Chapter 83
Chapter Eighty-Three
Mal
Failure to launch
Six Weeks Later
I get it.
Seriously, I do.
Now that I’m a dad, I realize being anything but an omega would feel wrong. I always wanted to be a dad. But you know, murderous, homophobic asshole father. I never really thought it would happen, right?
When I hold Kylen, I feel…
Complete.
I would kill or die for this adorable, squirmy little princess of ours.
But there’s one other thing I want to do, even though I know I’m the only one worried about it at this point:
Initiation.
I’m Todd’s mate. I’m his husband. I have his name, and I had his baby.
I want to officially be part of this pack, and I don’t want special treatment.
I mean, yeah, my libido is coming back, now that my body’s healed—yay, shifter genes.
Todd was a little hesitant at first, adorably afraid of hurting me, but I put him on the phone with Dr. Williams. She assured him that if I was willing, then it was fine.
He never did play with Sam during my pregnancy.
Never played with anyone except when we played with Shawn and Jax in the fun room a couple of times, despite me encouraging him to.
When Todd finally admitted that he really didn’t want to yet, his cheeks even turning a little pink, we finally realized his nesting instincts have fully kicked in, too.
Fuck—eh, fricking adorable.
We’ve already had to empty the swear jar into the little machine at the grocery store to convert it back to currency.
Fortunately, my mate’s not an ass, and I can throw quarters, dimes, nickels, pennies—hell, even tossed a ballpoint pen cap in there once.
It’s more to help remind me to watch my language.
Him, too. But mostly me.
I offered to put IOUs in there that he could exchange for sexy rewards, but he said that would just be rewarding bad behavior.
He’s…
Well, he’s not wrong.
Finally, Todd spoke to Jax and got the okay to start “introducing me around.” Since I’m his mate, he’s allowed to be the one to do it.
Mom’s up in Atlanta handling some stuff, so Alizée comes up to babysit that evening while Todd drives us to the first omega house we’ll visit. I’m nervous, but excited.
“Remember, most people aren’t required to participate,” Todd says before we arrive. “Don’t get your feelings hurt if some of them want to sit things out.”
“I know.” I’ve been hard all day, ever since Todd told me this morning what we were doing. I’m sooo looking forward to this!
“This might disappoint you,” he adds, “but I’m keeping my clothes on.”
“Why?”
He smiles. “Someone needs to remain the adultier adult, for starters. Secondly, I just don’t feel like it.”
I study his profile as he drives. “I thought you liked playing with the omegas?”
“I do, but I’m not in the mood. I want to focus on you having fun.”
“Uh, I’d have fun if you were naked with me.”
He reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Red,” he softly says, glancing at me. “I get to safeword, too.”
A mental record screech drags through my brain. “Would you rather we do this another night? I don’t want you doing this if you’re not in the mood.”
He squeezes my hand again. “I’m in the mood to watch you have fun.
I’m green alllll the way on that. But I would rather watch you have fun, take you home, and pamper you after, and then maybe do something if we’re both up for it.
And if not, maybe you can tease me while I take a turn on the milker. ”
I turn to face him as much as my seatbelt will allow.
“I don’t understand. When Jax and Shawn come over to the fun room, we play with them.
” Before Shawn and I were both too big to enjoy it, we had several sessions in the fun room.
Jax hasn’t fucked me yet, although I did blow him a couple of times while he and Shawn spit-roasted me and Todd fucked Shawn.
Among other permutations. Shawn and I have had a lot of fun entertaining our mates with our antics.
“And I enjoyed that,” he says. “But they’re also two of my oldest friends.
I know I joke about being a slut—because I am—but don’t forget I had a lot of years to do that.
I’m fine with you having fun, as long as I’m there and it’s safe, and sitting back watching you have fun.
When I’m in the mood to join you, I will. Tonight isn’t one of those nights.”
“You sure?”
“I promise I know how to use my words.” He parks outside the omega house and looks at me. “Tonight is all about you. It’s safe to say I’ve probably fucked every guy in there at least once. I’m in the mood to watch you have fun.”
I study him for a moment, but I don’t sense anything from him except complete honesty. No jealousy or passive-aggressive bullshit.
“Okay.”
He holds my hand as we head up the walk, but we don’t even get to knock because someone opens the door and welcomes us in.
His name’s Keith, and it’s his turn to be “in charge,” a rotating house manager role they share, each resident taking two-week turns.
The houses run differently with their own rules and structure.
This house is comprised of older omegas who’ve been in the pack for a while and don’t party as hard as some of the younger omegas.
Twenty guys currently reside in this three-story house. Most of the rooms are little studio apartments, but there is a huge communal kitchen, large dining room, living room, and other communal spaces for when people want to socialize.
Everyone seems friendly and welcoming. I won’t remember everyone’s names, but they all know Todd. We end up showing off baby pictures, and they coo and gush over Kylen, with more than a few volunteering for babysitting duty.
But after an hour, it’s still just…talk.
I mean, I’m not sure what the protocol is, if I’m supposed to get naked, or what.
Todd’s having fun chatting, catching up, and I really don’t want to be rude and just blurt it out.
Guys filter in and out of the large living room to say hi and meet me while the large communal TV plays a Star Wars movie marathon.
Then we’re down to just four of us: me, Todd, Keith, and a guy named Patton.
Finally, I look at Todd. “This isn’t good, is it?”
His brow furrows. “What isn’t, baby?”
I hold my hands out, gesturing to…well, me.
Still dressed.
Not naked.
Definitely not fucked. Not literally, at least, although I might be metaphorically fucked.
Todd scowls, finally realizing what I mean. “Guys, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” Patton asks from where he’s sprawled in a comfy chair and watching the movie.
“Umm, Mal’s starting his initiation,” Todd said. “Keith, I thought I made that clear when I called. Where’d everyone go?”
I blink back a persistent prickle in the back of my nose because I do not want to start crying.
Keith, who sits on the far end of the large sofa, leans forward around Todd to speak to me.
“It’s not that we’re not attracted to you,” Keith says.
“And I’ll certainly be down to fuck in the future.
But right now”—he waves his palm at me in a circle—“it’s like there’s a hormonal ‘authorized personnel only’ sign on you. In blinking neon.”
Todd scowls. “Really?”
“Yeah. No offense, Mal,” he quickly adds. “I mean, besides, you already smell like pack to me. You smell identical to Todd. So it’s not like I’m feeling any…urgency to make you smell like pack.”
Patton nods. “Seriously, it’s not like the few times we’ve had someone go through initiation where we just did not like them or want to fuck them.
Not like that at all. We like you just fine.
I can’t speak for the others, but for me?
Even if we drop trou right now, I’m just going to be pushing rope, and that’s no fun for anyone.
I’d love to fuck you in the future, but I know nothing’s going to happen on my end if I try tonight. Sorry.”
“Ditto,” Keith says. “You smell like you were born into the pack. Frankly, I don’t even feel like fucking Todd right now. No offense, man. And you know how much I love being on the receiving end of your rut.”
“Oh, snap!” Patton says. “You’re right—neither do I. Not want to fuck Todd, I mean.”
Keith speaks to me. “Usually, all Todd has to do is point at me and I’m panting for him. But right now? Zip.”
“Maybe in a few months,” Patton says, “when the baby’s older.” He shrugs. “I mean, I’m not blackballing you, even if you weren’t Todd’s mate. You seem like a cool guy and I’m looking forward to getting to know you better. Welcome to the pack.”
“Wait a minute,” Todd said. “Have either of you been near Shawn lately?”
Keith thinks, then his face lights up. “Yeah! I feel like that about him now, too. And you know how much I love it when Jax lets him play in the puppy pile. Hell, I don’t even feel anything for Jax lately.
” He snaps his fingers. “That has to be it. I’ve never been in this position with someone who’s a new parent.
I think the last guy I fucked around with who gave birth delivered maybe a year earlier. ”
My heart lurches. “A year?”
I really do not want to start crying, but I’m close to it.
Todd grabs me by the shoulders and forces me to meet his gaze. “Baby, instead of focusing on that, focus on the fact that they say you already smell like pack.”
“But I want to go through initiation!”
Keith gets up, walks around Todd, and leans in to hug me. “Hey, welcome to the pack, Mal. Like, seriously, you are pack, okay? You can do all of the fun stuff another time. Hell, Todd can ask for Alphas to come rail you in the fun room. But…” He shrugs. “It’s not a bad problem to have, you know?”
“He was looking forward to the slutting around phase,” Todd tells them as he drapes an arm around me and pulls me against his chest, where I hide my face.
All I want to do right now is crawl into a hole.
“Oh, man,” Patton says, but he sounds compassionate. I can’t bear to look at either of them or I will cry. “Listen, Todd will keep tabs on this, I’m sure. And once you smell fuckable again, I bet you’ll have to peel us off you. Maybe during your next mating heat?”
Todd shakes his head. “We have to be really careful about that now,” he says. “Ironically, we don’t want anyone but me with him during his heats in case he catches. If Mal caught from me, it might mean we’ve just been very, very lucky in the past.”
Patton sits up. “Oh! Shoot.” He scowls. “Yeah, that sucks. Guess that means you’re off my mating heat menu, too. I do not want to catch. Not without a mate.”
We say our goodbyes and…
Yeah.
My mood is absolutely in the shitter.
But instead of going to the truck, Todd steers me around the walk to the omega house next door, B-House. There are lights on in the common rooms downstairs.
I immediately sense the different vibe in this house. Not a bad one, but instead of movies, there’s a multi-person shooter game on the big TV and four guys are playing. The decor is a little closer to funky, mismatched dorm stuff than matching “adult income” furniture pieces.
They’re all happy to see Todd, and they say they’re happy to meet me—everyone greets me with hugs and even the guys playing the game pause it to come over.
Then Todd says it. “Mal’s initiating. We just came from A-House…”
The guys, twenty-three of them, all listen, some of them immediately nodding as he retells what happens while I wish I could melt into the floor. My gaze drops to my shoes because I can’t stand the sympathy appearing in their faces.
George, who is the house’s “CO” for this month, turns to the residents while I turn to look out the window at the night.
They don’t need to tell me—I already know their answer. I tune out their soft discussion and fight the urge to flee.
Ironic, huh? I rebelled against my father at every turn growing up. Now, here I actively want to be part of this pack, would do anything to fit in, and…
Well, yeeeaaah.
Todd gently takes my arm and pulls me against his side. “Are you okay, baby?”
I can’t look up. I finally shake my head and hope they don’t mention the fact that I’m crying.
“Look, Mal,” George gently says, “I know how much you want this. But you already are pack, to us. I think Keith and Patton are right that it’s hormonal. I mean, if I don’t want to fuck Todd right now, you know it’s something…” He doesn’t finish.
“It’s okay, guys,” Todd says, filling the silence. “I understand.”
Todd hugs me, nuzzling the top of my head as I finally lose it, my breath hitching. “Take me home, please,” I whisper.
I don’t look up as he thanks the guys and steers me out the door and back to the truck. I curl up on the seat and stare out the window while he sends a text. “One more stop, baby,” he says and backs out of the parking space.
“I don’t want to visit other houses tonight,” I choke out. My ego’s been drop-kicked enough, thank you very much. “I want to go home, please.”
I might be a masochist, but I’m not that kind of masochist.
He doesn’t head toward home, though. We end up at Jax and Shawn’s. And Jax, Shawn, Mike, and Pavin are all standing outside when we pull up.
I get out, ashamed that I can’t stop crying, wondering what the fuck is so wrong with me that…
Yeah.
Pavin makes it to me first, wraps an arm around my shoulders, and hustles me inside. “It’s okay, Mal,” he says. “They aren’t rejecting you.”
“Sure as fuck feels like it.”
I catch the look Todd and Jax exchange, and nearly lose my shit until I spot the twins asleep on a blanket on the floor.
Instead, I sink onto their couch, curl up into a ball, and cry.
Todd starts for me, but Jax intercepts him, and he and Mike take him outside through the back door while Pavin and Shawn flank me on the couch.
Pavin pulls my head into his lap. “It’s okay, pup. I know this feels bad, but most of it’s due to hormones. I mean, it’s actually all hormones—your reaction, and how they reacted. But the wild post-partum emotions are wrapped up in there, too. Things have to settle down, that’s all.”
“I just want to be pack.”
Shawn pokes me in the shoulder. “How many times do we need to tell you that you already are?”
“I don’t want a freebie just because I’m Todd’s mate, and Todd is the pack Alpha’s best friend.
I don’t want people looking at me and griping that I didn’t earn my way in, or that I got special treatment.
I grew up feeling like I never fit in. I damned sure don’t want to live the rest of my life feeling like that. ”
“It won’t be the rest of your life,” Pavin says. “And if you think you’re the first mate who ever put the baby before the bukkake, think again.”