11. Lacey
CHAPTER 11
LACEY
By the time we get back to my house, Mom is home from work. Eagle slows to a stop in front and seems to notice the faint light from the TV visible through the vertical blinds.
“Am I dropping you here?” he asks, nodding at the house.
Ruby jumps up from the back seat, excited to be home. I don’t know what to say to Eagle. He’s still in the tux from last night, so if I invite him in, Mom won’t have any choice but to think about why he’s dolled up in extremely wrinkled formalwear on a Sunday afternoon.
“My mom’s home,” I say, not sure how he’ll react. “Do you want to meet her?” I don’t know whether I want him to say yes or no. If this were just any other day, not a day when I should be working but was sent home, then Eagle wouldn’t be here. He wouldn’t still be wearing his tux. But I’m a grown woman, and despite all the shit decisions I’ve made when it comes to men, I know my mom will be sweet to him.
Eagle seems to study my face, looking for clues about how to answer.
I hesitate a second. My mom hasn’t met many of the men I’ve dated, and I don’t even know if what this is, this thing I’ve done with Eagle, will last beyond today.
While I’m waiting for his answer, Eagle looks down at his phone. It’s in the cupholder facing him so I can’t see it, but it looks like he’s seeing something pop up on it now. He thins his lips and says, “Maybe I’m a gentleman after all.” He kills the truck engine and unfastens his seat belt. “You don’t mind if I walk you to the door? Maybe she won’t notice the tux.”
He smiles, and all I see are the crinkles around his eyes, the blue as he grins, lighting up the car and matching the brilliant afternoon sky. My heart flips a little in my chest, and my core quivers a little. I don’t want to say goodbye to him. For the first time in a long time, I wish I had my own place. Wish I had privacy to drag his sexy ass and his sunshine smile right back into my bedroom for a marathon Sunday of sex.
But I live in reality, and that means I live with Mom. Whatever happens with Eagle, it has to happen under Mom’s roof.
Eagle picks up his phone, and I can’t tell if he means it or if he’s coming up with a convenient excuse.
“You know what, some asshole’s blowing up my phone. I need to grab this.” He leans across the console and takes my chin in his hand. “You know how to find me,” he says. Then he pulls me close, plants a light kiss on my lips, and puts his seat belt back on.
My heart sinks.
I feel so stupid. I should beg him to come in, invite him in for coffee or lunch, but he’s already swiping on his phone, his brows lowered.
“Thanks,” I say quietly. “For everything.”
I don’t think I sound sincere, but I don’t know what to sound like. I unfasten my seat belt, jump out of the car, and push the passenger seat back so Ruby can jump down from the back seat. I adjust the seat back to where it belongs, close the passenger door, and grip Ruby’s leash in my hands.
I look up at Eagle through the closed windows, worrying my lower lip between my teeth. He looks at me before he drives away, but I can’t read his expression.
I can’t fixate on it. It’s none of my business. I lead Ruby toward the front door.
“Ruby.” My mom’s voice echoes over the excited scratching of claws against the kitchen tile. “You’re home early.”
I kick off my sandals and head into the kitchen, feeling lower than I can believe. I feel like I did something wrong. Like everything is off between Eagle and me, and I don’t even know what everything is. All I know is things feel weird, and I don’t even know why.
“You okay, baby?” Mom’s got her hands in the sink. “You feel like barbecuing?”
I come up behind my mom, her strong, slender body smelling like coconut vanilla, her favorite shower gel. And my all-time favorite scent, because it’s hers. I rest my head against the back of Mom’s shoulder and sigh. “Sounds delish,” I say. “Can I cook?”
“I’d love it,” Mom says. She nods toward the fridge. “Honey, did you order a pizza last night? There’s almost a whole uneaten pizza in the fridge. I was going to steal a slice for lunch, but then I thought maybe I shouldn’t since I don’t know when you bought it or why.”
If I thought I was going to be able to hide the fact that Eagle was here from Mom, I wasn’t thinking that one through.
“I didn’t, but one of the guys from work did,” I explain. “He stopped over late last night to talk about everything that happened.”
Mom tosses me a look over her shoulder, using the back of her raw chicken hand to turn on the cold water. “Late? How late, baby? I didn’t hear anything.”
I smother a grin, relieved she didn’t hear.
“It was very late,” I admit. “He came after the wedding ended.”
My mom is quiet, and I’m not sure if she’s busy with the chicken or lost in thought. I reach around her to fill Ruby’s empty water dish with cold water and give my mom a look.
“You got quiet,” I say. “Are you okay?”
She nods. “I’m fine. Are you, though? What happened at work was a lot.”
She looks at me, her lips thin. My mother had me when she was nineteen years old. Just a kid having a baby and doing it all alone. Some people with young parents feel like they grew up with their parents, but I never felt that way. My mom always acted like the adult. She never saddled me with worries that she knew I shouldn’t have to handle.
We’ve had rough times, but through it all, she’s always believed in me, seen me, and cared about me. She’s never once judged me for my shitty taste in men or my career choices. She didn’t have the money to pay for college, but she cosigned for my student loans.
She’s done everything she could to give me an amazing life. She knows me better than anyone in the world does, and right now, she knows just the right thing to say. Rather than judge me for having a man over in the middle of the night, she knows that yesterday had to be hard for me.
I sniffle and shrug. “It was a lot, but what can I do? The thing that happened with Dylan happened. Maybe I made the wrong call not disclosing the relationship to the Lantana. They could have trained Carla to run the event in my place. I should have known that somebody would end up making a scene at that wedding. I just always assumed it would be me or him.”
Mom pats the hen dry with a paper towel, then frowns. “I don’t think I would have told my boss. I mean, Lacey, come on. It’s none of their business who you date in your private life. Is there a policy against that? Do you have an employment contract or a handbook?”
I shake my head. “We have a handbook that discourages any behavior that could lead the Lantana into any situation that could present a conflict of interest, but that’s pretty vague.”
“Not to mention broad,” Mom agrees. “Look,” she says, setting the chicken out and scrubbing her hands clean. “They don’t own you. You were caught up in a situation you had no control over. A different man would have handled his daughter’s wedding with class, Lacey. This man chose how the situation was going to play out. Just like he chose the way your relationship was going to play out.”
My face burns with shame, but I know my mom’s not throwing shade at me. We’ve talked about Dylan many times, and Mom has always been adamant. In case I forgot how she feels, she tells me again.
“You were lied to, Lacey. You assumed the man you were dating was available to date you. It’s not your fault that he’s married.” Mom dries her hands and opens a cabinet, banging around for the spices to make a marinade. “This is all on him.”
As many times as Mom says it, I cannot help myself. I can’t agree with her. It was not all on him. I wasn’t suspicious enough, jealous enough, demanding enough. I tried so hard to be easy, to be low-key. To be a woman who wouldn’t put demands on him or force him into a box, and instead, I gave him enough rope to hang me with.
I should never have been so trusting or na?ve. Dylan did all the lying, but I do feel responsible for my part in believing the lies. I made it easy for him.
“Thanks, Mom,” I say, standing from the table and grabbing hot sauce and limes from the fridge. I set them down for her next to the spices and oils she’s missing, then lean on my elbow and watch her.
I know that what happened isn’t my fault, and yet I feel guilt. I thought a broken heart was the worst of the consequences I’d suffer, but I know better now. It takes two to tango, and Dylan dances dirty.
“So,” Mom says, her voice brighter. “Who’s the pizza and beer guy?”
I smile, feeling a comfortable warmth replace the burning feelings of shame. “One of the security guards at the Lantana,” I explain. “He’s really interesting.”
My mom barks out a laugh. “Interesting? He must be very, very interesting if you invited him to your mother’s house in the middle of the night.”
“Mom.” I shake my head.
“You’re a grown woman,” she says, holding up a hand. She’s got a whisk in her hand and sets to work mixing up her famous chicken marinade. “I just hope…” she says quietly, then trails off.
I’m still leaning on the counter like I’m fifteen and not thirty, like the hardest decision we have to make is how much to let me spend on my new school backpack.
“Hope what, Mom?”
She looks into my eyes then, hers a light gray to my chocolate brown. Mom exhales a long, slow breath. “Just what I always hope, Lacey. That he deserves you.”
I hope that too. I’m tired of all the disappointing men. Guys like my dad who run at the first sign of trouble, or men like Dylan who want only what they want and will do anything it takes to get what they want, and when they finally do get it, they leave.
I’ve never met my dad. I don’t even know much about him except that he told my mom he didn’t want to be a dad, didn’t want a relationship, and took off before Mom was barely six months along. Sometimes I wonder if he even knows I was born.
It may sound wild, but I’ve never Googled him, never looked him up. I’ve been tempted many times, but in truth, I’m afraid to. If my father has a wife and three beautiful kids, I don’t want to know about it. To see him living the fantasy with someone else would kill me.
Instead, I try not to think about him. I try not to wonder or question. Like so many men in my life since my dad, reality can be so much worse than the fantasy.
That unsettled feeling I had when Eagle left comes over me again. I don’t know what he deserves—or even what I deserve. What he is or who he is. Maybe he’s a guy who has a kid out there, or he could be like me, stuck in a holding pattern.
Maybe it’s too soon for me to be thinking this way, but I can’t help agreeing with my mom. I have a feeling I like Eagle, and I only hope he’s not going to shatter my heart.