. “It wasn’t the first time, and it won't be the last, though I'm fairly confident I eliminated any current threats.”

“It was one of the crew?”

He nodded. “A new recruit. I trust the rest—mostly.”

Was there anyone he trusted other than Lore? Maybe not, and I found that sad.

“How often does someone try to kill you?” My voice came out lighter than my thoughts, but I couldn’t hide the concern in my tone. I hadn't known him long, but I already considered him a friend. And there was no denying I'd enjoyed his kiss. For better or worse, we were married. My future rested in his hands and my life by his side. A threat to him was a threat to me.

I protected those I cared for . . . And I was beginning to care about Merrick.

His gaze remained on the horizon, only flicking to me before focusing again on the water. “More often than I’d like.” His eyes met mine. “At Evergorne Court, ambition runs deep. Loyalty runs shallow.”

His words echoed in the air. My eyes narrowed on the railing as I replayed them, my instincts prickling. “I'll keep that in mind.”

“Do.” His lips didn’t curve into a smile this time, and sharpness gleamed behind his facade of calm. “You'll live longer that way. Better to trust no one fully.”

I tilted my head, arching a brow at him. “Not even you?”

His silence lasted too long. “Not even me.”

A knot formed in my chest, apprehension and curiosity churning through me. His jaw remained set, his green eyes calculating, while his face remained neutral.

Smoke curled beneath his words.

“But enough of that.” His posture loosened, and he offered me his arm again. “We'll deal with what we must when it happens. Why ruin a gorgeous day like this with talk of murder and trust?”

I linked our arms, and we strolled around the deck again, passing sailors tugging on ropes and adjusting the enormous, billowing sails, all while sending us polite nods. A wiry man climbed up the rigging, fastening ties with deft hands. Another sailor coiled ropes around metal posts mounted on the deck, pausing long enough to give us each a soft smile. Respect shone in their eyes when they looked at Merrick, along with a touch of wariness, as if they knew better than to disturb us.

Our pace took us toward the bow, and we stopped there with the wind whipping across the ship, making my lips tingle with the taste of salt .

When the tension between us began to leave on the sea breeze, I spoke again, keeping it lighter this time. “Describe Evergorne for me. What should I expect once we arrive?”

He waited before speaking, as though he wanted to choose his words carefully. “The castle, our home, is nestled into the side of a big mountain that's part of a long range stretching across the horizon. It was built high for the view but also for defense. It's impenetrable, strong, and the stone is warded with protective magic.” His lips twisted as he gazed out at the water. “It and the entire city are surrounded by a high wall that protects every member of our court.”

Curiosity sliced through the unease swirling inside me. “Walls for protection? From what?”

“Predators.” He said it much too casually.

I arched a brow, attempting to hide the ripple of uncertainty he stirred. “Care to elaborate?”

His gaze locked on mine, and a shadow drifted behind his green eyes. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

A shiver ran through me despite the warmth of the sun. “I need to know now.” Predators, threats from within and possibly beyond. I'd married into a kingdom with layers upon layers of secrets, but wasn’t that the norm in the fae world?

I’d brave the jaws of Evergorne Court, predators and all. I was sure I’d even set some fires along the way. The trick was to avoid being scorched while I did it.

He didn’t answer my question, suggesting instead that we continue walking. And despite further prying on my part, sometimes without much delicacy, he evaded answering, telling me only that I’d soon see, but that I’d love Evergorne and the castle, that he’d make sure I was safe.

When the sun slipped lower to hover above the horizon, he took me to my cabin door.

“I’m sorry, but I have things to take care of now, though I wish they didn’t call me away from you, Fawn,” he said, his intent gaze on my mouth.

He wanted another kiss—and so did I, interestingly enough.

“I understand.” Not really, but if he needed time by himself, who was I to deny that? I wouldn’t mind being with Farris. “Do you want to share a late dinner? We can eat by moonlight on the deck.”

“I’m afraid I can’t.” He flashed me a heady smile. “Soon, though. When we reach Evergorne, I’m sure you’ll share so many meals with me, you’ll get tired of seeing my face.”

I wasn’t sure that time would come, and not only because he was gorgeous. I liked him more than I’d expected and more than I’d wanted, but there it was.

It appeared I was embracing whatever might come next.

Merrick leaned in, and I had no urge to draw back. My breath caught in my throat, hesitating, as if the air between us was about to collapse.

I wanted it to.

He hovered, his face near enough I could see the faint flecks of gold in his eyes. My pulse flickered in response.

Strangely, this wasn’t like the times I’d shared with Kinart, moments bathed in a comfortable warmth that made sense, that eased into me like sunlight breaking through a chilly morning. This felt different. When I was with Merrick, wildfire blazed through me, untamed and dangerous, more consuming than I’d ever thought possible.

When I looked into his eyes, I saw the promise of something deeper than simple affection. One day soon, he’d take what he wanted from me, and truthfully, I wanted him to do it. The thought both frightened and thrilled me.

I’d never felt this way with Kinart. Guilt pricked at my soul, but not with the sharp, bitter sting I might’ve expected. This felt softer, gentler and filled with sadness. Had I ever known passion like this before or let myself feel this way? Kinart's love had been pure and steady, but what Merrick offered?

This man’s kiss could unravel me. His touch could fuse our souls.

Despite the whirlwind inside me, I stayed where I was. I needed whatever Merrick was about to give, like it was a delicacy I hadn’t realized I’d starved for all my life. A hunger burned inside me where grief had once thrived.

His hand slid around my waist, his fingers brushing against my gown before he pulled me toward him, firm but not forceful. Heat rolled off him, and where his body met mine, it was a molten wave, flooding through the barrier of the material between us. His chest pressed against me, strong and solid, his steady breathing contrasting with the erratic pace of my own.

His focus shifted, his gaze sliding down to my mouth. My lips parted, an invitation I couldn’t hold back. My heart pounded, hard enough to drown out the sounds of the ship, the wind slapping the sails, and the sea splashing against the hull.

And when he kissed me, the world ceased to exist.

His mouth found mine, slow and with purpose, as if he was savoring each touch. As if he wanted to ensure I was completely aware of every sensation he generated inside me. His lips were soft but hungry, their pressure insistent. He gave, then took, searing me with need. I shattered beneath the weight of his claim.

I hadn’t expected his mouth to taste of warmth, strength, and a heady promise. It was intoxicating, as rich as the finest wine I couldn’t stop drinking. His tongue traced the seam of my lips before slipping inside, teasing past the barrier with slow, deliberate strokes, leaving me breathless.

I responded without thought, my mouth demanding against his, feeding the blaze building between us. My tongue found his, and the moment they touched, it was like striking flint to steel. Sparks ignited, making every nerve in my body curl tight. He drew me deeper into the inferno I suspected I'd only ever find in his arms. The way his tongue stroked mine, sure and confident, made my knees tremble, my resolve flickering before it disappeared.

His hand moved from my waist, sliding up my side in a slow burn, his fingers grazing across my ribs before they found the curve of my breast. He cupped it gently, but I arched my body into his touch, gasping into his mouth at the shocking ache he dragged from deep inside me. The feel of his hand sent shivers ripping through me, my chest tightening in response as everything began centering around the spot where his palm pressed.

I moaned into his mouth; a sound I wished I could bury but couldn’t hold back.

Merrick’s grip tightened, his fingertip tracing across my breast to my nipple. It hardened and heat swirled through me, diving between my legs to make me throb. Stars exploded behind my eyelids as his fingers brushed the peak, over and over before he grasped it and rolled. I crested the brink of something too wild to contain. My muscles tensed with the effort to keep the torrent of emotions from breaking me.

His kiss deepened, the strokes of his tongue more commanding, drawing out every bit of pleasure left in me as the world spun. While he tugged and rolled my nipple, his other hand moved up to cradle the back of my neck. He angled my head, and his mouth grew more demanding, his kiss fiercer. It wasn’t a simple kiss anymore. It was a storm, a tempest of want and need colliding, with no hope of calming.

I was lost in it. Thrilled by it.

Every breath I took, I took for him. His touch set something free inside me that I thought had died—perhaps before it had ever lived. Kinart had known the softer me, the part of me that dared to dream of forever, but Merrick? He spoke to the wildness I’d buried deep. Whatever he'd released inside me threatened to sweep me into the depths of oblivion.

I ached to be devoured by it.

I clung to his tunic, desperate for stability as the world tilted. He grounded and unraveled me all at once. Each stroke of his tongue, each lingering graze of his lips pulled me under. His mouth commanded mine with a skill unlike anything I'd experienced before. I'd only been with Kinart, and we learned together, grew together.

We'd barely scratched the surface.

Whimpering, I arched against Merrick, the hardness of his arousal nudging my belly. My pulse quickened even more, and instinctively, I bowed my back, pressing into him, needing to be closer. Naked and writhing beneath him.

Merrick didn’t just ask for my body; he commanded that I hand it over. He pulled at the very core of me, shoving aside my grief and showing me there was something more, something burning beneath the surface of this marriage I'd never expected to find.

My hands slid up his chest, and I relished the hard planes of muscle beneath his tunic. I needed to memorize the feel of him. My thoughts fought to fuse together but scattered again as his hand slid across my belly and between my legs. He cupped me, his palm rubbing. Fuck but it felt too good.

Then he lifted his head, and his hand stilled between my thighs.

I sucked in a breath and pressed myself against his palm, begging for him to finish what he'd started.

He watched my face, his unguarded for only a second before he removed his hand, placing it behind his back. His mouth curved into a wry smile. “You really are tempting, aren't you, my pretty little bride?”

I wanted him to call me that instead of fawn each time we touched. But I sensed that later, when I was alone in my room and could think rationally, I'd rail at myself for opening up this easily, this willingly, to a man I barely knew.

I wanted Merrick like I hadn’t wanted anything in a very long time, if ever. And it terrified me. Because Merrick had the power to tear me down to my very bones, to destroy everything I was .

And I would gladly let him do it if it meant feeling like this all the time.

A whisper of something darker, something dangerous lurked beneath this heat. That flame drew me to him now, but it could consume us both or it could burn bright and fierce until there was nothing left of me but ash.

I couldn’t pull back. I didn’t want to.

Deep down, I knew I’d never be the same after this.

He released me and after stroking his knuckles across my cheek and down my neck to the swell of my breasts above my gown, he turned and strode toward his suite. He waited, not facing me, until I’d entered my own cabin.

I peeked through the crack in the door, watching him step inside his own room. The lock rang out.

Shutting my door, I pivoted to lean against the panel. I pressed my back against the hard wood, still breathless and reeling. Blood pounded in my ears, making it impossible to think. My traitorous heart hammered against my ribcage, demanding I let it out.

I couldn’t believe how quickly I’d let myself get caught up by Merrick’s charms.

The taste of his kiss still clung to my lips. Inside me, everything churned, ripped apart by the tangles surrounding my heart. One kiss, one enthralling touch, and I was ready to throw away everything I’d once lived for.

If he’d pushed it further, I would've begged. And that disgusted me. I controlled myself at all times. If I didn't, if I let loose, who knows what might happen.

What had I done ?

Kinart wouldn’t have been shocked. He also wouldn't have been devastated by my actions. He'd want this for me. He'd smile sweetly and tell me to live, to love, to let myself savor the passion I was due. His death still clung to me but in loose threads, not bound to me as tightly as they had been before. They’d turned into tiny barbs gouging my skin every time I tried to take a deep breath.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, as if that could wash away my betrayal.

My body didn’t care.

It’s been months, Reyla. He’s gone. You can’t change that.

I wanted to cling to the pieces of the past we’d built together. They were real. They’d meant something. Yet they were slipping away. Why did everything in me respond to Merrick like my soul had been awakened for the first time? Kinart had been soft, kind, and gentle. All the attributes I’d craved as an orphan who’d essentially raised herself. Merrick appeared kind and gentle, but he wasn’t soft. He was every bit as fierce as the wild ocean beyond the ship. That thrill, his reckless allure, made me feel alive in a way I wasn’t ready to handle.

Stepping away from the door, I scrubbed my hands over my face. I had to pull myself together. I paced, and paced some more, my thoughts churning into a storm that would lash this world and every other one beyond.

A light knock thrummed through the door.

“My lady?” Lord Briscalar asked. When I cracked the panel open, his jovial face greeted me, his eyes bright as he balanced a tray in his hands. “Ah, there you are.” He ushered himself inside. “I brought you your evening meal. Nothing too heavy, of course. I’m sure you’ll find the dish delightful.” He placed the tray on the small table and turned to face me with concern creasing his face. “You look flushed.” He rubbed his chin, his gaze taking in all of me. “Are you feeling alright? Perhaps your sea sickness has returned?”

Heat surged up my neck, my cheeks burning from the lash. “No, I feel fine. Lord Lorant’s cure and the tea Merrick sent worked well.” I crossed my arms on my chest where my traitorous nipple still ached for more of Merrick's touch. “I'm warm, that’s all.”

His brows narrowed, but he didn’t press. “Of course, my lady. If you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to call.”

“Thank you.”

He gave me a polite nod before slipping out of the room, the door closing softly behind him. I breathed a sigh of relief and walked over to the meal, sitting. Hunger? What was that? Lifting the silver cover, I scowled at the stew, biscuits, and a berry tart. It looked good, and I really should at least taste it.

I made myself eat, feeding some of it to Farris, who sat on the floor beside me, begging with soulful eyes. Finished, I covered the plate and left it for the lord to collect in the morning.

Rising, I walked over to the sofa, settling on it, slouching really. I refused to let my mind run through what happened with Merrick again. I’d spent enough time delving into my feelings for one day, and I was done with recriminations. I’d told myself I’d step forward into a future with Merrick, and I needed to continue down that path .

I was no fool. Willing applied not only to me saying I do, but to what came after.

A king needed heirs.

As much as I didn’t want to see my role at Evergorne Court as solely the mother of the king’s children, that may be the only path open to me.

I didn’t know what to think of that.

But there was no denying I’d enjoy the effort it would take to produce those heirs.